Category Archives: Misc.

Friday, August 4, 2017 – Everything’s Coming Up Football – IT’S TODAY!!!

Friday, August 4, 2017 – Everything’s Coming Up Football – IT’S TODAY!!!

College football season officially begins today as teams begin practice. I am so excited I am going to get a penalty for excess celebration. I chose a song to celebrate.

The version of the song is sung by Tony Award winner,Patti LuPone, from the 2008 Broadway revival of Gypsy. In fact her second Tony Award was for Gypsy.

There is not a great deal of action in the video. Rather it is Ms. LuPone’s powerful voice that captures the moment. Click on the YouTube and scroll down and sing along. I took the liberty of changing a few words here and there.

https://youtu.be/Wop8yyVcgY8

I had a dream, a dream about you, baby. It’s gonna come true, baby. They think that we’re through, but baby…

You’ll be swell! You’ll be great! Gonna have the whole world on the TV! Starting here, starting now, Honey, everything’s coming up football!

Clear the fields! Check the refs! You’ve got nothing to do but relax.

Gig ‘Em Ags!

Roll Tide Roll! Honey, everything’s coming up football!

Now’s your timing; Stand the world on it’s ear! Set it spinning! That’ll be just the beginning!

Sic ‘Em Bears! Go Pokes Go! You got nothing to fear but OU!

You’ll be swell. You’ll be great. I can tell. Just you wait. That lucky star I talk about is due! Honey, everything’s coming up football for me and for you!

You can do it. All you need is a band. We can do it, Twelfth Man is gonna see to it!

LSU!

 

Hook ‘Em Horns! We got nothing to hit but the heights! I can tell, wait and see. There’s the bell! Follow me!

And nothing’s gonna stop us ’til we’re through! Honey, everything’s coming up football and trophies,Everything’s coming up sunshine and Saturdays, Everything’s gonna be bright lights and bowl games,

Everything’s coming up football for me and for you!

Thursday, August 3, 2017 – The Miller’s Tale

Thursday, August 3, 2017 – The Miller’s Tale

Dear Mr. Stephen Miller,

This is a photograph of my great grandfather and the origin of the Duffey line – J.W. Duffey. He was probably about 40 years old in the photograph.

According to the proposed immigration rules, he would not be allowed to enter the United States today. He was only 12 years of age when he and his two brothers and mother and father came to America in 1848. He had no skills and did not speak English. He was 12!

His family – aka MY family – came to America from Ireland – County Cork to be precise. It seems in 1848 there was this agricultural blight called The Potato Famine. Perhaps you have heard of it. There was literally no food and hundreds of thousands starved to death. The British government’s policy was “Let the Irish starve.”

I suppose the family decided not to go to the continent of Europe. Almost every country was embroiled in revolutions and rebellions of people trying to persecute and oppress groups of people they didn’t like and other groups called The Resistance. For example, that Otto von Bismark guy was strutting around scaring France and then he united a bunch of little states in what would become Germany. Troubled times. So the next option was America. People immigrated there because it offered FREEDOM. Perhaps you have heard of it too, Mr. Miller.

However, J.W. Duffey would become a blacksmith and serve in The War Between the States in such a capacity, achieving the rank of Sgt. He would receive an honorable discharge from the Confederate Army. He used those smithy skills to build the railroads of Alabama and Mississippi before settling in Louisiana where he ran a livery stable.  Just below his name on his headstone it reads “Born in Ireland.”

GGGrandfather would marry and raise several children, one of whom became my grandfather. Both of GGrandfather’s children, one of whom became my father graduated from high school, when only 8% of the entire US population did. My father would graduate from Miss Lynn’s Business College and become a bookkeeper.

 

Then came the rest of J. W. Duffey’s heirs four and five generations later. We all graduated from college – good ones too! We became doctors, lawyers, social workers, business owners, business leaders, accountants, teachers, mothers, fathers, civic leaders and a couple of the heirs even like horses and that blacksmith stuff.

Mr. Miller, I would hate to think what would have happened in 1848 if that12 year boy and his family were not allowed to come to America.

Enough about my family coming to America, Mr. Miller. How about your family? Please know I signed you up withAncestry.com. so you can determine how, when and why your family arrived in America. Miller? I betting the name is English as in white, male and protestant. Your ancestors probably said “Let the Irish starve.”

Statue of Liberty, 1986. Photo by me.

Sincerely yours,

The proud heir of an Irish immigrant.

PS – Mr. Miller if you wear a pink bow tie, you really will look like Pee Wee Herman.

Friday, July 21, 2017 – Snarky Friday and Hotty Toddy Escort my Body Out of Here.

Friday, July 21, 2017 – Snarky Friday and Hotty Toddy Escort my Body Out of Here.

Apparently Texas A&M’s Kevin Sumlin did not have the hottest coach’s seat in the SEC. Wow, coming straight out of a William Faulkner novel the Hugh Freeze, Head Coach of The University of Mississippi (Ole Miss) resigned suddenly after displaying “a pattern of personal misconduct.” I have not consulted the Urban Dictionary, but I think that is code for “bring on the hookers.”

I understand Ken Starr might be available to represent Coach Freeze. Mr. Starr has vast experience with sex scandals. Rick Pitino (Louisville) may be able to recommend legal counsel. Given the lawyer rats jumping ship from The White House, I am sure a football sex scandal would seem like a piece of cake to any one of them. So we shall let the lawyers take over.

As for the coaching situation, I am sure any coach would want to assume the responsibilities of an NCAA program on probation and now saddled with a sex scandal just at the onset of the football season. How do you think Art Briles would look in Rebel blue and red? Charlie Strong? Whaaat?

https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/ole-miss-coach-hugh-freeze-resigns-amid-explosive-new-information/

Onward down the football field. I was reading Olin Buchanan’s excellent article this morning – Same Song: Aggies Deaf to Herman’s Plea to Renew Rivalry.

https://texags.com/t/3116/olin-buchanan

Here’s what I’m thinking. Coach Herman, I am not in MENSA like you are, but I do know my history. You should probably study some of it too. May I recommend The 100 Year Decision, by R. Bowen Loftin?

Mr. Buchanan in his article so noted, as does Dr. Bowen, it was not the Aggies decision to cancel the series. It was DeLoss Dodds’ decision to punish the Aggies financially.

There are theorists who theorize an alternate version of Justin Tucker’s game winning, time running out, suck the life out of you, field goal victory over the Aggies. The outcome of everything might have been different had the kick not been good.

But alas, Coach Herman. The Aggies left the Big 12 Conference to join the Southeastern Conference. In the SEC, and an 8 and 5 season will out do a 5-7 season any day of the week. The North Carolina women’s basketball team can beat the Kanas football team.

But Coach Herman, you do have that Longhorn Network – the one you do not share with any of the others in the conference? The one that shows old footage of past glory? That one. Not to be confused with the SEC Network (and there is also an alternate network on really good sports’ days). Not only does it share it profits with its member schools, it has much better programming because of the National Championships won by the SEC schools. Check it out, Coach.

But yes, my Class of ’85 ears are deaf to a rivalry between Texas A&M and THE University of Texas. LSU and Alabama and even poor Ole Miss are way more fun than you, Bevo and Boys. But I hear Manhattan, Kansas and Ames Iowa and even Waco, Texas are nice during the winter.

Here’s to Coach Herman: Hullaballoo Keneck Ken NO! Not interested.

BTHO

Thursday, July 13, 2017 – Charmin Chatty Trump Family

Thursday, July 13, 2017 – Charmin Chatty Trump Family

Who remembers the Chatty Cathy doll manufactured by the Mattel toy company from 1959-1965?

There was also Chatty Baby in 1962 and Tiny Chatty Baby, Tiny Chatty Brother and Charmin’Chatty in 1963. And the last of the Chatty family was Singin’ Chatty in 1965.

The Chatty Cathy mouth did not move. But the doll did speak one of eleven phrases at random when the “chatty ring” on the neck was pulled. The ring was attached to a string connected to a simple phonograph record inside the cavity behind the doll’s abdomen. The record was driven by a metal coil wound by pulling the toy’s string. The doll had 11 phrases when it came on the market in 1960 such as “I love you”, “I hurt myself!” or “Please take me with you.” Seven more phrases such as, “Let’s play school” or “May I have a cookie?” were added to the doll’s repertoire in 1963 for a total of 18 phrases. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chatty_Cathy

Today we have the Charmin Chatty Trump Family, including the Chatty Cathy look alike Chatty Kellyanne and Tinny Chatty Brother, Don T. Jr. and Non-Chatty Jerod. We also have Big Chatty Tweeter.

They all have neck pull rings guaranteed to say the most outrageous phrases. New phrases have been added to the repertoire such as “There is no collusion,” “fake news” and “I did not meet with the Russians.” When the neck ring on Tinny Chatty Brother is pulled he says “I’ve got mail” and “I love it.” Big Chatty Tweeter is programmed to say “Hillary did it” and “Obama did it.” It also constantly repeats “I’ve gone to play golf.”

One needs to order the Charmin Chatty Trump Family dolls now before they are no longer available. These strings cannot be pulled forever and somebody is going to cut their chatty ring strings.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017 – Infamous Historical Statements and The Great 20th Century Philosopher

Wednesday, July 12, 2017 – Infamous Historical Statements and The Great 20th Century Philosopher

Let me reach into my bag of historical statements to find something for today’s HWIT.

“I am not a crook.” No, that is not the correct one.

“I did not have sex with that woman.” Not that one either.

“I did not collude with the Russians.” Maybe.

“I opened the email, responded ‘I love it,’ because I often meet with people I do not know and invite high ranking campaign people to my Daddy’s offices.” Hmm too long.

How about this one? “I am not a crook and I did not have email sex with the Russians.”

Reminder to Trump Administration – When you are up to your ass in alligators, you forget your initial objective was to drain the swamp.

WH Press Release for today.

“Can’t you feel em circling Honey; can’t you feel them swimming around? You got fins to left; fins to the right and you’re the only bait in town.” (FINS, Buffet, James William. July, 1979.)

Not to mention the “the big white teeth of the sharks that swim on the land!!!”

July 10, 2017 – Only Seven More Mondays. Mea Culpa

July 10, 2017 – Only Seven More Mondays. Mea Culpa.

Only seven more Mondays until we begin ‘My Monday After College Football Awards.” Today is the unofficial start of college football season beginning with Conference Media Days.

My conference tis of thee and that means the SEC for me. I claim rights on that T-shirt slogan.

However, it is all talk and no action at this time. Therefore the only award today goes to me. I am awarding myself the “Is My Face Crimson” Award.

Old School Version: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea máxima culpa. through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault;

Modern Version: Sorry. My bad.

I deeply and sincerely apologize to the four Alabama fans who read HWIT and to everybody else whose traditional greeting is “Roll Tide.”

I will never misspell Coach Nick Saban’s name again; I will never spell it Sabin, like the scientist, and I will write Saban spelled correctly the end zone 100 times. I will remember to spell his name correctly because his name has two A’s in it, like the beginning and the end of Alabama. There are four As in Alabama – the same number of National Championships won by Nick Saban to date.

As I mentioned NCAA Football Media days are taking place this month. The SEC teams are in Hoover, Alabama to speak with the media. It begins today and ends Thurs. The schedule looks pretty much like this:

LSU, Florida, Alabama, Auburn and everybody else. Texas A&M will be sharing Wednesday with Alabama and Saban with two A’s. This is allegedly to reduce the temperature in Coach Sumlin’s seat, which even Paul Finebaum says is “the hottest seat in football.” You cannot let this season get away!

Here’s what I’m thinking. Coach Sumlin must upset at least one of those teams to even turn down the temperature a few degrees. Can we all agree that the team the Aggies should upset should be FLORIDA?

Friday, July 7, 2017 – Snarky Friday – 7.7.17 – Seven More Saturdays Until Kick Off

Seven. Seven. Seventeen. Seven more Saturdays until we scream! WHOOP!

Why is it so hot in Texas in July? It is because it was July when God kicked the Devil out of Heaven. God gave him the choice between Texas in July or Hell. The Devil chose Hell because it is cooler than Texas in July.

But the July temperatures are not the only thing in Texas burning hotter than the hinges on the Gates of Hell. There is an office near Wellborn and George Bush Drive in College Station that also has some very hot hinges. The name on the door – Kevin Sumlin.

Yes, Indeedee do, the hottest coach’s seat in the NCAA D-1 football is right here in College Station. Three years of 5-0 starts squandered. The motivational poster in his office reads WIN NOW! I think it was placed there by the AD and the HR people from Texas A&M. Might have been John Sharp. I believe this is called “The handwriting on the wall.”

It must really be hot because the SEC Media Days paired the Texas A&M with the Alabama to take some of the heat away from Sumlin. Sabin and Sumlin – hot, but for different reasons.

Speaking of hot seats – or at least warm – we have THE University of Texas coach Tom Herman featured on the football bible of Texas – Dave Campbell’s Texas Football.

I cannot say for certain, but here’s what I’m thinking. My friends who attended and support THE University are going to want more than Coach Herman’s picture on the cover of a magazine. All of that football gibberish better transfer to the scoreboard with W’s on it every Saturday.

Don’t forget – UT You Pee! ( I have so been saving to saythat.)

Hook ‘Em Hippies!

 

Seven more Saturdays until college football kickoff. Counting the days.

BTHO UCLA

Monday, July 3, 2017 – My Fourth of July Movie

Monday, July 3, 2017 – My Fourth of July Movie

 

Friday, June 30, 2017 – Reveille

From Texas Aggies Twitter this morning (@TexAgs)

I am so beautiful… so marvelous…and that Cadet dude in the picture better have my water. Happy Friday, Ya’ll. And Gig ‘Em Aggies!

Monday, June 26, 2017 – My Monday after Weekend College Sports Awards

Monday, June 26, 2017 – My Monday after Weekend College Sports Awards

Those of us in Texas know that the season that precedes football is called baseball and maybe golf. I usually post Here’s What I’m Thinking about the previous weekend’s college football games. I seldom do other sports awards, but as always there is an exception. Here are my Monday after the weekend college sports awards.

Best Golf Shot of the Year – Jordon Spieth’s chip out from the bunker to win The Travelers Championship in Sudden Death. Spectacular. The celebratory jump with his caddie was pretty good too. Google it.

My College World Series Awards

First to the Oregon Beavers – I did not think LSU could defeat you twice. Nevertheless, here is your Welcome to the SEC! Trophy.

To TCU –I was somewhat hoping for an all purple CWS final. Here is your second place, Welcome to the SEC! Trophy. Note to NCAA, if the Aggies cannot have any form of bubble making machines or devices for celebrations of runs because they are distracting, then TCU cannot have beach balls. There were more beach balls in the stadium than at a Grateful Dead Show in Mountain View. Also, NCAA, the bubbles burst and no one has to run on to the field to pick one up.

To the other teams who were in the bracket to reach the College World Series, great job. Very proud of all of you and hope to see you next year with Aggie bubbles.

But tonight we go to North Baton Rouge – formerly known as Omaha – for the first game of the finals of the College World Series between the LSU Tigers and that horrid team from Gainesville, Florida. Never trust a team from Florida or a team that has a mascot that tastes like chicken.

GEAUX TIGERS!!!

1954 Magnolia High School Senior Trip. New Orleans, Louisiana. Photo by my father.

Alligator at Prejeans. Photo by me. Is alligator wrestling an NCAA sports or just at Florida University?