Friday, October 11 – A Snarky Friday Musical – College Football Week Seven
But first, the Football Snark would like to begin with a Big Green and Gold Snark to Baylor and to the idiots who voted Baylor ahead of The Texas Aggies in the top 25. I do not care if you are 5 and 0. Play Clemson, Alabama, Georgia and LSU and then we’ll talk RPI. Oh well, the Aggies don’t have to play Oklahoma or THE University of Texas. Nevertheless, I do hope the Bears open a big can of Brazos River Whoop Ass on Tortilla Tech.
There are only a three games worth watching this Saturday, but each one has critical consequences for conference championships, bowl games and individual honors. Fortunately, the TV Gods and Goddesses of college football programming ensured that we can watch them all one right after another.
First at 11:00 am we have the Red River Rivalry between Oklahoma University and THE University of Texas on Fox. The Horns and the Sooner Fans will be rushing to The Cotton Bowl. Of course, if you know where The Cotton Bowl Stadium is located in Dallas, one knows you do not want to spend a great deal of time without rushing along in the Hood.
So put that Sooner Schooner hat on, get your honey lamb and I and sing along with our first musical number celebrating the game as the winds comes whipping down the plains for…
…We know we belong to the land!
And the land we belong to is grand!
And when we say, yeeow-a-yip-i-o-ee ay!
We’re only sayin’ You’re doin’ fine, Oklahoma! Oklahoma, Heisman!
With an encore of …
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, O-K-U!
At 2:30 on CBS (oh crap, does that mean Gary Danielson will announce? Oh yucky face emoji.) The Fighting Texas Aggies, Home of The 12th Man, guarded by Reveille, The Wonder Woman Collie and fans with memories of Johnny Manziel, host The Rolling Crimson Tide from Alabama. If you’re going a play in Texas, you gotta have a fiddle in your band.
So tune up those guitars, banjos and fiddles as the residents of The Brazos Valley welcome the Fans of The Alabama Crimson Tide with this musical number. Hit it, Band!
Oh, I come from Alabama
With a banjo on my knee
I’m going to College Station
The Aggies for to see.
Oh that 12th Man, Oh, don’t you yell on me,
But I will then beat Georgia and win the SEC.
It rained all night the day I left
The weather it was dry,
The sun so hot I frozen myself
But that’s the Texas skies!
Oh that 12th Man, Oh don’t you yell on me
But I’ll take of Auburn, a game we want to see.
I had a dream the other night;
When everything was still,
I dreamed I saw Miss Reveille
She was coming down the hill,
A crimson rose was in her mouth
A tear was in her eye
I said it is the last year, so Rev don’t you cry.
Wait till next year, when Jimbo takes you down,
But welcome to College Station where Aggies are found.
If those two contests do not have you cussing, singing and screaming at the TV, you still have a chance at 7:00 on ESPN when the Legends of Steve Spurrier and the Florida Gators invade Death Valley in Baton Rouge to try to chomp the LSU Tigers. Advance warning: The Gators will wear orange helmets, blue jerseys and blue pants. Anyone ever see a blue alligator?
But on to our final musical number. Since I was a small child, I was taught by my Louisiana relatives, NEVER PULL FOR A TEAM FROM FLORIDA! I also could sing this song until I drank the maroon kool-aid.
So let’s hear it for the Girls in Gold and Purple sequins with the mysterious black bags. and the LSU Marching Band – The Golden Band from Tiger Land. GEAUX TIGERS! Note: the bags are filled with gator bait from Bayou Teche.
And I want to see everybody up and doing a high kick routine toward the end.
Horns Down!
BTHO ALABAMA!
GEAUX TIGERS!
“I did not sign up to sit by the pig. He stinks. I want to go home.”
The final award goes to Arkansas for the inflatable mascot. Worst Representation of Something. That is just wrong. As if the hog head hat was not enough now there is a mascot with a turd tail.
Here's What I'm Thinking 