Monday, September 2, 2019 – My Monday After College Football Awards

It is the long awaited first official awards show for 2019. Actually, it is long awaited to the two people who texted me wanting to know why I haven’t posted. So let us begin.

The first award is the Win Big over the Cupcakes award. This goes to almost every team. (Remember, it is only teams I like) Texas A&M, LSU, Georgia, Alabama, Baylor, Oklahoma State, THE University of Texas and Oklahoma. I regret to inform these schools that points are not transferable to the next games where each team will need all of the points they can score.

The Infamous Poopy Undies Award goes to the Big 12’s Iowa State for defeating Northern Iowa in three overtimes by 29 to 26. Three overtimes? It’s nothing. Try seven!

The New Oh Crap and Pepto Dismal Award goes to the Tennessee Volunteers in their upset by losing to Georgia State by eight.

Les Miles debuted with a win at Kansas. Yes, Kansas won their opening game. Their season is already better than last year’s. So to Coach Miles and the team, I give the Rock Chalk, Jayhawk Award.

The Ruby Red Slippers Award goes to Jalen Hurst, QB for Oklahoma. Jalen? Did you forget your white socks that everybody else wore? Why were your shoes red and the rest of the team’s white? Nevertheless, the Sooners looked well on their way down the Yellow-brick road toward the trophy.

Due to preexisting social conflicts, I was not able to see Saturday football games. Therefore, I do not have awards this week for uniforms, obnoxious announcers, fans, mascots, referees and any others I make up while viewing. This includes the Exploding Head Coach Award. However, I have from extremely reliable sources that the First Exploding Head Coach Award for 2019 goes to Nick Saban of Alabama. If Coach Saban exploded against Duke I can’t wait to see how many headsets he breaks over the season.

Tonight we have Notre Dame versus Louisville. I hope the stadium lights go out. I have transferred my dislike of these two schools because of women’s basketball to the schools’ football teams. Do I have to go to confession if I do not yell for Notre Dame; or can I make it up by yelling for a Catholic school during basketball season? Loyola or Gonzaga?

Next week’s big winner appears to be Hurricane Dorian. The storm could impact multiple games next week including Clemson and Texas A&M.

While Dorian currently appears to pose minimal impact on Clemson, which is inland in South Carolina, others lie in the storm’s path. Remember them in thoughts and prayers.