Monday, September 24, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards
Let’s step right in it and award the Sooners of OU a big Poopy Undies Award. This is for Army taking the Sooners to OT before falling 21-28.
Before we leave Games of Toilet (the original Game of Thrones) the Dismal Pepto Bismal Trophies go to:
- Mississippi State as the Kentucky Wildcats upset the Bulldogs 28 to 7.
- Virginia Tech as the Old Dominion Monarchs score an upset for the ages with a 49 -13 victory. Go Butterflies!
- The Oklahoma State Cowboys got thrown by Texas Tech OSU 17 Tech 41. Barf!
Oklahoma State gets The Band Award because that was really the band in those ugly gray football uniforms.
- The Smarty Pants Award goes to Stanford who rose from the stacks of the library and come from behind to defeat the Ducks of Oregon 38 to 31. What color/shade of green is that Oregon? Nike should be boycotted for creating that color. Chartreuse? Puke?
The Coming Round the Mountain Award goes to THE University of Texas. The Longhorns looked legitimate against the Horned Frogs of TCU with a 31-16 victory. Don’t use all of your electricity lighting the Tower. There is still a road of screaming red ass rednecks ahead of you in Dallas and Lubbock in October and November.
Congrats to Baylor for their victory over Kansas. The Bears, however, receive The Condolences Award because they have to play a pissed off OU team in Norman on ABC on Saturday. Watch those Army/OU films. Better yet, get the Army from down the road at Fort Hood to play and ensure your basketball tickets are renewed.
To my Tigers of LSU I give you the I Knew You Could Do It Award for your victory over LA Tech 38-21. I also give you It’s a Special Week for Tiger Football Award. There will be more about this topic during the week.
The Put a Sock in Your Mouth Award goes to Gary Danielson who was one of the talking heads in the announcers’ booth for Alabama and Texas A&M. Did Coach Saban or Coach Fisher ask what plays you would have run? You seemed to second guess both of them on almost every play. Does anyone really care what you would have done if you ran the ball, passed the ball, or caught the ball? Beth Mowens calls a better game than you do, Gary, and she never wore a jock strap.
Moving to the Alabama Texas A&M game. The score was Texas A&M and Alabama 45. You know the Aggies never lose. They just run out of time. Therefore, I am awarding The Fighting Texas Aggies a Two Year Hourglass Award. Two years from now in Tuscaloosa. We shall return.
The Aggies also receive The Roman Candle Award because there were some very nice sparks on defense and offense. It was Bama’s closest margin of victory to date. Even though Aggie QB Kellen Mond receives the Does My Butt Look Good on the Ground Award, he also receives the I Ran for Almost 100 Yards Trophy.
To Alabama and Coach Saban I award The Run and Hide Award. When they say ROLL TIDE, it means every team needs to run and hide.
Alabama also receives The Mrs. Lathram Benefactor Award. They are just that good. Let’s see how long it takes you to figure that one out. Ha!