Tag Archives: Houston Astros

Friday, October 25, 2019 – Snarky Friday

Posted on October 25, 2019 | Leave a comment

Friday, October 25, 2019 – Snarky Friday

It is a delay of snark for me today. I had to go to the store to ready myself for the cold weather. There was a 50 degree temperature drop in Texas yesterday between The Panhandle and South Texas. Amarillo was blanketed in snow and it was 87 degrees in the Brazos Valley. Today it is 49 degrees. Therefore, it was necessary to obtain the four basic food groups for a drizzly, rainy, cold, baseball and football weekend. The four groups are sweet, salty, alcohol and chocolate.

Depending on what the Astros do tonight, I will not have to go to the store again Saturday for football.

But let’s get snarked on college football teams. The early morning football screen time draws are:

At 11:00 we start the day with the Texas Aggies and the Mississippi State Bulldogs on SEC Network. Hold on to your pants, Kellen! We do not want to see a moon over Kyle Field. There will be lots of maroon and white. Reveille likes Bully. Please do not bring those cowbells!

Opposite at 11:00 on ABC the Sooners of OU right their Schooner and roll over Kansas State. Jalen collects statistics!

At 2:30 THE University of Texas goes to Cowtown in Fort Worth to play TCU on Fox. If the Texas defense does not show up again this week, this could be a close one with Purple Rain.

The big football game that has significant meaning is on CBS at 2:30 with Auburn in Death Valley meeting LSU. In this battle of the tigers, Mike will be victorious over Aubie. LSU and the Burrows Boys! This is your time to put the fear of Death Valley into Auburn and the rest of the SEC!

I was told I forgot to mention Penn State last week. Penn State visits Michigan State on ABC at 2:30. This is a definite possibility for Ugly Uniform Award. So there you go I mentioned it.

At 6:00 Arkansas goes to Alabama to be rolled over by The Tide on ESPN. Another opportunity for Tua to rest.

At 6:30 the Notre Dame Fenians take their gold flaked helmets to The Big House and play Michigan. Harbaugh? If you want to save your job, this would be good time to start. Note: Fenians – one must know their Irish History.

Also on Saturday the Astros will be playing Game 4 of the World Series. In further prognostications (why say ‘guesses when a four syllable word will do?), the Astros will even the series and return to H-Town!

BTHO Mississippi State!

Two months from today! Merry Christmas!

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, college football, LSU, LSU Tigers, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies, The University of Texas

Tagged Houston Astros, Notre Dame

Friday, October 12, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week Seven

Posted on October 12, 2018 | Leave a comment

Friday, October 12, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week Seven

Let’s begin with the Big 12 Conference, which is really only 10, but that conference name was already taken.

In the TCU Turnover Game last night against Texas Tech, the Tech QB, Jett Duffey scored the winning touchdown giving Tech a 17-14 victory. To the best of my knowledge I am not related to the young freshman quarterback as I have not done an ancestor spit test. But he is from Mansfield, Texas and that is very close to Louisiana.

Tomorrow, of slight interest we find that the Cowboys of Oklahoma State drew the black bean and play Kansas State at 11:00 on ESPNU. Yawn.

At 6:00 on FS1 the West Virginia Mountaineers travel to Ames to meet Iowa State in the What Other Games Are On contest.

Sandwiched in the middle at 2:30 on ESPN we find the Bears of Baylor and the Horns of Texas. It is THE University versus THEE University in the Battle of Road Construction on I-35. The Bears will need a miracle, but hey it has happened before.

Moving on. At 11:00 on FS1 it is Ohio State and Minnesota. Ugly uniforms on both sides.

On ESPN at 11:00 it is Florida and Vanderbilt. The poor state of Florida got slammed by Hurricane Michael. When your peninsula divides into two parts will it be like Michigan? Or will one of the land masses declare independence?

On SECN we have a pissed off for last week’s loss against Mississippi State Auburn and Tennessee at 11:00 on the SECN. Wish that I was there on Rocky Top…

The 2:30 time slot is once again this weeks’ game winner.

There is Michigan State vs Penn State on the BTN. I was unaware there was a Big Ten Network. The Big 12 has a network too. It is called The Longhorn Network and it does not share. It also only has commercials with has been players. But you can watch the 2005 Rose Bowl as many times as you want.

I will be getting carpel thumb syndrome as I switch between games at 2:30. It is LSU and Georgia on CBS in the Redeemer and Validation Game. Come on Mike, show us what you got. GEAUX TIGERS!

The other time slot finds the Fighting Texas Aggies versus the Gamecocks of South Carolina on SECN. Note to Uncle Will Muschamp – You will really have to work to get an Exploding Head Coach Award on Monday in order to beat Gary Patterson of TCU last night. Yes, there will be a photo on Monday. And yes, Gary, those pants make your butt look big. This just in from Reveille “I am not sitting for a photo op with the chicken. But I can chase it off the field if you like.”

At 6:00 on ESPN the Tide of Alabama rolls over and drowns the Tigers of Missouri. If Missouri scores 31 points on the Alabama defense, I’m pretty sure Coach Saban’s head will explode too.

I actually had a Nick Saban moment yesterday. Suddenly while in Academy I heard,

“Young Lady? Are you really going to spend almost $40.00 for that Astros T-shirt? Something that you might wear once or twice at tops?”

Me: Yeah. You’re probably right.

Saban: I probably am.

Me: I’ll wait for the 2018 World Series Winners T-shirt.”

Houston Astros and Boston Red Sox on TBS at 7:09.

BTHO South Carolina!

Saturday Socks.

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged ALCS 2018, Baylor Bears, Baylor football, college football, Houston Astros, satire, The University of Texas

Thursday, October 26, 2017 – Astros, Guy Clark and If We Can Just Get Off of That L A Freeway

Posted on October 26, 2017 | Leave a comment

Thursday, October 26, 2017 – Astros, Guy Clark and If we can just get off of that L A Freeway

Please answer the following question regarding last night’s World Series game.

What were you doing last night while pulling for the Houston Astros playing the Los Angeles Dodgers in Game Two of the World Series?

(a) Biting your nails

(b) Peeing in your pants

(d) All of the above.

I was so tired I was not able to do the HB Forty Dance to celebrate the victory. What a game! Way to go Astros! Series tied.

The Astros are coming home to Houston for the next two games in the series. I found this by the great Guy Clark to help us get ready.

Got to give it all we can now
I believe everything your saying
Just keep on keep on playing…

We’ve got something to believe in…

If they can just get off of this L A Freeway…

GO ASTROS!

Live from Austin, Guy Clark, July 3, 2008

https://youtu.be/yTwUpkEK6yk

Pack up all your dishes
Make note of all good wishes
Say goodbye to the landlord for me

That sum-bitch has always bored me

Throw out them old LA papers
And that moldy box of vanilla wafers

Adios to all this concrete
Gonna get me some dirt road back street

If I can just get off of that L.A. freeway
Without getting killed or caught

Down that road in a cloud of smoke
For some land that I ain’t bought bought bought

Here’s to you old skinny Dennis
Only one I think I will miss
I can hear your Bassman singin Sweet and low like a gift your bringin’

Play it for me one more time now
Got to give it all we can now
I believe everything your saying
Just keep on keep on playing

If I can just get off of that L.A. freeway
Without getting killed or caught
Down that road in a cloud of smoke
For some land that I ain’t bought bought bought

Put the pink slip in the mailbox
Leave the key in the old front door lock

They will find it likely as not
With all the things that we have forgot

Oh Susanna now don’t you cry, babe
Love’s a gift that’s surely handmade
We’ve got something to believe in

Before you know it’s time we’re leavin’

If I can just get off of that L.A. freeway

Without getting killed or caught
Down that road in a cloud of smoke
For some land that I ain’t bought bought bought

If I can just get off of that L.A. freeway …

Songwriter: Guy Clark

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Posted in Native Texan

Tagged Guy Clark, Houston Astros, Houston Astros; World Series, L A Freeway

Monday, October 16, 2017 – The Monday After College Football Awards

Posted on October 16, 2017 | Leave a comment

Monday, October 16, 2017 – The Monday After College Football Awards

What a fun football weekend. Let’s get this party started!

SWAMP! SWAMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! Alligator tastes like Chicken Award goes to the Texas Aggie Field Goal Kicker and the Defensive Unit.

The Aggies also win the Historical Award for not having won a football game in the state of Florida since World War II.

This week I should give a Clean Undies Award because almost every team wins a Poopy Undies Award. Games are getting interesting.

Let’s back up to Friday and start with the Dysfunctional Digestive Awards.The Clemson Tiger coughed up a hairball as Clemson was upset by Otto the Orange and Syracuse 27-24.Just as the Pepto Dismal kicks in for that game Cal (Berkley) put a hippy dippy ass whopping on Mike Leach’s boys from Washington State 37-3.

The West Coast Slide Down the Rankings continued Saturday night with Washington being upset by Arizona State. 7 – 13

Saturday began with TCU and K-State in lightening delay # 1.

The Pyro Burning Sofa Award goes to West Virginia. You got admit, it is way more hillbilly to burn a sofa when your team wins than throw tortillas. Texas Tech 35 West Virginia 46.

The OOH Whee Baby Don’t you know You Set My Soul on Fire Award goes to the Tigers of LSU for their victory over Auburn. LSU 27 Auburn 23. Way to make the SEC interesting.

TCU and K-State lightening delay # 2.

The Great Game Award goes to Oklahoma University and THE University of Texas. I am also awarding the Left It All on the Field Award to both teams. OU 29 and THE University of Texas 24.

TCU and K-State lightening delay # 3 through whenever and aka as WHERE is the damn Baylor/Oklahoma State game?

Finally…TCU 26 and Kansas State 6.

Then the Cowboys of Oklahoma State win the Keeping Baylor Perfect Award by winning over the hapless Bears.59-16.

The Still the One as in Number One Award goes to Alabama. In the SEC Battle of Schools Beginning the Letter A-The Tide of Alabama had no trouble rolling over the pigs of Arkansas. Note to the Arkansas Coach – Did you happen to look to the other side and see what Coach Saban was wearing? Some nice beige pants; a nice polo shirt – very classy. You, on the other side looked like a sad, red busted balloon. I know they got better clothes at Wal-Mart. Tide 41 – Hogs 9.

Now back to the SWAMP.

In the Where’s the Mute Button Category, the John Wilkes Booth Announcer Award for worse announcers goes to the ESPN-hired duet attempting to be speaking or making words for the A&M/Florida game. Yes, Beth, I am happy you know football as you do and are announcing, but your voice is that of fingernails on a chalk board. Where did you audition? Texas School for the Deaf?

And Side Kick Dude? What was your first language? I am thinking maybe not English. I stopped counting your grammatical errors in quarter one with “he should have ran out of bounds and “he throwed it to a covered receiver.”

The uniforms looked worse on TV.

The Florida Gators win two Awards for Uniforms. First they win The Invisible Blend into the Field Ugliest Uniform. They also win The New Color in the Crayola Box Award – Swamp Dirt Water Brown.

A Big Solid Award goes to Texas Aggie Tyrel Dotson for intercepting a Florida pass to end the game with an Aggie victory 19-17.

Next week: BTHO BYE WEEK!

Photo by me 1986. Old Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. Demolished in 2010.

Tonight: Astros/Yankees 7:08 FS1 – Not this Year Yanks! BTHO Yankees!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged College Football; Texas Aggies, Houston Astros, New York Yankees

Friday, October 13, 2017 – Friday 13th – A Snarky Friday – Here’s to Lots of Orange

Posted on October 13, 2017 | Leave a comment

Friday, October 13, 2017 – Friday 13th – A Snarky Friday – Here’s to Lots of Orange

This morning I am feeling like Prissy in Gone With the Wind because “

MISS SCARLETT, THE YANKEES ARE COMING!

Brooklyn Bridge – photo by me 1986

That’s right; the boys in pinstripes are coming from New York City to Houston, Texas Minute Maid Park to play the Houston Astros in Game 1 of the American League Championship Series. Winner of the series goes to the World Series. I will have my Dallas beard on, Honeyboy’s Astro cap, a hot dog and cold adult beverage ready for the first pitch at 7:08 on FS1. GO ASTROS!

It is going to be an Orange weekend for almost everybody.

Between innings one can catch more orange on TV and watch Clemson v Syracuse on ESPN. The All Things Orange begins at 6:00. Syracuse’s mascot is one of the anthropomorphic dressed up person mascots named Otto. The original mascot of Syracuse was a Native American character named The Saltine Warrior. The Saltine Warrior remained the mascot until 1978 when the Native American students successfully said no Native Americas named after crackers. After 17 years with no mascot Syracuse selected an orange fluff ball and called it Otto.

Clemson’s mascot is also one of those anthropomorphic dressed up person mascots. It is a tiger named The Tiger. Clemson’s athletic teams have been nicknamed the Tigers since 1896, when coach (and later university president) Walter Merritt Riggs brought the name from his alma mater, Auburn University.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otto_the_Orange#Saltine_Warrior

If you are a night owl, following the Big Orange you can watch Washington State vs Cal on ESPN at 9:30. It is always interesting to see what Mike Leach of Washington State will do.

Starting the Saturday at 11:00 we can watch The Tortilla Throwing Texas Tech Red Raiders take their breakfast tacos to Morgantown to meet the West Virginia Mountaineers on ESPNU. Throwing tortillas is nothing compared to West Virginia students burning couches in the streets when WVa. wins.

In the Game of Purple the rising Frogs of TCU play Kansas State on FS1.

Finally it will be 2:30 and time for some real football.

CBS will have Auburn v LSU. I see a bad moon rising for one of these Tigers, and it is not the one in purple and gold.

In Stillwater, Oklahoma State celebrates homecoming by keeping Baylor’s record perfect with zero wins. Watch it on FS1.

But The Eyes of Texas will be upon The Red River Rivalry with OU v TU on ESPN. HWIT – the Horns will need to bring everything they got to hang with the Sooners. The Baker Boys are mad from last week and are planning a steak dinner that night.

At 6:15 on ESPN the Razorbacks of Arkansas visit The Crimson Tide of Alabama in Tuscaloosa. Now Coach Bielema, you going to have to dress up a little more than in previous games. That tacky sweat shirt is not going to cut it, even in Alabama. Text Alabama Coach Saban and ask for some fashion tips. He is real good at giving that girl in the commercial fashion advice. ROLL TIDE.

At 6:15 on ESPN2 the Texas Aggies visit The Swamp in Gainesville to meet Florida. This could be very interesting for the Aggies.

Looking like The Creature from the Swamp, Florida will be wearing this faux alligator nature looking ensemble designed by someone on an acid trip. I am going out on a limb and giving Monday’s Ugly Uniform to Florida.

Gig ‘Em Aggies! BTHO Florida!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged ALCS, Houston Astros

Thursday, October 5, 2017 – Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Posted on October 5, 2017 | 1 comment

Thursday, October 5, 2017 – Take Me Out to the Ballgame

I memorized and recited this great American poem when I was in Grade Eight. It still one of my favorites.

Here’s what I’m thinking. I am getting my father’s Houston Astros cap out of the closet, making me a hot dog with mustard and pickle relish, having a cold beer, and thinking that my father, Honeyboy, is doing the same in Heaven. Backstory: HB preplanned his funeral years before he passed away. When the funeral director asked what type of casket he preferred, he asked with a straight and serious face “Do you have something with a television with good reception so I can see my Astros?” When he passed away in February 2000 the minister noted Minute Maid Park had a retractable roof so he need not worry about being able to see the games from above. The first game played in the new stadium was the following month between the Houston Astros and the New York Yankees.

Then I think he and I are listening to Casey at the Bat and hoping all of those players mentioned play for the Boston Red Sox. LET’S GO ASTROS!