Monday, September 30, 2019 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards – Week Five
May I have the statuettes, please? As usual our first category today is Poopy Undies. This award goes to Texas A&M and Baylor for scaring their fans with close games. TAMU 31 Ark 27 and Iowa State 21 Baylor 23
But to Clemson, we have a new award. I am giving the award for a Full Blown Blowout in Your Drawers to the Clemson fans. Clemson 21 unranked North Carolina 20
Songs for Monday for UNC
It had to be two; it had to be two; you wandered down field; scored the touchdown, but couldn’t score two…
To Clemson – A streaming download of The Eagles’ song – There’s a New Kid in Town.
Speaking of the new Number 1 in the polls, Alabama, I am awarding the Crimson Tide The Feral Cat Award. Why? Because Alabama is like feral cat that tortures its opponent by batting it around and playing with it before finally putting it out of its misery. Ole Miss 31 Alabama 59
Miss State 23 Auburn 56 – The Get Well Award goes to Billy the Bulldog of Mississippi State. The bad news – the Bulldogs lost. The good news – Billy the State mascot is OK after the Auburn player ran into him. One should be glad this did not occur with the Texas Aggies; the handler sacrifices his body for Reveille and remember many of the Corps carry swords.
The Weather Delay Award goes to Oklahoma State.
Kansas State 13 Oklahoma State 26
The Fun to Watch Award goes OU. See Jalen run; See Jalen throw; see Jalen and OU win The Big 12 Conference. Oklahoma 55 Tortilla Tech 16
To Arkansas and Nick Starkel, I give the Heartbreak Hotel Award. I hope your arm injury is not serious, Starkel.
To Starkel and Arkansas, to Mond and Texas A&M and to Virginia and Mississippi State players, I give the Heisman Award. No, not the big trophy, but this quote from John Heisman regarding football in the South:
“Gentlemen? This is a prolate spheroid. It is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.” John Heisman.
The Ugly Uniform Award this week goes to Wisconsin. Those Throw Back uniforms need to be thrown away. Where did you find them? An Army surplus store that uncovered a box of WWI uniforms? Northwestern 15 Wisconsin 24
Our Exploding Head Coach Award this week goes to Iowa State. You know we can read your lips when you question the officials’ parental heritage, don’t you?
The Best Referee Quote of a Game goes to Cooper Castleberry who was calling the Baylor Iowa State game. On Baylor “False start on every body but the center.”
I am starting a list of All-American, Best Names. My first entry is from Arkansas, Bumper Pool.
Moving on downfield and into the stands…
I asked and we do not think this is one of our relatives.
I am ordering this outfit for all of the old ladies in Section 106 in Reed Arena for basketball season. Remember, Joni and I are the youngest ones in our section. Visualize that in high definition on the big screen.
I wonder if her Mother saw her on TV.