Friday, July 28, 2017 – Snarky Friday – the last Friday of July. The Return of College Football – Please Hurry!
Tomorrow is another Saturday with no college football.I am beginning to worry about myself. I hope I can make it. The withdrawal symptoms are serious. At least in February there was basketball,
Two Texas A&M Graduates and One Outstanding basketball player – Curtyce Knox.
then baseball and softball to get me through the spring. But the summer months have been brutal.
For the past two months on Saturday nights I have watched the entire season of National Geographic’s Big Pacific on the PBS Channel. The PBS CHANNEL! Last Saturday’s Season Finale was called “Big Pacific – Reproduction.”
About midway through the hour of underwater wonder, I thought to myself – I am watching fish fornicate. I know there is a better alliteration, but I’m trying to keep it clean. I am watching fish porn. I am pitiful.
How many more days until kick off?
Thursday, July 27, 2017 – Songs to Impeach the President
Good morning listeners. Welcome to station HWIT. Today our Here’s What I’m Thinking program is entitled songs to impeach the President. We, the people, begin with Jim Morrison and The Doors and end with a video of the great Freddie Mercury prophetically playing the POTUS 45. I would like to dedicate the video all LGBT people and especially to the transgender people who defend my freedoms on a daily basis.
I do not care about your gender or your sexual orientation as long as you can fly the damn airplane. Photo by me.
Ready? Let’s all skate and sing along. Don’t forget – Keep your voter registration card current.
Strange Days – The Doors – Strange days have found us…
Who’s Sorry Now? – Connie Francis –
Who’s sorry now? Who’s Sorry Now? Whose heart is aching for breaking each vow? Who’s sad and blue? Who’s crying too? Just like I cried over you. Right to the end…
Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival –
Through the worm hole Moon – photo by me in the front yard.
I see a bad moon rising; I see trouble on the way…
With a special dedication to The Mooch and the WH Communications Office let’ sing along with Cab Calloway and Minnie the Moocher.
Folks, here’s a story ’bout Minnie the Moocher He is a red-hot hoochie-coocher; He was the roughest, toughest frail But Minnie had a heart as big as a whale;
Hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi (hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi) Whoa-a-a-a-ah (whoa-a-a-a-ah) Hee-dee-hee-dee-hee-dee-hee (hee-dee-hee-dee-hee-dee-hee) He-e-e-e-e-e-e-y (he-e-e-e-e-e-e-y)
Be Prepared – Tom Leher
Be prepared! That’s the Boy Scout’s marching song, Be prepared! As through life you march along. Be prepared to hold your liquor pretty well, Don’t write naughty words on walls if you can’t spell…
Wasted Days and Wasted Nights – Freddie Fender –
Wasted days and wasted nights …
Here is a song dedicated to the POTUS from Special Prosecutor, Robert Muller and his staff – Every Breath You Take – The Police –
Every move you make; every step you take, I’ll be watching you…
From the Department of Justice and Jeff Sessions we have this dedication to POTUS 45.
I Fought the Law and the Law Won – Bobby Fuller –
I’m breakin’ rocks in the hot sun;
I fought the law and the law won I fought the law and the law won
I needed money ’cause I had none I fought the law and the law won I fought the law and the law won…”
And dedicated to POTUS 45 with all due respect to Freddie Mercury HWIT presents:
The Great Pretender – Freddie Mercury – Note: this is so spot on Trump it is scary.
Posted in Education, humor, Native Texan, Politics
Tagged Donald Trump, Freddie Mercury, impeachment, POTUS 45
Saturday, July, 22, 2017 Do I Miss Austin?
I am often asked if I miss living in Austin, Texas. I must say, at times, most definitely. May “Keep Austin Weird” never die.
Texas Tribune (@TexasTribune) tweeted at 8:44 AM on Fri, Jul 21, 2017:
1/ The #bathroombill is being heard in a committee hearing today. Here’s what you need to know: https://t.co/yUcq5EZwVu #txlege https://t.co/rjKEZO1kZO
(https://twitter.com/TexasTribune/status/888394193185497088?s=09)
Posted in humor, Native Texan, Politics
Friday, July 21, 2017 – Snarky Friday and Hotty Toddy Escort my Body Out of Here.
Apparently Texas A&M’s Kevin Sumlin did not have the hottest coach’s seat in the SEC. Wow, coming straight out of a William Faulkner novel the Hugh Freeze, Head Coach of The University of Mississippi (Ole Miss) resigned suddenly after displaying “a pattern of personal misconduct.” I have not consulted the Urban Dictionary, but I think that is code for “bring on the hookers.”
I understand Ken Starr might be available to represent Coach Freeze. Mr. Starr has vast experience with sex scandals. Rick Pitino (Louisville) may be able to recommend legal counsel. Given the lawyer rats jumping ship from The White House, I am sure a football sex scandal would seem like a piece of cake to any one of them. So we shall let the lawyers take over.
As for the coaching situation, I am sure any coach would want to assume the responsibilities of an NCAA program on probation and now saddled with a sex scandal just at the onset of the football season. How do you think Art Briles would look in Rebel blue and red? Charlie Strong? Whaaat?
Onward down the football field. I was reading Olin Buchanan’s excellent article this morning – Same Song: Aggies Deaf to Herman’s Plea to Renew Rivalry.
https://texags.com/t/3116/olin-buchanan
Here’s what I’m thinking. Coach Herman, I am not in MENSA like you are, but I do know my history. You should probably study some of it too. May I recommend The 100 Year Decision, by R. Bowen Loftin?
Mr. Buchanan in his article so noted, as does Dr. Bowen, it was not the Aggies decision to cancel the series. It was DeLoss Dodds’ decision to punish the Aggies financially.
There are theorists who theorize an alternate version of Justin Tucker’s game winning, time running out, suck the life out of you, field goal victory over the Aggies. The outcome of everything might have been different had the kick not been good.
But alas, Coach Herman. The Aggies left the Big 12 Conference to join the Southeastern Conference. In the SEC, and an 8 and 5 season will out do a 5-7 season any day of the week. The North Carolina women’s basketball team can beat the Kanas football team.
But Coach Herman, you do have that Longhorn Network – the one you do not share with any of the others in the conference? The one that shows old footage of past glory? That one. Not to be confused with the SEC Network (and there is also an alternate network on really good sports’ days). Not only does it share it profits with its member schools, it has much better programming because of the National Championships won by the SEC schools. Check it out, Coach.
But yes, my Class of ’85 ears are deaf to a rivalry between Texas A&M and THE University of Texas. LSU and Alabama and even poor Ole Miss are way more fun than you, Bevo and Boys. But I hear Manhattan, Kansas and Ames Iowa and even Waco, Texas are nice during the winter.
Here’s to Coach Herman: Hullaballoo Keneck Ken NO! Not interested.
BTHO
Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Politics, Texas Aggies
Tagged Big 12, College Football; Texas Aggies, Hugh Freeze, humor, Ken Starr, Ole Miss, Olin Buchanan, satire, SEC, SEC Network, The University of Mississippi, Tom Herman
Wednesday, July 19, 2017 – Pack Up the Babies and Grab the Old Ladies; That’s Right, You’re Not from Texas
That’s right, you’re not from Texas, but Texas wants you anyway. Even though Lyle Lovett’s song suggests Texas wants you, we really do not. We have plenty of crazy people that already live here. Like most Southerners, we like crazy people and even enjoy sitting on the front porch and sharing a cocktail with them. In Texas we like crazy people so much we elect them to high level government positions.
This week in our great state capital, Austin, many of the crazy people once again congregate under the Dome of Decisions in a Special Session called by the Governor of Texas. One of the most pressing issues and urgent issues is to help us sort out where to void our bladders in public places associated with educational institutions. This is known as The Bathroom Bill or Senate Bill 6. So, paraphrasing the great Neil Diamond “Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies, cause everyone knows it’s Brother Dan’s Show.”
The entire Texas legislature seems to be obsessed with human body functions, like abortion, sex of any kind (yes, last session they passed a no sex with animals bill), homosexuality, transgendered people and where people poop and pee and shower and change clothes (locker rooms). And for some reason they think they can control these bodily functions legislatively.
The lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, aka Saint Evangelical, seems to be overly obsessed with where individuals go to the bathroom. So much he is apparently ready to fall on the proverbial sword to push this through the Texas Legislature.
Here’s what I’m thinking. What if educational institutions selected a strategically located facility in the building, and put a new sign on the door designating it
The I. P. Freely Bathroom sponsored by Saint Evangelical.
A cost savings suggestion is, just write it on the wall next to the facility. I think that is where the handwriting is. Besides, think how much money public schools could have to focus on teaching and learning rather than peeing and pooping.
“I see a bad moon rising…” Creedence Clearwater Revival. Photo by me. Looking out my backyard – also by CCR.
Keep your voter registration card current and your Texas photo voter ID too.
Posted in Education, humor, Native Texan, Politics, Uncategorized
Tagged Dan Patrick, humor, satire, Texas bathroom bill, Texas education, Texas SB 6, Texas special session
Thursday, July 13, 2017 – Charmin Chatty Trump Family
Who remembers the Chatty Cathy doll manufactured by the Mattel toy company from 1959-1965?
There was also Chatty Baby in 1962 and Tiny Chatty Baby, Tiny Chatty Brother and Charmin’Chatty in 1963. And the last of the Chatty family was Singin’ Chatty in 1965.
The Chatty Cathy mouth did not move. But the doll did speak one of eleven phrases at random when the “chatty ring” on the neck was pulled. The ring was attached to a string connected to a simple phonograph record inside the cavity behind the doll’s abdomen. The record was driven by a metal coil wound by pulling the toy’s string. The doll had 11 phrases when it came on the market in 1960 such as “I love you”, “I hurt myself!” or “Please take me with you.” Seven more phrases such as, “Let’s play school” or “May I have a cookie?” were added to the doll’s repertoire in 1963 for a total of 18 phrases. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chatty_Cathy
Today we have the Charmin Chatty Trump Family, including the Chatty Cathy look alike Chatty Kellyanne and Tinny Chatty Brother, Don T. Jr. and Non-Chatty Jerod. We also have Big Chatty Tweeter.
They all have neck pull rings guaranteed to say the most outrageous phrases. New phrases have been added to the repertoire such as “There is no collusion,” “fake news” and “I did not meet with the Russians.” When the neck ring on Tinny Chatty Brother is pulled he says “I’ve got mail” and “I love it.” Big Chatty Tweeter is programmed to say “Hillary did it” and “Obama did it.” It also constantly repeats “I’ve gone to play golf.”
One needs to order the Charmin Chatty Trump Family dolls now before they are no longer available. These strings cannot be pulled forever and somebody is going to cut their chatty ring strings.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Posted in Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Politics
Tagged Chatty Cathy Dolls, Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Kellyanne Conway
Wednesday, July 12, 2017 – Infamous Historical Statements and The Great 20th Century Philosopher
Let me reach into my bag of historical statements to find something for today’s HWIT.
“I am not a crook.” No, that is not the correct one.
“I did not have sex with that woman.” Not that one either.
“I did not collude with the Russians.” Maybe.
“I opened the email, responded ‘I love it,’ because I often meet with people I do not know and invite high ranking campaign people to my Daddy’s offices.” Hmm too long.
How about this one? “I am not a crook and I did not have email sex with the Russians.”
Reminder to Trump Administration – When you are up to your ass in alligators, you forget your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
WH Press Release for today.
“Can’t you feel em circling Honey; can’t you feel them swimming around? You got fins to left; fins to the right and you’re the only bait in town.” (FINS, Buffet, James William. July, 1979.)
Not to mention the “the big white teeth of the sharks that swim on the land!!!”
Posted in Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Politics
Tagged Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Jimmy Buffet
Tuesday, July 11, 2017 – My Amazon Prime Order
Today is the day one can obtain amazing offers and discounts on all types of items from Amazon Prime.
Can We, the People, order a new POTUS and a new First Family?
How is it working out for you so far? Photo by me in Crockett Texas
Posted in Native Texan, Politics
Wednesday, June 21, 2017 –Estival Solstice and a New Ken
Our new word for the day is “Estival.” It is an adjective that means pertaining or appropriate to summer. Today marks the summer solstice or the estival solstice. It is the longest day of the year with the longest twilight. I wonder if that translates to the longest happy hour.
Texas Stonehenge – Kerrville, Texas Photo by me
If you want to learn more about the summer solstice, pretend you are in Mr. Michael’s 9th Grade physical science class and click on the link. There are some pretty cool illustrations. To my Alaska friends, get out the sleep masks; there is going to be a lot of sunlight.
https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/6/19/15832952/summer-solstice-2017
Since this is a long day, let us catch up on what I have been thinking.
Please sign the online petition to never allow Texas A&M to play TCU in baseball.
Tropical storm Cindy is about the make landfall through New Orleans and the southern states bringing inches plus of rain. It would be nice if there was a FEMA Director. Doesn’t FEMA stand for Federal EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT? Just in case the low lying areas need help or have an emergency.
Congratulations to Diana Taurasi for becoming the all-time leading scorer in professional women’s basketball. Thank you Title IX and believers in women’s athletics. Thank you, Diana.
The 2017 Texas A&M Maroon out game is with Auburn on Saturday, November Fourth. I was hoping the Maroon Out game would be with Alabama, but I will take Auburn. It is always fun to do Snarky Fridays when the Aggies play a school named after a hair color. And perhaps the Aggies can count on a modicum of support from The Tide.
Did you know there is new Ken doll? Mattel updated Barbie’s long-time, gay boyfriend, Ken, to create a diversity look. There are actually 15 new Kens. They have different skin colors, different body types and different hair styles and colors. Body types include slim, original and large. Various hair styles even include the man bun.
I have not researched the various Ken dolls, but I hope there is Cut-n-Shoot/Porter Ken. This Ken would wear jeans, boots, a torn T-shirt, and a Make America Great Again cap. Of course he would drive a pick-up truck; would be overweight, have a beer belly and sport a mullet. He would come with diabetes prescription, a six-pack of Miller Lite, a pack of Marlboros and a worn EZ-Boy Recliner. Remote control, trailer and pit bulls not included.
As I said I have not researched the various Kens, but here’s what I’m thinking. These Kens, like those who preceded him, are genitalia challenged or sans male body parts. Perhaps Barbie likes him that way.
It is going to be a long day. Enjoy the estival solstice.
Friday, June 16, 2017 – Snarky Friday and A Stream of Consciousness
What a world! As my dear, departed and very wise Mother used to say about politics and other sordid activities: “Play in shit, you gonna get shitty.”
Today I shall just have a stream of consciousness regarding this week’s activities as they relate to the increase in fecal material hitting the rotating blades of the oscillating fan surrounding The Potomac and outlying areas. For a little extra, you might try listening to some appropriate music while trying to read. I am listening to Joan Baez – “Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around. Keep on a walking; Keep on a talking, gonna built a brand new world…”
Ready? Read.
What happened? Be careful what you wish for or in this case who you vote for. Only 145days? Crooked Hillary did it. Tweet. Tweet. Tweet. I am not under investigation. I am not a crook. I did not have sex with that woman. Resignation. Impeachment. And now POTUS you are under investigation. You’re lying. He’s lying. She’s lying. Lock her up. GOP. Resist. James Comey. “You’re Fired” only works in business on TV. Putin. Putin. Root and Tootin! FBI. Department of Justice. Tweet some more. GOLF. Lawyers, lawyers, filling Washington, D. C. I should have gone to law school. Russians. Russians. Let’s Make a Deal. Michael Flynn. More lawyers. Democrats. Jared. Ivanka. Donald Jr. A New Jersey Lawyer? Money laundering? I miss The Sopranos. Bada Bing. Constitutional Crisis. Really good chocolate cake and we the US just bombed the crap out of Syria. Are there any US Allies in the World left? This is gonna take a long time to clean up all this shit and those playing in it get shittier. Meanwhile, CAN WE PLEASE STOP SHOOTING EACH OTHER AND SIT DOWN AND TALK FOR THE GOOD OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?
Happy Friday.
Posted in humor, Misc., Native Texan, Politics, Uncategorized
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