Tag Archives: Dan Patrick

Wednesday, July 19, 2017 – Pack Up the Babies and Grab the Old Ladies; That’s Right, You’re Not from Texas

Wednesday, July 19, 2017 – Pack Up the Babies and Grab the Old Ladies; That’s Right, You’re Not from Texas

That’s right, you’re not from Texas, but Texas wants you anyway. Even though Lyle Lovett’s song suggests Texas wants you, we really do not. We have plenty of crazy people that already live here. Like most Southerners, we like crazy people and even enjoy sitting on the front porch and sharing a cocktail with them. In Texas we like crazy people so much we elect them to high level government positions.

This week in our great state capital, Austin, many of the crazy people once again congregate under the Dome of Decisions in a Special Session called by the Governor of Texas. One of the most pressing issues and urgent issues is to help us sort out where to void our bladders in public places associated with educational institutions. This is known as The Bathroom Bill or Senate Bill 6. So, paraphrasing the great Neil Diamond “Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies, cause everyone knows it’s Brother Dan’s Show.”

The entire Texas legislature seems to be obsessed with human body functions, like abortion, sex of any kind (yes, last session they passed a no sex with animals bill), homosexuality, transgendered people and where people poop and pee and shower and change clothes (locker rooms). And for some reason they think they can control these bodily functions legislatively.

The lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, aka Saint Evangelical, seems to be overly obsessed with where individuals go to the bathroom. So much he is apparently ready to fall on the proverbial sword to push this through the Texas Legislature.

Here’s what I’m thinking. What if educational institutions selected a strategically located facility in the building, and put a new sign on the door designating it

The I. P. Freely Bathroom sponsored by Saint Evangelical.

A cost savings suggestion is, just write it on the wall next to the facility. I think that is where the handwriting is. Besides, think how much money public schools could have to focus on teaching and learning rather than peeing and pooping.

“I see a bad moon rising…” Creedence Clearwater Revival. Photo by me. Looking out my backyard – also by CCR.

Keep your voter registration card current and your Texas photo voter ID too.


May 30, 2017 – Turn Out the Lights; the Party’s Over!

May 30, 2017 – Turn Out the Lights; the Party’s Over!

“Turn out the lights; the party’s over;

They say that all good things must end;

Turn out the lights: the party’s over;

And tomorrow starts the same old thing again.”

I doubt that the wonderful country singer Ray Price was talking about the government. Yesterday was sine die for the 85th Texas Legislature. The day of adjournment until called again. Or until Governor Abbott checks his vacation calendar.

So how did the 85th Legislature end? In protest of SB 4 – Immigration. There was the 3 AM singing at the Governor’s Mansion protests. A Republican House member called Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE) to remove protestors in the capitol. Note: these protesters in red should not be confused with the women dressed in red as in The Hand Maiden’s Tale.  These were in The Senate Gallery. These and others were protesting almost every piece of legislation. In fact, it is difficult to know your protestors in Austin without a program.

Then there was the floor shoving match in the House of Representatives which resulted in a threatening language to a colleague with words like “gun” and “bullet” and “your head” in the same sentence. This was followed by the Governor signing new gun legislation. Do not go ballistic; I happen to like guns. Just saying PR people need to do better at press releasing timing.

And that is just the tip of the dome. According to The Houston Chronicle, it will cost about $800,000 for one special session. But it will be so worth it for Dan, The Evangelical to lead the Bathroom Brigade of Buffoonery into Texas Public Schools. Because there is one thing every Texas school child needs to know and that is where to go to the bathroom. Biology textbooks will soon show diagrams that show is it is not just “the outside” junk that counts in gender, but also “the inside junk.” We all know the only places that transgender people hang out are public schools.Designating a special place to urinate in schools should be the highest priority of the Texas legislature.

Here’s what I’m thinking. When Dan the Evangelical gets his way and the idiots are called to leave their villages, the Texas bathroom bill will pass. Therefore every bathroom that is designated “The Different One” should have a poster size photo of Dan, the Evangelical falling on his sword.

Keep your voter registration card current.

Monday, May 29, 2017 – Memorial Day OKC TAMU WCWS and Sine Die, but Hold Your Bladders!

Monday, May 29, 2017 – Memorial Day OKC TAMU WCWS and Sine Die, but Hold Your Bladders!

Today let us pause at 3:00 PM local time for a moment of silence for all who sacrificed for our freedom to pursue life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. You are not forgotten.

Thank you vets that my pursuit of happiness is headed toward Oklahoma City (OKC) to see the Fighting Texas Aggie (TAMU) softball team win the Women’s College World Series (WCWS). No, I am not going. There are certain advantages to attending. For example,

  1. being part of the excitement,
  2. participating in the Fan Fest activities,
  3. purchasing a T-shirt
  4. seeing your team win or
  5. supporting your team in a loss.

Of course there are advantages to staying home. For example, (in order they come to mind)

  1. beer,
  2. wine,
  3. beer with no waiting line,
  4. wine with no waiting line,
  5. instant replay,
  6. able to scream obscenities at umpires and coaches and not be expelled from your home,
  7. able to pause game
  8. a clean bathroom or at least you know who’s dirt it is
  9. wine,
  10. beer,
  11. wearing an Aggie T-shirt you found on the floor that morning,
  12. wearing the T-shirt you slept in,
  13. wearing the shorts you had on yesterday,
  14. not wearing foundation garments,
  15. not sitting on the front row behind home plate exposing my fish belly white legs and giving the camera a view I do not want to expose on national TV, especially not wearing foundation garments,
  16. no need for sunscreen,
  17. beer,
  18. wine,
  19. two equal opportunity, available to all who have the urge to go bathrooms. Note: My RP retirement document is of special interest in the guest bathroom, but best of all,
  20. Being a part of the 12th Man and watching the Aggies win the WCWS, able to dance throughout the house and sing War Hymn.

The WCSW begins in Oklahoma City on Thursday, June 1 on ESPN. FYI – These ain’t your church softball games. Watch some incredible athletes.  Bet you haven’t seen girls throw like this before!


But wait, the lusty month of May is not yet over – especially for public schools. There are still more buses the public institution can be thrown under.

Today is Sine Die or the last day of the Texas Legislature.

But hold your bladders. We, Texans, still do not know where to go to the bathroom. So Dan, The Evangelical, is calling for a Special Legislative Session. Of course, he is blaming it on the Speaker of the House, Cajones Straus because Speaker Straus will not play with stupid legislation or those who support it. This of course is the Abbott and Castello Show of Texas. Could we just sine die both of you without assigning a day for a further meeting or hearing?

Am I the only one who finds irony in tax payers’ dollars funding a special legislative session regarding property taxes and where to potty places in public schools?

Monday, May 22, 2017 – Global Update and Texas Public School News

Monday, May 22, 2017 – Global Update and Texas Public School News

Good Morning Civics Class.

Our vocabulary word for the day is: ultracrepidarian. (uhl-truh-krep-i-DAIR- ee-uh-n) It is an adjective noting or pertaining to a person, who criticizes, judges or gives advice outside the area of his or her expertise.

Let us explore some examples of persons who might be described as ultracrepidarian.

At the global level The United States’ ultracrepidarian Potus is sword fighting with Saudi royalty. Talk about sabre rattling. They all went to the Toby Keith Testosterone Concert, part of the Hand Maiden’s Tale Tour. Meanwhile, Malaria the Silent and Blondie Anorexia are showing a great deal of leg for an Arab country that covers their women in sheets.

I really do not know what to think about that glowing orb thing. It is creepy. I think it is three billionaires contacting the Mother Ship for further details. It is also possible the sheiks told POTUS it was the newest thing for penile dysfunction and is available for only $19.95 (easily converted to rubles) via the Internet.

Today Trumpet is to visit the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. Fake New, Inc. reports he is exploring moving the wall to Laredo, Texas or somewhere in Arizona. FYI – Do not even think about putting the words “wall” and “Big Bend” in the same sentence.

“But in Texas the talk turned to outlaws, like Willie, Waylon and me.” (David Allen Coe. 1976) Other outlaws now include, but are not limited to: the entire Texas Legislature. What is happening in The Lone Star State of Texas?

There is one week of public schools left in the year and one week left in the Texas Legislature. Of course that fat lady is not warming up to sing and Saint Dan, The Evangelical can still hold bills in the Senate hostage and call special sessions until he gets his way. But he might be content to throw the entire public school system and its children under the big yellow legislative bus.

First, the bathroom bill. Am I reading this correctly? This now only applies to K-12 public schools? And the lower chamber pot (The House) stuck this in the bill as amendment for the requirements for an ISD’s for emergency preparations?

The Texas House passed bathroom restrictions for transgender students.

…An amendment was added to school districts’ emergency plans and added language requiring K-12 schools provide single-stall restrooms and other public areas to a student “who does not wish” to use facilities designated by “biological sex.”

What happened to “local control?” or as we say in Texas, “by God Independent School District.” Is there funding in the school finance bill to make these accommodations or is this an “unfunded mandate?” Why not add an amendment to make the “other bathroom” a pay toilet and name it the Dan Patrick Potty ? If you are going to discriminate, then go all out. This might pay for the required upgrades the school has to make or at least increase custodial pay for those who have to clean up when everyone pees on the floor.

School Finance. The upper chamber pot did approve the school finance bill. But only if it included Voucher Language. Let me translate. If your child is disabled you can use my tax dollars that take away from the public school system and can be used for private schooling. It also reads as though my tax dollars can go to parents educating their children at home.

The Senate put a voucher-like program in House Bill 21, the school finance bill.

The upper chamber early Monday morning approved a bill that would simplify the formulas for funding public schools and allow parents of kids with disabilities to take state money to leave the public system for private schools or homeschooling. HB 21 now includes a provision the House hates and Patrick wants: state subsidies for parents who want to send their children with disabilities to private schools or need money for services to educate them at home.

In summary, here’s what I’m thinking. Please protect the public school system from ultracrepidarian politicians. And please protect all Texas children and especially those in foster care, who are transgendered, and with disabilities from the Texas Legislature.


Wednesday, May 17, 2017 – WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Wednesday, May 17, 2017 – WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

To ensure I do not plagiarize the Former First Lady, Michelle Obama, I hereby give her credit for the following question she asked during a recent TV interview:


Unless you just crawled from under a rock you know the nation is under siege with Blabbergate. Channeling in my first period J. L. McCullough 9th Grade American History Class this morning from 1978 (I think – or any of my history classes), they would have reminded me that the 25th Amendment to the United States Constitution could be a faster court house road to removal from office. You can read it for yourself, but the 25th Amendment is the “Removal from office because you are an idiot” Amendment.

Meanwhile back in Texas, the Lt. Governor and self-appointed Evangelical Saint of Bathroom Protection, Dan Patrick is holding the Texas Senate, certain state agencies and even the Governor’s office HOSTAGES. Here are his two of demands:

  • Public school funding bills will be held hostage and not passed in the Texas Senate in exchange for a special needs voucher legislation.
  • Governor Abbot will call as many special sessions as it takes to pass property tax and transgender bathroom bills.

What does this mean? Here’s what I’m thinking.

Public school administrators will not be able to set local budgets because they will not know how much money they will receive.

Under proposed legislation parents of special education students would be forced to give up their child’s IDEA protections. IDEA protections are guaranteed under law passed in 1975 – The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act.

School voucher legislation are repeated attempts to remove Federal involvement in schools and it promotes segregation based on race, economic status, and special needs of students.

Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) Statute The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) is a law ensuring services to children with disabilities throughout the nation. IDEA governs how states and public agencies provide early intervention, special education and related services to more than 6.5 million eligible infants, toddlers, children and youth with disabilities. https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/osers/osep/osep-idea.html

Moving on. How much will my property taxes go up when there are “as many special legislative sessions as needed” called to determine where to pee? Sorry, I have doctorate degree – where to urinate.

Help me understand, Paddy the Evangelical. You do not want the Federal government telling parents of special needs children what to do, but you are OK with the State government telling people where to go to the bathroom?


God Bless, Texas and keep your voter registration card current!

Tuesday, March 7, 2017 – Here’s What I’m Thinking

Tuesday, March 7, 2017 – Here’s What I’m Thinking

How about this idea? The United States Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos DeVoucher wants “school choice.” This is when affluent parental units are able to remove their children from low performing schools. The Lt. Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, wants students to go to the bathroom based on the gender listed on their birth certificate. This is to avoid sexual predators. FYI – Dan, it’s not like sexual predators don’t go into other bathrooms, janitors’ closets, alleyways, parks or even in their homes.

So here’s what I’m thinking – Why not have all the charter and voucher schools implement DP’s bathroom bill and then leave the rest of the public places alone?

Everyone just wants to be free to pee.

June 11, 2016 – The Zombie Apocalypse or Brain Free Politicians

June 11, 2016 – The Zombie Apocalypse or Brain Free Politicians

Nov 2013 2013-08-24 156 (800x530)

In case you doubt the zombie apocalypse please know one of the zombies is alive and well and lives in the Texas Lt. Governor’s body. Like many of the others who work under the current dome of doom, his brain has been missing for decades.

In the midst of the tragedy in Dallas, Dan Patrick (DP) told Fox News the protesters were hypocrites for running the opposite direction when shots rang out. I was not raised in the city, so I am not certain the protocol for when people are shooting at you in large urban areas. In the country, however, when someone is shooting at me, unless I am in the military or law enforcement I am hauling my ass the opposite direction.

The Brainless Wonder went on to blame the organization Black Lives Matter for the entire incident. Once again, I am not certain of your raising, DP, but that judgement and blaming thing does not sound too Christian.

As you tried to name the amendments you support – “Second Amendment and Freedom of Speech,” you seemed to have forgotten Freedom of Speech is not an amendment. It is one of the unalienable rights listed in the First Amendment. The First Amemendent also includes the Right to Peaceful Assembly. The First amendment also addresses freedom of Religion, Press and Petition. Oh that is correct; you zombie politicians on quote the amendents you like.

Brainless Wonder would go to say on KSKY660 AM radio that he questioned Dallas Police Chief’s decision regarding uniforms for his department. DP suggested short sleeve shirts and less body armor to appear less menacing.

In a morning radio call to KSKY/660 AM host Mark Davis, Patrick even questioned Dallas Police Chief David Brown’s choice for officers to wear their more friendly summer shirtsleeves instead of menacing body armor. http://www.star-telegram.com/opinion/opn-columns-blogs/bud-kennedy/article88612122.html

DP? Do you not have anything better to do that to tell people where to go to the bathroom and how to dress for work?

God Bless Texas and Dallas and keep your voter registration card current.

AXO wkend 2013 2013-10-06 001

Road side sign – Hearne Texas – 2014. Photo by me.

Friday, July 1, 2016 – Snarky Friday – Zero from Zero = Zero. Or Three Zeros under the Dome.

Friday, July 1, 2016 – Snarky Friday – Zero from Zero = Zero. Or Three Zeros under the Dome.

I see where the Big Three of Texas– The Governor, The Lieutenant Governor and The Speaker of the House – asked all state agencies to trim 4% from their annual budget. Budget cuts were always my favorite time of the year at my state agency. Nothing makes your summer go better than an environment filled with fear of job loss. It is that wonderful time of the year when one must justify their existence. This is usually done by which departments can generate mountains of spreadsheets with all types of data.

“Additionally, zero-based budget information will also be requested from agencies throughout development of the 2018-19 state budget,” the Big Three’s letter said.

Zero-based budgeting, championed by former President Jimmy Carter when he was governor of Georgia, begins every budget cycle with a zero for all agencies. The idea is that they will have to justify continuation of each of their activities. 


Here’s what I’m thinking as it relates to the budget proposals and Texas public education. First, since The Big Three want to decline any Federal education funds and ensure your original DNA goes the proper bathroom. This takes out about a bazillion dollars leaving all federally funded programs like Special Education, Title I and all those other poor people kind of programs with $0.

A 4% reduction in the state education budgets, including mental health programs and public schools, the formula looks something like this: Last year’s public school funding = $0. With a 4% reduction, the formula is: ($0 – $0) X .04% = $0.

Therefore, the budget formula for public education is: $0 – $0 = $0. Therefore the budget for public school funding looks like this:

Austin Graffitti Wall 8.24.13 2013-08-24 139 (530x800)

Austin Graffitti Wall – 8.24.2014 – Austin, Texas. Photo by me.

What have you done today for the boys and girls of Texas today? Obviously these Big Three did Zero. Have we ever thought about asking the state legislature justify their existence?

Monday, May 16, 2016 – Smoking in the Boys’ Room

Monday, May 16, 2016 – Smoking in the Boys’ Room – You wish that was all that is going on in a high school bathroom.

Note: This is not about transgender and bathroom issues. It is about the Texas Executive Branch making decisions it does not have a statutory authority to make.

To: Governor Greg Abbot and Lt. Governor Dan Patrick,

I have a few questions regarding The Bathroom Issue. Now I did not go to law school, but I am pretty good at educational law and looking at schools.

When was the last time either of you went to a bathroom in a high school? Not the one in the teachers’ lounge or in the principal’s office. The one for the students at the end of the hall. Or the bathroom isolated in the building somewhere. Do you have any idea what can and does go on in a middle or high school bathroom? And sadly, even elementary school bathrooms have bullies and fights.

Governor Abbott? Is filing lawsuits against the Executive Branch of the federal government all you know how to do? How much does this cost me and the taxpayers of Texas? Wouldn’t these dollars be better spent going to the public schools of Texas?

Ship wreck 2 (800x537)

Pictorial representation of the educational institution in Texas. Photo by me.

Check for understanding: The Texas Executive Office (that would be Abbott and Costello, I mean Patrick) are willing to sacrifice the boys and girls of the Texas public schools by not accepting federal education money over school bathrooms? And you two made this decision on your own?

Don’t both of your offices in the capitol have private potties? Was the Governor’s bathroom modified to accommodate wheels?

Here’s What I’m Thinking – How about labeled port-a-potties? Line them up outside like privies. Label them. Color code them. One can go to the bathroom under which ever label they feel most comfortable.

Labels include, but not limited to:

  • Transgender Male to Female
  • Transgender Female to Male
  • Still Confused
  • Straight Boys
  • Gay Boys
  • Straight Girls
  • Lesbians
  • Don’t Care
  • Unisex
  • Bisex
  • Transex
  • Metrosex
  • Asex
  • Straight Males of Color
  • Straight Females of Color
  • Gay People of Color

I suggest you place a row of port-a-potties near the athletic facilities. This should include portable facilities broken down by sport:

    • Football
    • Men’s Basketball
    • Women’s Basketball
    • Track
    • Field

You get the idea. These could be pay toilets like there were in the 1950’s. One had to pay to pee. Fund raisers for the booster clubs perhaps.

It could bring good advertising opportunities for local businesses. Just think – This port-a-potty for Straight Boys is sponsored by Kevin’s Klean Kars!

Save your Confederate Toilet Paper. The South is Gonna Rise Again!