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Wednesday, July 19, 2017 – Pack Up the Babies and Grab the Old Ladies; That’s Right, You’re Not from Texas

Posted on July 19, 2017 | 1 comment

Wednesday, July 19, 2017 – Pack Up the Babies and Grab the Old Ladies; That’s Right, You’re Not from Texas

That’s right, you’re not from Texas, but Texas wants you anyway. Even though Lyle Lovett’s song suggests Texas wants you, we really do not. We have plenty of crazy people that already live here. Like most Southerners, we like crazy people and even enjoy sitting on the front porch and sharing a cocktail with them. In Texas we like crazy people so much we elect them to high level government positions.

This week in our great state capital, Austin, many of the crazy people once again congregate under the Dome of Decisions in a Special Session called by the Governor of Texas. One of the most pressing issues and urgent issues is to help us sort out where to void our bladders in public places associated with educational institutions. This is known as The Bathroom Bill or Senate Bill 6. So, paraphrasing the great Neil Diamond “Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies, cause everyone knows it’s Brother Dan’s Show.”

The entire Texas legislature seems to be obsessed with human body functions, like abortion, sex of any kind (yes, last session they passed a no sex with animals bill), homosexuality, transgendered people and where people poop and pee and shower and change clothes (locker rooms). And for some reason they think they can control these bodily functions legislatively.

The lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, aka Saint Evangelical, seems to be overly obsessed with where individuals go to the bathroom. So much he is apparently ready to fall on the proverbial sword to push this through the Texas Legislature.

Here’s what I’m thinking. What if educational institutions selected a strategically located facility in the building, and put a new sign on the door designating it

The I. P. Freely Bathroom sponsored by Saint Evangelical.

A cost savings suggestion is, just write it on the wall next to the facility. I think that is where the handwriting is. Besides, think how much money public schools could have to focus on teaching and learning rather than peeing and pooping.

“I see a bad moon rising…” Creedence Clearwater Revival. Photo by me. Looking out my backyard – also by CCR.

Keep your voter registration card current and your Texas photo voter ID too.

http://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/342556-bathroom-bill-opens-deep-rift-in-texas-gop

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Posted in Uncategorized, Education, Politics, Native Texan, humor

Tagged humor, Texas education, Dan Patrick, satire, Texas SB 6, Texas bathroom bill, Texas special session

Monday, May 29, 2017 – Memorial Day OKC TAMU WCWS and Sine Die, but Hold Your Bladders!

Posted on May 29, 2017 | Leave a comment

Monday, May 29, 2017 – Memorial Day OKC TAMU WCWS and Sine Die, but Hold Your Bladders!

Today let us pause at 3:00 PM local time for a moment of silence for all who sacrificed for our freedom to pursue life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. You are not forgotten.

Thank you vets that my pursuit of happiness is headed toward Oklahoma City (OKC) to see the Fighting Texas Aggie (TAMU) softball team win the Women’s College World Series (WCWS). No, I am not going. There are certain advantages to attending. For example,

being part of the excitement,
participating in the Fan Fest activities,
purchasing a T-shirt
seeing your team win or
supporting your team in a loss.

Of course there are advantages to staying home. For example, (in order they come to mind)

beer,
wine,
beer with no waiting line,
wine with no waiting line,
instant replay,
able to scream obscenities at umpires and coaches and not be expelled from your home,
able to pause game
a clean bathroom or at least you know who’s dirt it is
wine,
beer,
wearing an Aggie T-shirt you found on the floor that morning,
wearing the T-shirt you slept in,
wearing the shorts you had on yesterday,
not wearing foundation garments,
not sitting on the front row behind home plate exposing my fish belly white legs and giving the camera a view I do not want to expose on national TV, especially not wearing foundation garments,
no need for sunscreen,
beer,
wine,
two equal opportunity, available to all who have the urge to go bathrooms. Note: My RP retirement document is of special interest in the guest bathroom, but best of all,
Being a part of the 12th Man and watching the Aggies win the WCWS, able to dance throughout the house and sing War Hymn.

The WCSW begins in Oklahoma City on Thursday, June 1 on ESPN. FYI – These ain’t your church softball games. Watch some incredible athletes. Bet you haven’t seen girls throw like this before!

But wait, the lusty month of May is not yet over – especially for public schools. There are still more buses the public institution can be thrown under.

Today is Sine Die or the last day of the Texas Legislature.

But hold your bladders. We, Texans, still do not know where to go to the bathroom. So Dan, The Evangelical, is calling for a Special Legislative Session. Of course, he is blaming it on the Speaker of the House, Cajones Straus because Speaker Straus will not play with stupid legislation or those who support it. This of course is the Abbott and Castello Show of Texas. Could we just sine die both of you without assigning a day for a further meeting or hearing?

Am I the only one who finds irony in tax payers’ dollars funding a special legislative session regarding property taxes and where to potty places in public schools?