Tag Archives: Texas education

Wednesday, July 19, 2017 – Pack Up the Babies and Grab the Old Ladies; That’s Right, You’re Not from Texas

Wednesday, July 19, 2017 – Pack Up the Babies and Grab the Old Ladies; That’s Right, You’re Not from Texas

That’s right, you’re not from Texas, but Texas wants you anyway. Even though Lyle Lovett’s song suggests Texas wants you, we really do not. We have plenty of crazy people that already live here. Like most Southerners, we like crazy people and even enjoy sitting on the front porch and sharing a cocktail with them. In Texas we like crazy people so much we elect them to high level government positions.

This week in our great state capital, Austin, many of the crazy people once again congregate under the Dome of Decisions in a Special Session called by the Governor of Texas. One of the most pressing issues and urgent issues is to help us sort out where to void our bladders in public places associated with educational institutions. This is known as The Bathroom Bill or Senate Bill 6. So, paraphrasing the great Neil Diamond “Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies, cause everyone knows it’s Brother Dan’s Show.”

The entire Texas legislature seems to be obsessed with human body functions, like abortion, sex of any kind (yes, last session they passed a no sex with animals bill), homosexuality, transgendered people and where people poop and pee and shower and change clothes (locker rooms). And for some reason they think they can control these bodily functions legislatively.

The lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, aka Saint Evangelical, seems to be overly obsessed with where individuals go to the bathroom. So much he is apparently ready to fall on the proverbial sword to push this through the Texas Legislature.

Here’s what I’m thinking. What if educational institutions selected a strategically located facility in the building, and put a new sign on the door designating it

The I. P. Freely Bathroom sponsored by Saint Evangelical.

A cost savings suggestion is, just write it on the wall next to the facility. I think that is where the handwriting is. Besides, think how much money public schools could have to focus on teaching and learning rather than peeing and pooping.

“I see a bad moon rising…” Creedence Clearwater Revival. Photo by me. Looking out my backyard – also by CCR.

Keep your voter registration card current and your Texas photo voter ID too.


Tuesday, March 28, 2017 – STAAR – Assessment Tails Wagging the Dogs of Education. Academic Lockdown

Tuesday, March 28, 2017 – STAAR – Assessment Tails Wagging the Dogs of Education. Academic Lockdown.

This is for all educators across the school districts across Texas.

Good Morning Boys and Girls,

I hope you are rested, well-fed, anxiety free, and prepared for the state assessment tests beginning today. The fact that your educational future is dependent upon your performance on this test should be put far back into your mind.

My career as a public school administrator began in central office when it was TABS. Takes you back doesn’t it? Texas Assessment of Basic Skills if I recall. It was part of the 1984 education reforms.

When I moved to the Texas Education Agency (TEA) in 1989 my entire division’s opening lines for presentations to educational institutions were: “Good Morning, my name is _______ . I am from TEA and I have NOTHING to do with Assessment or PEIMS.”

However, what goes around comes around. Captain Hair Spray, then governor of Texas and now in charge of our nation’s energy and Texas A&M Student Body elections, line-item vetoed the entire agency where I then worked and removed $270 MILLION dollars ANNUALLY from public schools, public libraries and institutions of higher education. This single stroke of a pen sent me and many others spiraling downward into the pits of Assessments – probably located in the same level of Dante’s Hell as the politicians are.

Here is a look back on my career in assessment.

RP Unemployment – Scoring (we do not grade) assessment tests for $10.00 an hour or $11.50 an hour at night from 4:30PM – 10:30 PM. I would tell you more, but I might still be under Pearson non-disclosure papers. My therapist and I are still working through this repressive period of my life which I usually refer to as seeing “the asshole of education.” You talk about tax dollars at work – assessment is the place. And no, scoring is not always done by teachers or any other types of educators. If one can produce a piece of paper from an accredited educational institution with fancy writing and fog a mirror you are pretty much in.

I was fortunate to obtain a position in a central Texas school district as a central office administrator. Please, allow me to share my assessment experiences and your tax dollars at work.

One Year – I was An Assessment Bathroom Nazi – my role was to visit four assigned campuses in the morning and the same four in the afternoon. My duties were to relieve the individual guarding a bathroom for their 15 minute potty break. Please note there was another brigade of Assessment Lunch Nazis moving around their respective campuses to allow the actual test proctors a 30 minute lunch break. Also note that most of us driving around the district were highly paid central office administrators who also receive district mileage per diem.

One Year – I proctored the testing of a single 5th grade student in the campus’ computer lab. I suppose I was placed in that location because I was a technology administrator and he was placed there because he took his test via a tape recorder. This adorable young man was alone because his testing style accommodations included that he listened to the test via recordings.

For those not familiar with the ever changing testing rules, test proctors are not allowed to sit, eat, have a cell phone, check email if in computer lab, read, average grades and/or do anything else to be productive and alleviate the instant boredom for the next three and a half hours that sets in as soon as the student begins the test.

Remember the students are allowed to have snacks. I do not remember this extremely bright young man’s name, but at one point he looked at me and said “Dr. D. You look awful. Would you like some of my snacks?”

One Year – I proctored three fifth grade students in a classroom in a portable building. Just before I was to start reading the instructions at precisely at 8:30 AM – must be read verbatim at this time according to rules – I realized I had not signed out the instruction manual when I signed all of the other documents I had to sign that morning.

I think to myself – I am an experienced educator. I got this. “Hey, two boys and one girl. Seems I forgot something. Let’s all go back in the main building. I will get what I need and you can get a free bathroom break.” Off we go – still in single file – We are locked out of the main building. Remember, I do not get to take a cell phone.

Fast forward – Bang on outside door until somebody opens it; I sign document that says I forgot to pick up instruction manual; I must initial and resign document that I states I picked up instruction manual; students get free bathroom opportunity; I do not get to go and at 8: 38 AM verbatim instructions are read to three students.

10:05 AM– Campus counselor interrupts testing by knocking on door of portable classroom to inform me that I must be written up for not following rules and forgetting my instruction manual and not starting the test on time. I politely remind her that I came looking for her prior to the beginning of test, within time frame and she was off campus – also against the rules. “So I am going to have to write you up too, including the interruption of the test so you could tell me.”

Next morning – the truly awesome principal calls me in and together we discuss (i.e. Eye rolls over Starbucks) the two write ups – hers and mine. I still remember him saying as he shredded all of the write-ups “Assessment days suck! Well, I have to go earn my highly paid administrative salary and let Coach Jones go to the bathroom.”

That May I retired from education. Assessment – the Cesspool of Education.

Good luck, Boys and Girls. Good luck educators. And God Bless Texas and its Public School System.

April 1, 2016 – My New Part-Time Position

April 1, 2016 – My New Part-Time Position

Here’s What I’m Thinking.

Buddy Glasses

I have been thinking getting a part-time job. I noticed a need in school districts across Texas during the Spring Assessment Periods which began this week called STAAR. This is how springs are now spent in the public education system in Texas. Poor children expressing high levels of anxiety in fear of having to take, then possibility retake the assessment exam as a result of so much Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, I cannot even begin to describe.

Apparently school districts are going to have to keep tract of when, and for how long a student is gone while he or she goes to the bathroom during STAAR testing or as I like to call it – Academic Lockdown. This critically important data point in data analysis is part of the never ending stream of data the TEA is required to collect by the Village Idiots under the Dome as part of the “Let’s make them count the minutes in a school day.” And you thought the end of cursive writing was the downfall of public education.

I updated my resume to include more recent work experience to display my experience in bathrooms and urine. I believe this to make me uniquely qualified for such a position – which by the way – my position is sitting, which I understand is not allowed during test monitoring.


  • I go to the bathroom. Frequently. Usually when I want to, but on occasion, when I am not ready.
  • TT Toter – worked as temp in an urologist office in Austin, Texas during my unfortunate unemployment that was Perrily induced when $270 million annually generated revenue was taken from school districts, public libraries and institutions of higher education.
    • Responsibilities included: I actually filed files and faxed prescription renewals for Viagra to pharmacies, but there were times I did tote the TT. The TT doesn’t just flow to the lab on its own. Somebody has to walk it down there.
  • Dr. Bathroom Nazi in large urban school district in Central Texas.
    • Responsibilities included, but not limited to: driving to four campuses at 15 minute intervals to relieve the person guarding the bathroom so he or she could go potty. (Please note: I have a PhD and was being paid an exorbitant salary to do this on your dime, Mr. Taxpayer. Given the number of assessments, this was a responsibility for about 20 days each spring.
  • Actually worked for an unnamed assessment company scoring (we do not grade) a bazillion Fifth Graders responses to a single question, making $11.50/hr – also resultant of my unfortunate Perrily induced unemployment.

Non negotiables

  • Must make a very high and impressive salary to waste my time and your tax dollars.
  • Must have an Impressive Title – Examples:
    • Chief of Urine and Ur Not In
    • Number One in Charge of TT
    • Chief Executive Officer of Urine Patrol
    • You’re in Control Patrol
    • The Executive Director of Urinalysis Analysis Data Collector or
    • Something like that that has a certain stream or flow about it.

April Fool! I am not going to back to work.

Too bad the timed urine breaks during assessment and data collection are not part of an April Fool’s joke. One would think it would be, given all of the fools that created this legislatively and politically contrived mess call K-12 public education.

Ship wreck 2 (800x537)

Don’t forget – the only money maker in education is assessment!

Remember: Keep your voter registration card current; vote early and vote often; and God Bless Texas and teachers and school children of the state.



Monday January 25, 2016 – Teachers, May I Have Your Attention, Please? Pardon This Interruption.

Monday January 25, 2016 – Teachers, May I Have Your Attention, Please? Pardon This Interruption.

Remember when class room instructional time was interrupted by multiple daily announcements over the loud speaker system?

Pardon this interruption, Teachers. May I have your attention please? This is for all K-12 Educators, including but not limited to really good classroom teachers, technology coordinators, principals, assistant principals, supervisors, and central office administrators.

From the January 23, 2016 Bryan Eagle – plus all over social media

An eighth grader in a Texas ISD had to serve a day in suspension for carrying a friend having an asthma attack to the school nurse. He “was reprimanded because a teacher told him not to leave class.”

The girl had trouble breathing and fell to the floor. “The teacher contacted the nurse and awaited an email response.” THE TEACHER SENT THE NURSE AN EMAIL??? WTF? There is a child/student/person lying on your floor unable to breath and you sent an email to the nurse?

The teacher said “the boy said an expletive about not waiting for email and carried his friend to the nurse because he feared the girl would die.”

Ship wreck 2 (800x537)

Ship wreck – Photo by me – In Maine – I think.

I hope if I ever fall on the floor unable to breath that the eighth grader is there and not the teacher. Have you not passed your test to obtain certification in Common Sense?

Here’s what I’m thinking – the teacher should be suspended as in, without pay. But as Ron White says – “Can’t fix stupid.” Too bad it teaches our children.

PS – Girl OK and later sent a TEXT stating such.

Friday, April 3, 2015 – Snarky Friday – Assessment

Friday, April 3, 2015 – Snarky Friday – Assessment

To select this Friday’s snark about, I imagined the following as giant piñatas and I was beating the crap out of them – the state of Indiana, Ted Cruz or Assessment in Texas schools. The one with the most candy today was Assessment in Texas schools.

Last week was STAAR Testing in the Texas public school system. Assessement. Testing. What have you learned? How do we know? Can a test show what you know?

So this week’s Friday question to the Texas Legislature as always is – “What have you done for the people of Texas this week? Here is a list, including, but not limited to:

  • Increased anxiety levels among all school aged children
  • Increased anxiety levels among all parents and guardians of school aged children
  • Increased anxiety levels among all teachers and instructional assistants
  • Increased anxiety levels among all campus and district level administrators
  • Decreased instructional time in the classroom
  • Ineffectively utilized teachers and administrators throughout the educational system
  • Increased corporate earnings for Big P and others profiting off the children and the educational institution under the heading of “Assessment.”

After Captain Hairspray decided to take millions away from the boys and girls of Texas schools by closing The Form Factory where I was working, and put them toward your toll roads, I was unemployed. I was fortunate to secure a job in a nearby school district in a central office job to complete my educational career.On the educational side (not the business side) everyone at this level was Master’s Degree and higher.  There were about 25 of us.

During assessment week, or Academic Lockdown, as I like to call it, every one of us was out of our offices and on campuses. My job was to ride around the district visiting my four assigned campuses. I was a Bathroom Nazi.  My job was to go to a campus and give one of the people assigned to guard the bathroom a 15 minute break and/or a 30 minute lunch break. I would sit in front of the bathroom, with no book to read, no phone to look at or no music to listen to because these and about a hundred other items are forbidden in the testing rules. I was happy to have a chair to sit in.

My job was to ensure only one student entered at a time and only stayed a reasonably allotted time.  When the campus bathroom Nazi returned, I would leave and drive to another campus and do the same routine. I did this for four days.

These are your tax dollars at work.  And this model is carried out throughout the state in over the 1000+ by God Independent School Districts.

And if you think that is scary, guess what I did while unemployed?  I scored assessment tests. As they say in show business – You ain’t heard nothing yet!

Oh yes – the Texas Education Agency (TEA) is a good place to share your thoughts regarding assessment, but please do not place blame this mess on the agency.  As all state agencies are required, it is just following the laws set forth by the Texas Legislatures.  So if you desire change contact your representatives.

Maybe a new state education slogan could be: Texas Education: Where Every Child is Assessed!

God Bless Texas and God Bless Texas Education. Feel free to substitute your own belief structure.