Category Archives: Misc.

Backstory for the new kids on the blog – I write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. If your team is not mentioned let me know and I take it under consideration.

First from the West Coast – USC versus Oregon – I don’t even know the score, but you both receive the Rubber Duck Award.

Next on the list we have the Small 12 Conference or The Land of No Defenses.

THE University of Texas survived the plains of Lubbock with a victory over Tortilla Tech. (THE University 45 TT 37.) My favorite team is whoever is playing Tech. Tech (800x600)

Oklahoma State 43 K-State 37. Mullet Mike and The Cowboys survive. Both of you win a Poopy Undies Award for scaring your fans.

The Kick Off to Tip Off Awards goes to Baylor and TCU for posting a basketball score of TCU 62 Baylor 22 on the opening weekend of college basketball season. And the score was not the only Uglies coming from Waco.

An Ugly Uniform Award goes to Baylor. Fifty shades of Waco is not becoming. Gray is not colorful. Neither is black as in the black cloud of ugly that seems to be a stationary front over the institution. Therefore, Baylor also receives the Frozen Award – Let It Go!

Look, Bears Pooping in the Woods, it is bad enough without constant reminders of ugly. Please do not hang dirty laundry out your windows. Who gets the sales from the T-shirts? cab-sign-out-suit-copy-800x600 Focus on the low level bowl game invitation you will now receive.

Letting go of that, let’s move on to the Top 10 and the SEC where games are more exciting and stressful.

The Bringing Home the Alligator Bacon goes to the Hogs of Arkansas! (Arkansas 31 Florida 10) Sooey Pig over 11th ranked Florida. Another favorite team is whoever is playing any school from Florida.

To players Chip Kelly of Ole Miss; Trevor Knight and Myles Garrett of Texas A&M, the Nebraska QB and all the others: All of you receive the Heal Quickly Award. Will miss you next weekend, Chip. I wanted to see you play against the Aggies.

And now the top tiered top ten college football awards. These 10 teams are listed according to today’s AP listings. Tomorrow we see who The Selection Committee votes for the Who’s In Top Four. Larry Culpepper and Dr. Pepper seem to be winning above all the others.

# 1 Alabama and LSU – (Bama 10 – LSU 0) Please share the following awards:

Best Football Game of the Weekend
A Special Edition of Poopy Undies Award
The “I Did Not Know I Could Hold My Breath for 47 Minutes” Award.
Defense – please share your videos with schools of the schools of the Small 12 Conference and perhaps these others listed below.

# 2 Michigan Maryland (Michigan 59 MD 3.) Michigan wins the Turtle Wax Award for waxing the Terrapins. Wolverines like turtles.

# Clemson and Syracuse (Clemson 54 Syracuse 0) – Clemson Wins the Too Much Orange on the Field Award.

# 4 Washington and Cal (formerly known as Berkley.) (Washington 66 Cal 27) Huskies receive the In the Right Rankings Now Award.

# 5 Louisville and Boston College (Louisville 52 BC 7) – Lamar Looking Heisman Good Award.

# 6 Ohio State and Nebraska (Ohio State 62 Nebraska 3) – The Huskers receive the Fun While It Lasted Award. Corn headwear really looks stupid when you lose to a nut named Bucky.

The Really Don’t Deserve an Award goes to the following:

# 7 Wisconsin and Northwestern (Wisconsin 21 Northwestern 7) – Badgers preparing for a bowl game where it is warm.

# 8 AUBURN? AUBURN! A hair color? You beat Vanderbilt by a touchdown 23 – 16! ROLL TIDE!

# 9 OU versus Iowa State (OU 34 Iowa State 24) – Bedlam is coming soon and The Cowboys are coming with it!

Coming in at # 10 is Texas A&M – where the Aggies should have been in the first place. (Texas A&M 28 Mississippi State 35) What a shipwreck in Starksville.

Aggies you receive a Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Award because we sucked as bad as the referees. Even I saw the block in the back on Captain Kirk’s punt return. Aggies win Pooper Scooper Award for leaving lots of it on the field.

Pooper Scoopers (800x599)

Nevertheless, “We are the Aggies; the Aggies are we…” and we do not lose – time on the clock runs out. We got your back, Jake! barn-n-park-9-22-16-2016-09-22-041-800x530

Tomorrow we see who the College Football Selection Committee votes for and who the citizens of The United States of America votes for. Please do not forget to cast your ballot. PS – we do not get to vote with the Selection Committee.

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Posted in College Football, Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Politics, Texas Aggies, Uncategorized

Tagged Alabama, Auburn, Baylor, Baylor Bears, Baylor football, Big 12 Conference, college football, Crimson Tide, LSU, Oklahoma State University, TCU, Texas A&M, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech, The University of Texas

Friday, November 4, 2016 – The Friday Football Snark – Who’s In?

Posted on November 4, 2016 | 1 comment

Friday, November 4, 2016 – The Friday Football Snark – Who’s In?

The College Football Selection Committee announced on Tuesday, “Who’s In?” These are the four football teams that would match up for a national championship if the season ended on Tuesday. But the season did not end on Tuesday. Nor will it end on Saturday, but the Who’s In can change.

Before we see Who’s In, let’s begin with Who’s UP and Who are you?

Who is (are) the Idiots of Sports Programming who schedule football games at 11:00 am in the morning?

Moving along to Who’s Out? – These are the teams currently deemed out of contention for a National Championship in college football. However, one or two may go to a nice bowl game while the remaining will play in lesser bowl games in prime vacation spots like Shreveport, Louisiana. Well, you can go to the casinos.

From the Who’s Out from the Small 12 Conference:

Falling backwards to yesterday, OU defeated Iowa State 34 to 24. Do not forget to “fall back” and set your clocks back this weekend.

Coming to you live from Lubbock, Texas at the unholy hour of 11:00 am on FS 1 THE University of Texas plays Tortilla Tech. Flying breakfast tacos. Tech (800x600)

This should be an offensive delight. Hook ‘Em Hippies!

At the reasonable hour of 2:30 FOX brings us Baylor and TCU. This would have been more exciting if last weekend had not happened to both teams.

On ABC @ 2:30 the Cowboys of Oklahoma State play the Wildkats of Kansas State. FYI, Ms. Navasota – Bill Snyder is alive. Love you, Pistol Pete!

Who’s In? And Who Could Be In?

Surprising all of football and delighting all of Aggieland, the #4 Texas A&M Aggies play the Mississippi State Bulldogs. This is at the ridiculous hour of 11:00 AM on the “you must pay for it with your cable” the SECN. One game at a time Aggies! Vote for Conner McQueen for President! Trevor Knight for VP. Platform: “Gig ‘Em!”

Following the Aggies on ESPN @ 2:30 the Terrapins of Maryland play #3 Michigan. Please, oh please – The Turtle and the Hare! Maryland, My Maryland!

At the same time (2:30) on ABC in the Game of Orange we have Syracuse and # 2 Clemson. Go Round Orange Thing!

Otto the Orange

At 5:00 we have an Aggie Women’s Basketball Exhibition Game with Oklahoma City University @ Reed Arena. Go Lashes! No TV, but most of the season is on SEC.

Lashes 2 (800x450)

Returning home just in time for an evening of excitement:

On ABC at 7:00 Nebraska plays # 6 OHIO State. Go Huskers. Nobody likes nuts in their cornbread and Ohio uses plain bread to make dressing. Dreadful!

But rocking Baton Rouge at 7:00 PM on CBS the # 1 Alabama Tide rolls into Death Valley to meet the Tigers of LSU. So sorry dear Tide friends – but I gotta go with family on this one! Tiger Boogie! GEAUX Tigers!

And should you still be awake at 9:30 the # 5 Washington Huskies play the Bears of Cal on ESPN. Go BEARS! Beer Bear

12Th Man Statue – North Entrance to Kyle Field. College Station, Texas. Photo by me.

BTHO Mississippi State!

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Posted in college basketball, College Football, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged Alabama, Baylor, Baylor football, Big 12 Conference, Clemson, College Football; Texas Aggies, Crimson Tide, LSU, Michigan, Ohio State University, Oklahoma State University, The University of Texas

Wednesday, November 2, 2016 – Today I …

Posted on November 3, 2016 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, November 2, 2016 – Today I…

Played golf
Voted
Came Home
Took a shower

I think there is a correlation among those four activities.

new-pic

Please do not forget to cast your ballot.

Go Cubs.

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Posted in Misc., Politics

Tuesday, November 1, 2016 – One Week Away – Logophobia

Posted on November 1, 2016 | 2 comments

Tuesday, November 1, 2016 – One Week Away

I hope you and your neighborhood had a safe and candy-filled Halloween. I passed out tequila shots and cigarettes again this year. The children did not seem too happy, but the parents really enjoyed it.

But onward thru the fog…

Good Morning, Class,

Our vocabulary word for today is “logophobia.” It is a noun meaning an obsessive fear of words.

Your logophobic words for today are:

Emails

Servers

Hackers

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Clinton(s)

Obama(s)

Trump(s)

Wiener

Change

VOTE

Quote: There is just one cure for logophobia and that is self-scrutiny—to discover whether one’s reaction to a given term when seen in a newspaper or heard from a platform is really justified by the true significance. “Logophobia,” The Nation, August 23, 1919.

Austin Graffitti Wall 8.24.13 2013-08-24 008

Austin Graffitti Wall Austin, Texas – 8.24.13 – Photo by me.

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Posted in Education, humor, Misc., Politics

Tagged Donald Trump, FBI, Hillary Clinton

Monday, October 31, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Trick or Treat!

Posted on October 31, 2016 | 2 comments

Monday, October 31, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Trick or Treat!

College football on Saturday was indeed trick or treat. Some teams got the treat while others got the trick. The college football playoffs begins to heat up. Let’s begin.

With all due respect to Jimmy Fallon and his Friday night Thank You Notes –

The Thank You Note Awards go to:

Thank you, Texas, for beating Baylor 34 to 35 to knock the Bears out of The AP Top Ten, the possibility of a Baylor/Texas A&M Bowl game, and playoff possibilities. Hook ‘Em Hippies! To you Baylor, Aggies truly understand your feelings watching the Horn-kicked football split the uprights during the last seconds.
Thank you, Auburn, for beating the stuffing out of Ole Miss and giving the Rebels a second SEC West loss and making the Texas A&M/Ole Miss game exciting.
Thank you Wyoming, for beating Boise State 30 to 28 ensuring we will not have to look at the seizure blue field of Boise State on TV.
Thank you Tortilla Tech for beating TCU 27 to 24 in double OT. Because it is Halloween, Tortilla Tech is awarded The One-Eyed; one-horned flying purple people eater award for sending the Frogs out of contention.
Thank you Oklahoma State for beating West Virginia 37 to 20 and keeping a shred of dignity and possibility of winning the Small 12 Conference.

Next we have the Slip and Slide Away Awards. This award is presented to teams who had victory escape from them in the closing moments of the game. In addition all of these teams receive a Poopy Undies Award. Moving down field the Slip and Slide Away and Poopy Undies Awards are presented to:

Michigan 32 Michigan State 23
Louisville 32 Virginia 25
Ohio State 24 Northwestern 20
Washington 34 Utah 24
Wisconsin 23 Nebraska 17
Clemson 37 Florida State 34

In the SEC Alabama beat Bye Week University and LSU was victorious over Bye University @ Baton Rouge. Wonder what will happen this Saturday.

The final award today goes to The Best Football Team in the state of Texas – The Fighting Texas Aggies! The Aggies of Texas A&M beat the Aggies of New Mexico State 52 to 10 causing national sports announcers to say things like:

“Texas A&M is a bona fide National Playoff Contender.”

barn-n-park-9-22-16-2016-09-22-041-800x530

It is Halloween and statements like that scare me to pieces. Happy Halloween.

Gig ‘Em Aggies and BTHO Mississippi State.

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Posted in College Football, Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged Alabama, Auburn, Baylor, Baylor football, College Football; Texas Aggies, Crimson Tide, Jimmy Fallon, LSU, Oklahoma State University, Ole Miss, TCU, The University of Texas

Tuesday, October 25, 2016 – Eclectic Tuesday and GO VOTE!

Posted on October 25, 2016 | 2 comments

Tuesday, October 25, 2016 – Eclectic Tuesday and GO VOTE!

I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamed that Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize for Literature, the Chicago Cubs were playing the Cleveland Indians in baseball’s World Series, marijuana was becoming legal and a woman was elected president of the United States. It was almost as though the dreams of hippies from the sixties became real.

Atrium (586x800)

Please go exercise your right and privilege and GO VOTE!

RIP Tom Hayden. Go CUBS!

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Posted in humor, Misc., Politics

October 22, 2016 – BTHO Alabama – Little Aggie Alter

Posted on October 22, 2016 | 1 comment

October 22, 2016 – BTHO Alabama – My Little Aggie Alter

To the Saints of College Football – Saint Touchdown and any other saints that can help beat Alabama.

The battery life of my flameless candle is four hours non stop. Please let the Texas Aggies play non stop flawless football for four hours.

Don’t you just love my crafty candle? I know you all thought it was professionally made, but I did make it myself. You all know how crafty I am.

WHOOP!

Gig ‘Em Aggies!

BTHO Alabama!

aggie-alter-800x450

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Posted in College Football, Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged Alabama, college football, College Football; Texas Aggies, Crimson Tide, Texas A&M Football

Friday, October 14, 2016 – Snarky Friday. Remember the Alamo!

Posted on October 14, 2016 | Leave a comment

Friday, October 14, 2016 – Snarky Friday. Remember the Alamo!

Lawdy Mercy, Honey Chile, I am a fretting like Aunt Pity Pat when the Yankees were coming. Alabama or Tennessee? There would not have been a Texas if there had not been a Tennessee. True and to the misinformed person holding a Game Day sign last weekend – The Vols did NOT cost Texas the Alamo. They were not even Volunteers until the Civil War. Learn your history. But one never hears “There would not have been a Texas if there had not been an Alabama.” There were many more defenders of The Alamo from Tennessee than Alabama. There were way more Mexicans too, but I digress.

If Tennessee upsets the #1 Crimson Tide, it means the #6 Texas Aggies travel to Tuscaloosa the following weekend to meet a really pissed off Alabama. If the Tide rolls over the Volunteers, it means the Texas Aggies travel to Tuscaloosa for a meeting of undefeated teams which could decide the SEC West and even the National Championship. Where are my salts? AKA – Tito’s.

Alabama and Tennessee at 2:30 on CBS – YUK – That probably means V. Lunquist and Gary Johnson will call the game. Mr. Johnson, I am confident that no one cares what plays you would have called. You are in the broadcast booth and not on the field.

That evening on ABC at 6:00 PM CT in a Showdown of the Big Ten we find #8 Wisconsin badgering to stop #2 The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

In between these two deciding games, we have Baylor hosting Kansas on FS1 at 2:30 and OU hosting Kansas State on ESPN at 11:00 AM. On The Longhorn Network, we have THE University of Texas hosting the ever popular Iowa State Cyclones at 6:00 PM. Remember when the Big 12 Teams used to be exciting?

Alabama or Tennessee? I am going with…

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee… I think that mountain top is called Rocky Top.

“The rest of you may go to Hell. I’m going to Texas!” Davy! Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier!