Category Archives: humor

Wednesday, January 2, 2019 – And Then There Was One

Posted on January 2, 2019 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, January 2, 2019 – And Then There Was One

One college football game left. Roll Tide.

Congratulations to LSU, Oklahoma State, Ohio State, and Kentucky on their bowl wins. To any fans from Pennsylvania, your teams must win their bowl games before they are mentioned.

Congratulations to THE University of Texas for their win over Georgia in the Sugar Bowl 28-21. This game was over when Bevo decided to have a pregame snack of an UGA Hot Dawg. Try that with the Miss Reveille, Bevo and you’ll be a steak.

To Georgia: What the hell? The next time you play a major bowl against a major team, may I suggest the following:

    • Bring your head to the game
    • Take your head out of your nether region
    • Use your head to play football
    • Do not underestimate a good team. Almost beating Alabama does not end the season.
    • Do not embarrass the SEC. Texas marched through you like Sherman! The tank, not the general.

To The University, again congratulations. It does indeed appear that The University (TU) is back to original form.

To the mouths talking in the booth last night and everyone else who was a booth mouth during the bowl games:

  • Call the damn football game!
  • Learn the name of the team – it is Oklahoma State or OSU – NOT OKState. You should have known that before your Twitter account exploded from the Oklahoma State fans.
  • No one cares how you played when you were playing.
  • No one cares what play you would have called.
  • No one really cares about your opinions on anything.
  • You do not need to give me the players/coaches profile from day one of their lives.
  • You do not have to fill then entire time between plays with mindless chatter.
  • I heard you the first time. And the second and probably the third time you repeated and/or rephrased what you just said.
  • Please do not refer to Sam Ehlinger as similar to Tim Tebow or anybody else. He is the pride and hope of The University of Texas and he is like Sam Ehlinger.
  • Next year go interview Bevo before the game. Maybe he will show you how the cow ate the New Year’s cabbage.

Only one more football game so it is time to move on to the bouncing round ball. Guess who has a ticket tomorrow night for Baylor and UCONN? See you, Geno!

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, Education, humor, LSU, Native Texan

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Tuesday, January 1, 2019 – Happy Whooping New Year!

Posted on January 1, 2019 | 1 comment

Tuesday, January 1, 2019 – Happy Whooping New Year!

Well, Skit. Skat. And how bout that?

How about them Aggies? Chomp. Chomp. What away to start a new year!

Congratulations to The Texas Aggie Football team, Coach Jimbo Fisher and Traveon Williams for a great game. Record setting runs for Traveon.

What a game for Cullen Gillespia? The epitome of The Twelfth Man.

Jimbo’s first year: 9 wins and four losses. Losses to Clemson by two and Alabama was scared. Time ran out against Mississippi State and Auburn. And then there was the LSU game followed by a convincing Gator Bowl victory. Not bad, Jimbo.

The final result? As many Aggie shirts now read:

It’s not the way it used to be!

WHOOP!

But that was last year. Today I have on my LSU Tiger T-shirt. It is the formal one with the mardi gras bead design. GEAUX TIGERS!

I am headed to have the traditional New Year’s black eyed peas and cornbread and New Year’s Day football watching. Speaking of Day, here’s to my friend Kathy who achieved a bucket list item today– Seeing Ohio State play in the Rose Bowl. I’ll watch for you KD.  Please wave to me and Ms. Navasota.

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, college football, humor, Jimbo Fisher, LSU, LSU Tigers, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Monday, December 31, 2018 – Mamma Called or The Last Time the Aggies were in the Gator Bowl

Posted on December 31, 2018 | 1 comment

Monday, December 31, 2018 – Mamma Called or The Last Time the Aggies were in the Gator Bowl

“Mamma called. And when Mama calls, you just have to come runnin.”

Let’s get in the Wayback Machine and return to December 28, 1957. It was a time of floor length formals with frills, white elbow length gloves and the Bowl Queens and their Courts who wore them.

This appears to be a 30 minute promo of the Gator Bowl in 1957. https://youtu.be/EedQfNyCc24 Lots of Gator Bowl Queens, the Tennessee Band, and a little bit of football footage. I wonder if there will be speed boat races this year.

The Texas Aggies were 8-0 and in contention for the National Championship. At one point they had been ranked Number One for three weeks in a row. The running back was Heisman Trophy Winner, John David Crow.

Reverse the Wayback Machine to October 26. Alabama lost to Mississippi State 25 to 13. The Alabama coach, J.B.” Ears” Whitworth was fired. Rumors began to fly down the railroad tracks to College Station. The coach of the Texas Aggies, Paul “Bear” Bryant might leave! Bryant played blocking end for Alabama and graduated in 1936 with a B.S. degree.

The Aggies came undone. The Aggies would lose to Rice (when it was the William M. Rice Institute for the Advancement of the Literature, Science and Art) and to The University of Texas. The Rice quarterback was the great King Hill.

Jimmy Wright, back-up Aggie quarterback, 1954-1956, is quoted to have said “When starting Aggie quarterback, Roddy Oborne threw an interception in the Arkansas game, and Coach Bryant did not say anything, I knew he was gone.”

Because of the losses to Rice and Texas the Aggies dropped out of contention. The Aggies received an invitation to the Gator Bowl in Jacksonville, Florida. It was like the Miss Congeniality of football games at that time. It was not the Rose Bowl. It was not the Cotton Bowl. It was not the Orange Bowl. It was not the Sugar Bowl. Those were the big games. But the Gator Bowl had just enlarged its stadium. It would now seat 43,000.

The Aggies’ opponent was Number 13 ranked The University of Tennessee. In a lackluster, no Aggie spirit, The Volunteers won with a field goal with 5:30 remaining in the fourth quarter to win 3-0.

It would be the last game for Bear Bryant at Texas A&M. The Aggies would not go to a bowl game again until 1968. Paul Bear Bryant would go to Alabama and as they proverbially say “the rest is history.”

When asked why he was going to go to Alabama Bryant was quoted to have said “Mamma called. And when Mama calls, you just have to come runnin.”

And THE University of Texas in 1957? The Horns played Ole Miss (an SEC team) in the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans. It was Darryl K. Royal’s first year as head coach. They lost 39-7 to the Rebels. Hotty Toddy!

BTHO North Carolina State

Go Dawgs!

Happy New Year!

 

 

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

Posted on December 30, 2018 | Leave a comment

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

It is the eve of New Year’s Eve; ah bitter chill it was. Wait that is The Eve of St. Agnes by Keats when the bitter chill takes place. That is not until January 20. We also have Alfred Lord Tennyson’s version St. Agnes’ Eve. I guess plagiarism was not as evident back then.

Speaking of saints, chills, and Tennyson, how about that Charge of the Light Brigade by Notre Dame yesterday? Half a yard; half a yard; half a yard onward into the valley of death rode the Irish. Notre Dame could not summon enough saints and begorrah to even make it interesting. At least Oklahoma tried a comeback. I told you that ND does not do well in a bowl with Cotton in its name.

Here’s what I’m thinking. Next football season why don’t Clemson and Alabama play to start the season? That can be their very own personal national football championship. Then in January of 2020 two other teams can have a shot at the big trophy stick. Other fans would like to wear tacky national championship hats too.

Tomorrow, actual New Year’s Eve starts the SEC Bowl Conference. Tomorrow we find Missouri versus Oklahoma State and Unranked North Carolina versus the fighting Texas Aggies.

These games are followed by LSU, Mississippi State, Kentucky and Georgia.

And to get thee to a summary. The entire Pride of the Big 12 Conference rests between Oklahoma State and THE University of Texas. Missouri is peaking and it depends on which Oklahoma State takes the field. But Georgia is really pissed off. Those Dawgs are mad dawgs. Run Bevo!

Tomorrow – The Aggies and UT in the Gator Bowl 1957 history. Yes, the SEC – it just means more!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Jimbo Fisher, LSU, LSU Tigers, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, December 28, 2018 – The College Football Sneaky Snarky Friday

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Friday, December 28, 2018 – The College Football Sneaky Snarky Friday

Congratulations to the Baylor Bears in their victory over the Vanderbilt Commodores by a whopping score of 45 to 38 in the Academy Sport and Outdoors Texas Bowl. Perhaps if you both field defensive squads next year, you can up your bowl game. Vandy, your defense looked it was Lionel Richie and the Commodores.

Earlier that day in the Walk-on Independence Bowl Duke realized it really is a basketball school and walked on in the second half to score some 45 unanswered points to win over Temple 56- 27.

In the New Era Pinstripe Bowl Wisconsin beat the Miami Hurricanes down to a Category Zero by a score of 35 to 3. May I suggest for a new era, you do not name a football game after a fabric pattern?

Today as I key this we have Purdue and Auburn playing in the Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl. Auburn? Purdue? Take a Nap? Hmm.

By the evening hours we begin to drift into the Better Big Boy Big School Bowls. These are the bigger games with top players.

It is during this time period we the multitude of players who get to play in The I Did Something Stupid and Made Poor Choices Bowl and/or The I’m Not Playing for My School Because I’m Going to Combine and Will Make Millions and You’re Not Bowl.

Let’ start with the West Virginia Hillbillies and Syracuse in the Camping World Bowl. Expect the usual tacky, home-spun looking WVA uniforms and some visually unaesthetic orange from Syracuse.  Hope the second string QB for WVA is ready.

If anyone is interest you can watch Iowa State and Washington State in the Valero Alamo Bowl. This does not begin until 8:00 so it is necessary to get a proper amount of sleep because Saturday starts the games with the best of the best.

Saturday begins with Florida and Michigan at noon in the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl. This sounds like Hooter girls making a peach cobbler bowl.

At the 3:00 hour we have the Creepy Leprechaun and the Halo Gold Helmets on the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame and another variation on orange on the Clemson Tigers. This is the Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic in the first of the College Playoff Semi-final Game. Not to worry. The game is Jerry World in Arlington and not the old Cotton Bowl Stadium where bowl games go to be canceled. Just a quick reminder to Notre Dame – you don’t play well in The Cotton Bowl regardless of where it is played. Clemson doesn’t need all of their players to beat you.

The second College Playoff Semi-final Game is the Capital One Orange Bowl at 7:00. We have the University of Oklahoma and the University of Alabama. Like Clemson, Alabama does not need all of players to beat anyone either. Why does OU go by OU when it should be UO? I don’t know.

Anyway you have OUUA or UOUA. or UAOU.  They all rhyme with Tua. ROLL TIDE!

 

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Thursday, December 27, 2018 – The Winding Down of 2018

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Thursday, December 27, 2018 – The Winding Down of 2018

We approach the last days of 2018 and the last of the college football bowls in the mediocrity category.

Assuming you were not blown away by last evenings’ thunderstorms, you were able to watch the Injured Quarterbacks’ Interception Bowl between TCU and Cal – formerly known as Berkley in the Cheez-it Bowl. The commercials with the big, yellow cheese round were better than the game. In OT the Frogs defeated the Bears 10-7.

Hey Coach Purple Patterson? I gave never coached a football game in my life. Not even Peewee league or girls’ flag football. I am anatomically unable to even wear a jock strap. But what you did with the field goal kickers makes me wonder about your coaching strategies and understanding of players. With an opportunity to win the game in regulation, you really showed your big ass. Who yells at the freshman field goal kicker; then takes him out; yells some more during the timeout; then puts him back in where he promptly misses? Then when given a second chance you send in another field goal kicker. But TCU did win and claim a victory for the Big 12. It may be the only one the conference will claim.

Speaking of the storms across Texas, the First Responders Bowl between Boston College and Boise State was the first bowl game ever canceled. HWIT – given the intensity of the storms all of the first responder in the Dallas Metroplex were needed.

Currently we have Temple and Duke playing in the Walk On Independence Bowl in Shreveport, Louisiana. It is being played during the day because no one really cares until the schools’ basketball teams reach March Madness.

In another ‘who cares’ bowl game we have the Pin Stripe Bowl between Miami and Wisconsin.

But at 8:00 on ESPN the last hope of the Big 12 Conference is the Academy Sports and Outdoors Texas Bowl between Baylor and Vanderbilt. The old tight wad, Commodore Cornelius Vanderbilt only did one altruistic endeavor in his life time. He lent his name and money to the founding of the Vanderbilt University. Subsequent Vanderbilt generations, like the poor little Gloria would have to sell blue jeans to support the family.

Good luck to the Baylor Bears and the Vanderbilt Commodores. This reminder to Baylor, Oklahoma State, THE University of Texas and Oklahoma -the SEC – it just means more. And that means bigger, faster, stronger and overall just better!

Yep, Baylor, you are the last hope for the Big 12. Otherwise, TCU will be the only Big 12 winner. I know Iowa State is in a bowl game, but do you even know anybody who went to Iowa State?

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Posted in Alabama, college basketball, College Football, Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan

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Friday, December 21, 2018 – My Christmas Game

Posted on December 21, 2018 | 2 comments

Friday, December 21, 2018 – My Christmas Game

It is the shortest day of the year. Therefore I must hurry and write this while there is still light.

Should your family enjoy playing games and participating in contests as mine does on Christmas Eve, then the following is for you. Play with your family, have fun and deny it until there are pictures.

The No Voice, You Just Think You Can Dance, You’ve Got No Talent, Dancing with No Stars, Survivor, Big Brother Reality Christmas Game

Needed

  • Two teams; three judges; one score/time keeper, one videographer (optional)
  • One bag of marshmallows, 2 red Solo cup hats, 2 sheets of paper and 2 pencils/markers
  • There are 10 cards – one for each round of play, plus one tie-breaker if needed. Otherwise it is known as the LAST CARD. Each card tells the number of participants needed to complete the activity; the number of points available and then the activity to be performed.

How to Play

  • Divide into two teams. Decide which team will go first. The first team to go selects someone to go first.
  • He/she draws an activity card. He/she reads the number of people needed to perform; the type of activity; the number of points available and the activity to be performed.
  • The activity is judged by the judges and/or or the number of points are awarded in timed activities.
  • The team with the most points wins.
  • All activities must be performed or done in one minute or less.

Scoring

  • Judges use their hands to score 0 to 10. Judges scores are totaled and recorded by the scorekeeper.
  • Then Team Two must perform the exact same activity to be scored by the judges.

Next Round

Team Two must go first with Team One performing second.

Additional rules

  • In the event the contestant is unable to remember song lyrics or poetry stanzas, the contestant must make it up.
  • Only props within range of vision can be used. If you cannot see it, then you cannot use it.
  • Alcohol strongly suggested prior to playing this game.

ACTIVITY CARDS

Timed Activity – SOLO

Scoring: Least amount of time

Activity: At the start of the timekeeper, sing the chorus of Jingle Bells as fast as you can using only one breath.

Performance Activity – Three People

Scoring: Judges’ scores

Activity: One person sings Jingle Bell Rock while the other two create an impromptu dance routine.

Performance Activity – Two or more People Needed

Scoring: Judges’ scores

Activity: One person sings Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer while the other persons act it out.

Performance Activity: Two People

Scoring: Judges’ scores

One person recites A Visit from St. Nicholas (aka The Night Before Christmas) while the other person pantomimes.

Performance Activity – SOLO

Scoring: Judges/Timekeeper

Activity: You have one minute to draw a picture of the Christmas tree.

Performance Activity – ENTIRE TEAM

Scoring: Judges’ scores and 5 additional points if the dancers are co-ed.

Activity: Pretend you are the Radio City Music Hall Rocketts. Perform a dance routine including a high kick.

Performance Activity – Candy Cane Catch – Two Players

Scoring: 10 points to team who does not break their candy cane.

Activity: Players stand facing one another about one foot apart and toss a candy cane back and forth USING THEIR OPPOSITE HAND. Right-handers throw with their left. With each toss each player must take one step backward. Play continues until player misses their cane or the cane breaks.

Performance Activity: Sugar Plum Pole Dancers – 2-3 people

Scoring: Judges’ scores and 5 additional points if the dancers are coed.

Activity: Dance like you are the Sugar Plum Pole Dancers

Performance Activity: Christmas Conga Line – TEAM

Scoring: Judges’ scores

Activity: Sing a Christmas song while dancing around in a Conga line

Performance Activity: 2 people

Scoring: Judges’ scores

Activity: Make up a Christmas song and sing it in format of your choice as a duet. Example: country, rap, opera, blues, etc.

TIE BREAKER or THE LAST CARD

Performance Activity: Marshmallow Toss – TEAM

Scoring: Most marshmallows in cup

Activity: One player from each team ties a red solo cup to their head. Both players kneel about six feet from their team. Team members try to toss the marshmallows into the red Solo cup.

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Posted in Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Wednesday, December 19, 2018 – Five More Days Till Santee Claus Comes

Posted on December 19, 2018 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, December 19, 2018 – Five More Days Till Santee Claus Comes

I am so happy that I am finished with my shopping. It is going to be a surprise for the gnieces and gnephews. The surprise is that they are not getting anything. They all probably make more money that I do. Of course they do not have the luxury of sitting on their butt if they chose to do so.

They will each have a little something to open, but no big gifts. The big gift is MINE! If they are nice I might let them touch my new 2 in 1 computer. I am very excited. However, I fear that with my furniture that has USB ports, I may never move.

And now a public service announcement regarding the upcoming holidays from Peach the Cat’s biped humanoid.

  • Drive safely; Don’t Text
  • Remember controlled prescription drugs cannot be refilled over the weekend
  • And Thank You, AFT! Remember NO LIQUOR STORES OPEN ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND NEW YEAR”S DAY

You are welcome!

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Posted in humor, Native Texan

Friday, December 14, 2018 – Where Have You Gone Joe DiMaggio?

Posted on December 14, 2018 | Leave a comment

Friday, December 14, 2018 – Where Have You Gone Joe DiMaggio?

Oops. Wrong sport. Where have you gone Snarky Football Friday?

It is difficult to snark about college football when no games are being played. But tomorrow kicks off the Bowl Games. Here’s a quick reminder to assist you in your viewing of the increasingly growing number of college bowl games with stupid names. The further away from New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day the game is, the crappier the teams and games. In fact, some of these should be called Bowel Games. But hey it’s football.

Tomorrow we begin with the New Mexico Bowl Game between Utah State and North Texas on ESPN at 1:00. This is Utah State University whose mascot is Big Blue and not the Utes or the Cougars from BYU. I actually thought Big Blue was Michigan, but maybe Joseph or Brigham took the name with them. Big Blue is one of those anthropomorphic mascots (i.e. a person in a costume). At one time the university actually had a real live bull that was painted blue. But I think the Donner Party ate it. In spite of Utah State being a land grant school and thus Aggies, I’m going with Eagles of UNT.

In an instate battle between Louisiana schools we have the Autonation Cure Bowl between Tulane and Louisiana at 12:30 on CBSSN. The Green Wave versus Ragin Cajuns. This is being played in Camping World Stadium, but it is in Orlando Florida. However, I do not like to camp and watch football. I do like the name of this bowl – the Autonation Cure. Because I think the nation definitely needs some curing so I hope this helps.

In the Mitsubishi Motors Las Vegas Bowl we find Arizona State (no that is not Sumlin’s school) and Fresno State 2:30 ABC. Should be colorful costumes and/or uniforms.

Raycon Media Camellia Bowl Georgia Southern State University and Eastern Michigan University at 4:30 on ESPN. HWIT – PETA should be alerted because this means GASO versus EMU so it sounds like the emus are in danger of being gassed. Also, I Googled Raycom and only found headphones/earbuds. So I do not know why there a football bowl game named after headphones and the wife of Prince Charles’ of England.

At 8:00 on ESPN we have Middle Tennessee and Appalachian State in the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl. I don’t what the R+L Carriers carry, but who cares? The game is in New Orleans. We can all have gumbo and cocktails and pretend we are in NOLA!

There are more bowl games next week. I must research the Cheribundi Boca Raton Bowl. Cheribundi? Is this Al Bundy’s sister? Perhaps it is similar to Cowabunga from the old Tarzan films.

Happy weekend. Stay warm.

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Posted in College Football, college football, Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Politics, Texas Aggies

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Wednesday, November 28, 2018 – Renew the Rivalry?

Posted on November 28, 2018 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, November 28, 2018 – Renew the Rivalry?

Renew the Rivalry between Texas A&M and THE University of Texas by LAW. WHAT?

State Representative and Aggie, Lyle Larson, filed HB 412 for the 86th Texas Legislature that requires the two universities to schedule an annual nonconference football game the fourth Thursday, Friday of Saturday of November.

HWIT – Waste of paper; waste of time; and LSU and the SEC may have plenty to say about that date.

I would not be opposed to a game at a neutral site. Jerry World would probably like to host it. It would be good for recruiting, but I do not think legislation is needed to make it happen.

It seems that Alabama and Auburn did not play one another for decades due to contract disputes. It seemed to work out ok for both of those schools. Representative Larson wants to avoid such a situation. HWIT, I would rather not play THE University of Texas ever again if it meant the Texas Aggies would take over as annual number one with multiple national championships.

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, Education, humor, Jimbo Fisher, LSU, LSU Tigers, Misc., Native Texan, Politics, Texas Aggies