Category Archives: College Football

Monday, November 26, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Thirteen

Monday, November 26, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Thirteen

Big scores; ugly helmets, home cooking and more. Let’s move the chains down the sideline and hand out my Monday after college football awards.

Washington 28 Washington State 15 – Both teams receive The Snow Globe Award. I award Mike Leach and the Washington State team The Frozen Award as we sing “Let it go.”

Penn State 38 and Maryland 3 – The Always A Contender for Ugly Helmet Award goes to Maryland. Can there possibly be a football helmet as ugly? Penn State says yes – Ohio State.

Michigan 39 Ohio State 62 – So another Ugly Helmet Award goes to the Buckeyes of Ohio State for their pot leaf helmets. I award Michigan the Where’s Waldo Wolverine Award. Did the real team miss the bus?

Clemson 56 South Carolina 35 – Clemson wins the Palmetto Trophy. Uncle Will Muschamp better get the Gamecocks winning. He wins The Coach’s Hot Seat for 2019.

Alabama 52 Auburn 21 – Alabama wins the Tina Turner Award as they continue Rolling Down the River!

To the Big 12

Baylor 35 Texas Tech 24 – Kliff Kingsbury receives the Mac Davis Award because Kliff will be seeing Lubbock in his review mirror.

Oklahoma West Virginia 59-56 – I award The Aerial Heisman Display Award to both teams. Also both teams receive the You Just Thought You Scored a lot of Points Awards

Texas 24 Kansas 17 – I award THE University of Texas the Back to the Big 12 Championship Award. Enjoy your Hat Trophy, because the Big 12 One goes back to Oklahoma next Saturday. To the Kansas Jayhawks I award the Robert Frost Award because you have Miles to go before you sleep with a football trophy.

Let’s see. It seems I am leaving a game out. What game would that be?

LSU 72 Texas A&M 74 7 OT

Load up the trailers and tote off the awards. Seven Overtimes!

Miss Reveille as the Aggies take the field. She usually doesn’t bark. She must have known something.

To the LSU Tigers and the Texas Aggies I award the following:

  • Great Game Award
  • Poopy Undies Award
  • Pepto Bismal Award for upset as in the game, the LSU fans, my stomach.
  • Manicure Award for a nail biter
  • Unbelievable Stamina Award – this award goes to the teams, coaches and fans.
  • Neither Team Should Have Lost Award
  • Unbelievable Game Awards
  • Great Plays Awards
  • Great Coaching Awards
  • One for the Record Books
  • Epic Game Award
  • It’s a Rivalry Now Award
  • Lastly – I award the Referees at Kyle Field the Home Cooking Award. Sometimes it’s hard to see out of bounds on the home field.

The Bowl Projections are out. Here is a bowl game I would NOT like to see.

Oregon in their bright, yellow, banana, high liter uniforms, playing Washington State in all red uniforms on the Boise State blue field. It could be called The Primary Colors Bowl.

Friday, November 23, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week 13- The Rivalry Games – 23 YEARS

Friday, November 23, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week 13- The Rivalry Games – 23 YEARS!

I know. The Snark gets a five yard penalty for delay of writing. But it was critical that I participate in the Annual Day After Thanksgiving Day Tradition in Texas. That means greasy, cheesy, Mexican food. Then I had to take a siesta.

I do hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. I fell asleep before I could see the all-out brawl between Mississippi State and Ole Miss. Granted it was only 8:00, but fermented Chardonnay grapes in liquid form make me sleepy. Nice job Mississippi State for winning the game. I did not see who won the brawl.

Because I was late, I was not able to snark appropriately on THE University of Texas. Who plays an 11:00 game on the Friday after Thanksgiving? Here’s what I’m thinking. Kansas? Kansas is your big Thanksgiving Day game now? Bet you miss us Aggies now, huh? The Horns will play for The Big 12 Title against the winner of Oklahoma and West Virginia. Remember, you are playing for the Big 12 Championship and to avoid The Alamo Bowl.

The contest between OU and West Virginia is tonight in Morgantown and on ESPN at 7:00. The Sooners want a redemption game against Texas. Texas wants a second chance at the Mountaineers. Therefore, lock up the women and children and the old sofas. I do not think the sofas will burn but one must be prepared.

It is called rivalry weekend because the games are traditionally played between the State University and the Land Grant University of each state.

In the Apple Bowl on Fox at 7:30 between the rival schools in Washington. Washington Huskies and Washington State. Let’s let Mikey do it.

On Saturday at 11:00 on Fox we have #4 Michigan and #10 Ohio State. I do not have a name for this contest, so I’m going to call it The Kathy Day Game for the only person I know from Ohio. This is a classic, long-time rivalry that goes back to 1897. Current Head Coach for OSU, Urban Meyer is 6-0 against Michigan. Does Urban have a brother named Rural?

Florida and Florida State also plays at 11:00. Does anyone really care?

At 2:30 on CBS, we have Auburn and Alabama in the Iron Bowl. Although a better name for Auburn might be The Rusted Iron Bowl. Roll Tide.

South Carolina is at Clemson for The Championship of South Carolina.

Tennessee and Vanderbilt play for The Championship of Tennessee.

And now! The game. A clash two land grants. Let us begin where I left off yesterday.

“Dear Lord, It has been 23 years since the Aggies beat LSU in football. TWENTY-THREE YEARS! George H.W.Bush was the president of The United States. Daddy Bush! The World Wide Web on the Internet was only a year old!

Lord, bless the Fort Worth Times sports writer who wrote “that if the Aggies do not beat LSU, it will expose Jimbo Fisher as a fraud. The Aggies will be the same old Ags, as coached by all the others to a mediocre season.” Bless me, Lord and please keep me from firing off a hateful letter to the reporter, verbally kicking his ass and calling him “probably a graduate of TU.”

I do understand that the contest between Texas A&M and LSU cannot be referred to as a Rivalry Game because one team has to beat the other on to get a rivalry started. Let’s get this rivalry started and BTHO LSU!

So, Lord, if you could see your way to not letting time run out before the Aggies can win it would really be appreciated.

A reminder to out of state guests – Texas does not sell liquor on Sundays. Beer and wine can be purchased at 12:00.

Monday, November 19, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week 12

Monday, November 19, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week 12

In what was thought initially to be a cupcake, visitors’ big money gate receipt, let the benchwarmers play weekend of football turned out to be anything but. There were lots of butts shown this unpredictable weekend.

But let’s begin with The Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner Award. There are two of these.

One award goes to The Campus of The Citadel – The Military College of South Carolina. Granted when the Alabama Tri Delta football team ended the second quarter, the real Alabama team scored forty more points in the second half for half of a 100. But holding Bama to a 10-10 tie at half-time should count as a win against The Tide. There is probably a reason that one out of three graduates of The Citadel becomes a military officer. There is probably a statistic that says one in three Alabama football players go professional.

The second Winner Award goes to the Kansas Jayhawks for scoring 40 points against the Sooners of Oklahoma. Again, the scoreboard differed, but 40 points for Kansas when not playing basketball is great. A question I want to know of the Jayhawks is this – is there grass for Les Miles to eat in Kansas or just wheat?

The OMG and Poopy Undies Awards go to Ohio State University.

Maryland gets The Carnival Barker Award for “close, but no cigar.” One used to win cigars at carnivals. Hence, when one missed the barker said “close, but no cigar.”

I am awarding Oklahoma State the Spoiled Milk Award for upsetting West Virginia and allowing THE University of Texas to share a portion of the Big 12 Championship.

In THE University of Texas and Iowa State game, I really thought the Cyclones would do better against Texas. But I was reminded cyclones are in the Pacific. I vote to change Iowa State’s mascot to Trailer Eating Tornadoes or Devastating Hurricanes. I think either one of those names will fit in better in the other Big 12 schools – all ten of the Big 12.

Maybe the win will elevate the Horns to something more than the Alamo Bowl or the Independence Bowl. You Horns have Kansas on Friday, Turkey Hang Over Day. Remember the Jayhawks scored 40 points against Oklahoma. Just saying…

There are too many to count awards for Home Cooking given to the referees. There were many calls that favored the home team, but let’s give refs one for the illegal motion called on The Citadel that cost field goal yardage. It seemed to me that Alabama got an extra second off the play clock before the yellow flag was thrown. Of course in Alabama people are genetically disposed to fry all foods. The Citadel was only one team who was fried by the refs.

In a really good game between The University of Alabama at Birmingham and Texas A&M – I award The Texas Aggies the Scoop and Swoop award (Sorry Adidas) for recovering the fumbled kickoff and scoring a touchdown. Of course, I must give my boyfriend, Trayveon some love for his touchdowns.

I am going to give A&M a Winner Award too for beating Alabama – Even though it was Alabama Lite.

NOOOO – Say it ain’t so. The Aggies are favored against LSU next week? Lee Corsehead will try to pet Reveille again and the Aggies will lose for sure. But, it’s Kyle Field and the 12Th Man. We Aggies do want the fans from LSU to feel welcomed and safe. Therefore, be sure to check out the Aggie Uber pick up truck. I feel certain there is a substantial discount if you ride in the bed of the truck.

BTHO LSU!

Friday, November 16, 2018 – The Football Snark – Week 12

Friday, November 16, 2018 – The Football Snark – Week 12

The Snark receives a five yard penalty for delay of blog. But let’s see what I will be watching this Saturday.

At 11:00 on the SECN we find the Tide of #1 Alabama playing the Bulldogs of The Campus of The Citadel: The Military College of South Carolina. That is a long official title, but it is The Citadel and the alma mater to many very smart leaders of history. Alabama uses short, four letter words like Roll, Tide, and Nick. Unlike Alabama one does not attend The Citadel to play athletics.

Also at 11:00 AM on the banks of the Brazos in Waco we find the TCU Horned Frogs versus the Baylor Bears on FS1 in what should be a game exciting as watching paint dry. But there is an intense rivalry between these two so who knows what will happen.

The 2:30 afternoon game promises to be a good one between West Virginia and Oklahoma State on ABC. Those paddles in Daddy Boone Stadium will drive one crazy. Pistol Pete and the paddles can spoil a good couch burning.

Even though LSU will probably put the third and fourth string players in the second quarter, and put the cheerleaders in the second half, I still like the Rice at LSU contest on ESPNU 6:30. I have great memories as a child of going to the old Rice Stadium for this game. I still remember the first yell I heard at a football game between the Owls and Tigers. It went like this “What comes out of a Chinaman’s ass? RICE! RICE! RICE! Hey, it was in the 1950’s!

My runner-up game of the week is Iowa State and THE University of Texas 7:00 on LHN. There is a Texas Tornado coming and I do not mean the singing group called Texas Tornados. The weather pattern mascot could spoil Bevo’s chances for something better than The Alamo Bowl.

Of course my game of the week is between UAB and Texas A&M 6:00 on ESPN2. Like everyone else I had to Google UAB to find out it stands for University of Alabama at Birmingham. Up from Division III in the mid-nineties, UAB administration discontinued the football program in 2014 due to finances and then revived it in 2017.

Now the UAB leads their conference and are undefeated. I am sure the $1.6 million the school will take home from Kyle Field – win or lose – will go a long way. Note: the reason I am telling you this is because I am sure you will hear it pretty much during the first half of the game – depending on the verbose mouths in the press box.

The UAB is mascot is The Blazers, as in the Marching Blazer Band. Do you suppose the band uniforms are blazers? The emblem is a European dragon.

Since the dragon is of European origin, I believe this refers to Hogwarts and Harry Potter. Don’t ask me. I have no clue how coats and jackets and dragons all come together. The school is in Alabama. Go figure. However, I think the dragon should have on blazer. Yes, the dragon’s name is Blaze.

I think it would be funny if the student section of Kyle Field all wore blazers. No, wait. That sounds like something Texas Tech would do. It would be funny to see Reveille wearing a blazer. Never mind. I hope your team wins.

BTHO UAB!

Monday, November 5, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Whatever

Monday, November 5, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Whatever

There are four teams receiving awards this Monday as we anxiously await our rankings and our crappy bowl assignments.

Oklahoma State University

THE University of Texas at Austin

Louisiana State University

Texas A&M University

Here is a YouTube that is representative  of me, my family and friends and all the fans from the four schools listed watching our schools’ football games Saturday.

PS – Those are NOT the Aggie Yell leaders.  HEE-HAW!

Friday, November 2, 2018 – Dia De Los Muertos and Snarky Veirnes

Friday, November 2, 2018 – Dia De Los Muertos and Snarky Veirnes

It is the Day of the Dead and Snarky Friday. Notice that Snark is an universal term.

Saturday promises to be a bloody Mary morning starting at 11:00 am. Let’s start with Baylor and Oklahoma State. It is homecoming in Bear land. I am afraid it may not be a crowning achievement for this family divided contest. I hope the Nose Brothers are out and about.

No TV for those two, but THE GAME at 11:00 on ESPN is Auburn versus Texas A&M. This could be a day of the dead for the loser.

If you do care for watching something else at 11:00 you have Nebraska and Ohio State on Fox in what should be no contest between players in red uniforms. The team with the little pot leaves on their helmets will win.

More reddish uniforms are on ABC with a non-thriller between Louisville and Clemson.

There is also Puffy Sparty, Michigan State and “What the heck is going on at?” Maryland. The MD regents fired the coach; then rehired the coach; then fired him again and the chair of the board of regents resigned.

The two-thirty time slots begin with Georgia and Kentucky on CBS. Aside from Gary Danielson’s verbose and self-centered analysis, this could be good. UGA will bark and Kentucky will see more red uniforms running down the field.

The eyes of Texas are upon you at 2:30 on FOX. Watch out Horns, those hillbilly, couch burning Mountaineers are going to wreck-havoc and it will be Almost Heaven, West Virginia! This definitely promises to be a game of ugly uniforms. This Big 12 Title is on the line.

For my gym rat Penn Staters – Could be a day of the dead for the Nittany Lions against Michigan. At least the uniforms are not red.

Finally when the deep purple falls… The last hope for keeping Notre Dame out of the top four is Northwestern at 6:15 on ESPN.

At 7:00 in another clash of red and white uniforms, Oklahoma and Texas Tech kick off on ABC. OU will be performing for the Selection Committee as the Sooners coming sweeping down the plains of Lubbock. With passing quarterbacks this game promises to be a long one so don’t forget to set your clocks back one hour to make it seem even longer.

At 7:00 we have the THE GAME. This is a big one! This promises to be an Uncle Ralph Two Boot Flask game. From Death Valley in Baton Rouge, Louisiana it is the #3 Tigers of LSU and #1 Crimson Tide of Alabama.

If your last name begins with “H” and you are sporting hounds tooth hats, wearing a National Championship shirt with a giant or wearing this obnoxious head gear (there are more than one of you) our friendship is temporarily suspended from 7:00 to 10:00 pm EST. GEAUX TIGERS!

Between LSU and Texas A&M, we can make it a bad Saturday in Alabama.

BTHO Auburn

Don’t forget to set your clocks back an hour.

Eat Pray Vote

 

Monday, October 29, 2018 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Nine

Monday, October 29, 2018 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Nine

Let’s just start and give every team that played a Butt Ugly Award and a Poopy Undies Award.

The first trophy goes to Kansas for snapping a 38 game October losing streak. The At Last a Victory Parade trophy goes to Kansas. Rock Chalk Jayhawk – Kansas and TCU 27-26. Now Kansas, go play basketball.

In the Heartbreak Category, Second place in The Yogi Berra and Ain’t Over till It’s Over Award goes to the Iowa Hawkeyes for throwing an interception in the final moments to lose to Penn State 24 to 30.

And the first place award for The Yogi Berra Award for It’ Ain’t Over Till It’s Over Award goes to Kentucky. The What Just Happened Award? goes to Missouri. With no time left on the clock after a pass interference call, Kentucky scores on the last play to win 15 to 14.

Oklahoma State University 38 THE University of Texas 35.The Linda Ronstadt Award goes to Oklahoma State because Mr. Cornelius blew by you! Kudos to the throw-back uniforms for Oklahoma State. It is always hard to tell if THE University of Texas wears throw backs uniforms or not. I award several awards to the Horns. T. Herman wins the Exploding Head Coach Award for running and screaming onto the field of play to no avail.

http://https://www.foxsports.com/college-football/video/1355044419675

It was reported that players were crying in the locker room. There’s no crying in football either! And the Horns are not in a League of Their Own. And a really pissed off West Virginia is coming to Austin. Alert all the sofas at the thrift stores. They will burn next weekend.

For the Florida Gators, I award the Red Sails in the Sunset Award as you slowly fade away into next year with your loss to Georgia 17 to 36.

Also fading away are the Texas Aggies. I award them Hey! It’s Not as Bad as Last Year (Yet) trophy. Our punishment is having to play Auburn on the road at 11:00 next Saturday.

Tomorrow the Official committee makes their selections for the first ranking of football teams. This will eventually lead to the Who’s In? the Championship bracket. Tune in on ESPN at 7:00 (I think). RL, you know ND will be number three so prepare yourself for you spitting, cussing fit.

Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox for winning the World Series. We’ll see you next year in Houston!

Eat, Pray and Vote

Friday, October 26, 2018 – Week Nine Snarks on College Football

Friday, October 26, 2018 – Week Nine Snarks on College Football

Grab the remote; order the pizza and pop the popcorn. It is going to be a Dilly Dilly of a weekend in college football. The Snark is calling this weekend The Douglas MacArthur weekend because some teams will never die; they will just fade away after this weekend.

My watches for the weekend.

Clemson at Florida State – 11:00 on ABC – Should be no problem for the Tigers.

Vanderbilt and Arkansas – 11:00 on SECN – The Battle of the Really Bad Football Teams in the SEC.

Florida and Georgia – 2:30 on CBS – In the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, somebody fades away after this one. The lead in the SEC West is at stake.

Iowa and Penn State – 2:30 on ESPN – Penn State QB, Trace McSorley is so cute. This should not result in a Poopy Undies Award for PSU, but we shall see.

Kentucky and Missouri – 3:00 on SECN – Just a reminder, Texas A&M beat Kentucky. So why are the Wildcats still in the picture? Please, Missouri, do not wear those ugly, yellow, banana looking uniforms.

Texas and Oklahoma State – 7:00 ABC – T. Boone Pickens could be very interesting come 7:00. Pistol Pete is waiting for you Bevo. The slamming paddles are going to be like mayonnaise on a hot day and spoil it for you, Horns. Go Pokes!

Navy at Notre Dame – 7:00 on CBS – Anchors Away with hope. If ND sinks, then so do their chances.

My watch will be the Battle of the Maroons and Whites in Starkville. Texas A&M versus Mississippi State at 6:00 on ESPN. Trash talk to the Bulldogs– Reveille is both prettier and smarter than Bully. The Aggies have more than one offensive play. Our quarterback can run better than yours. These are not last season’s Aggies. My boyfriend, Traveon, will rush for 100 plus yards. The cowbells will not ring!

BTHO Mississippi State! WHOOP!

Monday, October 22, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Eight

Monday, October 22, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Eight

There were not many college football games of my interest this week. Apparently all of my favorite teams received a bye week. Let’s hope the bumps, bruises, dislocations, hyperextensions, sprains and strains all heal. Therefore, there are just a few awards today.

Let’s start with Penn State. It was Penn State 33 and Indiana 28. PSU, you once again receive The Poopy Undies Award. This is multiple awards for you so maybe you should beat the crap out of a team and let others have a chance to scare their fan base.

Wisconsin defeated Illinois 49 to 20. Not that I care about either team, but I do not often get to see snow. Wisconsin wins The Snow Globe Game Award.

The Crimson Tide once again demolished their opponent. Alabama 58 Tennessee 21. I award The Defibulator Award to Coach Saban and to the entire Alabama fan base. Even I held my breath when Tua was down on the field.

Kentucky 14 Vanderbilt 7 – Kentucky wins The Squeaky Award as they just squeaked by Vanderbilt. Wildcats? It was Vanderbilt! Therefore Kentucky receives The Why are You Still Ranked trophy.

What rhymes with Formerly Number Two? PURDUE! That’s Who! I give Ohio State The Dot Your “I” With a Boilermaker Award. Ohio State 20 Purdue 40.

My last award goes to Mississippi State in their loss to LSU 3 to 19. Way to go Tigers. I award the Bulldogs The One Play No Wonder You Lost Award. Even by the third Mississippi State series, I knew what the play was going to be. The only time I have ever seen the one-runner play work was in 1977 at THE University of Texas. The play was called “Give the ball to Earl.” (Campbell.) Sadly QB Nick Fitzgerald running the ball on every play did not have the same effect. FYI State – FYI State – The Maroon and White that wins next week may not be your own.

Happy Monday.

Friday, October 19, 2018 – The Snark Arrives

Friday, October 19, 2018 – The Snark Arrives

And so we hang up our baseball bats and gloves until next year. Thank you Houston Astros for a great season. Now that I am not interested in any team playing in the World Series, I can move away from the TV for that sport. That will add significant hours to my life.

Moving to college football… Where did everybody go? I write about teams that I like and teams that play teams that I like. With the exception of a couple of SEC games, no teams that I like are playing. But let’s see who is playing.

At 11:00 on Fox we find the state school and the land grant school of Michigan when Michigan and Michigan State kick off. It’s a nice rivalry, but I do not get excited with a puffy, anthropomorphic mascot – as in a human in costume. I just do not see the Spartans of old being puffy. I mean Spartan means sparse, not puffy.

Opposite on ABC the Oklahoma and TCU play. It’s the Big 12. Who cares?

Equally as uninteresting is Tulsa versus Arkansas on the SECN at 11:00. I am thinking there are several high school teams in Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas that could defeat either one Tulsa or Arkansas.

Hotty Toddy! Ole Miss plays Auburn on ESPN at 11:00. Should you lose this one Auburn, you know it is all over.

Penn State and Indiana play at 2:30 on ABC. I only mention Penn State so J from the gym will read this.

Of a mild interest at 2:30 on CBS we have Alabama and Tennessee. This alert just in – Rocky Top will be flooded as the Tide increases. To the Volunteers – Turn around; you are going to drown.

Following that game on CBS at 6:00 is Mississippi State and LSU. This could be the most interesting game of the weekend. Lots at stake Death Valley. Maybe even a playoff spot for the Tigers. Both teams will need to bring their A game. No room for turnovers, bad calls and stupid actions. Sorry, Janne and Big Solid, I got to go with family. GEAUX Tigers.

For those who did not see this on Facebook I am posting the hilarious SEC midterm report card from YouTube. Good bull as the Aggies say.

Meanwhile for the Texas Aggies – BTHO out of Bye Week and no targeting calls.