Tag Archives: LSU

Monday, November 14, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 14, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Ship wreck 4

GLOOM! DISPAIR! And AGONY!

Just when we thought it was safe to go back into the water, the rankings in college football were shuffled like a cheap deck of bicycle playing cards.

Please note: No Poopy Undies Awards will be given today. At this point we are just going to go with the Oh Crap! Awards and every team, coach and fan receives one.

The first Oh Crap Award goes to every team that has played Alabama for the last four years as The Tide Rolls. Note: to Bama Fans – I only went back to Coach Sabin and did not count The Bear or G. Stallings or any of those the school claims and are recognized before playoffs when you were #1. Just so many. To The Crimson Tide – Congratulations for securing the SEC West. Roll Tide.

Other awards for teams are as follows. Let’s start with the Small (and getting smaller) 12 Conference teams.

First, to Baylor and Seth Russell here is a sincere heal soon wish. The BU QB gets the Joe Theisman Award for sustaining a stomach turning leg/ankle injury. You know it is bad when players from both sides jump up from the tackle pile screaming for help. But you really know it is bad when TV will not show the replay and the announcers are about to throw up.

In addition Baylor lost the game to OU 24 to 45. BU wins the Kiss Your Good Bowl Game Goodbye Award. Baker Mayfield is only a junior?

THE University of Texas wins the award for Not Quite Heaven, West Virginia for coming up short 24-20. The Exploding Head Coach Award goes the West Virginia’s Dana Holgorsen and the referee who refused to grant his time out request.

The Tortilla TECH kicker wins the What’s the Point Award? For missing the point after try and allowing the Oklahoma State Cowboys to escape with a one point victory – 44-45. Bedlam should be most interesting – especially since it could be for The Big 12 Championship. NOTE: Not a happy face emoticon for a team NOT from Texas winning.

The Tigers of LSU win the Bacon and Roller Skates Award for rolling over Arkansas and continuing to roll along in the SEC WEST. LSU and Arkansas 38 to10.   Can we skip Thanksgiving in College Station this year?

The Clean up on Aisle Week 11 and Pepto Dismal Awards go:

Auburn – for being upset by Georgia 13 to 7. Of course any team that plays Auburn is my favorite team. Go DAWGS!

The team formerly #2 Clemson wins the It’s the Pitts Award. The kicker for Pitt wins a That’s the Point Award for making a 48 yard field goal with 5 seconds left to play.

The team formerly # 3 Michigan loses 13 to 14 over Iowa. Iowa wins The Pittsburg Steelers Look Alike Uniforms Award. The kicker for Iowa wins a That’s the Point Award! for kicking the winning field goal to upset Michigan in the final seconds.

And on the West Coast the USC Trojans of California were high and happy by upsetting the team formerly # 4 Washington 26-13. The Huskies’ dog house might be damaged for a chance at playoffs.

The November to Dismember Award goes to the Texas A&M and Ole Miss game and everybody associated with it beginning with:

Number One. Whose bright idea was it at the SEC Network to not only let Brent Mushmouth call the Aggie/Ole Miss game, but to let him work alone the first half? It made me almost glad when Jesse Palmer joined him. At least he could call (maybe even see) the correct names and numbers of the players. Brent, if you are so “glad to be back in Texas and College Station” please learn to correctly pronounce the names of the towns in Texas.

Number Two. Texas A&M and Ole Miss – Hotty Toddy Tequila Shotty!

Number Three. The Just in Time for Christmas the Collapsible Defense Doll. This doll works like a charm until the 4th quarter. Then it lies down, collapses and dies.

Number Four. The Q&A with Coach Chavis – did you fall asleep during the fourth quarter? Was it Irritable Bowel Syndrome? What the hell happened? Whatever it was it was stinky! A true freshman, just unred-shirted quarterback playing his first game and IN KYLE FIELD in front of over 100,000!! I am awarding you the Ricky Ricardo Award because “Oh Lucy! You got some splaining to do!”

As always, “Texas Aggies, down in Aggieland; we’ve got spirit – to the man; STAND UNITED that’s the Aggie theme; we’re the 12th Man on the Team…”

Twelfth Man (800x600)

Monday, November 7, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 7, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Backstory for the new kids on the blog – I write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. If your team is not mentioned let me know and I take it under consideration.

First from the West Coast – USC versus Oregon – I don’t even know the score, but you both receive the Rubber Duck Award.

Next on the list we have the Small 12 Conference or The Land of No Defenses.

THE University of Texas survived the plains of Lubbock with a victory over Tortilla Tech. (THE University 45 TT 37.) My favorite team is whoever is playing Tech.Tech (800x600)

Oklahoma State 43 K-State 37. Mullet Mike and The Cowboys survive. Both of you win a Poopy Undies Award for scaring your fans.

The Kick Off to Tip Off Awards goes to Baylor and TCU for posting a basketball score of TCU 62 Baylor 22 on the opening weekend of college basketball season. And the score was not the only Uglies coming from Waco.

An Ugly Uniform Award goes to Baylor. Fifty shades of Waco is not becoming. Gray is not colorful. Neither is black as in the black cloud of ugly that seems to be a stationary front over the institution. Therefore, Baylor also receives the Frozen Award – Let It Go!

Look, Bears Pooping in the Woods, it is bad enough without constant reminders of ugly. Please do not hang dirty laundry out your windows. Who gets the sales from the T-shirts?cab-sign-out-suit-copy-800x600Focus on the low level bowl game invitation you will now receive.

Letting go of that, let’s move on to the Top 10 and the SEC where games are more exciting and stressful.

The Bringing Home the Alligator Bacon goes to the Hogs of Arkansas! (Arkansas 31 Florida 10) Sooey Pig over 11th ranked Florida. Another favorite team is whoever is playing any school from Florida.

To players Chip Kelly of Ole Miss; Trevor Knight and Myles Garrett of Texas A&M, the Nebraska QB and all the others: All of you receive the Heal Quickly Award. Will miss you next weekend, Chip. I wanted to see you play against the Aggies.

And now the top tiered top ten college football awards. These 10 teams are listed according to today’s AP listings. Tomorrow we see who The Selection Committee votes for the Who’s In Top Four. Larry Culpepper and Dr. Pepper seem to be winning above all the others.

# 1 Alabama and LSU – (Bama 10 – LSU 0) Please share the following awards:

  • Best Football Game of the Weekend
  • A Special Edition of Poopy Undies Award
  • The “I Did Not Know I Could Hold My Breath for 47 Minutes” Award.
  • Defense – please share your videos with schools of the schools of the Small 12 Conference and perhaps these others listed below.

# 2 Michigan Maryland (Michigan 59 MD 3.) Michigan wins the Turtle Wax Award for waxing the Terrapins. Wolverines like turtles.

# Clemson and Syracuse (Clemson 54 Syracuse 0) – Clemson Wins the Too Much Orange on the Field Award.

# 4 Washington and Cal (formerly known as Berkley.) (Washington 66 Cal 27) Huskies receive the In the Right Rankings Now Award.

# 5 Louisville and Boston College (Louisville 52 BC 7) – Lamar Looking Heisman Good Award.

# 6 Ohio State and Nebraska (Ohio State 62 Nebraska 3) – The Huskers receive the Fun While It Lasted Award. Corn headwear really looks stupid when you lose to a nut named Bucky.

The Really Don’t Deserve an Award goes to the following:

# 7 Wisconsin and Northwestern (Wisconsin 21 Northwestern 7) – Badgers preparing for a bowl game where it is warm.

# 8 AUBURN? AUBURN! A hair color? You beat Vanderbilt by a touchdown 23 – 16! ROLL TIDE!

# 9 OU versus Iowa State (OU 34 Iowa State 24) – Bedlam is coming soon and The Cowboys are coming with it!

Coming in at # 10  is Texas A&M – where the Aggies should have been in the first place. (Texas A&M 28 Mississippi State 35) What a shipwreck in Starksville.

Aggies you receive a Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Award because we sucked as bad as the referees. Even I saw the block in the back on Captain Kirk’s punt return.  Aggies win Pooper Scooper Award for leaving lots of it on the field.

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Nevertheless, “We are the Aggies; the Aggies are we…” and we do not lose – time on the clock runs out. We got your back, Jake!barn-n-park-9-22-16-2016-09-22-041-800x530

Tomorrow we see who the College Football Selection Committee votes for and who the citizens of The United States of America votes for. Please do not forget to cast your ballot. PS – we do not get to vote with the Selection Committee.

Friday, November 4, 2016 – The Friday Football Snark – Who’s In?

Friday, November 4, 2016 – The Friday Football Snark – Who’s In?

The College Football Selection Committee announced on Tuesday, “Who’s In?” These are the four football teams that would match up for a national championship if the season ended on Tuesday. But the season did not end on Tuesday. Nor will it end on Saturday, but the Who’s In can change.

Before we see Who’s In, let’s begin with Who’s UP and Who are you?

Who is (are) the Idiots of Sports Programming who schedule football games at 11:00 am in the morning?

Moving along to Who’s Out? – These are the teams currently deemed out of contention for a National Championship in college football. However, one or two may go to a nice bowl game while the remaining will play in lesser bowl games in prime vacation spots like Shreveport, Louisiana. Well, you can go to the casinos.

From the Who’s Out from the Small 12 Conference:

Falling backwards to yesterday, OU defeated Iowa State 34 to 24. Do not forget to “fall back” and set your clocks back this weekend.

Coming to you live from Lubbock, Texas at the unholy hour of 11:00 am on FS 1 THE University of Texas plays Tortilla Tech. Flying breakfast tacos. Tech (800x600)

This should be an offensive delight. Hook ‘Em Hippies!

At the reasonable hour of 2:30 FOX brings us Baylor and TCU. This would have been more exciting if last weekend had not happened to both teams.

On ABC @ 2:30 the Cowboys of Oklahoma State play the Wildkats of Kansas State. FYI, Ms. Navasota – Bill Snyder is alive. Love you, Pistol Pete!

Who’s In? And Who Could Be In?

Surprising all of football and delighting all of Aggieland, the #4 Texas A&M Aggies play the Mississippi State Bulldogs. This is at the ridiculous hour of 11:00 AM on the “you must pay for it with your cable” the SECN. One game at a time Aggies! Vote for Conner McQueen for President! Trevor Knight for VP. Platform: “Gig ‘Em!”

Following the Aggies on ESPN @ 2:30 the Terrapins of Maryland play #3 Michigan. Please, oh please – The Turtle and the Hare! Maryland, My Maryland!

At the same time (2:30) on ABC in the Game of Orange we have Syracuse and # 2 Clemson. Go Round Orange Thing!

Otto the Orange

At 5:00 we have an Aggie Women’s Basketball Exhibition Game with Oklahoma City University @ Reed Arena. Go Lashes! No TV, but most of the season is on SEC.

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Returning home just in time for an evening of excitement:

On ABC at 7:00 Nebraska plays # 6 OHIO State. Go Huskers. Nobody likes nuts in their cornbread and Ohio uses plain bread to make dressing. Dreadful!

But rocking Baton Rouge at 7:00 PM on CBS the # 1 Alabama Tide rolls into Death Valley to meet the Tigers of LSU. So sorry dear Tide friends – but I gotta go with family on this one! Tiger Boogie! GEAUX Tigers!

And should you still be awake at 9:30 the # 5 Washington Huskies play the Bears of Cal  on ESPN. Go BEARS!Beer Bear

Twelfth Man (800x600)

12Th Man Statue – North Entrance to Kyle Field. College Station, Texas. Photo by me.

BTHO Mississippi State!

Monday, October 31, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Trick or Treat!

Monday, October 31, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Trick or Treat!

College football on Saturday was indeed trick or treat. Some teams got the treat while others got the trick. The college football playoffs begins to heat up. Let’s begin.

With all due respect to Jimmy Fallon and his Friday night Thank You Notes –

The Thank You Note Awards go to:

  • Thank you, Texas, for beating Baylor 34 to 35 to knock the Bears out of The AP Top Ten, the possibility of a Baylor/Texas A&M Bowl game, and playoff possibilities. Hook ‘Em Hippies! To you Baylor, Aggies truly understand your feelings watching the Horn-kicked football split the uprights during the last seconds.
  • Thank you, Auburn, for beating the stuffing out of Ole Miss and giving the Rebels a second SEC West loss and making the Texas A&M/Ole Miss game exciting.
  • Thank you Wyoming, for beating Boise State 30 to 28 ensuring we will not have to look at the seizure blue field of Boise State on TV.
  • Thank you Tortilla Tech for beating TCU 27 to 24 in double OT. Because it is Halloween, Tortilla Tech is awarded The One-Eyed; one-horned flying purple people eater award for sending the Frogs out of contention.Tech (800x600)
  • Thank you Oklahoma State for beating West Virginia 37 to 20 and keeping a shred of dignity and possibility of winning the Small 12 Conference.IMG_2135 (800x600)

Next we have the Slip and Slide Away Awards. This award is presented to teams who had victory escape from them in the closing moments of the game. In addition all of these teams receive a Poopy Undies Award. Moving down field the Slip and Slide Away and Poopy Undies Awards are presented to:

  • Michigan 32 Michigan State 23
  • Louisville 32 Virginia 25
  • Ohio State 24 Northwestern 20
  • Washington 34 Utah 24
  • Wisconsin 23 Nebraska 17
  • Clemson 37 Florida State 34

In the SEC Alabama beat Bye Week University and LSU was victorious over Bye University @ Baton Rouge. Wonder what will happen this Saturday.

The final award today goes to The Best Football Team in the state of Texas – The Fighting Texas Aggies! The Aggies of Texas A&M beat the Aggies of New Mexico State 52 to 10 causing national sports announcers to say things like:

“Texas A&M is a bona fide National Playoff Contender.”

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It is Halloween and statements like that scare me to pieces. Happy Halloween.

Gig ‘Em Aggies and BTHO Mississippi State.

Monday, October 24, 2016 – Two Months Until Christmas Eve, but First – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 24, 2016 – Two Months Until Christmas Eve, but First – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

The first awards today are The Buzzard Awards. buzzard-rp-800x450  The first Buzzard Award goes to the officiating crew who called the Alabama/ Texas A&M game on both sides of the ball. Let’s review – when a player’s mouth piece is knocked from his mouth and flies over the shoulder of the hitting player him and the hittee’s helmet’s visor cracks, it is called TARGETING!

The second Buzzard Award goes to CBS and Vern Lunquist and Gary Whatever Your Name is for spewing forth words during about the Aggie/Bama game that was supposed to be your game commentary. Gary, no one cares what play you would have called. This is why you are not coaching. This award comes with free engraving SHUT UP!

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The Third Buzzard Award goes to the only announcers who were worse than Vern and Gary (and this includes Mack Brown and Brent Mushburger) were the announcers for THE University of Texas and Kansas State game. Which one of you called a player a “specimen?” SPECIMEN? SEDAGIVE? I needed one listening to you two. I am throwing in a Free Mute Button Award for this pair. At least twice guy announcer referred to Texas’ players’ off side penalties as “you must be able to hold your water.” WTH does that mean? Are you a urologist? I will not even go into your diagnosis of LSU’s Leonard Fournette’s ankle injury comparing it yours. (I.e. Sample size of one.)

Moving downfield in the Small 12 Conference – Baylor wins over Bye University again. Don’t you get to play them one more time?

The Hands to my Face Award and the award for Little Shop of Horrors goes to THE University of Texas. Enough torture for the Horns so I am not even going into any details.

The Air Show over Lubbock Award is shared by Oklahoma who scored 66 points to Tortilla Tech’s 59. Why do they even offer scholarships to players to play defense? Why not get an intermural team?

My First Favorite Game of the Week Award goes to the Mustangs of SMU for the crushing victory over the University of Houston 38 to 16. I wonder about the lavender colored ponies on the helmets, but whatever works.

My second Favorite Game of the Week Award goes to Penn State for defeating #2 Ohio State University by a score of 24 to 21. I guess Nittany Lions like nuts.

The We Always Win Half Time Award goes the Fighting Texas Aggie Band.

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Photo by Mickey

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Photo by Mickey

If these crooked lines are the Alabama Million Dollar Band, they are not getting their money’s worth.

Alabama 33 Texas A&M 14. The Time Ran Out as The Tide Rolled In Award goes to Texas A&M. Great game to both teams. A nine and one schedule with the one loss being the #1 will still look good.

Besides who is left on schedule for the Aggies? Oh crap. Ole Miss and LSU. Way to GEAUX Tigers. See you at Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016 – Golf, Love and LSU

Tuesday, October 18, 2016 – Golf, Love and LSU

Yu So Yung is off to play golf today. Please hope that Yu So Suk does not show up.

Therefore this will be an abbreviated version of Here’s What I’m Thinking. There will be more when I return this afternoon.

My wonderful cousin from my father’s side noted that my family is from Louisiana and I did not mention LSU or Mike yesterday. Dreadful on my part. First, we offer condolences to the LSU nation for the loss of their beautiful mascot to cancer – Mike, the Tiger.

To Florida we send a sincere – you wonder why no one likes you. Not cool to make fun of the passing of any school mascot, you Gator Butt Heads. You think we will be sad when that reptile you have passes? Think again.

Now to love and LSU until I get back and finish this. Thank God I was born in Texas, but had I not been I am confident I would have graduated from LSU. Why? My football heroes went there. The love for football and LSU comes from my Mama’s side.

Ferriday Feline? 180 pounds? Oh Cousin Donnie we miss you.

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And here is that dude you blocked for.Billy Cannon 8.10.2014 2014-08-10 003 - Copy (800x585)

More to come.

Friday, October 7, 2016 – Snarky Friday Before Saturday College Football

Friday, October 7, 2016 – Snarky Friday Before Saturday College Football

Before the Snark appears, sincerely let us send our thoughts and prayers to those in the path of Hurricane Matthew.

Also, let us send our love and good byes to LSU’s Mike VI as his cancer has spread. LSU is allowing fans to come say their final good byes to one of the most beautiful mascots in college football. A search begins soon for Mike VII. Mike VII will come from a tiger rescue reserve facility.

Paraphrase from Macbeth – “Enter the Snark with a taper.”

Baylor – A three-week BYE! Not playing for three weeks does not help your championship hopes. Of course, neither does playing schools like Kansas.

Florida and LSU – Hurricane Matthew wins!

Georgia and South Carolina – Hurricane Matthew wins again.

Coming to you live from state fairgrounds of Texas we have The Red River Shootout on FS1 @ 11:00 AM. This was once the game from which national championships came – THE University of Texas Longhorns and The Sooners of Oklahoma University. Now it is the game that sends rumors throughout the various cyberspheres. With all due respect to Willie N. …

“It’s a bloody Mary morning,

Someone’s leaving without warning

Sometime in the night.

And they’re flying down to Houston with forgetting him the nature of their flight.”

Speaking of Houston, as in The University of, we have the #5 untested Cougars playing the Midshipman from Navy on ESPN @ 2:00. Anchors Away, my boys, Anchors Away!

Before we get to Texas A&M and the Faded tu Volunteers of Tennessee, let us discuss # 1 Alabama and # 16 Arkansas that is on ESPN at 6:00. I feel the need to express this in language understandable for those rooting for Arkansas.

“Bubba, get me another beer while I talk. Just yesterday I was saying to my cousin and wife, Thelma Sue, that them folks from Bama better be careful. These ain’t no ordinary hogs. These here are Razorbacks. Just the other day one got up under the trailer and started rooting around. I run out with my AK 47 and started shooting in the air to scare it. He run under the car and damn near knocked it off its cement blocks fore he run off into the woods. Just saying Bama better be bringing it. Me and Bubba are fixing to rewire the trailers to borrow the neighbors cable to watch the game. Come on, Bubba. Race you in the four wheeler.”

Coming to your CBS station at 2:30 live from Kyle Field in College Station, Texas we have the # 8 The Fighting Aggies of Texas A&M and the Luckiest Dang Team in football – the # 9 Volunteers of Tennessee. Tailgating 9.3.16 UCLA 2016-09-03 007 - Copy (800x579)

Since I am not going to campus at 5:30 AM in the morning to have my sign approved for ESPN Game Day I will just list a few ideas I had:

Reveille is prettier than Smokey.

What color orange is that? Bleach Faded?

Good ole, Rocky Flop: Rocky Flop Tennessee

Please Lee Curses, put the coon skin cap on to pick Tennessee so TAMU will win. (Also, make fun of Reveille again and you will not get out of town in one piece.)

Kirk Herbstreit – can I get my picture made with you? selphie-with-barn-689x800

Once, twice, three times a Hail Mary – not in the Aggie’s house.

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Twelfth Man Statue – north end of Kyle Field. Photo by me.

BTHO Tennessee!

Monday, October 3, 2016 – Monday After College Football Saturday Awards

Monday, October 3, 2016 – Monday After College Football Saturday Awards

Tequila shots and Poo Poo Undies Awards for Every college team except Alabama! What the hell – give the Tide a Poo Poo Undies Award for use later.

I will also award Alabama and LSU The Manicure Award for being the only games that were not nail biters or heart attack givers.

With Monday after comments, let’s begin.

THE University of Texas is awarded:

The Shoot Out at the OK (State) Corral.

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wheres-waldo-800x564 The Where’s Waldo – aka Rudolph? Where’s the ball? Where’s the Texas Defense? Look- I am a old woman who never played a down of football but who could catch a pass in that defensive strategy. PS – the ball is seen just above the 25 yard line.

The Cowgirl and/or the Horse Could Have Kicked Better Award. Notice the rider does not wear a black mask or a cape like you know who. I guess these Cowboys do not need to hide their face.

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The Block Party Awardblock-party-610x800

Thank you KK for such great pics and D for holding the paper. Go Pokes!

The How to Kick Winning Field Goals Version 3.0 is awarded to Baylor University. Baylor 45 Iowa State 42 A three week Bye? That is right – only 10 teams in the Conference formerly known as The Big 12.

The first Premature Celebration Award goes to Florida State University for scoring a go ahead touchdown with 23 seconds remaining in the game. FSU 35 UNC 34.

The How to Kick Winning Field Goals Version 3.01 is awarded to University of North Carolina for kicking a 54 yard field goal as time expires. UNC 37 FSU 35.

The Exploding Pumpkin Head for Coaches is shared – first by Bob Stoops from OU when the Cooper’s call went against the Sooners and then TCU’s Gary Patterson when the call was reversed. OU 52 TCU 46.

The second Premature Celebration Award goes to Georgia for scoring on a Hail Mary pass with 10 seconds left in the game. Bulldogs 31 Tennessee Vols 28.

The Hail Mary Joshua Fit the Final Battle of the SEC East Award goes to Joshua Dobbs and Jauan Jennings for the last play of the game. Tennessee 34 Georgia 31. Back to back successful Hail Mary passes! Where are my nitro glycerin pills?

The Just When I thought I was Calm Award goes to Clemson and Louisville.

The Longest Yard Award goes to Louisville for coming up one yard shy on Fourth Down as the time expires. Clemson 42 – Louisville – 36. Shake it off, Cardinals. I understand Cougar meat taste like Tiger meat.

The Getta the Hell Out of Town Fast with a W Award is awarded to The Fighting Texas Aggies and Coach Sumlin. Texas A&M 24 South Carolina 13

The No Let Up Award goes to Texas A&M and tu – not the tu orange that burnt up in Stillwater. It is the faded orange that resembles checkered table cloths washed in bleach. Tennessee is coming to town! # 8 Texas Aggies and # 9 Tennessee Volunteers. 2:30 CBS Kyle Field Saturday, October 8, 2016. Note to non-football people – STAY AWAY from Bryan College Station probably officially beginning Thursday. This place is already going wild and crazy and it’s only Monday. WHOOP!

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Gig ‘Em Barn – Highway 6 photo by me. 9.22.2016

Note to self: Check liquor supply. Ensure all calming drugs are up to date. And Who’s Cooper?

BTHO Tennessee!

Monday, September 26, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards. Or Ring of Fire.

Monday, September 26, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards. Or Ring of Fire.

“I fell into a burning ring of fire; it went down, down, down and the flames went higher…

You can Cash in on that as the firings of college football coaches begin. It’s a long way to the Championship and the road will be littered with others.

And now, appropriately enough, our awards…

The U-Haul Your Butt Away trophy is awarded to LSU Coach, Les Miles with runners up trailers for coordinators at Notre Dame and LSU.

The Second Coming of Sherman Award goes to Georgia as the Ole Miss Rebels sang a chorus “… while we were marching in through Georgia.” Hotty Toddy! Rebels 45. Dawgs 14.

The Delay of Game for Lightening AGAIN Award goes to Oklahoma State University. I am pretty sure those chrome looking helmets worn by both teams was the cause of the lightening striking nearby.

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The Wizard of Oz Award goes to Baylor – The last hope of The Big 12 Schools to have a chance to win something other than a goofy, no count, never heard of before bowl game. Baylor – 35 Oklahoma State – 24.

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McLane Stadium Waco 2016 Photo by Larry

The John Wayne Christmas Tree Award goes to Notre Dame for being upset by Duke. Blue Devils 38. Catholics 35. That is no Bull Durham.

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The Why Are You Even Here Award? goes to Delaware State for staying until the bitter end of a 79-0 loss to Missouri.

The Running Up of the Numbers Award goes to The University of Houston for a blow out of Texas State of 64-3.

The U of H Board of Regents win The Fastest Quorum Award for an emergency meeting voting to up Herman’s salary to keep him and the Herman’s Hermits on Buffalo Bayou and not a bayou on the Mississippi.

The E-Reptile Dysfunction Award goes to Florida as the Gators were not able to cross Rocky Top for a 12th time.

He had the nerve and he had the blood and there never was a horse like the Tennessee stud…

However, let us not forget it is the SEC East where the practice teams play in preparation to the real teams in the SEC West. Tennessee – 38 Florida – 26.

The Tigers of LSU win the following Awards:

The Highest Decibel Level for a single state screaming Curse Words in a Single Second.

The Most Beer Cans Thrown at TVs in bars in a Single Second.

The Best Country Western song: There Goes My Sphinctor and my Job in One Single Second.

The Jimmy Buffet Fins Award – The Land Sharks are circling and you’re the only bait in town.

Auburn wins The Charmin Award for wrapping the sacred trees to celebrate its weird victory over LSU. The award also comes with free tickets to the Fireman’s Ball. Bond for the idiot who set the toilet paper on fire and thus the sacred trees is not included in the package.

Alabama wins The Hormonal Award for its whipping of the Kent State Golden Flashes. Alabama – 48 and Kent State – 0. Obviously the Flashes were not hot enough to put any points on the score board.

The Thank You for No Over-Time Award goes to Texas A&M Aggies. How do you like the defense now? Arkansas – 24 Texas A&M – 45.

The Timex Award goes to the Arkansas quarterback, Austin Allen. He took a lickin, but kept on tickin. What a gutty performance. True Southern Grit.

The Curse of the Media Award goes to Texas A&M and AP Top 25 Poll for saying it.

If any team is going to challenge the Crimson Tide in the SEC West,

it’s the Aggies.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/colleges/ap-top-25-heat-check-fallout-and-falling-out-at-lsu/2016/09/26/59dc5620-83bf-11e6-b57d-dd49277af02f_story.html

Say it ain’t so. Every year when some sports broadcaster or writers says something like this, the Aggies begin to slide as if they stepped in owl manure. How about just having Lee Curses (Lee Corso) and Herbie Pie Cutie Pie (Kirk Herbstreit) continue to pick against the Aggies on Game Day?

Monday, September 12, 2016 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, September 12, 2016 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

I must admit that I did not watch as much college football as I usually do. Instead I attended a benefit for a high school friend aka a Still Magnolia. In the grand scheme of life I think friends are more important than football.

Nevertheless, The Buzzard Award goes to the referring crew who blew the call on the Oklahoma State – Central Michigan game. The play was dead and Central Michigan should not have had an opportunity to even try a Hail Mary with a lateral to score. OSU 27 Central Michigan 30. Referees zero. The referees also win The Suspension Bridge Award to celebrate their suspension.

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The Tide continues to Roll at the number one spot of the polls. I regret I was not able to see Coach Sabin’s head explode live and in real time. I am awarding you instead of the usual Willie Muschamp, the Exploding Head Coach Award. Didn’t you just hire that guy you were giving an old fashioned ass chewing?

2. Florida State – Do Not Care (DNC) at this time

3. Ohio State – DNC – I do not like those funny, pot looking leafy things on your helmets.

4. Michigan – DNC yet. So just Big Chill out.

5. Clemson wins The Helen of Troy Award. Just a touchdown shy of a beautiful upset. Troy 24 Clemson 30.

6. Houston – Shasta is looking pretty scary. Houston wins the Domino Pizza Award for shutting out Lamar 42-0. More dominoes to fall before Shasta is happy.

7. Stanford – Brainiacs had to study.

8.Washington – DNC but I will award you the Potato Award for your victory over Idaho 59-14.

9.Wisconsin – Onward Thru the Fog Wisconsin Award for the Badger win over Akron. 54-10

10.Louisville – I award Louisville the Funny Fluffy Orange Thing Award for its 62-28 win over Syracuse.

Otto the Orange

THE University of Texas – The Horns win the Remain Calm and Carry On Strong Award. Let’s remember you played UTEP and won 41-7, but there are several teams who have their eyes on The Eyes of Texas – like all of the Big 12.

Michigan State – DNC

Iowa – DNC

Oklahoma – The Sooners win A Duck Dynasty Camo award for a 50-17 win over UL Monroe.

Tennessee – The Vols over the Hokies of Va. Tech 45 to 24. DNC until Oct 8. Bring on Rocky Top and see how the Stands of Kyle sway.

Georgia – Did UGA go to sleep? The Dawgs win the Poo Poo Undies Award for surviving a scare from Nicholls 26-24. Nicholls, you win The Gumbo Award as the Boys from Thibeaux scared the poo out of the Dawgs.

Texas A&M – Great sideline coaching uniforms and great helmets to remember and honor September 11. Aggies win Best Uniform and Helmet Award. It was definitely a cupcake win over Prairie View at 67-0. Blinn was not available that weekend and PVA&M brings a larger student body and better band. From what I heard, PV also brings great fans. Aggies win the 12th Man Award because women’s basketball team and the Aggie Band were about to suit up and play the last quarter. Aggies are also awarded the William Blake, Tiger Tiger Burning Bright Watch Award as the bus travels to Auburn next Saturday.

Notre Dame – 39 to 10 over Nevada. Touchdown Jesus and Hail Mary full of Desert Award to the Irish.

Mississippi – Hotty Toddy win over Wofford. The Rebels win The Cupcake Award of the Week. Wofford? A private liberal arts college? What toddy goes with a cupcake?

LSU 34 – Jacksonville State 13. LSU wins the Frost Award because it has Miles to go before he sleeps. Tigers also win the You Better Step it up a Notch Award if you expect to win the SEC.

Baylor – Who picked the uniforms for you this week? Fifty-shades of Gray in Waco is not your color. Bears win Ugly Uniform Award for the week. The Baptists win over the SMU Methodists. Bears still need more than pony up for the Big 12.

Oregon – Who did you play? Oh yeah Virginia. Oregon wins the Cavalier Duck Award 44-26.

Florida – Really Don’t Care

Arkansas – The Baconators win The Purple Phrog Eaters Award for it double OT victory of TCU.

Miami – Really, super don’t care.

A few others of interest.

South Carolina 14 Miss. State 27. Uncle Will Muschamp wins the Erectile Dysfunction Award. It could a while before the Game Cocks rise again.

Stephen F Austin 30 Western Alabama 24 – Ax ‘Em Jacks! Can’t wait for the Battle of the Big Thicket!