Here's What I'm Thinking

Monday, July 17, 2017 – Monday After in 49 More Days SEC and Big 12 Media Days

Posted on July 17, 2017 | 3 comments

Monday, July 17, 2017 – Monday After in 49 More Days SEC and Big 12 Media Days

This time in 49 more days will be the first post of My Monday after College Football Awards 2017. These of course are presented by me, based on the performance of teams I like and teams that play teams I like from the weekend games. These awards include, but are not limited to the ugliest uniforms with a separate category just for helmets. Note: Oregon and Baylor are usually standouts in the category, but any team with orange usually has a shot at ugliest.

Until then it is still The Talking Season. What did the teams talk about?

The SEC football Media days concluded last week. There are 14 teams that make up the Southeastern Conference. Thirteen of them were asked how they would prepare to beat Alabama.

Texas Aggie coach, Kevin Sumlin, was asked about pressure to win. He responded with a grammatically incorrect sentence something like “No one puts more pressure on me than me.”

It is going to be a long climb. HWIT – not sure nine victories will be enough. Maybe if one is Alabama or LSU.

SEC guru, Paul Finebaum, predicts the Aggies will finish fifth in the SEC West behind Alabama, Auburn, LSU, and Arkansas. Three of those four are national championship contenders. Arkansas is just pissed because they have not beaten the Aggies.

This leaves the Aggies above number six, Mississippi State and number seven, Ole Miss in the SEC West. And Ole Miss is on probation. Hotty Toddy!

This week we have media days for the misnamed Big 12 Conference. It is misnamed because there are only 10 teams. The big news is a conference playoff game between the top two teams. Unfortunately, this could be Bedlam Part II and no team from the Big 12 in Texas plays.

Most of the Big 12 teams have the same teams as last year. Bad ones. But the influx of new coaches will make it interesting to watch.

There are some hot coaching seats in the Big 12. Apparently TT Red Raiders are no longer enamored by the hot looks of Coach Kliff Kingsbury and would rather have victories. Note: TT refers to Tortilla Throwers, the school formerly known as Texas Tech.

THE University of Texas is picked to finish fourth by the media behind Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and Kansas State. But they are picked to finish first of the Big 12 Schools located in Texas. Does that count? Remember there are only ten schools in the Big 12 Conference so that makes them slightly better than average.

That is enough talk for today. I am taking a timeout. I must go see what the Coaches are wearing for Big 12 Media Day. It is an award category.

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, LSU, Native Texan, SEC Media Days, Texas Aggies

Tagged Big 12 Conference, Big 12 Media Day, Oklahoma State University, Texas Tech, The University of Texas

Thursday, July 13, 2017 – Charmin Chatty Trump Family

Posted on July 13, 2017 | 2 comments

Thursday, July 13, 2017 – Charmin Chatty Trump Family

Who remembers the Chatty Cathy doll manufactured by the Mattel toy company from 1959-1965?

There was also Chatty Baby in 1962 and Tiny Chatty Baby, Tiny Chatty Brother and Charmin’Chatty in 1963. And the last of the Chatty family was Singin’ Chatty in 1965.

The Chatty Cathy mouth did not move. But the doll did speak one of eleven phrases at random when the “chatty ring” on the neck was pulled. The ring was attached to a string connected to a simple phonograph record inside the cavity behind the doll’s abdomen. The record was driven by a metal coil wound by pulling the toy’s string. The doll had 11 phrases when it came on the market in 1960 such as “I love you”, “I hurt myself!” or “Please take me with you.” Seven more phrases such as, “Let’s play school” or “May I have a cookie?” were added to the doll’s repertoire in 1963 for a total of 18 phrases. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chatty_Cathy

Today we have the Charmin Chatty Trump Family, including the Chatty Cathy look alike Chatty Kellyanne and Tinny Chatty Brother, Don T. Jr. and Non-Chatty Jerod. We also have Big Chatty Tweeter.

They all have neck pull rings guaranteed to say the most outrageous phrases. New phrases have been added to the repertoire such as “There is no collusion,” “fake news” and “I did not meet with the Russians.” When the neck ring on Tinny Chatty Brother is pulled he says “I’ve got mail” and “I love it.” Big Chatty Tweeter is programmed to say “Hillary did it” and “Obama did it.” It also constantly repeats “I’ve gone to play golf.”

One needs to order the Charmin Chatty Trump Family dolls now before they are no longer available. These strings cannot be pulled forever and somebody is going to cut their chatty ring strings.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

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Posted in Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Politics

Tagged Chatty Cathy Dolls, Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Kellyanne Conway

Wednesday, July 12, 2017 – Infamous Historical Statements and The Great 20th Century Philosopher

Posted on July 12, 2017 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, July 12, 2017 – Infamous Historical Statements and The Great 20th Century Philosopher

Let me reach into my bag of historical statements to find something for today’s HWIT.

“I am not a crook.” No, that is not the correct one.

“I did not have sex with that woman.” Not that one either.

“I did not collude with the Russians.” Maybe.

“I opened the email, responded ‘I love it,’ because I often meet with people I do not know and invite high ranking campaign people to my Daddy’s offices.” Hmm too long.

How about this one? “I am not a crook and I did not have email sex with the Russians.”

Reminder to Trump Administration – When you are up to your ass in alligators, you forget your initial objective was to drain the swamp.

WH Press Release for today.

“Can’t you feel em circling Honey; can’t you feel them swimming around? You got fins to left; fins to the right and you’re the only bait in town.” (FINS, Buffet, James William. July, 1979.)

Not to mention the “the big white teeth of the sharks that swim on the land!!!”

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Posted in Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Politics

Tagged Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Jimmy Buffet

Tuesday, July 11, 2017 – My Amazon Prime Order

Posted on July 11, 2017 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, July 11, 2017 – My Amazon Prime Order

Today is the day one can obtain amazing offers and discounts on all types of items from Amazon Prime.

Can We, the People, order a new POTUS and a new First Family?

How is it working out for you so far? Photo by me in Crockett Texas

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Posted in Native Texan, Politics

July 10, 2017 – Only Seven More Mondays. Mea Culpa

Posted on July 10, 2017 | Leave a comment

July 10, 2017 – Only Seven More Mondays. Mea Culpa.

Only seven more Mondays until we begin ‘My Monday After College Football Awards.” Today is the unofficial start of college football season beginning with Conference Media Days.

My conference tis of thee and that means the SEC for me. I claim rights on that T-shirt slogan.

However, it is all talk and no action at this time. Therefore the only award today goes to me. I am awarding myself the “Is My Face Crimson” Award.

Old School Version: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea máxima culpa. through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault;

Modern Version: Sorry. My bad.

I deeply and sincerely apologize to the four Alabama fans who read HWIT and to everybody else whose traditional greeting is “Roll Tide.”

I will never misspell Coach Nick Saban’s name again; I will never spell it Sabin, like the scientist, and I will write Saban spelled correctly the end zone 100 times. I will remember to spell his name correctly because his name has two A’s in it, like the beginning and the end of Alabama. There are four As in Alabama – the same number of National Championships won by Nick Saban to date.

As I mentioned NCAA Football Media days are taking place this month. The SEC teams are in Hoover, Alabama to speak with the media. It begins today and ends Thurs. The schedule looks pretty much like this:

LSU, Florida, Alabama, Auburn and everybody else. Texas A&M will be sharing Wednesday with Alabama and Saban with two A’s. This is allegedly to reduce the temperature in Coach Sumlin’s seat, which even Paul Finebaum says is “the hottest seat in football.” You cannot let this season get away!

Here’s what I’m thinking. Coach Sumlin must upset at least one of those teams to even turn down the temperature a few degrees. Can we all agree that the team the Aggies should upset should be FLORIDA?

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Posted in College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Texas Aggies

Tagged Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, LSU football, Paul Finebaum, SEC Media 2017

Posted on July 7, 2017 | Leave a comment

Friday, July 7, 2017 – Snarky Friday – 7.7.17 – Seven More Saturdays Until Kick Off

Seven. Seven. Seventeen. Seven more Saturdays until we scream! WHOOP!

Why is it so hot in Texas in July? It is because it was July when God kicked the Devil out of Heaven. God gave him the choice between Texas in July or Hell. The Devil chose Hell because it is cooler than Texas in July.

But the July temperatures are not the only thing in Texas burning hotter than the hinges on the Gates of Hell. There is an office near Wellborn and George Bush Drive in College Station that also has some very hot hinges. The name on the door – Kevin Sumlin.

Yes, Indeedee do, the hottest coach’s seat in the NCAA D-1 football is right here in College Station. Three years of 5-0 starts squandered. The motivational poster in his office reads WIN NOW! I think it was placed there by the AD and the HR people from Texas A&M. Might have been John Sharp. I believe this is called “The handwriting on the wall.”

It must really be hot because the SEC Media Days paired the Texas A&M with the Alabama to take some of the heat away from Sumlin. Sabin and Sumlin – hot, but for different reasons.

Speaking of hot seats – or at least warm – we have THE University of Texas coach Tom Herman featured on the football bible of Texas – Dave Campbell’s Texas Football.

I cannot say for certain, but here’s what I’m thinking. My friends who attended and support THE University are going to want more than Coach Herman’s picture on the cover of a magazine. All of that football gibberish better transfer to the scoreboard with W’s on it every Saturday.

Don’t forget – UT You Pee! ( I have so been saving to saythat.)

Hook ‘Em Hippies!

Seven more Saturdays until college football kickoff. Counting the days.

BTHO UCLA

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Posted in College Football, Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies, Uncategorized

Tagged Alabama, College Football; Texas Aggies, college sports, Dave Campbells's Texas Football, Kevin Sumlin, Nick Sabin, The University of Texas, Tom Herman

Thursday, July 6, 2017 – Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer and G-20

Posted on July 6, 2017 | Leave a comment

Thursday, July 6, 2017 – Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer and G-20

Here’s What I’m Thinking. Get your history hat on.

The POTUS is out of the country. Our political prayer for the day is “please do not let him tweet and start a war.”

He is headed to the G-20 Summit that kicks off tomorrow in Hamburg, Germany. The Chair of the Conference is Head of State of Germany, Angela Merkel. It is a meeting to discuss world financial issues and has been going on since 1999 (Google it).

I am feeling like The Hippie Dippy Weatherman (George Carlin) “A line of thunderstorms is headed toward Japan, but so is a line of North Korean missiles, so I would not sweat the thunderstorms.” Is the emoji for this a mushroom shaped cloud over Alaska or the Secretary of Education telling children to “just get under their desks and put your hands over your heads?”

The POTUS visited Poland on his way to Germany. When That Man tweets at 3:00 AM that “His Presidency received the largest crowds ever” please remember your history.

Most of those crowds were bused in. They are somewhat like Extras in a crowd scene in a movie. If one knew their history, he or she would know this.
Had he or his staff bothered to check a history book he would see that since September 1, 1939, Poland has taken a rough ride in history. Actually, it goes way back further, but we’ll start with the September first date. First it was those Nazis tanks overpowering a military that was riding horses waving sabers.Then it was the Soviets and that Iron Curtain. So when he tweets “I am the BEST,” remember previous Presidents were not allowed to visit. Something about that Soviet Union travel ban during a period known as The Cold War. Ask your buddy VP. Not the Vice President.
The POTUS is also meeting with the leader of Russia Vladimir Putin. I wonder if Vlad will serve Moscow Mules in a symbolic gesture of what the POTUS means to him.

As the 20 Heads of State gather in Germany, let us end with a history joke.

The Heads of State of Germany, The United States and Russia meet in a bar. The three are to discuss world issues and strategies to achieve them. As the evening progresses and drinking continues, the German head of state remains silent. The heads of state from the United States and Russia outline elaborate strategies. Finally, German leader is asked for input. She looks at the Russian and says, “Next time we will come in the summer.”

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Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged Donald Trump, G-20, G-20 Summit, George Carlin, Hippie Dippy Weatherman, history, humor, North Korea, Putin, satire

Monday, July 3, 2017 – My Fourth of July Movie

Posted on July 3, 2017 | Leave a comment

Monday, July 3, 2017 – My Fourth of July Movie

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Posted in Education, Misc., Native Texan, Uncategorized

Saturday, July 1, 2017 – The Case of the Missing Hot Tub

Posted on July 2, 2017 | 2 comments

Saturday, July 1, 2017 – The Case of the Missing Hot Tub

Nancy Drew here! It was a clear and pleasant morning as I traveled in my roadster with the top down. The morning Texas sun had only reached temperatures of a balmy 94 degrees. Not bad for July in Texas, but it was only the first of July.

I was traveling going south along Highway 105 near Plantersville. Suddenly, as I came around the turn I saw it! I thought immediately – who in the hell leaves hot tub on the side of the highway? Even in Montgomery County, this is weird.

Therefore, I am collecting clues. If you know how this got here, please post it. If you notice your hot tub is missing from your back yard, it might be on the side of the road.