Category Archives: humor

Monday, September 11, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Posted on September 11, 2017 | 1 comment

Monday, September 11, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards

With no further typing – My Monday after college football awards.

The Cupcake Game Ball goes to almost every team that played a smaller school. You won by large double digit margins and the smaller school is able to fund their entire athletic program for this year.

In the Uniform Category –The Best Uniform Award goes to the Ducks of Oregon. The Ducks usually win the Ugliest Uniform, but not Saturday. Their uniforms were a chrome helmet, with white jerseys and pants. Green numbers. Bright yellow socks and gloves that read: Win the Day. Win the Fight. Overcome. The uniforms were designed by kids with cancer from the Doernbecher Hospital and Nike.

Best Uniform for the rest of College Football – The Class Act Award goes to every team expressing their support for Texas with Texas Strong shirts and stickers. Florida you are not forgotten.

The Nothing Pisses Off your Opponent More Award goes “OOOOOOOOklahoma where the flag was planted in the O …” as Boomer Sooner echoes throughout the stadium. Let the Baker stick a fork in that Buckeye pie. It is done! See ya in Atlanta with Alabama.

The Unanswered Question Award goes to The Ohio State University Band. Since no one will be able to read cursive in the future, do you plan change Script Ohio to Print Ohio?

THE University of Texas receives The Sparse Kickoff Crowd Trophy. Looks a bit Spartan. Then again, there is Austin traffic to consider.

Photo by Jill

Glad to see Bevo’s horns growing. A good victory. Enjoy the victory because the USC Trojans await you next Saturday. Don’t forget who won the Trojan War. Hook ‘Em Hippies. (Read USC home page story of Jake Olsen- blind long snapper. https://www.usc.edu/)

The Exploding Coach’s Head Award goes to the Offensive Coordinator for UTSA along with The Hot Mike Award. He could be heard screaming not one, but two, multi-syllable, compound word, adjective profanities that would make Uncle Will Muschamp blush.  Heck, it made me and RL blush and that is real hard to do. I am pretty sure you can’t even say damn in Waco or question one’s mother’s fornications.

And now our final category – WORST FOOTBALL GAME EVER! Equally sharing the awards below are Baylor University and Texas A&M University.

Not just a Poopy Undies Award, but Throw Away Your Underwear Award to both teams. Playing down to your opponent is very dangerous. Your opponent has nothing to lose and gets a large portion of the gate receipts. This makes your fan bases want to say things like the USTA coach did and throw the remotes toward the TV. There are no photos because we threw the phones toward the TV or we had to reboot them after drowning them with tears.

Here to receive The My Grandmother Can Run Through that Opening Award goes to the Defensive Units of Baylor and A&M. Hey, Chavis.! This is not what the Aggies are paying you for.

Wearing a grandmother style hair, but can he play quarterback?

First to Baylor – You next opponent is Duke. Well, there is always basketball to look forward to.

To the Aggies – You’re next opponent is UL Lafayette. They do not call them Ragin Cajuns for nothing. Their mascot is a one of those dress up mascots that is a pickled pepper named Cayenne. I do not want to see you pepper sprayed all over Kyle Field.

And last for today, The Weather Report Award goes to Roy Philpot in the broadcast booth at Kyle Field for saying “it is a sweltering night here in College Station.” Native Texans consider an 80 degree temperature at night in September as a “cool spell,” Maybe it was just your reaction to the booth swaying during War Hymn, but I can only conclude that you were referring to something else sweltering in College Station besides the temperature.

12th Man Statue at Kyle Field. Photo by me.

This post brought to you by Moving Your Things Down Highway 6 in Either Direction. Ready ! Aim! FIRE!  R-E-L-O-A-D! A&M! Give us room, is not just a yell.

 

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Posted in Coach Kevin Sumlin, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Friday, September 8, 2017 – Snarky Friday Before College Football Saturday

Posted on September 8, 2017 | Leave a comment

Friday, September 8, 2017 – Snarky Friday Before College Football Saturday

The Snark of Friday is here and is very angry. To the person who send a letter of racial hatred and bigotry to the Sumlin Family: THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Your behavior is disgusting and reprehensible.

Football is a game. College football is an opportunity for many young men to succeed on the field and off. To criticize a coach due to perceived coaching abilities and even to express the desire for a replacement are well within the boundaries of the game. Alumni do not pay for mediocrity. To attack a coach’s family with such vitriolic spewed hatred and then to end it with a threat, is wrong for any family.

From the statement issued by Texas A&M AD Scott Woodward, “We unequivocally condemn this disgusting and threating letter. There is no excuse for hatred and as a community; we will not allow the ignorance of some to intimidate any member of our community.”

To the sender of the letter: May a plague of poxes fall upon your house that brings swarming locusts and grasshoppers, mounds of fire ants, moles in your flower beds, bed bugs in your mattresses, roaches in every room and leaks in the roof throughout your house.

Now moving down field.

From last evening congratulations to Sammy Bearkat and the Boys from Sam Houston in the win over Prairie View A&M 44-31. Not quite enough scare for a Poopie Undies Award Sam, but I will give you Skids Award. Well done, PVA&M.

Our football evening begins tonight with Pistol Pete and the Oklahoma State Cowboys. We shall find the Pokes playing South Alabama at 7:00 on ESPN2. If I were any team from Alabama, I would be watching Oklahoma State – even you in Saban land.

Tomorrow begins at 9:00 with ESPN Game. One of my football goals is to get a selfie with Kirk Herbstreit. I think he is cute and when Fowler scared him last Halloween with a spider and he screamed like a girl, I knew I wanted to meet him.

Thank goodness, apparently no one I care about is playing at the ungodly hour of 11:00 AM.

Screen # 3 – So the day begins with TCU and Arkansas entertaining us in old Southwest Conference rematch at 2:30 on CBS. Go FROGS!

Screen # 2 – Opposite the Frogs and Pigs we find THE University of Texas Longhorns trying to see if they can answer the question “Do you know the way to San Jose?” Kick-off is at 2:30 in DKR Memorial Stadium with Texas versus San Jose State on the Long Horn Network.

Screen # 1 -On my main screen aka Living Room (as in there’s an elephant in the room) –

My friend Celeste and a pack of pachyderms.

will be#1  Alabama versus Fresno State at 2:30 on ESPN2 in Tuscaloosa. Hounds Tooth hats for everyone! ROLL TIDE!

On Fox Sports Southwest – At the truly beautiful McLane Stadium in Waco on the Brazos the Road Runners from University of Texas San Antonio meet Baylor @7:00. New Rhule: Do not take the Road Runners lightly and try not to look like Wiley Coyote like you did last week. Sic ‘Em Bears.

Pardon me Mike? Is that the Chattanooga Choo – choos?” Why yes, Mike, The Tiger, LSU plays Chattanooga at 6:30 on the SECN. The Chattanooga mascot is named after legendary football coach A.C. “Scrappy” Moore, Scrappy, the Chattanooga mascot, is a fixture for the Mocs. A re-design in 2008 puts Scrappy in the image of the State Bird of Tennessee, a Mockingbird. Thank goodness, I thought it might be a water moccasin. YUM. Cats like birds.

Not Relief Out shirts, but proceeds from these also go to Harvey relief efforts.

At 6:00 from Kyle Field we have a Relief Out game between Texas A&M v Nicholls State on ESPNU. All Harvey evacuees in the Brazos Valley were given free tickets. Fans will Relief Out the stadium by filling it with fans wearing Hurricane Harvey Relief shirts. All proceeds go to Harvey Relief efforts. Should provide an intimidating stadium for The Colonels. There will be more people in Kyle Field than live in Thibodaux, Louisiana.

Wearing Big Boy Uniforms playing big boy games we have the #13 Auburn Hair Color versus the # 3 Clemson Tigers @ 6:00 ESPN. Oh, both teams are the Tigers? Roll Tide.

On ABC at 6:30 we have the Sooners from “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOklahoma where the winds come sweeping down the plains” playing Ohio State Buckeyes. I am sorry. I do not know any Ohio State songs. If I get to meet Mr. Herbstreit, may he can me teach one.

Hope your team wins and

BTHO Nicholls State

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Thursday, September 7, 2017 – Sitting in for Madam Rose today is The Divine Miss Peach. For all Feliners.

Posted on September 7, 2017 | 1 comment

Thursday, September 7, 2017 – Sitting in for Madam Rose today is The Divine Miss Peach. For all Feliners.

Sitting in for Madam Rose today is The Divine Miss Peach.

Meow,

Since I was already sitting in the inbox on the desk, I get to blog.

My pet parent just got all of her headlights examined. Yesterday was a mammogram and car inspection. Today was annual eye exam. She says her eyes are dilated and she cannot see. Her pupils are very big.

Yesterday was my first day of school. I am in Kittygarden. Of course, I am in the gifted and talented section. This is reserved for Jellicle cats. A true Jellicle cat is like Cousin Moo Moo – black and white. Cousin Shelby is pretty Jellicle too. Not only am I a Jellicle, I am a calico cat (three colors and female) with some tabby (stripes) markings. Therefore I am a calaby cat.

Something is bugging me.

But all cats come to the Jellicle Ball.

Indoor Jellicles like to come out at night and run through the house, jump on the furniture, sweep the knickknacks shelf and dance the night away to music only jellicles hear.

The Attack of the Plastic Bags!

Then we like to jump into pet parent’s bed at 5: 00 AM to tell pet parent what a good time we had at the Jellicles Ball. Then we lie down because after such fun there’s a nap for that.

You ask, how did I get my name? Let’s see what the Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats says about the naming of cats.

I am named Miss Peach and “The name that no human research can discover–But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.”

The Naming Of Cats

By T. S. Eliot

The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,

It isn’t just one of your holiday games;

You may think at first I’m as mad as a hatter

When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.

First of all, there’s the name that the family use daily,

Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James, Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey– All of them sensible everyday names.

There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter, Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:

Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter– But all of them sensible everyday names.

But I tell you, a cat needs a name that’s particular, A name that’s peculiar, and more dignified,

Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular, Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride? Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,

Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat, Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum- Names that never belong to more than one cat.

But above and beyond there’s still one name left over, And that is the name that you never will guess; The name that no human research can discover– But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.

When you notice a cat in profound meditation, The reason, I tell you, is always the same:

His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:

His ineffable effable Effanineffable Deep and inscrutable singular Name.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Possum%27s_Book_of_Practical_Cats

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Tuesday, September 5, 2017 – The Tuesday Agenda. POTUS and Mammograms or Boobs Among Us

Posted on September 5, 2017 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, September 5, 2017 – The Tuesday Agenda. POTUS and Mammograms or Boobs Among Us

What is on the agenda for today?

  • Repeal Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals.
  • Bomb North Korea.
  • Stop trade with China.
  • Continue to tweet 128 characters about topics I know nothing about.
  • Watch on TV as Florida gets blown away like Texas by a natural disaster.
  • Develop a list of groups to blame for Hurricane Irma instead of climate change. Included, but not limited to: gay people, lesbians, transgender people, people of any color, immigrants, all religious group that is not Christian, and any group not fundamentalist Christian, and the media except for Fox News.
  • Continue to court Evangelicals.
  • Check on Vladddie.

I am sorry. That is the POTUS’ agenda for today. Here is mine.

  • Get mammogram today.

Face you make during mammogram.

Yes, today is the annual Squashing of the Boobs. Once a year women across America get to experience the feeling of a garage door descending and flattening all breast tissue, large or small, while special pictures are taken.

Hold your breath now. I have no experience, but I would think the hold your breath phrase equates to men when they hear “Cough.”

I do not really complain. In fact, I feel blessed to have two Girls to put on the platform and benefits that pay for the squashing. Several years ago, at a sorority reunion (AXO/SFA) a photograph was taken of ten sisters. Five of them were breast cancer survivors. Sadly, there was a display of pictures of sisters who were not so fortunate in the fight. That is one tiny segment of women. Magnify that number of boobs times by thousands to get some idea of the women effected.

You guys need to pay attention too. Every body has boobs.

Here is a toast to my two-boob, one-boob, and no boob loved ones, friends and ladies everywhere. Proudly wear your T-shirt that reads: Hell, yes. They’re fake. The real ones were killing me.

I wish every woman could get a mammogram. Do you have yours scheduled?

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Monday, September 04, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards.

Posted on September 4, 2017 | 2 comments

Monday, September 04, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards.

Let’s begin. Every NCAA Division I team receives a Poopy Undies Award. It was definitely a Jalapeno by Morning for many.

As predicted the Ugliest Uniform goes to Maryland. Argyle patterns only look good on socks, sweaters and court jesters.

The Charlie Brown Award for Worse Kick goes to the punter of Wyoming for missing the entire ball.

The Hangover Award goes to the Texas Longhorns, the Baylor Bears and the Texas Aggies. Like the movie, we all woke up and wondered “what the hell happened last night?”

All three schools are also recipients of The Hoover Award because you sucked! Throw in the Big Disappointment Award.

It is a tie for The Most Inauspicious Coaching Debut – Texas’ Tom Herman and Baylor’s Matt Rhule. I somehow doubt the alumni from each school were comforted by the announcers of both games saying “this is a good teaching moment for …” for Herman and Rhule. I am pretty sure they were expecting winning moments rather than teaching moments. I think teaching moments are called practice.

I am awarding the UCLA quarterback, Josh Rosen, The Timex Award. He took a licking, but kept on ticking.

The Clock is Ticking Award goes to Texas A&M Head Coach, Kevin Sumlin.

The Aloe Award goes to the entire Texas A&M Coaching Staff and especially the Defense. You got burned!

And the Still Number One Award goes to Alabama. Roll Tide! To Nick Saban: Do you have any assistants who want to move up to a head coaching position? I imagine there will be an opening after the Tide visits College Station if not sooner. I hear Coach Sumlin’s house has a pool.

I am giving up football. I am going to follow curling and synchronized swimming instead.

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, September 1, 2017 – Snarky Friday College Football

Posted on September 2, 2017 | 1 comment

Friday, September 1, 2017 – Snarky Friday College Football

It’s Howdy Doodie Time; It’s Snarky Friday Time; The football season’s here; so let’s all stand and cheer.

For any freshmen (and women) to HWIT, Fridays and Mondays are dedicated to college football. I write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like.

Football fans got a little taste last night. First to the Oklahoma State Cowboys Granted you did not play a power house hosting Tulsa, but Pistol Pete and the team looked pretty sharp. I have been to Daddy Boone Stadium in Stillwater.

They play this video clip with Kurt Russell and then scream “and we’re coming with it when the Oklahoma State logo appears.” They might just be doing it this year.

Since the Oklahoma State game was over at the end of the first quarter, I turned to the Ohio State/Indiana game. Monday is the official day of awards, but I must give Ohio State University the first 2017 Poopie Undies Award. The Buckeyes really looked like #2 in the first half and I am not referring to their ranking. Wonder what Urban said at halftime?

We kick off tomorrow with the longhorns and terrapins (aka turtles)

when THE University of Texas plays Maryland on FS1 @ 11: 00. The Maryland school mascot is an anthropomorphic (means it ain’t a real animal) turtle named “Testudo.” The official team colors are red, white, black, and gold, derived from the Maryland state flag. This usually results in a disastrous uniform combination, but we shall see.

This game is opposite the Oklahoma University Sooners and the University of Texas @ El Paso Miners on Fox. I hate 11:00 games. Note to self: stock up on bloody Mary supplies.

There are games throughout the day on Saturday but we are waiting for night fall. At 6:00 on FSports 2 we find the Baylor Bears opening against Liberty Flames. The Baylor team is the Bears and the Liberty teams is the Flames. The mascot of Baylor is a bear. The mascot of Liberty is anthropomorphic (means it ain’t a real animal.) eagle named Sparky.

I will certainly have The Baptist Bowl on another screen of house, but all eyes will be on ABC at 7:00 when #1 Alabama meets #3 Florida State University. Having been heavily influenced by Louisiana football as a child, I learned “never pull for a team from Florida.”

This is a reminder to my Tide Rolling Friends to be sure to have an adequate supply of alcohol, antacids and smelling salts. Text me if you need assistance controlling your breathing. ROLL TIDE.

On the third screen of my house, coming to you from New Orleans, Louisiana, thanks to Harvey, we have a game of two cats when LSU meets BYU. This is your annual reminder that BYU’s mascot is a Cougar. They are not the BYU Mormons.

Sunday brings two games of special interest since I have papers on the wall from both schools.

At 6:30 on Fox Sports the Fighting Texas Aggies meet the UCLA Bruins in the Rose Bowl. Note to self: double liquor store order. Texas doesn’t sell liquor on Sunday. This game will determine which head coach has the hottest seat next week.

At 7:00 on ESPNU Sam Houston State plays Richmond University. Thank you Baylor nation for allowing the game to be held in McLane Stadium. Did you know that Richmond is the only NCAA school whose mascot is a spider. The spider’s name is WebstUR. I hope the mascot is also anthropomorphic.

I never give alma mater # 2 Sam Houston enough play so I have prepared a special cheer:

Arachnid! Arachnid! Arachnid a spinning

Look on the scoreboard and see who’s a winning!

Gooooooo! BearKats!

And

BTHO UCLA – Gig’ Em Aggies!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Thursday, August 31, 207 – It’s Just a Game But

Posted on August 31, 2017 | Leave a comment

Thursday, August 31, 207 – It’s Just a Game But

COLLEGE FOOTBALL! It’s just a game, but it is such a welcome diversion to the continuing events resultant from Hurricane Harvey. Please continue thoughts and prayers as many coaches’ and players’ families throughout Texas have been impacted.

Thank you to the football teams all over the country paying tribute to Texas with the decals on their helmets and jerseys. Thank you to the colleges and universities and their organizations aiding in the relief efforts in so many ways. Let us now find some joy in football.

If you have been following HWIT, you are aware that during football season I write about teams I like and teams that play teams that I like. This year I am adding two teams that I did not write about last year. One is the East Tennessee Buccaneers. My cousin, Daryl Daye, is defensive coach there. Please wish him well. For you, LSU fans this is Donnie’ son.

My LSU commemorative shirt signed by Heisman Trophy winner, Billy Cannon and his blocking back, my cousin Donnie Daye. RIP Donnie.

http://www.etsubucs.com/athletics/staff/9190/daryl-daye/

My new other team is the Eagles of the University of North Texas. Adopted great nephew, Andre, made the team as a walk on. So proud of you Andre. Keep up the hard work.

But tonight the big boys are under the lights. Tonight we kick off with Oklahoma State v Tulsa at 6:30 on FS1. GO POKES!

You can alternate between that game and Ohio State vs Indiana on ESPN 7:00. These two are currently on my DNC (Do Not Care) List, but if one plays a team I like, expect more comments.

Tomorrow is the first Official Snarky Friday of the season. See you then.

 

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Posted in Coach Kevin Sumlin, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Wednesday, August 30, 2017 – Mouths With No Brains and Climate Change

Posted on August 30, 2017 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, August 30, 2017 – Mouths With No Brains and Climate Change

“Good Morning Houston! This is radio station KILT wishing you a great day! The sun is shining over our city.” If you grew up around Houston this was the radio greeting we woke up to every morning.

Harvey has left the building – at least the Houston area.

Please continue with thoughts and prayers as the storm made a third land fall in Louisiana. Forecasts have it moving up the Sabine River and then finally off to the northeast. Please keep the people and the petrochemical plants in that area in your thoughts and prayers.

It is heart – warming and overwhelming to see Texas and other states pulling together to offer relief and assistance. As a Native Born Texas, we cannot thank you enough.

It is heart – breaking to hear the know nothings even speak. HWIT to the Big Mouth with No Brain, Ann Coulter.

Yes, Ann. You are right as rain saying that former lesbian Houston Mayor, Annise Parker, is a more plausible reason for Hurricane Harvey than climate change. What is your rationale for the previous mayor, Bill White? He is a White man. What about current mayor, Sylvester Turner? He is a Black man. Both are about my age.

Following your logic I can only conclude that baldness (White) and being less than 6 feet tall (Turner) and aging are also more plausible reasons than climate change.

I had no idea that one’s sexual orientation, genetic dispositions causing baldness and growth were also causes of climate change. More Mouths with No Brains can thank you for adding baldness, being short and growing old to the reasons for what took place in Houston. I am certainly changing my mind about climate change. Next time you come to Texas maybe you can relax and hangout along the Gulf Coast at Dallas.

So here’s to all the Mouths with No Brains, Station HWIT dedicates America singing A Horse with No Name. https://youtu.be/SQzW6wz2JQk

PS – I know exactly how tall Sylvester Turner is. During another lifetime, when he was in the Texas Legislature we met eye-to-eye (literally and strategically) on many issues. Once again, thank you Mayor Turner.

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Tuesday, August 29, 2017 – It’s all about that Base.

Posted on August 29, 2017 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, August 29, 2017 – It’s all about that Base.

I always wanted to be a United States presidential historian like Michael Beschloss, Douglass Brinkley or Doris Kerns Goodwin. I still can. I can just run four miles down Highway 6 to College Station and get another doctorate. But as we used to say in Austin, Onward Thru the Fog.

The POTUS and First Lady visit Texas today. He has scheduled visits to Corpus Christi and Austin. As you are aware, it’s all about that Base.

If you are a T Supporter, do not read any further. You will not like it. Click the exit square now.

I wonder if the POTUS is aware of the ethnic demographics of these two Texas cities.

http://www.areavibes.com/corpus+christi-tx/demographics/

http://www.areavibes.com/austin-tx/demographics/

Hell, even George W. Bush could speak enough Spanish to address these crowds. HWIT – I wouldn’t discuss the pardoning of Arapio in either city. Unless you discuss it in Spanish of course.

I understand the POTUS will visit the Department of Public Safety Emergency management center in Austin. HWIT – Is this due to your uniform fetish or just not time to visit the Wilhelmina Delco Center that shelters fellow Texans in all emergencies? https://www.austinchronicle.com/daily/news/2017-08-28/austin-shelters-brace-for-harveys-second-flood/ FYI – 500 sought shelter at Delco Center as of Sunday.

Here are some other questions I have. Is the POTUS going to pardon Harvey? I mean he said “there are good people on both sides,” even if one side is catastrophic.

Will the POTUS consider pardoning the Texas Rangers for bad sportsmanship? Go Astros! Can POTUS sign an Executive Order changing their name to Arlington, Rangers and remove TEXAS from their name?

Will POTUS be hawking his red USA hats for $40 or donating money to the resurrection of Houston? As I said, it’s all about that base.

From the best musical about Texas – Best Little Whorehouse in Texas – sing along. It’s really Trumpish!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJG75FJkjr8

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Tuesday, August 22, 2017 – Yesterday – A Day to Remember – Eclectic Tuesday or A Little Something for Everyone.

Posted on August 22, 2017 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, August 22, 2017 – Yesterday – A Day to Remember – Eclectic Tuesday or A Little Something for Everyone.

What I have been told my brain looks like.

What a day to remember. Were you able to see the eclipse? I actually went outside at 1:11 CST with my two paper plates and saw the moon partially block the sun in my little shadow. I plan to be alive in 2024 when the next solar eclipse passes over Texas.

They, whoever, “they are,” say a total eclipse brings super powers. I have not selected my super power yet because I cannot decide what I want my super power to be. That changing water into wine sounds like it would a useful skill and very popular at parties, but a cloak of invisibility has potential. Right now I will settle for a Texas Aggie quarterback with superpowers.

It was the first day back to school for Bryan ISD. Apparently all went smoothly save for the usual number of students still on the school bus at 6:00 PM with parental units in an uproar at the bus barn.

Events were going well until the POTUS spoke. I kept remembering Fish Cheer from Woodstock. No I was not there.

Come on all you big strong men, Uncle Sam needs your help again. Got himself in a terrible jam, way over yonder in Afghanistan.

Historically speaking, Afghanistan is a Black Hole in the history of the world. The geography is such that no country in history has been able to achieve a victory. To even mention Pakistan is like bringing gasoline to a bonfire – an Indian one. Good luck with this, Donald John.

I have some questions. Why was it necessary to make the Afghanistan speech at Fort Myers? The Secret Service is already out of money and can’t make payroll. Do you plan to give your salary to them or continue to charge them? How about those 700 plus government officials recently kicked out of Russia? Can your savings on that payroll be transferred to the Secret Service?

What else? I forgot to mention another new award I plan to give on my Monday After Saturday College Football Awards. This is the Dreadlocks Award. Fake News Sports reports that athletes with dreadlocks run 2.6 seconds faster than athletes that do not sport dreadlocks.

Did you read HWIT last week about the finalists for fried foods at the Texas State Fair? Texas Monthly published photos of them. Here is the Funnel Cake Bacon Queso Burger.

You can click on the link to view the other so called foods. http://www.texasmonthly.com/the-daily-post/agony-ecstasy-state-fair-food-finalists/

The article is pretty funny. I am sorry – Fried chicken Noodle Soup on a Stick and Pinot Noir Popcorn and tamale filled donuts are just wrong.

The Gulf Coast Fish Bowl looks like something I made in the third grade and gave my Mother for Mother’s Day. It has a straw in it. It could be brown salt water.

If you do go The State Fair of Texas and take your grandchildren, please send your photos of one of these dishes- preferably including a selfie. Remember to say Hi to Big Tex. This means you Mr. and Mrs. Tedder.

 

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