Monday, September 11, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards
With no further typing – My Monday after college football awards.
The Cupcake Game Ball goes to almost every team that played a smaller school. You won by large double digit margins and the smaller school is able to fund their entire athletic program for this year.
In the Uniform Category –The Best Uniform Award goes to the Ducks of Oregon. The Ducks usually win the Ugliest Uniform, but not Saturday. Their uniforms were a chrome helmet, with white jerseys and pants. Green numbers. Bright yellow socks and gloves that read: Win the Day. Win the Fight. Overcome. The uniforms were designed by kids with cancer from the Doernbecher Hospital and Nike.
Best Uniform for the rest of College Football – The Class Act Award goes to every team expressing their support for Texas with Texas Strong shirts and stickers. Florida you are not forgotten.
The Nothing Pisses Off your Opponent More Award goes “OOOOOOOOklahoma where the flag was planted in the O …” as Boomer Sooner echoes throughout the stadium. Let the Baker stick a fork in that Buckeye pie. It is done! See ya in Atlanta with Alabama.
The Unanswered Question Award goes to The Ohio State University Band. Since no one will be able to read cursive in the future, do you plan change Script Ohio to Print Ohio?
THE University of Texas receives The Sparse Kickoff Crowd Trophy. Looks a bit Spartan. Then again, there is Austin traffic to consider.
Glad to see Bevo’s horns growing. A good victory. Enjoy the victory because the USC Trojans await you next Saturday. Don’t forget who won the Trojan War. Hook ‘Em Hippies. (Read USC home page story of Jake Olsen- blind long snapper. https://www.usc.edu/)
The Exploding Coach’s Head Award goes to the Offensive Coordinator for UTSA along with The Hot Mike Award. He could be heard screaming not one, but two, multi-syllable, compound word, adjective profanities that would make Uncle Will Muschamp blush. Heck, it made me and RL blush and that is real hard to do. I am pretty sure you can’t even say damn in Waco or question one’s mother’s fornications.
And now our final category – WORST FOOTBALL GAME EVER! Equally sharing the awards below are Baylor University and Texas A&M University.
Not just a Poopy Undies Award, but Throw Away Your Underwear Award to both teams. Playing down to your opponent is very dangerous. Your opponent has nothing to lose and gets a large portion of the gate receipts. This makes your fan bases want to say things like the USTA coach did and throw the remotes toward the TV. There are no photos because we threw the phones toward the TV or we had to reboot them after drowning them with tears.
Here to receive The My Grandmother Can Run Through that Opening Award goes to the Defensive Units of Baylor and A&M. Hey, Chavis.! This is not what the Aggies are paying you for.
First to Baylor – You next opponent is Duke. Well, there is always basketball to look forward to.
To the Aggies – You’re next opponent is UL Lafayette. They do not call them Ragin Cajuns for nothing. Their mascot is a one of those dress up mascots that is a pickled pepper named Cayenne. I do not want to see you pepper sprayed all over Kyle Field.
And last for today, The Weather Report Award goes to Roy Philpot in the broadcast booth at Kyle Field for saying “it is a sweltering night here in College Station.” Native Texans consider an 80 degree temperature at night in September as a “cool spell,” Maybe it was just your reaction to the booth swaying during War Hymn, but I can only conclude that you were referring to something else sweltering in College Station besides the temperature.
This post brought to you by Moving Your Things Down Highway 6 in Either Direction. Ready ! Aim! FIRE! R-E-L-O-A-D! A&M! Give us room, is not just a yell.