Category Archives: College Football

Friday, October 28, 2016 – Snarky Friday, Football, Maroon Madness and GO CUBS!

Posted on October 28, 2016 | 2 comments

Maroon Madness – Unveiling of the Men’s 2016 SEC Conference Championship Banner.

Friday, October 28, 2016 – Snarky Friday, Football, Maroon Madness and GO CUBS! Click to see more Maroon Madness and comments.

It is another fun filled weekend of sports so let’s get started. The Aggies of Texas A&M are playing the Aggies of New Mexico at 6:30 on ESPNU in The Aggie Cupcake Bowl.

Fifteen minutes prior to Aggie Cupcake kick off on the SEC Network the Auburn Tigers go against the Rebels of Ole Miss. A victory over the Rebels would be most appreciated in Aggieland.

Other cupcake action has Texas Southern playing the #1 CFB Sam Houston Bearkats on ESPN3. This could be the Bearkats year to be #1.

The Game of Interest is THE University of Texas hosting the Baylor Bears on ABC at 2:30. This game is interesting for many reasons and not all of them are good.

And in the evening at 7:00 PM Game Two of the we have the history making World Series between the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago Cubs on Fox. GO CUBS! I do not believe I have ever seen so much winter gear worn during a baseball game.

Here are some pics from last evening’s Maroon Madness tipping off the start of basketball season. Be sure to read my comments- especially you, RL.

Maroon Madness 2016 Hard to see the men’s team to the right, but they do seem to be in the spotlight.

GB and Lashes. I did not know GB could move that quickly.

White Men Can’t Dance

2 Comments

Posted in college basketball, College Football, humor, Native Texan

Tagged Auburn, Baylor, Big 12 Conference, College Football; Texas Aggies, ESPN, Maroon Madness, Ole Miss, SEC, Texas A&M, Texas Longhorns, The University of Texas

Monday, October 24, 2016 – Two Months Until Christmas Eve, but First – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 24, 2016 | Leave a comment

Monday, October 24, 2016 – Two Months Until Christmas Eve, but First – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

The first awards today are The Buzzard Awards. buzzard-rp-800x450 The first Buzzard Award goes to the officiating crew who called the Alabama/ Texas A&M game on both sides of the ball. Let’s review – when a player’s mouth piece is knocked from his mouth and flies over the shoulder of the hitting player him and the hittee’s helmet’s visor cracks, it is called TARGETING!

The second Buzzard Award goes to CBS and Vern Lunquist and Gary Whatever Your Name is for spewing forth words during about the Aggie/Bama game that was supposed to be your game commentary. Gary, no one cares what play you would have called. This is why you are not coaching. This award comes with free engraving SHUT UP!

buzzards-800x727

The Third Buzzard Award goes to the only announcers who were worse than Vern and Gary (and this includes Mack Brown and Brent Mushburger) were the announcers for THE University of Texas and Kansas State game. Which one of you called a player a “specimen?” SPECIMEN? SEDAGIVE? I needed one listening to you two. I am throwing in a Free Mute Button Award for this pair. At least twice guy announcer referred to Texas’ players’ off side penalties as “you must be able to hold your water.” WTH does that mean? Are you a urologist? I will not even go into your diagnosis of LSU’s Leonard Fournette’s ankle injury comparing it yours. (I.e. Sample size of one.)

Moving downfield in the Small 12 Conference – Baylor wins over Bye University again. Don’t you get to play them one more time?

The Hands to my Face Award and the award for Little Shop of Horrors goes to THE University of Texas. Enough torture for the Horns so I am not even going into any details.

The Air Show over Lubbock Award is shared by Oklahoma who scored 66 points to Tortilla Tech’s 59. Why do they even offer scholarships to players to play defense? Why not get an intermural team?

My First Favorite Game of the Week Award goes to the Mustangs of SMU for the crushing victory over the University of Houston 38 to 16. I wonder about the lavender colored ponies on the helmets, but whatever works.

My second Favorite Game of the Week Award goes to Penn State for defeating #2 Ohio State University by a score of 24 to 21. I guess Nittany Lions like nuts.

The We Always Win Half Time Award goes the Fighting Texas Aggie Band.

Photo by Mickey

Photo by Mickey

If these crooked lines are the Alabama Million Dollar Band, they are not getting their money’s worth.

Alabama 33 Texas A&M 14. The Time Ran Out as The Tide Rolled In Award goes to Texas A&M. Great game to both teams. A nine and one schedule with the one loss being the #1 will still look good.

Besides who is left on schedule for the Aggies? Oh crap. Ole Miss and LSU. Way to GEAUX Tigers. See you at Thanksgiving.

Leave a comment

Posted in College Football, Education, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged Alabama, Baylor, college football, College Football; Texas Aggies, Crimson Tide, LSU, Ole Miss, SEC, SMU, Texas Tech, The University of Texas

October 22, 2016 – BTHO Alabama – Little Aggie Alter

Posted on October 22, 2016 | 1 comment

October 22, 2016 – BTHO Alabama – My Little Aggie Alter

To the Saints of College Football – Saint Touchdown and any other saints that can help beat Alabama.

The battery life of my flameless candle is four hours non stop. Please let the Texas Aggies play non stop flawless football for four hours.

Don’t you just love my crafty candle? I know you all thought it was professionally made, but I did make it myself. You all know how crafty I am.

WHOOP!

Gig ‘Em Aggies!

BTHO Alabama!

aggie-alter-800x450

1 Comment

Posted in College Football, Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged Alabama, college football, College Football; Texas Aggies, Crimson Tide, Texas A&M Football

Friday, October 21, 2016 – The Snark of Friday and the Battle for the SEC

Posted on October 21, 2016 | Leave a comment

Friday, October 21, 2016 – The Snark of Friday and the Battle for the SEC

Before the Snark arrives, please join me in noting the passing of Houston sports announcer, Bob Allen. I do not know how many of my sorority sisters at Stephen F. Austin had secret crushes on him, but I did. Bob was an outstanding individual who made the lives of others better. My thoughts and prayers go to his family.

And now – Here come the snark! Here come the snark!

You know HWIT is only about teams I like and teams that play teams that I like. Having said that, there are only TWO games to note this Saturday. The rest of the games are just filling and killing time.

At 8:00 PM on ESPN we find # 23 Ole Miss Rebels and # 25 LSU Tigers. Check out one of my most prized possessions. That’s right Louisiana Cousins – signed by Heisman Winner Billy Cannon and my dear cousin Donnie Daye. I especially like the “to my favorite Aggie cuz.”

Anyone who cheers for the Tigers knows the story of the Halloween Game. GEAUX TIGERS! Pretend it is Halloween and take down the Rebels.

But before that game at 2:30 on CBS we have the game of the SEC, year, decade and perhaps the century. The undefeated at six and zero and ranked at number six (WHOOP!) we have the Fighting Texas Aggies in Tuscaloosa. The Ags visit Big Al and the #1 and undefeated at seven and zero Crimson Tide of Alabama. The last time the Aggies visited Bryant-Denny stadium this Heisman Winner was the quarterback. This is one not of my most prized possessions – yet. I am still hopeful. However, the victory by Johnny Manziel and the Texas Aggies over Alabama is one of my most prized memories.The quarterback for the Texas Aggies this year is Trevor Knight. His team beat Alabama too. Just saying.

But continuing to note outstanding football players, I do not want to slight Alabama and one of their most outstanding players – Forrest Gump. In fact to paraphrase Mr. Gump one team is going to be wounded “in the butt tocks!”

Gig ‘Em Aggies! BTHO Alabama

Leave a comment

Posted in College Football, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged Alabama, Billy Cannon, Crimson Tide, Donnie Daye, Forest Gump, Halloween Game 1959, LSU football, Ole Miss, Texas Aggies; football

Tuesday, October 18, 2016 – Golf, Love and LSU

Posted on October 18, 2016 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, October 18, 2016 – Golf, Love and LSU

Yu So Yung is off to play golf today. Please hope that Yu So Suk does not show up.

Therefore this will be an abbreviated version of Here’s What I’m Thinking. There will be more when I return this afternoon.

My wonderful cousin from my father’s side noted that my family is from Louisiana and I did not mention LSU or Mike yesterday. Dreadful on my part. First, we offer condolences to the LSU nation for the loss of their beautiful mascot to cancer – Mike, the Tiger.

To Florida we send a sincere – you wonder why no one likes you. Not cool to make fun of the passing of any school mascot, you Gator Butt Heads. You think we will be sad when that reptile you have passes? Think again.

Now to love and LSU until I get back and finish this. Thank God I was born in Texas, but had I not been I am confident I would have graduated from LSU. Why? My football heroes went there. The love for football and LSU comes from my Mama’s side.

Ferriday Feline? 180 pounds? Oh Cousin Donnie we miss you.

And here is that dude you blocked for.

More to come.

Leave a comment

Posted in College Football, Native Texan

Tagged Billy Cannon, Donnie Daye, LSU, LSU football, Mike the Tiger

Monday, October 17, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 17, 2016 | 1 comment

Monday, October 17, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

We now head into the last half of the regular college football season. The games become unpredictable and everything is on the table and at stake. The Playoff Selection Committee, created, invented and founded by Larry Culpepper, is watching every play. If your game goes into overtime, it should mean an automatic drop by at least one rank in the overall rankings.

Please step forward as I call your team’s name.

Bryan Eagle – 10.16.2016

The first award for Bye Week goes to the Texas the A&M quidditch team. I am not certain of the rules but it appears two spherical objects (deflated volleyballs – see Tom Brady) are used while on a broom handle. Players are called beaters and chasers. Am I still talking about the game from The Harry Potter series or the presidential debate?

On to football. From the Conference formerly known as The Big 12, currently known as the Should I Stay or Should I Go Conference:

The awards for A Big Win Even Though You Did Not Play A Team Worth Mentioning goes to the following:

Baylor wins 49 Kansas 7. Kansas? Really? Please book your school’s homecoming game with Kansas for next year.

THE University of Texas wins! Granted it was a victory over Iowa State and their traditional ugly uniforms and weather pattern mascot, but a win is a win.

Oklahoma wins 38 over Kansas State 17. Yes, Miss Navasota, Bill Snyder seems to still be alive, but K-State has called him back so many times, I think they plan on life size card board cut outs of him when the day comes.

West Virginia 48 Texas Tech 17 – I think Kliff Kingsbury had on my Ray Ban Travelers that I lost a couple of weeks ago. He might need them as he might be travelling away from Lubbock.

Heartbreak Hotel and Poopy Undies Awards go to:

Lamar 32 Northwestern State 31 – with 6 seconds left Lamar scores. Sorry, Cousin Darryl – the Demons almost won.

Arkansas 34 wins Ole Miss 23 – What Hotty Toddy goes well with bacon?

To North Carolina State and the place kicker I award The Almost and Still Proud of You Award. To the individual(s) who sent disgusting and threating tweets to the NCS kicker upon missing the game winning field goal: You T-shirt Wearing only A-Hole: Someday I hope you have a football rectally inserted into your anatomy.

The Award for “The Committee is Watching” goes Ohio State for the OT victory over Wisconsin 30-24. Nuts!

And a second award for The Committee is Watching goes to Clemson for their overtime victory over North Carolina State. 24 North Carolina State 17 OT.

Houston 38 Tulsa 31 – The Award for “The Committee is NOT Watching” goes to The University of Houston and Herman’s Hermits for holding on at the goal line against Tulsa.

And now from the Conference of Champions – The Southeastern Conference.

The Participation Award in the SEC goes to the Commodores of Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt 17 Georgia 16 – The excitement in the SEC East!

The Blow Out Award goes to Alabama. Alabama 49 Tennessee 10 – Lost that one in a big time blowout too, didn’t you, Mr. Crockett?

The Award for Perfection goes to the Alabama Crimson Tide. This refers to the record of 6-0 headed into Saturday’s game against the also undefeated Texas Aggies. Sidebar to the Tide Rollers: The Aggies BTHO Tennessee the week before. You are welcome.

The Award for Somebody is Not Going to be Perfect Next Saturday goes to …

Checklist for Saturday

Alcohol Supply – Beer, vodka and tequila – check

Additional bloody Mary mix – check

Scotch, if necessary, for fourth quarter – check

Two bags Doritos – check

Hot Dogs and Buns – check

Nacho fixings – check

Chili or gumbo – Decide on Thursday

BTHO Alabama T-shirt – pick up @ Aggieland Outfitters

Maroon shoes – check

Aggie socks – clean. Check.

Aggie cap – check

Shorts or jeans – check weather on Friday

Small Aggie football that plays War Hymn when slammed against table – check

Damn It Doll – check. Does not play anything. Reminder to self: Do not throw damn it doll at TV.

Ensure windows are closed in the event it is necessary to scream words that can burn the ears of a sailor.

See if Catholic store has Beat Alabama candles. If not, find some saint candles at grocery store. Pick up several.

Create alter for candles for Friday night vespers and vigil.

Double check alcohol supply. Pick up another six pack.

Check supply of chill pills – Call Walgreens. Don’t forget blood pressure meds!

To be continued.

1 Comment

Posted in College Football, Education, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged Alabama, Baylor football, college football, College Football; Texas Aggies, presidential election 2016, SEC, The University of Texas

Friday, October 14, 2016 – Snarky Friday. Remember the Alamo!

Posted on October 14, 2016 | Leave a comment

Friday, October 14, 2016 – Snarky Friday. Remember the Alamo!

Lawdy Mercy, Honey Chile, I am a fretting like Aunt Pity Pat when the Yankees were coming. Alabama or Tennessee? There would not have been a Texas if there had not been a Tennessee. True and to the misinformed person holding a Game Day sign last weekend – The Vols did NOT cost Texas the Alamo. They were not even Volunteers until the Civil War. Learn your history. But one never hears “There would not have been a Texas if there had not been an Alabama.” There were many more defenders of The Alamo from Tennessee than Alabama. There were way more Mexicans too, but I digress.

If Tennessee upsets the #1 Crimson Tide, it means the #6 Texas Aggies travel to Tuscaloosa the following weekend to meet a really pissed off Alabama. If the Tide rolls over the Volunteers, it means the Texas Aggies travel to Tuscaloosa for a meeting of undefeated teams which could decide the SEC West and even the National Championship. Where are my salts? AKA – Tito’s.

Alabama and Tennessee at 2:30 on CBS – YUK – That probably means V. Lunquist and Gary Johnson will call the game. Mr. Johnson, I am confident that no one cares what plays you would have called. You are in the broadcast booth and not on the field.

That evening on ABC at 6:00 PM CT in a Showdown of the Big Ten we find #8 Wisconsin badgering to stop #2 The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

In between these two deciding games, we have Baylor hosting Kansas on FS1 at 2:30 and OU hosting Kansas State on ESPN at 11:00 AM. On The Longhorn Network, we have THE University of Texas hosting the ever popular Iowa State Cyclones at 6:00 PM. Remember when the Big 12 Teams used to be exciting?

Alabama or Tennessee? I am going with…

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee… I think that mountain top is called Rocky Top.

“The rest of you may go to Hell. I’m going to Texas!” Davy! Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier!

Tide, You better hope you can rise and Roll over Rocky Top because The Fighting Texas Aggies and The Twelfth Man are waiting on the other side.

So as Davy Crockett said to William B. Travis at The Alamo – “You gonna need a lot more men.”

barn-n-park-9-22-16-2016-09-22-041-800x530

Where is my coon skin cap? Oh yes, I loaned it to Lee Curses for Game Day. I hope he returns it next week in Tuscaloosa.

BTHO Alabama!

Leave a comment

Posted in College Football, Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged Alabama, Big 12 Conference, College Football; Texas Aggies, Lee Corso, SEC Conference, The University of Texas, University of Tennessee

Tuesday, October 11, 2016 – Tuesday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 11, 2016 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, October 11, 2016 – Tuesday After Saturday College Football Awards

Since I was out yesterday trying to make the world a better place there will only be a few awards given today.

The Left Over From Friday Award goes to THE University of Texas.

“It’s a bloody Mary morning,

Someone’s leaving without warning

Sometime in the night.

And they’re flying down to Houston with forgetting him the nature of their flight.”

OU 40-45

The Anchors Away Award Goes to the Midshipmen of Navy for showing The University of Houston how to actually play football. Houston 40 Navy 46. Amazing how quickly hopes sink.

The Karma Award goes to THE University of Texas along with The Ultimate Irony Award. Tom Herman goes to the 40 Acres and brings Offensive Coordinator Major Applewhite with him.

The Hog Tide Award goes to Alabama for defeating Arkansas 49 to 30. Have a safe trip to Knoxville Saturday. Pat Shirt (800x600)

The How Do You Like The Twelfth Man Now Award goes to The University of Tennessee. Twelfth Man (800x600)

And our last award we have The 12th Man Singing the beautiful Tennessee Waltz – revised version – to The University of Tennessee.

I was dancing with my darling to the Tennessee Waltz

When the Aggies I happened to play; I introduced them to the come back

And while we were playing, the Aggies stole the 6 and O from me.

I remember the night and the Tennessee Waltz

Now I know just how much I have lost

Yes, I lost it to Aggies the night they were playing

The beautiful Aggie War Hymn.

Texas A&M 45 Tennessee 38

We’re Alabama Bound.

ag-shirt

Leave a comment

Posted in College Football, humor, Native Texan

Tagged Alabama, College Football; Texas Aggies, The University of Tennessee, The University of Texas

Friday, October 7, 2016 – Snarky Friday Before Saturday College Football

Posted on October 7, 2016 | 3 comments

Friday, October 7, 2016 – Snarky Friday Before Saturday College Football

Before the Snark appears, sincerely let us send our thoughts and prayers to those in the path of Hurricane Matthew.

Also, let us send our love and good byes to LSU’s Mike VI as his cancer has spread. LSU is allowing fans to come say their final good byes to one of the most beautiful mascots in college football. A search begins soon for Mike VII. Mike VII will come from a tiger rescue reserve facility.

Paraphrase from Macbeth – “Enter the Snark with a taper.”

Baylor – A three-week BYE! Not playing for three weeks does not help your championship hopes. Of course, neither does playing schools like Kansas.

Florida and LSU – Hurricane Matthew wins!

Georgia and South Carolina – Hurricane Matthew wins again.

Coming to you live from state fairgrounds of Texas we have The Red River Shootout on FS1 @ 11:00 AM. This was once the game from which national championships came – THE University of Texas Longhorns and The Sooners of Oklahoma University. Now it is the game that sends rumors throughout the various cyberspheres. With all due respect to Willie N. …

“It’s a bloody Mary morning,

Someone’s leaving without warning

Sometime in the night.

And they’re flying down to Houston with forgetting him the nature of their flight.”

Speaking of Houston, as in The University of, we have the #5 untested Cougars playing the Midshipman from Navy on ESPN @ 2:00. Anchors Away, my boys, Anchors Away!

Before we get to Texas A&M and the Faded tu Volunteers of Tennessee, let us discuss # 1 Alabama and # 16 Arkansas that is on ESPN at 6:00. I feel the need to express this in language understandable for those rooting for Arkansas.

“Bubba, get me another beer while I talk. Just yesterday I was saying to my cousin and wife, Thelma Sue, that them folks from Bama better be careful. These ain’t no ordinary hogs. These here are Razorbacks. Just the other day one got up under the trailer and started rooting around. I run out with my AK 47 and started shooting in the air to scare it. He run under the car and damn near knocked it off its cement blocks fore he run off into the woods. Just saying Bama better be bringing it. Me and Bubba are fixing to rewire the trailers to borrow the neighbors cable to watch the game. Come on, Bubba. Race you in the four wheeler.”

Coming to your CBS station at 2:30 live from Kyle Field in College Station, Texas we have the # 8 The Fighting Aggies of Texas A&M and the Luckiest Dang Team in football – the # 9 Volunteers of Tennessee.

Since I am not going to campus at 5:30 AM in the morning to have my sign approved for ESPN Game Day I will just list a few ideas I had:

Reveille is prettier than Smokey.

What color orange is that? Bleach Faded?

Good ole, Rocky Flop: Rocky Flop Tennessee

Please Lee Curses, put the coon skin cap on to pick Tennessee so TAMU will win. (Also, make fun of Reveille again and you will not get out of town in one piece.)

Kirk Herbstreit – can I get my picture made with you?

Once, twice, three times a Hail Mary – not in the Aggie’s house.

Twelfth Man Statue – north end of Kyle Field. Photo by me.

BTHO Tennessee!

3 Comments

Posted in College Football, Education, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged Alabama, Arkansas football, CBS Sports, college football, College Football; Texas Aggies, college sports, ESPN Game Day Week 6, Kirk Herbstreit, LSU, LSU football, Mike VI, Texas Aggie football

Monday, October 3, 2016 – Monday After College Football Saturday Awards

Posted on October 3, 2016 | Leave a comment

Monday, October 3, 2016 – Monday After College Football Saturday Awards

Tequila shots and Poo Poo Undies Awards for Every college team except Alabama! What the hell – give the Tide a Poo Poo Undies Award for use later.

I will also award Alabama and LSU The Manicure Award for being the only games that were not nail biters or heart attack givers.

With Monday after comments, let’s begin.

THE University of Texas is awarded:

The Shoot Out at the OK (State) Corral.

The Where’s Waldo – aka Rudolph? Where’s the ball? Where’s the Texas Defense? Look- I am a old woman who never played a down of football but who could catch a pass in that defensive strategy. PS – the ball is seen just above the 25 yard line.

The Cowgirl and/or the Horse Could Have Kicked Better Award. Notice the rider does not wear a black mask or a cape like you know who. I guess these Cowboys do not need to hide their face.

The Block Party Award

Thank you KK for such great pics and D for holding the paper. Go Pokes!

The How to Kick Winning Field Goals Version 3.0 is awarded to Baylor University. Baylor 45 Iowa State 42 A three week Bye? That is right – only 10 teams in the Conference formerly known as The Big 12.

The first Premature Celebration Award goes to Florida State University for scoring a go ahead touchdown with 23 seconds remaining in the game. FSU 35 UNC 34.

The How to Kick Winning Field Goals Version 3.01 is awarded to University of North Carolina for kicking a 54 yard field goal as time expires. UNC 37 FSU 35.

The Exploding Pumpkin Head for Coaches is shared – first by Bob Stoops from OU when the Cooper’s call went against the Sooners and then TCU’s Gary Patterson when the call was reversed. OU 52 TCU 46.

The second Premature Celebration Award goes to Georgia for scoring on a Hail Mary pass with 10 seconds left in the game. Bulldogs 31 Tennessee Vols 28.

The Hail Mary Joshua Fit the Final Battle of the SEC East Award goes to Joshua Dobbs and Jauan Jennings for the last play of the game. Tennessee 34 Georgia 31. Back to back successful Hail Mary passes! Where are my nitro glycerin pills?

The Just When I thought I was Calm Award goes to Clemson and Louisville.

The Longest Yard Award goes to Louisville for coming up one yard shy on Fourth Down as the time expires. Clemson 42 – Louisville – 36. Shake it off, Cardinals. I understand Cougar meat taste like Tiger meat.

The Getta the Hell Out of Town Fast with a W Award is awarded to The Fighting Texas Aggies and Coach Sumlin. Texas A&M 24 South Carolina 13

The No Let Up Award goes to Texas A&M and tu – not the tu orange that burnt up in Stillwater. It is the faded orange that resembles checkered table cloths washed in bleach. Tennessee is coming to town! # 8 Texas Aggies and # 9 Tennessee Volunteers. 2:30 CBS Kyle Field Saturday, October 8, 2016. Note to non-football people – STAY AWAY from Bryan College Station probably officially beginning Thursday. This place is already going wild and crazy and it’s only Monday. WHOOP!