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Thursday, August 24, 2017 – Six Flags over Texas and Preparations for the Hurricane

Thursday, August 24, 2017 – Six Flags over Texas and Preparations for the Hurricane

This is what is wrong with education today. ICYMI The Six Flags over Texas amusement park recently replaced the six flags that flew over Texas with United States flags at the park’s entrance. As expected there were numerous thoughts on Facebook. This was my favorite:

Question: What were the 6 flags that flew over Texas?

Reply: France, Spanish, Mexico, Texas, Confederate, US and one more.

The current flag that may be flying over Texas this weekend is the one marking a hurricane. The red square one with the black square in the center. One flag means storm and two flags mean hurricane.

NOLA April 2017 Photo by me

Harvey the Hurricane is approaching the coast of Texas bringing enormous amounts of rain. An eclipse and hurricane in the same week gives me pause for concern. But I am prepared and in an effort to help you prepare for Harvey I offer the following assistance. You will need the following:

    • 2 oz light rum
    • 2 oz dark rum
    • 2 oz passion fruit
    • 1 oz orange juice
    • Juice of half a lime
    • 1 table spoon simple syrup
    • 1 tablespoon grenadine

Squeeze lime into shaker over ice, pour in the remaining ingredients, shake, strain ice and pour in big glass. Then think “What would Jimmy Buffet do?” Now break out in song and sing…

Pour me something tall and strong; make it a hurricane before I go insane; It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care It’s five o’clock somewhere.

Stay safe.

Thursday, August 17, 2017 – Happy Birthday, Honeyboy

Thursday, August 17, 2017 – Happy Birthday, Honeyboy

On this day in history, in 1907, Randall Edwin Duffey was born to Charles Edwin and Mary Rose Duckworth Duffey  in Colfax, Louisiana. He would grow into a fine man,

and marry a fine young lady named Exa Doy Faust.

Trust me. They grew up to be beautiful.

Together they would have two daughters. One would raise four beautiful children and the other one would go to school forever to learn how to do stuff like writing blogs and adding pictures and YouTube videos.

The older daughter gave him the name Honeyboy when she stood up in the Catholic School at age five and announced she did not have a father, but only a Honeyboy. After the home visit from both Mother Superior and the Monsignor that evening, it was learned that indeed she had a father and she called him Honeyboy because her Mother called him Honey.

Thus he became Honeyboy to every person who met him and loved him for his 93 earthly years. Today he is 110 and having a Nanny Cake and gone hunting or fishing with Uncle Dale. Or he might just be waiting and watching his Houston Astros. This could be the year, HB!

Happy Birthday, Honeyboy. We love you and miss you.

Your Family Tree

Tuesday, August 8, 2017 – Presenting The Divine Miss Peach

Tuesday, August 8, 2017 – Presenting The Divine Miss Peach

Thank you Aggieland Humane Society for all you do for all the critters.

 

 

Wednesday, July 19, 2017 – Pack Up the Babies and Grab the Old Ladies; That’s Right, You’re Not from Texas

Wednesday, July 19, 2017 – Pack Up the Babies and Grab the Old Ladies; That’s Right, You’re Not from Texas

That’s right, you’re not from Texas, but Texas wants you anyway. Even though Lyle Lovett’s song suggests Texas wants you, we really do not. We have plenty of crazy people that already live here. Like most Southerners, we like crazy people and even enjoy sitting on the front porch and sharing a cocktail with them. In Texas we like crazy people so much we elect them to high level government positions.

This week in our great state capital, Austin, many of the crazy people once again congregate under the Dome of Decisions in a Special Session called by the Governor of Texas. One of the most pressing issues and urgent issues is to help us sort out where to void our bladders in public places associated with educational institutions. This is known as The Bathroom Bill or Senate Bill 6. So, paraphrasing the great Neil Diamond “Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies, cause everyone knows it’s Brother Dan’s Show.”

The entire Texas legislature seems to be obsessed with human body functions, like abortion, sex of any kind (yes, last session they passed a no sex with animals bill), homosexuality, transgendered people and where people poop and pee and shower and change clothes (locker rooms). And for some reason they think they can control these bodily functions legislatively.

The lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, aka Saint Evangelical, seems to be overly obsessed with where individuals go to the bathroom. So much he is apparently ready to fall on the proverbial sword to push this through the Texas Legislature.

Here’s what I’m thinking. What if educational institutions selected a strategically located facility in the building, and put a new sign on the door designating it

The I. P. Freely Bathroom sponsored by Saint Evangelical.

A cost savings suggestion is, just write it on the wall next to the facility. I think that is where the handwriting is. Besides, think how much money public schools could have to focus on teaching and learning rather than peeing and pooping.

“I see a bad moon rising…” Creedence Clearwater Revival. Photo by me. Looking out my backyard – also by CCR.

Keep your voter registration card current and your Texas photo voter ID too.

Bathroom bill opens deep rift in Texas GOP

Friday, July 7, 2017 – Snarky Friday – 7.7.17 – Seven More Saturdays Until Kick Off

Seven. Seven. Seventeen. Seven more Saturdays until we scream! WHOOP!

Why is it so hot in Texas in July? It is because it was July when God kicked the Devil out of Heaven. God gave him the choice between Texas in July or Hell. The Devil chose Hell because it is cooler than Texas in July.

But the July temperatures are not the only thing in Texas burning hotter than the hinges on the Gates of Hell. There is an office near Wellborn and George Bush Drive in College Station that also has some very hot hinges. The name on the door – Kevin Sumlin.

Yes, Indeedee do, the hottest coach’s seat in the NCAA D-1 football is right here in College Station. Three years of 5-0 starts squandered. The motivational poster in his office reads WIN NOW! I think it was placed there by the AD and the HR people from Texas A&M. Might have been John Sharp. I believe this is called “The handwriting on the wall.”

It must really be hot because the SEC Media Days paired the Texas A&M with the Alabama to take some of the heat away from Sumlin. Sabin and Sumlin – hot, but for different reasons.

Speaking of hot seats – or at least warm – we have THE University of Texas coach Tom Herman featured on the football bible of Texas – Dave Campbell’s Texas Football.

I cannot say for certain, but here’s what I’m thinking. My friends who attended and support THE University are going to want more than Coach Herman’s picture on the cover of a magazine. All of that football gibberish better transfer to the scoreboard with W’s on it every Saturday.

Don’t forget – UT You Pee! ( I have so been saving to saythat.)

Hook ‘Em Hippies!

 

Seven more Saturdays until college football kickoff. Counting the days.

BTHO UCLA

Thursday, July 6, 2017 – Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer and G-20

Thursday, July 6, 2017 – Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer and G-20

Here’s What I’m Thinking. Get your history hat on.

The POTUS is out of the country. Our political prayer for the day is “please do not let him tweet and start a war.”

He is headed to the G-20 Summit that kicks off tomorrow in Hamburg, Germany. The Chair of the Conference is Head of State of Germany, Angela Merkel. It is a meeting to discuss world financial issues and has been going on since 1999 (Google it).

I am feeling like The Hippie Dippy Weatherman (George Carlin) “A line of thunderstorms is headed toward Japan, but so is a line of North Korean missiles, so I would not sweat the thunderstorms.” Is the emoji for this a mushroom shaped cloud over Alaska or the Secretary of Education telling children to “just get under their desks and put your hands over your heads?”

The POTUS visited Poland on his way to Germany. When That Man tweets at 3:00 AM that “His Presidency received the largest crowds ever” please remember your history.

  1. Most of those crowds were bused in. They are somewhat like Extras in a crowd scene in a movie. If one knew their history, he or she would know this.
  2. Had he or his staff bothered to check a history book he would see that since September 1, 1939, Poland has taken a rough ride in history. Actually, it goes way back further, but we’ll start with the September first date. First it was those Nazis tanks overpowering a military that was riding horses waving sabers.Then it was the Soviets and that Iron Curtain. So when he tweets “I am the BEST,” remember previous Presidents were not allowed to visit. Something about that Soviet Union travel ban during a period known as The Cold War. Ask your buddy VP. Not the Vice President.
  3. The POTUS is also meeting with the leader of Russia Vladimir Putin. I wonder if Vlad will serve Moscow Mules in a symbolic gesture of what the POTUS means to him.

As the 20 Heads of State gather in Germany, let us end with a history joke.

The Heads of State of Germany, The United States and Russia meet in a bar. The three are to discuss world issues and strategies to achieve them. As the evening progresses and drinking continues, the German head of state remains silent. The heads of state from the United States and Russia outline elaborate strategies. Finally, German leader is asked for input. She looks at the Russian and says, “Next time we will come in the summer.”

Monday, July 3, 2017 – My Fourth of July Movie

Monday, July 3, 2017 – My Fourth of July Movie

 

Friday, June 16, 2017 – Snarky Friday and A Stream of Consciousness

Friday, June 16, 2017 – Snarky Friday and A Stream of Consciousness

What a world! As my dear, departed and very wise Mother used to say about politics and other sordid activities: “Play in shit, you gonna get shitty.”

Today I shall just have a stream of consciousness regarding this week’s activities as they relate to the increase in fecal material hitting the rotating blades of the oscillating fan surrounding The Potomac and outlying areas. For a little extra, you might try listening to some appropriate music while trying to read. I am listening to Joan Baez – “Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around. Keep on a walking; Keep on a talking, gonna built a brand new world…”

Ready? Read.

What happened? Be careful what you wish for or in this case who you vote for. Only 145days? Crooked Hillary did it. Tweet. Tweet. Tweet. I am not under investigation. I am not a crook. I did not have sex with that woman. Resignation. Impeachment. And now POTUS you are under investigation. You’re lying. He’s lying. She’s lying. Lock her up. GOP. Resist. James Comey. “You’re Fired” only works in business on TV. Putin. Putin. Root and Tootin! FBI. Department of Justice. Tweet some more. GOLF. Lawyers, lawyers, filling Washington, D. C. I should have gone to law school. Russians. Russians. Let’s Make a Deal. Michael Flynn. More lawyers. Democrats. Jared. Ivanka. Donald Jr. A New Jersey Lawyer? Money laundering? I miss The Sopranos. Bada Bing. Constitutional Crisis. Really good chocolate cake and we the US just bombed the crap out of Syria. Are there any US Allies in the World left? This is gonna take a long time to clean up all this shit and those playing in it get shittier. Meanwhile, CAN WE PLEASE STOP SHOOTING EACH OTHER AND SIT DOWN AND TALK FOR THE GOOD OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?

Happy Friday.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017 – The Eve of Comey, Spinners and Twitter

Wednesday, June 7, 2017 – The Eve of Comey, Spinners and Twitter

I purchased one of these spinner things for $3.00 the other day.

It is called Stress Gear for use at office, home and school. I am having a gross of them shipped to Washington D.C. Half (do the John Wax math) are labeled as such:

For the Congressional Hearings: For those attending former FBI Director, James Comey’s hearing(s) with this note:

Thank you, Mr. Comey. Stay calm and carry on regardless. He gets a red, white and blue one.

The remainder is to be sent to The White House. Jared is to receive the red one (not pictured).

The Glow in the Dark one, as I have, is to be delivered to President Twitter with the following note:

Dear Twitter-in-Chief,

This new secret communication device is better for firing off senseless statements of 140 characters in the middle of the night – or early morning depending on your perspective or what time it is in Russia.

This orange (like your hair) glow in the dark one sends a signal to the Universe as it spins in your little hands giving all of the other aliens and non people like Democrats access to The WH Spin. Be sure Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conman get a spinner. This special model is able to distinguish between fake and real news and sends only the real news and not altered facts. The others can be distributed at random.

The reverse of the package reads:

“Helps focus; Relieves boredom, anxiety and stress and Great for ADHD, ADD, and Autism.” All of this is untrue and unsubstantiated as most of your thoughts and Tweets are. And since you exhibit tendencies of all these serious conditions, I thought this specially designed communication device would be something you would enjoy and could use.

Please use this during former FBI Comey’s testimony tomorrow instead of Twitter. Just keep spinning.

Oh yes. Your entire WH staff can take their spinner with them when they leave – one way or another on their way to egret.

 

Monday, May 22, 2017 – Global Update and Texas Public School News

Source: Monday, May 22, 2017 – Global Update and Texas Public School News