Monday, September 7, 2015 – Happy Labor Day and the First of the Monday after Saturday Football Awards

If you followed last year’s Here’s What I’m Thinking, you know that the Monday following a college football weekend is my awards Monday. So without further ado…

The Everybody Gets A Certificate of Participation Award – goes to every team that played this weekend. One can tell it was the opening games for every team. Fumbles, clock managements, interceptions, Oh My!

The Most Points Scored Award – goes to Hotty Toddy Old Miss Rebels for scoring 76 points on Tennessee Martin. You do know, Ole Miss, that those points are not like minutes on your phone and do not carry over to other games (like Alabama), don’t you?

The Hail on the Corn Award goes to BYU for the reception in the end zone to win over Nebraska as time expired. Each year it necessary to remind you (RL) that the mascot of BYU is the Cougars, and not the Mormons. The Drill Team is not called The Sister Wives. How can BYU have a Hail Mary pass? Shouldn’t it be a Hail Brigham Young? Or Hail Donnie and Marie?

The Maybe We Should Go Back to Military Marching Style Half Time Show Award goes to the K-State Band for their Enterprising attempt at a half time from another galaxy. They definitely boldly went where no other band has gone before. Not even the Rice Marching Owl Band MOB or the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band – LSJUMB – The World’s Largest Rock and Roll Band. Thank God, they were not playing South Carolina.

The Most Offensive Commercial Award (seen during the Sam Houston State and Texas Tech game) goes to – Gorilla Insurance in Lubbock, Texas. REALLY? An African-American couple with piles of overdue bills, when a giant gorilla burst through the door with a giant million dollar settlement check and the next scene is the guy running away with the check and the woman chasing after him down the street and him screaming “I’ll be back for you!” What the hell was this? A middle school technology project? Thank goodness you only had enough advertising budget for one other. That one looked like a drug deal payout.

And now to our top awards.

Bang the Drum, Slowly – To THE University of Texas – I got nothing that you have not already screamed, cussed and cried over. There were 33 entries for “ugly” in the Thesaurus. All were appropriate.

The Captain James T. Kirk Award goes to Texas Aggie FRESHMAN Christian Kirk for having Warp Speed and leaving the Sun Devils in the desert dust.

The You Look Good in an Arizona State Uniform Award given because you were in their back field enough times to be wearing one – goes to Texas A&M Defensive Ends – Miles Garrett and Daeshon Hall. That had a combined six sacks, 6 1/2 tackles for losses, three forced fumbles and 15 tackles.

Now. Everybody calm down and do not overreact. We know how this started last year.

BTHO – Ball State!