Category Archives: Native Texan

Monday October 12, 2015 – Columbus Day Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 12, 2015 | 2 comments

Monday October 12, 2015 – Columbus Day Monday After Saturday College Football Awards –

Our awards today are sponsored by the article “A” for those who become scared when they see large, unfamiliar words and stop reading.

The first award is the Class Act Award. This award goes to LSU’s Leonard Fournette for his articulate and well-done post-game interview showing his support for the people of South Carolina and offering his game jersey up for auction with proceeds going toward the flood relief efforts. Perhaps every impact player in the SEC could make an offer.

LSU wins the Best Southern Hospitality Award for being the Visiting Team in Baton Rouge. I thought it was most hospitable for the Tiger Band to play the Gamecock Alma Mater and Fight Song – Especially when you spelled L-S-U on the field while playing them. Sweet.

I suppose no one cared enough to notice last Friday that I got Lawrence and Manhattan, locations of Kansas and Kansas State, respectively, backwards. It obviously did not impact Baylor who gets a Most Points Scored Award for blowing away Kansas 66-7. I did not watch the game in its entirety. Did Kansas score during a Baylor timeout or before Baylor returned to the field after half-time? Note to Kansas – Basketball season officially begins next weekend.

TCU obviously was as confused as I was on Saturday since the Frogs did not show up ONCE again until the closing moments of the game. You win A Poo Poo Undies Award for scaring your fan base and an Activate the Boykin Magic Award. But the magic is becoming shaky causing a Poll Phrog Slipping.

To THE University of Texas, I award The Win One for the BEVO Award for beating Oklahoma. BEVO – I do hope you are feeling better because the team, the coach, THE University and the alums certainly are. Way to go. If you only do it once, this was the game to do it!

To the OU Kicker – Teal Shoes? Fashion Blooper Award going toed you!

The Offensive Fun Fest Award goes to Texas Tech and Iowa State for scoring 66 and 31 points respectively. Uncle Will Muschamp, have you looked at either of these schools? They don’t seem to play much defense either, so may you could be there.

Oklahoma State – you once again receive a Poo-Poo Undies Award to having to win it again in OT.

The Ugly Uniform Award goes to The University of Tennessee. I would never Volunteer to wear that. You looked like orange highlighters or characters from the science fiction movie Tron.

To the Nebraska Cornhuskers – you receive The Heartbreak Again Award for losing for the fourth time in the final seconds of the game as Wisconsin kicked a field goal.

The Individual Heartbreak Award goes to Georgia running back Nick Chubb. Hope you are back in action soon.

The Award for Suddenly on the Radar for teams I did not care about in the beginning, but do now is shared by the following:

Michigan – Wolverine Rising.
Utah – This is the non-Mormon, or Mormon Alternative to the other one – BYU.
Clemson – Tigers
Oklahoma State – 5 – 0. Go Pokes! Pistol Pete is silently slipping up on teams.
Florida – Chomping in The Swamp.

And last and certainly not least this week for sure:

The Crimson Tide of Alabama rose over those pesky Razorbacks finally drowning them in fourth quarter to win 27-14. This week I award The Tide the Columbus Day, Rand McNally, MapQuest, GPS, and all Navigational Systems Award.

And all points are set toward College Station, Texas and Kyle Field. Your arrival time is estimated to be five days and 43 minutes. Turn left on George Bush Blvd. Your destination is the gigantic stadium on your right. Have a nice day.

And now a Dr. Hunter check for understanding. Our word today was the article “A.” Please give a word that begins with that letter.

ALABAMA.

Good.

Now use it in a sentence.

BTHO ALABAMA!

EXCELLENT!

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Posted in College Football, Native Texan

Tagged Alabama, Baylor, LSU, SEC, TCU, Texas Aggies; football, Texas Tech, University of Texas

Monday, October 5, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 5, 2015 | Leave a comment

Monday, October 5, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Our Monday after Saturday College Football Awards are brought to you today by the word “amphigory.” Amphigory is a noun meaning “a meaningless or nonsensical piece of writing, especially one intended as a parody.” A quote – “it is the mother of all miscellanies, aka an amphigory, a medley, a pot-pourri, a gallimaufry, a salmagundi, and omnium-gatherum, a vade mecum, a smorgasbord. Robert McCrum, “God bless you Mr. Schott, The Guardian, December 7, 2002. (Dictionery.com)

Yes, all of those words will be on your assessment exam because they so describe Here’s What I’m Thinking and I have no idea what most of them mean. – Vade mecum?

But if that don’t describe the chaotic weekend of college football… Here is your ado, so further it by reading on.

To the horrible broadcasters of the Texas Aggie/Mississippi State game on the SECN – Brent Mushmouth and Jesse Palmer. What is the deal? Are you somebody’s brother-in-law? Son-in-law? Do you have video of people? I am not certain, Mr. Palmer, but I think you are supposed to give equal time to both teams. Did you not even pick up an A&M media guide? You get the Mute Button Award.

The Most Points Award goes to the Baylor Bears 63- 35 over Texas Tech. I do not think these bears are going into hibernation anytime soon.

However, it is a tie for Ugliest Uniforms between those bleached-out TCU lavender tops and the drab grey, olive and yellow uniforms of Baylor. Who is your uniform rep? Stevie Wonder?

There are several Poo-Poo Undies Awards that go to:

Michigan State
Ohio State
Oklahoma State

For having close games and scaring the poo out of your fan base. That # 1 Spot is looking very shaky, Buckeyes. Larry Culpepper is watching.

FYI – It was accurratte, that the officials from The Big 12 apologized for the bad calls by the referees. They were not accurrette when they established the line of scrimmage. The Spell Check Award goes to The Big 12. Is that accurratte?

The Pepto-Bismol for Dismal Awards goes the teams that were upset: These are:

UCLA – by Arizona State
Ole Miss by Florida
Notre Dame by Clemson
The State of South Carolina by Floods

Speaking of Dismal – The Train wreck Award goes THE University of Texas. I have no other words to say save – it could get worse. OU+CH = OUCH next Saturday. Next week UT players can tweet at half-time and call for Uber to come pick them up and just head on over to the State Fair of Texas.

Auburn wins the Dionne Warwick award for knowing “the way to San Jose.” Now do you know the way back to the SEC?

The Rain and Let’s Build an Ark Awards goes to:

Ole Miss vs Florida – the Florida team had the flu all week; the Swamp floods and the Rebels sink.
Notre Dame vs Clemson – Death Valley floods and the Irish sink.
Georgia vs. Alabama – The Tide was even Rising from the sky.

And to The Crimson Tide of Alabama I am giving them the William T. Sherman Award as they “…sing the jubilee; hoorah, hoorah, the flag that makes us free; while we sang a chorus from Atlanta to the sea – While they were marching Through Georgia.”

And to The Fighting Texas Aggies – I am awarding the Reveille is so much prettier than Bully Award. Not to mention she does not drool and she wears clothes.

The QB of the Game Award goes to Kyle Allen of Texas A&M. The stats on passing leaders:

D. Prescott 20-34 for 210 yards.
K. Allen 25-41 for 322 yards, 2 TDs.

Or as Palmer would say: Prescott was edged out by Allen.

The Aggies have an open date next Saturday and Alabama entertains the Pork and beans from Arkansas.

But then … Coming to Kyle Field on a station near you – Alabama vs Texas A&M – October 17. BTHO Alabama.

Monday, September 28, 2015 – A College Football Weekend for the Ages

Posted on September 28, 2015 | Leave a comment

Monday, September 28, 2015 – A College Football Weekend for the Ages

It was indeed a college football weekend for the ages. I know the Aggie/Arkansas game alone aged me at least two years. With the chaos that reigned, we do not need an ado to further, so here are my Here’s What I’m Thinking Monday after Saturday College Football Awards.

Our Monday after Saturday College Football Awards post is brought to you by the word “minimax.”

No, minimax does not refer to the old chain of grocery stores in the South. Neither does it refer to a feminine hygiene product. It is a “noun that means a strategy of game theory employed to minimize a player’s maximum loss.

This is the principle of minimax: assume that the worst may happen and act accordingly; remember that lightening always strikes twice in the same place. This is a basic law known to all successful gamblers. William S. Burroughs, The Adding Machine, Selected Essays, 1993.” Sunday’s Word of the Day – Dictionary.com

It was also the game strategy employed by the Arkansas Razorbacks against Texas A&M. But first, please have the following teams line up to receive The Poo Poo Undies Award. This award is given to the following teams for scaring the crap out of its fans and/or for just crapping out completely.

LSU – Otto the Orange proved much harder to squeeze that originally thought.
TCU
Texas Tech
THE University of Texas
Oklahoma State University
Texas A&M
Ole Miss – Really? Vanderbilt? BTW – Vandy, you get The Ugly Helmet Award. How many more designs can you put on a football helmet?
Alabama – not exactly scary, but the Tide is still a bit low.
Oregon

Please have all of the centers and kickers – yes field goal and punters – line up for The What’s the Point Award for missing crucial field goals and extra points or creating safeties.

Otto the Orange from Syracuse
Texas Tech
THE University of Texas
Texas A&M

The Most Points Scored Award goes to Baylor University. Yes, 70 to 17 is impressive, but it was still Rice. But given the way the other Big 12 teams are playing maybe it’s all gravy from here on out for the Bears.

The Duck Duck Gone Award goes to Oregon for losing to the soaring Utah Utes.

The Dumbass: Do Your Homework Award goes to the half-time announcer who asked “What’s a Ute?” The University of Utah uses Ute as a nickname with permission from the Native American Utes Tribal Council. In 1996, again with permission from the Ute Tribal Council, Utah introduced “Swoop” – a red-tailed hawk, a bird indigenous to the state of Utah.

Speaking of Ducks, the Tide Rolled over the Duck Dynasty from UL Monroe. The Tide still seems to be low and/or rolling out. Ouch – AP Poll Ranking – # 13 – with Georgia in Athens this weekend. UGA!

The Free Falling/Uncle Will Muschamp Defense Award goes once again this week to Auburn. This is what happens when your mascot is named after a dopy New England poet.

The Why Are You Still in the Top 5/6 Award is shared by TCU and Notre Dame. Really? I know the Frogs are injured and barely hopping, and you barely won

On a botched snap by Texas Tech that resulted in a safety
On a freak Tippy Tippy Bang Bang in the last seconds
You almost allow The Band play with multiple laterals and
Your defense allowed 52 points from an unranked team.

And Notre Dame? Just because the Pope has been in the United States does not mean you should be in The Top 10.

And to THE University of Texas – Yes, the refs were from The School for Blind and Visually Impaired; yes, there are still many burnt orange bright spots, but I must give the Horns the Streets of Laredo Award:

So beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly and

play the death march as they carry me along.

The award for Does this Three -Point Margin of Victory Make my Ass Look Big? goes to TCU and Coach Gary Patterson.

Two individual awards this week: First to the Texas Tech quarterback Patrick Mahomes for heroic and knee hurting courage to give your all.

And to Leonard Fournette of LSU I am giving the Wow, You Are Fun to Watch Run Award. Could there be another Heisman Award headed toward the LSU Tiger trophy case?

And now may I have the final awards’ package?

Arkansas – the state that gives us Mike Huckabee and The Clintons.

Minimax – “noun that means a strategy of game theory employed to minimize a player’s maximum loss.

Was this your coaching strategy, Coach Bielema? Playing keep away from the opponent’s offense almost worked. The thing about the hurry up and spread offensive is – when you don’t have the ball, the other team scores quickly and often.

The Assume the Worst May Happen Award goes to Coach Bret Bielema of Arkansas. The worst did happen.

The Poise under Pressure Award goes to The Fighting Texas Aggies.

Lighting Always Strikes Twice in the Same Place Award goes to The Fighting Texas Aggies.

So it wasn’t exactly an “ass-kicking in Dallas.” I guess you are saving yourself for the remainder of the SEC.

Stop Whining: You Lost – Maximum Loss Award goes to the Razorbacks of Arkansas. See you next year.

Thursday, September 24, 2015 – Throw Back Thursday – Stand for the Gold and White

Posted on September 24, 2015 | Leave a comment

Thursday, September 24, 2015 – Throw Back Thursday – Stand for the Gold and White – Conroe Tiger/Moorhead Stadium – Conroe High School – Conroe Independent School District – Conroe, Texas

Here you go Conroe Tigers! In cleaning out boxes I found the old photograph of Tiger Stadium and a photograph of the late Buddy Moorhead. My friend Natalie Thompson restored the photograph to what the stadium would have looked like when it was called Tiger Stadium. After Coach Moorhead’s early death, the stadium was renamed in his honor. The photograph of Moorhead Stadium was taken this month – 2015.

Check out the cowboy boots – were they Love Ya Blue? As in Houston Oilers? Look at the TRS 80 computer.

Tuesday – September 15, 2015 – A Walk in the Park – Veteran’s Memorial Park, College Station, Texas

Posted on September 15, 2015 | 1 comment

Sunday I took a walk in the park. Veterans Memorial Park in College Station has a beautiful walking path filled with history and beautiful sculptures in memory of the wars and dedicated to those who kept and keep us free.

Isn’t this an incredible work of art? It is part of the Vietnam Memorial located in the park. There will more photographs from the park, but today here is my favorite. This sits at the entrance to the park. The first time I saw it, it took my breath away. Actually, so did the second, third, fourth and fifth time and on… it took my breath away. It is in every way breathtaking.