Category Archives: Native Texan

Friday, September 1, 2017 – Snarky Friday College Football

Posted on September 2, 2017 | 1 comment

Friday, September 1, 2017 – Snarky Friday College Football

It’s Howdy Doodie Time; It’s Snarky Friday Time; The football season’s here; so let’s all stand and cheer.

For any freshmen (and women) to HWIT, Fridays and Mondays are dedicated to college football. I write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like.

Football fans got a little taste last night. First to the Oklahoma State Cowboys Granted you did not play a power house hosting Tulsa, but Pistol Pete and the team looked pretty sharp. I have been to Daddy Boone Stadium in Stillwater.

They play this video clip with Kurt Russell and then scream “and we’re coming with it when the Oklahoma State logo appears.” They might just be doing it this year.

Since the Oklahoma State game was over at the end of the first quarter, I turned to the Ohio State/Indiana game. Monday is the official day of awards, but I must give Ohio State University the first 2017 Poopie Undies Award. The Buckeyes really looked like #2 in the first half and I am not referring to their ranking. Wonder what Urban said at halftime?

We kick off tomorrow with the longhorns and terrapins (aka turtles)

when THE University of Texas plays Maryland on FS1 @ 11: 00. The Maryland school mascot is an anthropomorphic (means it ain’t a real animal) turtle named “Testudo.” The official team colors are red, white, black, and gold, derived from the Maryland state flag. This usually results in a disastrous uniform combination, but we shall see.

This game is opposite the Oklahoma University Sooners and the University of Texas @ El Paso Miners on Fox. I hate 11:00 games. Note to self: stock up on bloody Mary supplies.

There are games throughout the day on Saturday but we are waiting for night fall. At 6:00 on FSports 2 we find the Baylor Bears opening against Liberty Flames. The Baylor team is the Bears and the Liberty teams is the Flames. The mascot of Baylor is a bear. The mascot of Liberty is anthropomorphic (means it ain’t a real animal.) eagle named Sparky.

I will certainly have The Baptist Bowl on another screen of house, but all eyes will be on ABC at 7:00 when #1 Alabama meets #3 Florida State University. Having been heavily influenced by Louisiana football as a child, I learned “never pull for a team from Florida.”

This is a reminder to my Tide Rolling Friends to be sure to have an adequate supply of alcohol, antacids and smelling salts. Text me if you need assistance controlling your breathing. ROLL TIDE.

On the third screen of my house, coming to you from New Orleans, Louisiana, thanks to Harvey, we have a game of two cats when LSU meets BYU. This is your annual reminder that BYU’s mascot is a Cougar. They are not the BYU Mormons.

Sunday brings two games of special interest since I have papers on the wall from both schools.

At 6:30 on Fox Sports the Fighting Texas Aggies meet the UCLA Bruins in the Rose Bowl. Note to self: double liquor store order. Texas doesn’t sell liquor on Sunday. This game will determine which head coach has the hottest seat next week.

At 7:00 on ESPNU Sam Houston State plays Richmond University. Thank you Baylor nation for allowing the game to be held in McLane Stadium. Did you know that Richmond is the only NCAA school whose mascot is a spider. The spider’s name is WebstUR. I hope the mascot is also anthropomorphic.

I never give alma mater # 2 Sam Houston enough play so I have prepared a special cheer:

Arachnid! Arachnid! Arachnid a spinning

Look on the scoreboard and see who’s a winning!

Gooooooo! BearKats!

And

BTHO UCLA – Gig’ Em Aggies!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Thursday, August 31, 207 – It’s Just a Game But

Posted on August 31, 2017 | Leave a comment

Thursday, August 31, 207 – It’s Just a Game But

COLLEGE FOOTBALL! It’s just a game, but it is such a welcome diversion to the continuing events resultant from Hurricane Harvey. Please continue thoughts and prayers as many coaches’ and players’ families throughout Texas have been impacted.

Thank you to the football teams all over the country paying tribute to Texas with the decals on their helmets and jerseys. Thank you to the colleges and universities and their organizations aiding in the relief efforts in so many ways. Let us now find some joy in football.

If you have been following HWIT, you are aware that during football season I write about teams I like and teams that play teams that I like. This year I am adding two teams that I did not write about last year. One is the East Tennessee Buccaneers. My cousin, Daryl Daye, is defensive coach there. Please wish him well. For you, LSU fans this is Donnie’ son.

My LSU commemorative shirt signed by Heisman Trophy winner, Billy Cannon and his blocking back, my cousin Donnie Daye. RIP Donnie.

http://www.etsubucs.com/athletics/staff/9190/daryl-daye/

My new other team is the Eagles of the University of North Texas. Adopted great nephew, Andre, made the team as a walk on. So proud of you Andre. Keep up the hard work.

But tonight the big boys are under the lights. Tonight we kick off with Oklahoma State v Tulsa at 6:30 on FS1. GO POKES!

You can alternate between that game and Ohio State vs Indiana on ESPN 7:00. These two are currently on my DNC (Do Not Care) List, but if one plays a team I like, expect more comments.

Tomorrow is the first Official Snarky Friday of the season. See you then.

 

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Posted in Coach Kevin Sumlin, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Wednesday, August 30, 2017 – Mouths With No Brains and Climate Change

Posted on August 30, 2017 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, August 30, 2017 – Mouths With No Brains and Climate Change

“Good Morning Houston! This is radio station KILT wishing you a great day! The sun is shining over our city.” If you grew up around Houston this was the radio greeting we woke up to every morning.

Harvey has left the building – at least the Houston area.

Please continue with thoughts and prayers as the storm made a third land fall in Louisiana. Forecasts have it moving up the Sabine River and then finally off to the northeast. Please keep the people and the petrochemical plants in that area in your thoughts and prayers.

It is heart – warming and overwhelming to see Texas and other states pulling together to offer relief and assistance. As a Native Born Texas, we cannot thank you enough.

It is heart – breaking to hear the know nothings even speak. HWIT to the Big Mouth with No Brain, Ann Coulter.

Yes, Ann. You are right as rain saying that former lesbian Houston Mayor, Annise Parker, is a more plausible reason for Hurricane Harvey than climate change. What is your rationale for the previous mayor, Bill White? He is a White man. What about current mayor, Sylvester Turner? He is a Black man. Both are about my age.

Following your logic I can only conclude that baldness (White) and being less than 6 feet tall (Turner) and aging are also more plausible reasons than climate change.

I had no idea that one’s sexual orientation, genetic dispositions causing baldness and growth were also causes of climate change. More Mouths with No Brains can thank you for adding baldness, being short and growing old to the reasons for what took place in Houston. I am certainly changing my mind about climate change. Next time you come to Texas maybe you can relax and hangout along the Gulf Coast at Dallas.

So here’s to all the Mouths with No Brains, Station HWIT dedicates America singing A Horse with No Name. https://youtu.be/SQzW6wz2JQk

PS – I know exactly how tall Sylvester Turner is. During another lifetime, when he was in the Texas Legislature we met eye-to-eye (literally and strategically) on many issues. Once again, thank you Mayor Turner.

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Posted in humor, Native Texan, Politics

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Tuesday, August 29, 2017 – It’s all about that Base.

Posted on August 29, 2017 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, August 29, 2017 – It’s all about that Base.

I always wanted to be a United States presidential historian like Michael Beschloss, Douglass Brinkley or Doris Kerns Goodwin. I still can. I can just run four miles down Highway 6 to College Station and get another doctorate. But as we used to say in Austin, Onward Thru the Fog.

The POTUS and First Lady visit Texas today. He has scheduled visits to Corpus Christi and Austin. As you are aware, it’s all about that Base.

If you are a T Supporter, do not read any further. You will not like it. Click the exit square now.

I wonder if the POTUS is aware of the ethnic demographics of these two Texas cities.

http://www.areavibes.com/corpus+christi-tx/demographics/

http://www.areavibes.com/austin-tx/demographics/

Hell, even George W. Bush could speak enough Spanish to address these crowds. HWIT – I wouldn’t discuss the pardoning of Arapio in either city. Unless you discuss it in Spanish of course.

I understand the POTUS will visit the Department of Public Safety Emergency management center in Austin. HWIT – Is this due to your uniform fetish or just not time to visit the Wilhelmina Delco Center that shelters fellow Texans in all emergencies? https://www.austinchronicle.com/daily/news/2017-08-28/austin-shelters-brace-for-harveys-second-flood/ FYI – 500 sought shelter at Delco Center as of Sunday.

Here are some other questions I have. Is the POTUS going to pardon Harvey? I mean he said “there are good people on both sides,” even if one side is catastrophic.

Will the POTUS consider pardoning the Texas Rangers for bad sportsmanship? Go Astros! Can POTUS sign an Executive Order changing their name to Arlington, Rangers and remove TEXAS from their name?

Will POTUS be hawking his red USA hats for $40 or donating money to the resurrection of Houston? As I said, it’s all about that base.

From the best musical about Texas – Best Little Whorehouse in Texas – sing along. It’s really Trumpish!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJG75FJkjr8

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Posted in Education, humor, Native Texan, Politics

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Monday, August 28, 2017 – Harvey, You Monster and If You Don’t Know Texas

Posted on August 28, 2017 | 2 comments

Monday, August 28, 2017 – Harvey, You Monster and If You Don’t Know Texas

Back story – I am a Native Texan. I was born in Houston and raised just north of the city. My family still resides in the Houston area. I now live 150 miles inland from the Gulf Coast. It has rained at my house constantly for the last 24 hours and as of daylight break, rain continues. I have witnessed Carla, Alecia, Brett, Allison, Rita, Katrina and all the other storms that slammed Texas in the past 68 years.

People unfamiliar with the state of Texas tend to say things such as “They knew the storm was coming so why didn’t they evacuate? This Here’s What I’m Thinking is for you.

Let me put it bluntly! If are not familiar with Texas or Texas geography and hurricanes, then shut up!

Houston, Texas is the fourth largest city in the United States with millions of people calling it home. This does not include the hundreds of bedroom communities that surround the city for miles. Nor does it include the fishing and vacation communities that sit directly on the coast. The territory and population of Houston proper are larger than many of America’s largest cities and smaller states.

When hurricanes hit Texas the escape routes become limited. Moving south is never an option and Harvey’s expansive bands of wind and rain caused escapes to become even more limited. To evacuate the millions along limited escape routes was not logical, as Mr. Spock would say.

Yes, Texans were well aware of the coming of the storm. But Harvey WILL NOT GO AWAY! It continues to sit over Southeast Texas and promises to do so for the remainder of the week. This is dumping rainfall measured in feet. Places that have never experienced flooding in the history of Texas are inundated. Every Houstonian is impacted. People are being rescued from the multi-million dollar homes that sit along the bayous.

So unless you have walked in our boots or waded in our waders, then please do not second guess the actions taken by Houston Mayor Sylvester Turner or Texas Governor Greg Abbott – born native Houstonians. They did and continue to do an outstanding job during this continuing crisis.

Instead of criticizing our Great State, please send dollars to the relief organizations, thank yous, appreciations and prayers to the states coming to the rescue with relief efforts and resources, the first responders on the ground, the citizens of Houston, the Texans coming with boats, and all of Texas.

Oh yes, to those not familiar with Texas, I am sorry about that fuel increase this winter and the increase in prices of beef, seafood, fruit, vegetables, cotton, and all the other items.

And to you Harvey – you need to get the Hell out of Texas. It is bad enough that you did not see the signs – Don’t Mess With Texas. You are fixin to start messing the with Texas football at all levels throughout the state.

One more thing, Harvey. Check your Texas history. We have survived way worse than you. And no way will you get us down. As we also say in Texas “…and the horse you rode in on.”

God Bless Texas!

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Posted in Education, Native Texan

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Friday, August 25, 2017 – Snarky Friday is Hunkered Down for Harvey

Posted on August 25, 2017 | 1 comment

Friday, August 25, 2017 – Snarky Friday is Hunkered Down for Harvey

Harvey went from a Texas size rain storm to an extremely dangerous situation and potentially catastrophic disaster in a matter of hours. This displays how volatile these storms can be. If this is your first hurricane,  pay attention and do not take the warnings lightly. Do what you are told to do. Native Texans (and those who got here as quickly as they could) who live on or near the coast, you know what to do, so do it. Hopefully, you started yesterday.

Here is what the entire Texas Gulf Coast and inland as far as Austin and San Antonio are bracing for this weekend and into next week:

  • Rainfall totals as high as 30 inches in some areas;
  • storm surges of six to twelve feet;
  • waves of over 30 feet;
  • flooding of streams and rivers;
  • tornados;
  • loss of power for days or weeks;
  • interruption of services for days or weeks and
  • damage to and loss of life and property estimated into the billions of dollars.

That is just a start of the possible scenarios. Landfall is expected tonight near Corpus Christi and Port O’Conner in the darkness. Darkness makes these storms even more frightening. In case you do not know, the Port of Corpus Christi is the largest exporter of crude oil in the world. This is not to lessen the concerns over the Houston Ship Channel and the oil and gas refineries that lie along the coast from Houston to Beaumont.

Every coastal resident has their memories of the big hurricanes that slammed into their homes, businesses and lives. When you grow up in the Houston area and the weather people make comparisons to the following storms, you know Harvey could be bad. Here are just of few of my hurricane memories.

September 11, 1961 – Carla – Houston/Galveston. Very scared. Almost the entire town of Magnolia moved into the high school because it was the only brick building in town. Unbelievable winds. It rained horizontally. Never saw anything like it before.

August 8, 1983 – Alecia – Galveston and up Interstate 45 and into East Texas. The pine trees were falling all over the place in all four directions.

June 5, 2001 – Allison – Houston. This was the storm that flooded the Texas Medical Center, The Alley Theatre and broke all the windows in the sky scrapers in downtown Houston. This is the one, RL, that all of the TIF millions of dollars’ worth of telecommunications equipment funded to the Medical Center were destroyed when their research labs flooded. I still have nightmares from the video conference we had with the people from the various hospitals. Remember when the head of one of the big hospitals said “You do not want to know what floated out of those labs and into the streets of Houston. Telecommunications equipment is the least of our concern at the moment.” I thought we were all going to faint. It still makes me feel faint.

September 24, 2005 – Rita – Texas/Louisiana border. Water. Deep water. Disaster to the max.

September 13, 2008 – Ike – Galveston. Deeper water. No power for weeks. Indescribable.

I hope you are hunkered down and prepared for Harvey. Sometimes names of hurricanes are retired and never used again. Retired storms names are dependent upon the dollar amounts of damage done. Harvey is already being discussed as a possible retired name.

Keep first responders and all of the others risking their lives to ensure our safety in your thoughts and prayers.

Take care of yourself. Take care of others.  And God Bless Texas.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Texas_hurricanes_(1950%E2%80%9379)

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August 21, 2017 – Monday After College Football Awards

Posted on August 21, 2017 | 2 comments

August 21, 2017 – Monday After College Football Awards

This time next Monday there will actually be awards to be handed out in my Monday After College Football Awards.

Since it has been a seemingly eternity since there was college football, let us review some of these prestigious awards that I make up for the football faithful followers.

The Ugliest Uniforms goes to the team(s) that appear in yellow highlighters, glow in the dark stripes or designs, and any shade of orange. These are designed by the Hellen Keller, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder departments at Nike, Adidas and Under Armor.

Ugliest Helmets Awards have their own category. If I am unable to determine the design on the helmet it is very likely that team will receive an Ugliest Helmet Award.

The Hot Seat Award is given to the coach whose coaching seat is questionable each week. The number one hot seat is currently occupied by Texas A&M Coach, Kevin Sumlin. The number two hot seat is occupied by UCLA Coach, Jim Mora. These two coaches and teams meet in the Rose Bowl on September 3.

Many teams often receive the weekly Poo Poo Undies Award. This trophy is awarded to the fans whose teams survive a game winning field goal, a missed Hail Mary pass to the end zone and/or survive in overtime.

There are the Exploding Coaches Awards. These usually go to Alabama’s Nick Saban for throwing the headphones or South Carolina’s Uncle Will Muschamp just because his face turns really red. Maybe it is an SEC thing.

Of course there will be my Best and Worst Broadcasters Awards. It will be difficult to upset my always Best Broadcaster Boyfriend, Kirk Herbstreit and the fellows from ESPN Game Day (Not the old man!). But with Brent Mushburger silent this year, the Worse Broadcaster is a wide open category. I am expecting Jesse Palmer to be a contender. He and those who relive their days on the gridiron from decades ago instead of calling the plays all have chance.

This year I am introducing a new award. It is called The Big Solid Pass Interception for Touchdown Award. There are actually two awards. One is given to the linebacker or safety that intercepts the quarterback’s pass and runs for a touchdown.

The second award is given to the fan base whose team throws the interception to the linebacker or safety and cusses the loudest and in the most colorful language.

Of course there will awards for the zebra people, the various mascots, chants and yells and anything else I can think of. After all, it is called Here’s What I’m Thinking.

So as we say in Aggieland – Howdy Dammit! And Thank God It’s Football Season. Gig ‘Em!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, August 18, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football

Posted on August 18, 2017 | Leave a comment

Friday, August 18, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football

Before the Snark enters, let us all take a moment to send our thoughts and prayers to the people of Spain. Not to exclude any group, but please watch over the Texas Aggie Women’s basketball team and all of the other teams visiting Europe.

And now appearing in regal snarkiness, here is The Snark to dish on college football.

I can’t wait for the Ugliest Uniforms for the Week Award this year. Here is putting Mississippi State on notice that the Aggies will be wearing color changing uniforms. That’s right. It is some kind of weird threads that the Adidas people dreamed up that allegedly changes from maroon to black and then glows depending on the stadium lights. I hope this works better than last year’s attempt to make the numbers glow and no one, including the broadcasters could see the numbers.

But we are still 25 days away from some of the first kick offs. I am happy the Sam Houston Bearkats open their season this month. SHSU is ranked #3 behind James Madison and North Dakota in that division’s polls. JM and ND have combined to the win the last National Championships. Go Kats! Beat the hell out of the Richmond, Spiders. Yes, the mascot of Richmond is a spider.

Let The Snark provide a summer summary of players. Here is what has happened during college football thus far this summer. He:

Transferred to:

  • A Junior College
  • Another school to go to graduate school
  • The county jail.

He hurt his:

Leg, knee, foot, shoulder, toe etc.

He was picked up for:

  • DUI
  • Passed out in flower bed in bar district
  • Assault
  • Assault and battery
  • Assault with a battery
  • Theft
  • Drug use
  • Drug possession
  • Illegal weapon possession
  • Being stupid and throwing away opportunities!

My apologies that The Snark only has time to cover the summary of the players from Florida schools. Roll Tide over Florida State. BOOM! And Snark out!

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Wednesday, August 16, 2017 – Our State Fair is a Great State Fair But the Food is High Suspect

Posted on August 16, 2017 | 1 comment

Wednesday, August 16, 2017 – Our State Fair is a Great State Fair But the Food is High Suspect

Let’s take a break from the horrid world happenings and go to the State Fair.

Our State Fair is a great state fair Don’t Miss it don’t even be late (our state fair is great) It’s dollars to doughnuts at our state fair It’s the best state fair in the state!

https://youtu.be/VSKa29E4T7o

I am not sure what kind vehicle Pat Boone is driving in Rogers and Hammerstein’s musical State Fair. But Dallas to donuts he is obviously not going to the Texas State Fair because Texans don’t drive miniature cars.

The State Fair of Texas is held in Dallas and runs from September 29 through October 22.

Native Texan Birth Certificate; two pictures of Willie Nelson (He’s not dead), a Texas Flag and copy of Texas Monthly signed by Ann Richards, the last Democratic governor of Texas.

A tenet of state fairs is food or something that resembles food and is somewhat edible. So assemble your antacids, cholesterol meds, find the nearest toilet and let us see what frying at the State Fair of Texas.

The following lists the finalists for the State of Texas foods and my comments about each one with the overall questions of “why would you do this to ingredients?” and “why would you ingest this?”

  • Ranch Fried Texas Sheet Cake – how does Ranch Fried differ from Deep Fried? Is it fried in Ranch Valley Dressing or do you have to be on a ranch to fry it?
  • Deep Fried Chicken Noodle Soup on a Stick – I am unable to comprehend. Fried soup? And on a stick?
  • Deep Fried Froot (sic) Loops – was never a Fruit Loop fan; perhaps it is Froot. I do not know what a Froot is.
  • Funnel Cake Bacon Queso Burger – Bacon queso burger sounds ok, but in a funnel cake?
  • Gulf Coast Fish Bowl – A bowl of what from the Gulf Coast? Alligator gar?
  • Pinot Noir Popcorn – This is just wrong.
  • Fat Smooth – A Fat Smooth what?
  • Surfin-Turfin Tator Boat – has a nice rhythm – “surfin-turfin tator boat, doo dah, doo dah.” How exactly are surfin and turfin defined? Alligator and armadillo?
  • Texas Fajita Fries – This has potential.
  • The Tamale Donut – Why screw up two really good things?

As a Brazos Valley Girl (Remember Valley Girls?) “Gag me with a silver spoon.”

http://www.kvue.com/life/fried-texas-dirt-oreo-beer-among-semi-finalists-for-state-fair/460242389

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Tuesday, August 15, 2017 – True, This ! The pen is mightier than the sword. Maroon Wall Event Cancelled

Posted on August 15, 2017 | 1 comment

Tuesday, August 15, 2017 – True, This ! The pen is mightier than the sword. Maroon Wall Event Cancelled

True, This! — Beneath the rule of men entirely great The pen is mightier than the sword. Behold The arch-enchanters wand! — itself is nothing! — But taking sorcery from the master-hand To paralyse the Cæsars, and to strike The loud earth breathless! — Take away the sword — States can be saved without it!

The sentence (if not the idea, which had been expressed in various earlier forms) was coined by English author Edward Bulwer-Lytton in 1839 for his play Richelieu; Or the Conspiracy.

The Maroon Wall event scheduled for 9/11 on the campus at Texas A&M is cancelled. The white nationalist group will not be coming to College Station and staging a protest in Rudder Plaza. Not legally anyway. This could set very interesting legal precedents regarding First Amendment Rights and public institutions. We shall see.

For those unfamiliar with the A&M campus, Rudder Plaza is outdoors. It is sits in the shadows of Rudder Tower and the Memorial Student Center (MSC) in the center of campus. Note: the MSC honors the memory of brave men and women who fought to defend freedoms from these types of hate groups.

The plaza was the only place the white nationalist group could be. After December’s visit from the white nationalists, the administration inserted language in their speaker policies that a campus organization must issue and invitation in order for the event to be held indoors. No EVITE was sent from any of the 1200 organizations.

So the protestors took to the outdoors – Rudder Plaza. Rudder Plaza is the gateway to interior campus. The protest was to be held during school hours from 9:00 am to 4:00ish. Since December 2016, A&M speaker policies prohibits outdoor activities and protests that may disrupt daily activities and/or cause danger to students, faculty,, staff and public. Therefore, Rudder Plaza was no longer available.

I have no idea what Preston Wiginton and the others’ next move will be. But the Aggies will be standing by with pens.

Oh yes, one more thing. The Fighting Texas Aggie Corps of Cadets, Aggies whose uniforms can include swords, usually run through campus streets and through campus in the afternoons. It would be dangerous if a large group does not get out of the way.

They can work magic if in the right hands.

http://today.tamu.edu/2017/08/14/texas-am-cancels-911-event-reservation/

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Posted in Misc., Native Texan, Politics, Texas Aggies

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