Monthly Archives: August 2023

Thursday, August 31, 2023 – The Eve of Snarky Football Friday

Thursday, August 31, 2023 – The Eve of Snarky Football Friday

Tonight and tomorrow kick off another college football season. This one will be different for many of us. Sadly, too many to mention, but you know who you are. I’m not talking of teams, realignments, coaches, or championships.

As we watch our alma maters and favorite teams this season many of us will not be watching the games, discussing, texting, listening to, hearing F bombs, laughing, crying, and celebrating with our loved ones. These include husbands, wives, significant others, relatives, friends and neighbors. It has been a tough year so far and we are still a few months away from a “hard candy Christmas.”

So I give you a song of memories as we move forward.

From 1965 – The Byrds, with Turn Turn Turn written by the great Pete Seeger.

A time for peace, I swear it’s not too late.

Monday, August 28, 2023 – My Monday Morning After College Football Awards

Monday, August 28, 2023 – My Monday Morning After College Football Awards

My apologies for no Snarky Friday. Had some eye issues. Besides the only schools playing were from the new I Don’t Care realignment and it was week ZERO!

However, just because I was unable to actually watch any football games  does not prohibit me talking about some of them. People talk all the time about things they don’t know about. However, I heard it through the yard lines that there were some weird things.

First, even though I did not hear, nor see, I award The Big Mouth/ No Substance Award to former Dallas Cowboy coach Jason Garrett for the Notre Dame/Navy game. I understand Garrett noted the strength of Navy every other breath far into the fourth quarter when the score was 42-3. I understand Garrett will call all ND games. Another reason to dislike Notre Dame.

The Award for Stoppage of Football Game, Not Due to Injury, Weather or a Fight goes to The Drone Flying over the UMass and New Mexico State Game. Note to Aggies: That is not the NM we play on Saturday. Like we care, but UMASS won its opening game for the first time since 1973.

Flying drone causes delay in UMass’ football game against New Mexico State

The Score Bug Award goes to Notre Dame. If you are like me you had no idea what a score bug was. It is that ribbon of statistics on the bottom of the TV screen. I was unaware that the score bug belonged to the home team. Notre Dame enlarged their score bug. Now it sits just under the wide receiver’s feet at the bottom of your screen. We shall see this weekend if other teams enlarge their score bug.

And as THE University in Austin prepares to enter its final year in the Big 12, Conference the team and Stevie Sarky adopted a new slogan. Embrace the Hate! Seriously, that is their slogan. So chosen because Texas knows/thinks all the other schools hate them because “We’re Texas!” With slogans like that no wonder other schools hate you. HWIT – BOOMER SOONERS! SIC ‘EM, BEARS! GO COUGARS! Any team, but TU! I also think TU might have fumbled big time on this. Remember, next year TU, you will be U-T-2! Tennessee was there before Texas long before football.

https://www.nbcdfw.com/news/sports/sarkisian-and-texas-to-embrace-the-hate-in-their-last-season-in-big-12-before-joining-sec/3319558

Friday, August 18, 2023 – Big Ball’s in Cowtown and Big Bubba Too!

Friday, August 18, 2023 – Big Ball’s in Cowtown and Big Bubba Too!

Big Ball’s in Cowtown; we’ll all gone down,

Big ball’s in Cowtown; we’ll dance around. Yee haw!

Anybody who hung out in Texas for any period of time, knows that song is from the King of Western Swing, the great Bob Wills.

I have always thought the lines meant a big dance in Fort Worth. It seems another version begins with Big Balls in Cowtown, with no verb implied and perhaps an inuendo of male body parts. And there is a version that begins with Big Boy in Cowtown. And is there ever a Big Boy in Cowtown this football season. Meet Big Bubba – Brione “Big Bubba” Ramsey-Brooks. Big Bubba is 6’5 and weighs 455 lbs. He is a freshman at TCU in Fort Worth. He plays in the offensive line. He is the offensive line!

He won two State Championship at Dallas South Oak Cliff High School in 2021. The article sounds as though he won the state championship by himself and maybe he did.

Four hundred and fifty-five pounds. What did and does he eat? How much does it cost to feed him for just a week? Where does he find clothes? Does TCU have to order a special XXXX Large uniform?

HWIT, that is very large person. I do not do math, but he could be at least five Carolyn Sues, at least five, if not six Jannes, four or five Barbaras, and at least three and a half of me!

That is going to be a lot of purple across that big body. Good luck Bubba!

In other football news Stanford graduate, concert pianist, member of Augusta National Golf Club, and former Secretary of State under George W. Bush, and current director of the Hoover Institute at Stanford University, Condoleeza Rice and Former President George W. Bush, whose wife Laura graduated from Southern Methodist University, are lobbying to get Stanford and SMU into the ACC. Goodness, George, you already got her library! But I suppose a new football conference is the perfect gift for the woman who has everything.

HWIT – College football is getting weirder by the day. And it is only a few more days away and I can’t wait.

Pray for rain. Pray for Maui. Peace out.

Monday August 14, 2023 – Johnny Manziel

Monday August 14, 2023 – Johnny Manziel

Over the weekend I watched the Netflix documentary on Johnny Manziel. Here’s what I’m thinking…

Warning – Florida will probably ban it. It does have the F word stated quite frequently.

It was 112 minutes of the rise and fall of Johnny Manziel. I was left wanting 112 more minutes and maybe 112 more after that. A majority of the documentary focused on his amazing talent from Kerrville Tivy High School to Texas A&M. To see those memories was indeed thrilling. He was unbelievable. I actually remember where I was when I said (rather screamed), “Oh my God! We’re going to beat Alabama!”

There were many people interviewed. I was reminded of Kris Kristofferson’s song Who’s to Bless and Who’s to Blame? There were many enablers who were to blame and an equal number to bless. And some of the individuals resided in both camps.

I think one is going to see Manziel as they want to see him. The special raw talent who threw it all away. The troubled individual who to quote Brando “Could have been a contender.” There will be many points of view.

There were many minutes of Kliff Kingsbury interviews. I had forgotten he was OC. The only Head Coach Kevin Sumlin words were a few seconds replayed of a press interview. To me it seems their attitude was “As long as you can play football and perform…” Manziel even said, “I got the fourth string QB to do my drug testing.”  Would that be Conner McQueen?

There were no Aggie team mates interviewed. Kevin Sumlin was not interviewed. The fourth-string quarterback was not interviewed.

Most of the minutes were spent on the rise and success. Less time was spent after he was drafted by Cleveland. This appears to be where the unstoppable decline began. Maybe there is another 112 minutes of story here.

I was left with many questions. It did not seem to offer any “lessons learned.” It did not seem to focus on mental health issues. Here was a 20 year old kid who was suddenly thrust into glamour, fame and friends of questionable influence. How was all of this allowed to happen? Why was he allowed to continued such behaviors? To me the parental attitude (and they were interviewed – kinda) was after the facts and in hindsight. Not a psychologist, but I think there was more parental influence than was portrayed.

The documentary does indeed portray a very complex and talented, but troubled individual. I think you should watch and determine for yourself.

As he says, “I am Johnny Fucking Football.”

To me he demonstrated no remorse, along with an attitude of “What a ride! Yes, I’d do it all again if the opportunity arose.”

But…

We are the Aggies; the Aggies are we…

And we beat Alabama!

Pray for rain! Pray for Maui!

Friday, August 11, 2023 – Snarky and The Snarketts

Friday, August 11, 2023 – Snarky and The Snarketts

Presenting for your Friday entertainment pleasure Snarky and The Snarketts …

I really feel sorry for Standford, California, Oregon State and Washington State. The other members of the Pac 12 jumped to other conferences for more money and left them high and dry with no one to play with.

For you visual learners, and/or for those who did not read the previous HWIT post, here is a chart procured from a Face Book page that shows the 2024 Conference Alignments.

I really think the 2023 college football season will be the last as we know it. In 2024 the games will be all for the money and little for the show. But I digress into seriousness. Back on Snark course…

In an effort to assist the four schools left on the West Coast, today I am offering up schools and institutions for their consideration to form a new conference called, The 𝛑 R Squared Conference.

My first selection is Dallas South Oak Cliff High School or Austin Westlake High School. These two school are always in state of Texas championship games. Teams could alternate years and it would be a non-conference game and a good warm up. Teams can play at Jerry World.

My second selection is Princeton. Why? I like Princeton. The former College of New Jersey played in the first football game ever. Albert Einstein taught there. This should be a good intellectual fit for Stanford and California. Have you ever listened to a Princeton sporting event? It goes like this: The opponent – Donald Running Back – is majoring in General Studies with a minor in Sports Identification. The Princeton- Dewey Running Back- is majoring in quantum physics, with a minor in international law. He speaks Russian and Mandarin Chinese and plays violin with the New Jersey Symphony.

Next selection is MIT. Like Princeton this is a very smart school. I bet, like myself, you were unaware that MIT even fielded a football team. Meet the Division III Calculators. Seriously, the MIT football team is called the Engineers.

Next is the University of Phoenix. The games of course will be played on-line, perhaps via ZOOM whenever you feel like watching and taking the exam.

My final selection is the Bellarmine Knights. This very, small private bible school in Louisville is also only on-line. But it plays Sprint Football. The sport is not recognized by the NCAA and in fact the NCAA refers to it as Non-football. However, the league (Yes, there is a Sprint Football League) does follow the NCAA football rules. The catch is there is a weight requirement. A player cannot weigh over 178 pounds. This just sounds like inter collegiate football for skinny boys.

https://www.sprintfootball.com/

HWIT – The newly proposed 𝛑 R Squared Conference – Standford, California, Oregon State, Washington State, Dallas South Oak Cliff High School or Westlake High School, Princeton, MIT, University of Phoenix and Ballarmine.

Happy Friday. Pray for rain. Pray for Hawaii and Maui!

Monday, August 7, 2023 – The Death of the Pac 12 Football Conference

Monday, August 7, 2023 – The Death of the Pac 12 Football Conference

Go beat the drum slowly and play the fife holy,

Play the dead march as they carry me on,

Go carry me t’th grave yard and throw the sod o’er me

For I’m the Pac 12 and I know I am gone!

And so we say goodbye to the Pac 12 Football Conference. It seems the teams that made up the Pacific Conference played musical chairs and Stanford, California, Oregon State and Washington State found no chairs left for them.

So what happened and why? First of all, we are discussing the 2024 football season. This is because nothing has yet happened in the 2023 season to discuss.

USC and UCLA first exited and moved to the Big 10 Conference. Then Oregon and their ugly ducky uniforms and Washington and their pretty huskie uniforms moved to the Big 10 Conference too.

Then because THE University of Texas and Oklahoma University moved to the SEC there was a gap in the Big 12 Conference. With USC and UCLA jumping conference, the following also jumped to a new conference. Arizona, Arizona State, Utah who joined Colorado who had already moved to the Big 12.

This means the Big 10 Conference now has 18 teams. These are Nebraska, Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Northwestern (not the Natchitoches one), Illinois, Indiana, Purdue, Michigan, Michigan State, Ohio State, Penn State, Maryland, Rutgers, USC, UCLA, Oregon and Washington,. This also means Rutgers, Maryland et. al get to fly 3000 miles to the West Coast and vice versa for USC and UCLA.

This means the Big 12 now has Arizona, Arizona State, Baylor, BYU, UCF, Cincinnati, Colorado, Houston, Iowa State, Kansas, Kansas State, Oklahoma State, TCU, Texas Tech, Utah. and West Virginia for a total of 16 teams.

And that leaves Stanford, Oregon State, California, and Washington State as orphans of the threaded incline movement of other schools.

This certainly simplifies HWIT. I never did care much for the schools of the Big 10. Now that here are more, I really do not give a pig skin.

As to the Big 12, I am somewhat excited by Utah joining I can make lots of references to the Two Utes from My Cousin Vinny. And there are Baylor and Oklahoma State for family reasons. It was just a matter of time before the championship of Utah between the Mormons and Christians moved to Texas.

Here’s what I’m thinking. It will be interesting to say the least. Here are my reasons for the intense conference break ups. By the end of a Saturday, no one wants to watch a football game that starts at 9:30 PM. If you are young, it is time to go out for a Saturday night on the town. If you are old, it is time to go to bed.

But the real reason for such a breakup. Cue up Pink Floyd’s song Money. The Pac 12 could not reach media agreements. So there was an exodus to other conferences. There is more money depending on the time zone in which you play. Press play for Pink Floyd’s Money. $$$$

It remains to be seen how this all plays out. First the 2023 season must be played. Did you know that Stanford and California produce the most Olympic Athletes than all the other schools combined?

Since Stanford and California (aka Berkeley) both tend to lean toward the left, you know the outside influences of Old Army of the Peni at Texas A&M will not extend an invitation to the SEC. Besides, HWIT, I doubt any school in either Big 10 or Big 12 can beat any school in the SEC. Well, maybe Vanderbilt.

Happy Monday, Stay cool. Gig ‘Em!

The link below is a great article about the loss of historical state rivalries too.

https://www.theringer.com/college-football/2023/8/4/23820686/death-of-pac-12-conference-realignment-college-football-oregon-washington-big-ten

Friday, August 4 – A Snarky Friday Preview

Friday, August 4 – A Snarky Friday Preview

To any new readers: During college football season the College Football Snark returns to snark on any team. No team is safe from The Snark.

Today the Snark will test your knowledge of the Offensive Coordinator for the Texas A&M Aggies, Bobby Petrino.

Place a check mark by the Institution of Higher Education where Bobby Petrino served in a coaching capacity.

Carrol College

Weber State

Idaho

Arizona State

Nevada

Utah State

Louisville

Auburn

Louisville (again)

Arkansas

Missouri State

If put a check mark by each IHE you are correct. Now put a star by the schools from which he has been fired. Hint: There are two. Now sing the Beach Boys song “I Get Around.” Or Johnny Cash’s “I’ve Been Everywhere.”

Let’s hope all of that experience comes together as Offensive Coordinator at Texas A&M. HWIT, if there is not a major championship and/or major bowl game, his and Jimbo’s seats are going to be hotter than today’s temperature. (It’s 106 today.) Evidently Petrino keeps a moving company on speed dial.

And now for your Friday laugh…

“We’re just going to play another road game. Just as hard as in Kansas and Iowa State as it is going to be in Tuscaloosa. It’s just bigger and more people. THE University of Texas Assistant coach, Jeff Banks on the Longhorns’ trip vs Alabama.

HWIT. Jeff? Sadly, you will not be playing the people of Tuscaloosa. You will be playing the team from Tuscaloosa. And  Ames Iowa, and Lawrence, Kansas are not the same as Tuscaloosa because neither have as many National Championships Titles and trophies as Tuscaloosa does. Snark Out!

Wednesday, August 2, 2023, IT’S TIME!

Wednesday, August 2, 2023, AT LAST – IT’S TIME!

Football season is exactly one month away from today. Kick-off at Kyle Field is September 2 at 6:00 PM. At last news from Texas A&M can focus on football.

For those of you who have lived under a hot rock and do not know what all has gone on at Texas A&M, plus those of you who enjoy conspiracy theories and believe anything you read on the Internet here is a summary. Jimbo Fisher tried to hire a Black woman in the journalism department. But when it was discovered that she had no football skills her NIL contract was revoked three times. So the President of Texas A&M resigned. Then the new offensive coordinator, Bobby Petrino, asked a professor, who looked like a volleyball coach to join him on his motorcycle to go to The Dixie Chicken for a cocktail. When Lieutenant Governor, Dan Patrick, (the Costello of the Abbott duo) found out, he sent the Texas Alcohol and Tobacco Commission to investigate. They found that The Chicken does not serve cocktails and only serves beer. All investigations ceased. That was OK because just behind The Chicken in Northgate cocktails will be available at: 

I cannot wait to not go! 

Johnny Manziel to open bar, night club on Northgate https://www.kbtx.com/2023/08/01/johnny-manziel-open-bar-night-club-northgate/

One month prior to the first game is when I put the games and the opponents on the calendar. So here’s what I’m thinking…

September 2 New Mexico State @ Texas A&M – 6:00 – First Game Excitement

September 9 Texas A&M @ Miami – 2:30 – A litmus test of the season and on ABC too

September 16 @ 3:00 LA Monroe @ Texas A&M  – Remember Appalachian State

September 23 Auburn @ Texas A&M TBD- The first Freeze of the SEC season

September 30  Texas A&M Arkansas – Aggies and Pigs at Jerry World

October 7 Alabama @ Texas A&M TBD  Both teams from the state of Alabama in Kyle Field in the same year? Is there a transportation discount from Alabama to Texas? This is the Johnny Hawkins Game for the Tide. He was a cousin of Sadie Hawkins on his father’s side.

October 14 Texas A&M @ Tennessee – TBD Rocky Top and Ugly Orange Checkered Endzones

October 28 South Carolina @ Texas A&M TBD – Please be the 11:00 game! I have a wedding at 5:00!

November 4 Texas A&M @ Mississippi TBD – Hotty Totty, The game is in Oxford!

November 11 Mississippi State @ Texas A&M RIP Mike Leach and Big Solid

November 18 ACU @ Texas A&M @ 11:00 AM – The “You get a high percentage of the gate receipts if you survive” game.

November 25 Texas A&M @ LSU –How about two against L-S-U?

Games times may change due to anything that can happen.

See you at Johnny’s! Gig ‘Em!

Monday, July 31, 2023 – Belly Up to Bar! My First Royalty Check Arrived

Monday, July 31, 2023 – Belly Up to Bar! My First Royalty Check Arrived

Belly up to the bar. Bartender ? Drinks for everybody. All on my tab. My first royalty check for They’re Not Crazy – They’re Southern arrived in my bank account. Bartender? Make all those drinks soft drinks because that is about as much money as I received.

Which brings me to the next point! Many of you have texted, sent pics of yourself reading, told me in person – that you enjoyed it. Those sent in Messenger include” “I know you are talking about in Story 4.” “Oh my, Story 6 made me cry.” “I laughed so hard in Story 7.”

While I love hearing from you, it doesn’t really do much good to tell me. You need to tell others as in leave a REVIEW on Amazon. In case you do not know what to say in your review, let me help you.

For those who received the book as a gift:

  • I received this book as a gift. It is so funny. So very much Southern. Nobody else would know what a muskie dime is.
  • I can’t wait to give this to others. It is a perfect gift.
  • My 90 year old father-in-law loved it. So funny.
  • I laughed so hard at some of these stories, I peed in my pants.

For those of you who purchased copies:

  • This was the perfect book for my flight to Europe.
  • A great read at the beach.
  • My favorite story is about Liberace.
  • This was the perfect book for my hospital stay with knee (or choose your own body part) replacement.
  • In The Wedding of the Decade there were men dressed in drag. Your book is now banned in Florida.

So in conclusion, if you want beverages of an adult nature, I need more royalty checks