Monthly Archives: November 2018

Friday, November 16, 2018 – The Football Snark – Week 12

Friday, November 16, 2018 – The Football Snark – Week 12

The Snark receives a five yard penalty for delay of blog. But let’s see what I will be watching this Saturday.

At 11:00 on the SECN we find the Tide of #1 Alabama playing the Bulldogs of The Campus of The Citadel: The Military College of South Carolina. That is a long official title, but it is The Citadel and the alma mater to many very smart leaders of history. Alabama uses short, four letter words like Roll, Tide, and Nick. Unlike Alabama one does not attend The Citadel to play athletics.

Also at 11:00 AM on the banks of the Brazos in Waco we find the TCU Horned Frogs versus the Baylor Bears on FS1 in what should be a game exciting as watching paint dry. But there is an intense rivalry between these two so who knows what will happen.

The 2:30 afternoon game promises to be a good one between West Virginia and Oklahoma State on ABC. Those paddles in Daddy Boone Stadium will drive one crazy. Pistol Pete and the paddles can spoil a good couch burning.

Even though LSU will probably put the third and fourth string players in the second quarter, and put the cheerleaders in the second half, I still like the Rice at LSU contest on ESPNU 6:30. I have great memories as a child of going to the old Rice Stadium for this game. I still remember the first yell I heard at a football game between the Owls and Tigers. It went like this “What comes out of a Chinaman’s ass? RICE! RICE! RICE! Hey, it was in the 1950’s!

My runner-up game of the week is Iowa State and THE University of Texas 7:00 on LHN. There is a Texas Tornado coming and I do not mean the singing group called Texas Tornados. The weather pattern mascot could spoil Bevo’s chances for something better than The Alamo Bowl.

Of course my game of the week is between UAB and Texas A&M 6:00 on ESPN2. Like everyone else I had to Google UAB to find out it stands for University of Alabama at Birmingham. Up from Division III in the mid-nineties, UAB administration discontinued the football program in 2014 due to finances and then revived it in 2017.

Now the UAB leads their conference and are undefeated. I am sure the $1.6 million the school will take home from Kyle Field – win or lose – will go a long way. Note: the reason I am telling you this is because I am sure you will hear it pretty much during the first half of the game – depending on the verbose mouths in the press box.

The UAB is mascot is The Blazers, as in the Marching Blazer Band. Do you suppose the band uniforms are blazers? The emblem is a European dragon.

Since the dragon is of European origin, I believe this refers to Hogwarts and Harry Potter. Don’t ask me. I have no clue how coats and jackets and dragons all come together. The school is in Alabama. Go figure. However, I think the dragon should have on blazer. Yes, the dragon’s name is Blaze.

I think it would be funny if the student section of Kyle Field all wore blazers. No, wait. That sounds like something Texas Tech would do. It would be funny to see Reveille wearing a blazer. Never mind. I hope your team wins.

BTHO UAB!

Thursday, November 15, 2018 – Ring! Ring! Hello?

Thursday, November 15, 2018 – Ring! Ring! Hello?

Question? Why is a Texas Aggie’s hand like a lemon pie?

Answer: Because it has ma rang on it.

And I my hand does have my Aggie ring on it. I could also wear rings from Stephen F. Austin and Sam Houston. The Universities – not the actual people. I was not acquainted with either.

The ring ceremony at SFA is called The Big Dip. Participants receive their ring then dip their right hand into a vat of water colored with purple dye. The water comes from the SFA Fountain. I did not realize fountain the SFA waters were that special. In fact, I do not even remember an SFA Fountain. Supposedly, the purple dye fades after several days, but the ring and you’re your memories stay forever. Oh futures, bright with hands purple and white…

I was unable to find a great deal of information regarding the ring ceremony at Sam Houston State. I did read that “your ring must be ordered in time to spend the night at Sam Houston State prior to the ring ceremony.” Maybe there is a Giant Dip and all of the rings are dipped into a vat of orange dye. Maybe the rings spend the night at Sam Houston’s grave.

There is an official ring ceremony at Texas A&M University. Of course, the original (and best) unofficial ring ceremony belongs to Texas A&M. While at the local intellectual salon, The Dixie Chicken, the ring is placed into a vat of beer and one chugs the beer and tries not to swallow their newly purchased ring.

Photo by me

My official ring ceremony consisted of me going to the Post Office and picking up my ring. I have never had an unofficial ring ceremony at The Dixie Chicken or anywhere else. Perhaps, I need to Uber a select group of friends and head down to The Chicken. I’m sure my friends will go for that much quicker than watching me dip my hand in purple dye.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018 – Cold, Cats and a Glaring. Cluster Clutter

Wednesday, November 14, 2018 – Cold, Cats and a Glaring. Cluster Clutter

It is just my luck. The temperature last night was a petunia-freezing 27 degrees in BCS, Texas. That means I am going to need to find something other than pole dancing to make extra money. It’s too cold to dance around a pole with limited fabric on your body.

I sent out a resume for a job as a shepherd but retracted it when I found out it was an outdoor position. I have not heard back because I don’t get out much, but I think I am still being considered for a hermit position.

I was thinking of applying for this job I saw today on a travel site. You get to live on a Greek Island in the Aegean Sea and take care of 55+ cats. I like the living on the island part with a clowder of cats. The fact that cats tend to be nocturnal so sleep is limited is a deal breaker. I also did not apply because over 40,000 others did apply.

Did you know that a group of cats may also be called a glaring, a cluster or a clutter? Those three adjectives seem to describe a group of felines more accurately that a clowder. Especially 55+ furry felines wanting food and affection. Nevertheless, the island part sounded good.

Look! Here is a job I can apply for – Professional Porch Sitter and Cocktail/wine Sipper – also known as Professional Chair Occupier and Cocktail/wine Sipper. Multiple positions available! Who’s with me?

https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/greek-island-cat-job/index.html

 

Wednesday, November 07, 2018 – Calling All Grammarians

Wednesday, November 07, 2018 – Calling All Grammarians

I have watched TV game shows since there was TV. This is from one called America Says. Contests try to fill in the blanks for points.

Obviously what America Says is not what American can spell.

Don’t you just hate it when those bookstores are not stationary and keep moving? I know I do.

Your mnemonic device – Stationery with an E as in paper. Stationary with an A as in place.

Tuesday, November 6, 2018 – The Mid-term Elections and Please

Tuesday, November 6, 2018 – The Mid-term Elections and Please

Today is your opportunity to be a part of history. The 2018 mid-term Congressional and states’ governor races will change history.

Please vote today for The UNITED States of America.

  • Please remember there are governments with no elections by the people.
  • Please remember there are people who have died for our freedoms and our right to vote without violence.
  • Please do not gloat if your candidates are victorious. This only adds to the divisiveness.
  • Please refrain from naming and blaming. This political strategy is also divisive.

MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD!

Make History!

VOTE!

Monday, November 5, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Whatever

Monday, November 5, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Whatever

There are four teams receiving awards this Monday as we anxiously await our rankings and our crappy bowl assignments.

Oklahoma State University

THE University of Texas at Austin

Louisiana State University

Texas A&M University

Here is a YouTube that is representative  of me, my family and friends and all the fans from the four schools listed watching our schools’ football games Saturday.

http://https://youtu.be/ZAAKPJEq1Ew

PS – Those are NOT the Aggie Yell leaders.  HEE-HAW!

Friday, November 2, 2018 – Dia De Los Muertos and Snarky Veirnes

Friday, November 2, 2018 – Dia De Los Muertos and Snarky Veirnes

It is the Day of the Dead and Snarky Friday. Notice that Snark is an universal term.

Saturday promises to be a bloody Mary morning starting at 11:00 am. Let’s start with Baylor and Oklahoma State. It is homecoming in Bear land. I am afraid it may not be a crowning achievement for this family divided contest. I hope the Nose Brothers are out and about.

No TV for those two, but THE GAME at 11:00 on ESPN is Auburn versus Texas A&M. This could be a day of the dead for the loser.

If you do care for watching something else at 11:00 you have Nebraska and Ohio State on Fox in what should be no contest between players in red uniforms. The team with the little pot leaves on their helmets will win.

More reddish uniforms are on ABC with a non-thriller between Louisville and Clemson.

There is also Puffy Sparty, Michigan State and “What the heck is going on at?” Maryland. The MD regents fired the coach; then rehired the coach; then fired him again and the chair of the board of regents resigned.

The two-thirty time slots begin with Georgia and Kentucky on CBS. Aside from Gary Danielson’s verbose and self-centered analysis, this could be good. UGA will bark and Kentucky will see more red uniforms running down the field.

The eyes of Texas are upon you at 2:30 on FOX. Watch out Horns, those hillbilly, couch burning Mountaineers are going to wreck-havoc and it will be Almost Heaven, West Virginia! This definitely promises to be a game of ugly uniforms. This Big 12 Title is on the line.

For my gym rat Penn Staters – Could be a day of the dead for the Nittany Lions against Michigan. At least the uniforms are not red.

Finally when the deep purple falls… The last hope for keeping Notre Dame out of the top four is Northwestern at 6:15 on ESPN.

At 7:00 in another clash of red and white uniforms, Oklahoma and Texas Tech kick off on ABC. OU will be performing for the Selection Committee as the Sooners coming sweeping down the plains of Lubbock. With passing quarterbacks this game promises to be a long one so don’t forget to set your clocks back one hour to make it seem even longer.

At 7:00 we have the THE GAME. This is a big one! This promises to be an Uncle Ralph Two Boot Flask game. From Death Valley in Baton Rouge, Louisiana it is the #3 Tigers of LSU and #1 Crimson Tide of Alabama.

If your last name begins with “H” and you are sporting hounds tooth hats, wearing a National Championship shirt with a giant or wearing this obnoxious head gear (there are more than one of you) our friendship is temporarily suspended from 7:00 to 10:00 pm EST. GEAUX TIGERS!

Between LSU and Texas A&M, we can make it a bad Saturday in Alabama.

BTHO Auburn

Don’t forget to set your clocks back an hour.

Eat Pray Vote

 

Thursday, November 1, 2018 – Thursday Thoughts

Thursday, November 1, 2018 – Thursday Thoughts

It was a dark and stormy night… Actually it really was, but the ghosts and goblins are gone and it has been a beautiful day.

My day began in sadness. The convenience store that I often frequent to purchase Dilly Dilly supplies sold a two-million dollar lottery ticket. The store did not sell it to me. At least I have beer I can cry in.

Moving on to more pleasing topics. I heard on the radio this morning that for the holidays, a company sells pumpkin spice underwear. It seems that the product is used for those moments of bladder leakages. When one sneezes, coughs, laughs and/or sometimes moves, the moisture will trigger the underwear and give off a pleasant, pumpkin spice scent. Now who doesn’t look forward to that?

I hope it comes in more holiday fragrances. Just think! As you sit down with family for Thanksgiving this month, not only will the turkey smell good, so will all of those around the table who are wearing their turkey scented underwear.

I so hope I get some for Christmas. I hope there is a Christmas fragrance – Pine, fir, cookies, grandma’s over powering perfume from 1958 – might all make a good holiday undy fragrances.

If you do not believe me about the fragrances and undies, you Google “pumpkin spice, underwear, fragrances” and see what pops up in your browser.

The Football Snark arrives tomorrow. “Tiger, tiger, burning bright…”