Tag Archives: assessment

April 1, 2016 – My New Part-Time Position

April 1, 2016 – My New Part-Time Position

Here’s What I’m Thinking.

Buddy Glasses

I have been thinking getting a part-time job. I noticed a need in school districts across Texas during the Spring Assessment Periods which began this week called STAAR. This is how springs are now spent in the public education system in Texas. Poor children expressing high levels of anxiety in fear of having to take, then possibility retake the assessment exam as a result of so much Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, I cannot even begin to describe.

Apparently school districts are going to have to keep tract of when, and for how long a student is gone while he or she goes to the bathroom during STAAR testing or as I like to call it – Academic Lockdown. This critically important data point in data analysis is part of the never ending stream of data the TEA is required to collect by the Village Idiots under the Dome as part of the “Let’s make them count the minutes in a school day.” And you thought the end of cursive writing was the downfall of public education.

I updated my resume to include more recent work experience to display my experience in bathrooms and urine. I believe this to make me uniquely qualified for such a position – which by the way – my position is sitting, which I understand is not allowed during test monitoring.


  • I go to the bathroom. Frequently. Usually when I want to, but on occasion, when I am not ready.
  • TT Toter – worked as temp in an urologist office in Austin, Texas during my unfortunate unemployment that was Perrily induced when $270 million annually generated revenue was taken from school districts, public libraries and institutions of higher education.
    • Responsibilities included: I actually filed files and faxed prescription renewals for Viagra to pharmacies, but there were times I did tote the TT. The TT doesn’t just flow to the lab on its own. Somebody has to walk it down there.
  • Dr. Bathroom Nazi in large urban school district in Central Texas.
    • Responsibilities included, but not limited to: driving to four campuses at 15 minute intervals to relieve the person guarding the bathroom so he or she could go potty. (Please note: I have a PhD and was being paid an exorbitant salary to do this on your dime, Mr. Taxpayer. Given the number of assessments, this was a responsibility for about 20 days each spring.
  • Actually worked for an unnamed assessment company scoring (we do not grade) a bazillion Fifth Graders responses to a single question, making $11.50/hr – also resultant of my unfortunate Perrily induced unemployment.

Non negotiables

  • Must make a very high and impressive salary to waste my time and your tax dollars.
  • Must have an Impressive Title – Examples:
    • Chief of Urine and Ur Not In
    • Number One in Charge of TT
    • Chief Executive Officer of Urine Patrol
    • You’re in Control Patrol
    • The Executive Director of Urinalysis Analysis Data Collector or
    • Something like that that has a certain stream or flow about it.

April Fool! I am not going to back to work.

Too bad the timed urine breaks during assessment and data collection are not part of an April Fool’s joke. One would think it would be, given all of the fools that created this legislatively and politically contrived mess call K-12 public education.

Ship wreck 2 (800x537)

Don’t forget – the only money maker in education is assessment!

Remember: Keep your voter registration card current; vote early and vote often; and God Bless Texas and teachers and school children of the state.



Friday, April 3, 2015 – Snarky Friday – Assessment

Friday, April 3, 2015 – Snarky Friday – Assessment

To select this Friday’s snark about, I imagined the following as giant piñatas and I was beating the crap out of them – the state of Indiana, Ted Cruz or Assessment in Texas schools. The one with the most candy today was Assessment in Texas schools.

Last week was STAAR Testing in the Texas public school system. Assessement. Testing. What have you learned? How do we know? Can a test show what you know?

So this week’s Friday question to the Texas Legislature as always is – “What have you done for the people of Texas this week? Here is a list, including, but not limited to:

  • Increased anxiety levels among all school aged children
  • Increased anxiety levels among all parents and guardians of school aged children
  • Increased anxiety levels among all teachers and instructional assistants
  • Increased anxiety levels among all campus and district level administrators
  • Decreased instructional time in the classroom
  • Ineffectively utilized teachers and administrators throughout the educational system
  • Increased corporate earnings for Big P and others profiting off the children and the educational institution under the heading of “Assessment.”

After Captain Hairspray decided to take millions away from the boys and girls of Texas schools by closing The Form Factory where I was working, and put them toward your toll roads, I was unemployed. I was fortunate to secure a job in a nearby school district in a central office job to complete my educational career.On the educational side (not the business side) everyone at this level was Master’s Degree and higher.  There were about 25 of us.

During assessment week, or Academic Lockdown, as I like to call it, every one of us was out of our offices and on campuses. My job was to ride around the district visiting my four assigned campuses. I was a Bathroom Nazi.  My job was to go to a campus and give one of the people assigned to guard the bathroom a 15 minute break and/or a 30 minute lunch break. I would sit in front of the bathroom, with no book to read, no phone to look at or no music to listen to because these and about a hundred other items are forbidden in the testing rules. I was happy to have a chair to sit in.

My job was to ensure only one student entered at a time and only stayed a reasonably allotted time.  When the campus bathroom Nazi returned, I would leave and drive to another campus and do the same routine. I did this for four days.

These are your tax dollars at work.  And this model is carried out throughout the state in over the 1000+ by God Independent School Districts.

And if you think that is scary, guess what I did while unemployed?  I scored assessment tests. As they say in show business – You ain’t heard nothing yet!

Oh yes – the Texas Education Agency (TEA) is a good place to share your thoughts regarding assessment, but please do not place blame this mess on the agency.  As all state agencies are required, it is just following the laws set forth by the Texas Legislatures.  So if you desire change contact your representatives.

Maybe a new state education slogan could be: Texas Education: Where Every Child is Assessed!

God Bless Texas and God Bless Texas Education. Feel free to substitute your own belief structure.