Here's What I'm Thinking

Monday, November 22, 2021 – My Monday After College Football Awards

It is difficult to put together an awards post today since I did not watch any day football games. Nevertheless here are my awards for Week 12.

Hair Dryer Awards for Blow Outs go to:

• Texas A&M 52 Prairie View A&M 3
• Georgia 55 Charleston South 7
• Mississippi State 55 Tennessee State 10
• Kentucky 56 New Mexico State 16
• Ohio State 56 Michigan State 7
• ND 55 Georgia Tech 0

The You Lost to Who Award? goes to

• Florida 23 Missouri 24 – And we send the U-Haul Truck to Coach Dan Mullens
• South Carolina 21 Auburn 17 – The Second Half Fall Apart Award goes to Auburn
• Oregon 7 Utah 38 – The Ducks could not handle the Utes.
• Texas 23 West Virginia 31 – Oh texas! I cannot even give you a capital T. You also receive The No Bowl Award for 2021.

These were the only games I actually saw.

Arkansas 35 Alabama 42 – I must give the Hogs The Jolly Good Try for actually giving Bama all they good handle. Alabama? I am giving you the Salsa Award because you are going to have to pick up the Pace.

Oklahoma State 23 Texas Tech 0 – In the typical Tech fashion, the entire team, fans, and anybody else wearing black and red receive the ZERO Award for being total zeros regarding sportsmanship. Last week the Tech announcers were put on hold for not only criticizing the refereeing group on air, but then giving out their names on air.

This week you cause a delay of the game not once, but twice for throwing tortillas and beer cans onto the field. You receive the NO Respect Award because you do not even respect your home field. No wonder every team hates to go to Lubbock.

Monday, November 15, 2021 – My Monday After College Football Awards

There are only a few awards for this week because, well, I don’t know. It’s just short.

A&M 19 – Ole Miss 29 – Let’s get it over with and start with the Texas Aggies receiving the John Greenleaf Whittier Award. For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been.” Nevertheless, The 12th Man still stands.

But on to happier things.

Alabama 59 New Mexico State 3 – You are not getting an award for this blowout. You may have a cupcake. I know the cafeteria workers played the last five minutes.

Arkansas 16 LSU 13 in Overtime. Let’s give both teams a Participation Certificate and a Poopy Undies Award. There is always Thanksgiving to think about.

Iowa State 38 Texas Tech 41 – Tech wins the Kicker Award for kicking a 62 yard field goal to win the game. Of course in typical Tech fashion, Tech receives the Police Escort Award for security having to escort their fans (i.e. students) from the stadium for throwing trash (could it be tortillas?) on to the field.

Speaking of sportsmanship, OU claims poor sportsmanship on Baylor for kicking a late field goal. What else you got, OU? Here, you can take home, the Boy, Am I Pissed Off Award. Let me “take one second” and give Baylor Second Place in the Best of the Best Award. OU 14 Baylor 27.

Mississippi State 43 Auburn 34 – I am giving the entire Bulldog team the Best of the Best Award. Air Raid Mike does it again! It was the last flight of the Auburn War Eagle. Just like the first war eagle, this one (as in team) took a nose dive and died in the end zone. So much for the Iron Bowl.

Kansas 57 Texas 56 OT – I am awarding the entire team of Kansas Jayhawks the Even Better Than the Best Award. I am awarding texas an album from the group, Kansas. And horns? You also receive the “Is My Face Red” Embarrassment Award for not only losing to Kansas, but in DKR Memorial Stadium in Austin and in OT. The SEC would like to revoke the invitations to both OU and TU.

Friday, November 5, 2021 – Snarky Friday for Week Ten

There could be a whole lotta shaking going on this week. Since I don’t really care about the other teams in the mix, you can check those out yourself.

The following teams will be on my screens this weekend. Therefore I have selected the one which to snark.

Who is up for the early game? Liberty at Ole Miss at 11:00 on the SEC Network. Liberty Liberty Liberty! Lemu, Emu and Doug! Not that Liberty? Actually that is a relief. I thought we would have to watch the obnoxious commercials even more. The mascot for the Lynchburg, Virginia school is (are)The Flames – as in Hell, I think.

This is an interesting match-up. Hotty Toddy, the Ole Miss crowd has not even finished their first bloody Mary in The Grove by 11:00 AM. Speaking of The Grove and Liberty, I guess they won’t be serving sex on the beach drinks before or after the game. The Liberty coach, Hugh Freeze used to coach at Ole Miss. Nevertheless, it is in my best interest to pull for Liberty. Let’s go Freezing Flames!

The 2:30 games have much on the line.

I will not be watching, but you have Tulsa at Cincinnati at 2:30 on ESPN. Tulsa? This is why you are Number six in the rankings, Cincinnati. You must play a power team. The Tulsa Hurricanes do not count. Isn’t Tulsa landlocked?

The Big 12 games of interest are at 2:30.

Baylor visits Fort Worth to play TCU. Kick off is at 2:30 on Fox. The Patterson less Horn Frogs could spew blood from their eyes (that is what they do) if Baylor does not take care of business Saturday and dreams about OU. Therefore, I am piping in Bachman – Turner Over Drive on the bus to Fort Worth – to remind you that it is time to be Takin’Care of Business.

Oklahoma State at West Virginia at 2:30 on ESPN. West Virginia tries to maintain the top of the bottom four of the Big 12. Oklahoma State tries to make Bedlam interesting.

Mississippi State goes to Arkansas. They kick off at 3:00 on the SEC Network. Go State!

LSU plays Alabama play on ESPN in Tuscaloosa. Even LSU let Coach O finish the season. Do not let down your guard.

That’s it. Wait. It seems as though I have left out a couple. Here we are.

It took me a while to find the University of Texas game since the team is not in the Top 25. Aah! The game is in Ames, Iowa. The Horns visit Iowa State at 6:30 on FS1. The Game in Ames Stays Mainly on the Plains! Texas also tries to be the top of the bottom four of the Big 12 Conference.

Lastly, but truly a game of consequences for many and with many eyes watching is Auburn University visits Texas A&M University. Auburn at TAMU at 2:30 on CBS.

It is important to know certain things about one’s opponent. I read a history of Auburn University and will now share my thoughts.

Originally the school was called The East Alabama Male College and was founded in 1856. In 1871 the name was changed to Agricultural and Mechanical College of Alabama, and it became a land grant school. In 1899 the name was changed again to the Alabama Polytechnic Institute.  In 1960 the name was officially changed to Auburn. 1960!

I understand that there were several fires in the libraries during the early years. In one fire all fifteen of the books were burnt to a crisp. The librarians were able to save five of the books that had not been colored in.

Auburn’s name comes from the 1770 poet, Oliver Goldsmith. The opening line from The Deserted Village is,

“Sweet Auburn, loveliest village of the plain, where health and plenty cheared the labouring swain.”

The gist of the poem the idealization of life that is being destroyed by the loss of agrarian ways of life due to greed of landlords, economic and political change. Too bad that book didn’t burn in the library fires.

Who in the Flames of Liberty names an institution of higher education from a line a poem? An old poem by an Irishman written in the 18^th century! One named Deserted Village? It was 1960 and this was the best you could come up with? What were the other options? “Call me, Ishamel” was not available?

Finally the mascot. Auburn’s mascot is a Tiger. Its name is Aubie. It is a person in a tiger outfit that spends time twirling his tail.

War Eagle is battle cry. Here is the alleged origin.

A Civil War veteran found an injured eagle on the battle field. He took it home and kept it for over 30 years. At the 1892 game between the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Alabama and Georgia, the veteran brought the eagle to the game. Who brings a bird of prey to a football game? This was somewhat of an indicator of the level of education being offered at the time.

The bird got loose (after 30 years I would go for it too) and circled the field, just as the Alabama A&M team reached the end zone. Fans began to cheer “WAR EAGLE!”  I think the bird made a few more circles and swoops and then took a sudden nose dive into the ground and was dead. The chant remained. So I suppose War Eagle is better than Dead Bird.

So Auburn! Bring your labouring swain to Kyle Field because The 12^th Man has health and will cheer plenty.

BTHO AUBURN!

October 29, 2021 – Spooky College Football Snark. Week Eight

For my Halloween Costume, Snarky has chosen to wear something really frightening. It’s a 2022 Georgia National Football Championship Shirt!

Maybe not. The Aggies have a Bye Week, so I’ll probably just wear jeans and a T-shirt like this one.

I am not a good bible scholar, but I think Romans 1:16 says “Just a little more to the right and through the upright, Lord.”

Let us see who is playing on this Halloween Saturday.

Two goodies in the morning.

Baylor and Texas at 11:00 on ABC

In the Battle For I-35  Congestion we have the Baylor Bears visiting the Bad News Bears, formerly known as THE University of Texas Longhorns. The thing is one never knows what to expect between these two. I wonder when was the last time that Baylor visited Austin ranked and Texas was not? Sic ‘Em!!

Michigan and Michigan State 11:00 Fox.

First time these two have been in the top ten since 1964. Sparky and Biff could be a good one. But I heard it through the grape vine that Jeramiah was a Bullfrog, and this game could bring The Big Chill. Perhaps a game of tag football at half-time?  Just remember, You can’t always get what you wanted; you get what you need. But Ain’t to Proud to Beg.

The afternoon games include:

Vanderbilt and Missouri on SECN at 2:00

Put this on your device’s screen at the top of the two-o’clock  hour. This should be a battle Royal for last place overall in the SEC.

Texas Tech and Oklahoma at 2:30 on ABC

Probably going to be as exciting as Vanderbilt and Missouri. Tech having some issues.

Georgia and Florida at 2:30 on CBS

Everybody wants to watch and simulate the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Georgia is on everybody’s mind! Not as exciting as in previous years, but a rivalry is a rivalry. Besides, it is always fun to see a team from Florida get beat.

In the evening…

Kentucky and Mississippi State on SECN at 6:00

Is Mike Leach’s Halloween costume a pirate? Arrrh!

Ole Miss and Auburn at 6:00 on ESPN

A Halloween Treat. War Eagle! Aubie Up!

BTHO BYE Week.

Next Week BTHO Auburn. Aubie Down!

Let’s Go Astros!

Monday, October 25, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Another week of college football is in the books. And there were some doozies!

Will the following teams’ representatives please go the West Exit door to receive your Poopy Undies Certificates? There are so many teams that receive this former Trophy that I have had to go to brown paper certificates.

Let’s give the Midshipman of Navy the Almost Upset Award while Cincinnati receives a Rally Award for having to come from behind. Navy 20 Cincinnati 27.

Let give The Exhaustion Award to Penn State and Illinois. It took NINE, yes 9 Overtimes for Henry Blake’s alma mater to beat Penn State 20 to 18.

To the Oklahoma Sooners I award The Bullwinkle Award in honor of Bullwinkle’s alma mater – WhatsAMatter U? What was the matter? It was KANSAS! Nevertheless, Rock Chalk Jayhawk wins an Almost Upset Award too. 35 to 23

Wake Forest and Army both take home the No Defense Detected Award. Wake Forest 70 and Army 56.

Ole Miss 31 LSU 17. Poor Tigers! Better Call PETA Award. Also, note that the border between Louisiana and Texas is closed for all head coaching recruits.

Mississippi State beat Vanderbilt 45 to 6. I’m giving Vanderbilt the Courage for Even Showing Up Award. Vanderbilt football always reminds me of that commercial where the little kid in the green shirt gets to run for a touchdown.

Texas A&M 44 and South Carolina 14. – The Ags receive SCORE and SCORE MORE AWARD! I think the fourth depth chart players were playing the fourth quarter. The Aggies also receive the Early Bird Bye Award.

THE UNIVERSITY of Texas in Austin won their Bye Week. I think the Horns should count it as a win – especially this season. Only two more games and you will be bowl eligible. Maybe you will get that bowl game in Frisco, Texas. It is the Tropical Smoothie Café Bowl. Maybe the Cheez It Bowl?

Alabama 52 and Tennessee 24 – Rocky Top swamped again. I award The One Award to Alabama. There is ONE team that beat you.

The Best Award for a Beer Pong Halftime Performance goes to the Michigan Band who trolled their next opponent Ohio State. Love the bounces.

Friday, October 22, 2021 – Snarky Friday MASH and The Halloween Game

I was working in the lab late one night

When my eyes beheld an eerie sight

For my monster from his slab, began to rise

And suddenly to my surprise

He did the monster mash

It was a graveyard mash,

It caught on in a flash

He did the monster mash.

It is not quite Halloween, but it is close enough for government work. Plan for some monster mash games this weekend.

One mash already went down on Wednesday with Number 14 Coast Carolina losing to Appalachian State 27 to 30. I keep telling the Chanticleers that teal is just not a good football color.

Lots of games at 11:00 am.

ESPN 2 – a Mash UP between Cincinnati and Navy. Poor Navy. Prepare to abandon ship.

ESPN – Oklahoma and Kansas – The wind will be whipping down the plans for this MASH Up.

CBSSN – Wake Forest and Army – More like  M*A*S*H.

No team in the Big 12 is worth watching this week. With the exception of Oklahoma State and Iowa State at 2:30 on Fox these games will all be mashed and one opponent will blow out the other one.

Never worth watching at 6:30 on NBC – aka the Notre Dame Network – we have USC and Notre Dame. I always like it when the Trojans play the Catholics. There is just something funny about it. Go Greek.

The game to watch in the afternoon is LSU and Ole Miss at 2:30 on CBS. Mute Motor Mouth Gary Danielson and watch the Tigers and the Rebels. Kiffen is bringing his popcorn and a good record. But all records are thrown out the window when this game is played. Hotty Toddy!

Even though it is no longer played on October 30, it is still be The Halloween Game. This clip is played on the radio and local TV through out Louisiana all day until kick off. Here’s to the late Billy Cannon and the late Donnie Daye (who threw the block to spring Billy down the sidelines and my first cousin). May your ghosts haunt Kiffen and the Rebels all night long. GEAUX Tigers!

The University of Texas at San Antonio plays Louisiana Tech. There is no TV coverage, but it is always nice to snark on THE University of Texas at Austin. BTW, the Roadrunners are last at number 25 in the top 25. THE Other Mother University is not ranked.

Texas A&M and South Carolina 6:30 SECN. Hopefully, this will be another MASH up as the Aggies look forward to an off week.

Start the evening with Tennessee at Alabama at 6:00 on ESPN. Tennessee fans are requested to prepare for a body search upon entering the stadium. No golf balls will be  allowed in the stadium. Stadium personnel will hand out mustard in small packets. The Alabama women’s field hockey team will be armed with nets along the sidelines to catch any stray water bottles. The Alabama men’s lacrosse team will be standing with nets to catch beer cans that may be thrown.

I hope your team wins!

BTHO South Carolina

Monday, October 18, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

It was another wild weekend in college football. Most were good and exciting games until the Hillbillies from Tennessee did not like a fourth down call and proceeded to turn Neyland Stadium into a recycling center and embarrass the SEC.

But it is Monday so here are my awards for Week Seven of college football season.

Shhh! Whisper. I am giving the Volunteers of Tennessee the Rocky Top Riot Award for the H20 Water Bottle Bowl for Horrible Sportsmanship. If I come up short, do not tell them, because they might throw golf balls and/or beer cans, water bottles and bottles of mustard. I’m going to go with the brown stuff in the water bottles as Skoal tobacco. Ole Miss 31 Tennessee 26

Continuing with throwing things  – The Fun While It At #2 Lasted trophy goes to Iowa for losing to unranked Purdue. Purdue 24 Iowa 7. The Boilermaker Award goes to the Purdue fan who tossed a Bud Lite beer to a Purdue player who proceeded to douse himself. Note: who has a full beer at the end of a game? Same type individual that carries golf balls to a game.

BYU Baylor 24 38 – The Waco Welcome Wagon Award goes to the BYU Mormonite Cougars as Baylor welcomed the team to the Big 12 with a resounding defeat of 38 to 24 to round out Baylor homecoming. I award a You Still Got It Award to Robert Griffith III. While leading the Good Ole Baylor line on the field, he was jogging along, waving to the crowd, waving back to his wife, when he realized a student was about to overtake him. RGIII turned on the jets and barely beat the kid to break the tape.

Texas A&M 35 Mizoo 14 – The Aggies do receive the Show Me Award because the Ags did continue to show us improvement.

Oklahoma State 32 Texas 24 – To THE University of Texas Longhorns, I award the Silver Anniversary Award. The last time the Burnt Orange lost two games in a row after leading by double digits was 25 years ago. Please know TU that officials are working on your SEC schedule. So far, based on your Big 12 play this year, your SEC schedule consists of Vanderbilt, Missouri, South Carolina, Maybe Florida, University of Connecticut, and OU.

The Bust Your Bubble Award goes to the Kentucky Wildcats losing to Georgia 13 to 30. When does basketball season start Kentucky?

Alabama 49 Mississippi State 9 – To the Rolling Tide you receive the We’re BACK from Our Lapse Award!

LSU 49 Florida 42 – The Surprise Victory and Goodbye Award goes to LSU. To Coach Ed Orgeron, we wish you the best next season. To LSU alumni –  DO NOT DARE CROSS THAT STATE LINE AND COME AFTER JIMBO. Remember, TAMU is still a military school. Not to mention our gun laws in Texas.