Category Archives: Native Texan

Tuesday, March 21, 2017 – It’s The Shoes or It’s The Chews!

Tuesday, March 21, 2017 – It’s The Shoes or It’s The Chews! SFA and AXO!

One of my favorite scenes (they are all my favorites) in movie The Bird Cage is when Agador, played by the great Hank Azaria, must wear footwear for the senator’s and the family visit. He continues to fall and finally screams “It’s the chews!”

Walk with me here – yesterday I had to visit my primary care physician so she could “see me” in order to renew my prescriptions (See new rules and laws as of January 2017 regarding prescriptions.)

As she was renewing my meds, she asked “anything else today?” I replied, “No, my feet hurt, but it can wait until wellness in two-weeks. (See insurance rules)

She takes a quick look at my shoes and asks “How old are your shoes?” I reply “This is my best pair and they are at least a year.” She replies “You need new shoes.”

Here’s what I’m thinking – The doctor said I need new shoes for medical reasons. I always try to follow doctors’ orders. So I think this must include new workout shoes; new golf shoes; new summer footwear; new house shoes, new shower shoes, maybe even some new “real” shoes because I actually have some social functions to attend this spring.

WOW – check this out – light up sneakers for adults. I wonder if there is maroon and white LED version.  https://hoverkicks.com/

Little Sis? I wonder if there a purple and white pair? Wouldn’t light up sneakers be awesome to wear to our Alpha Chi Omega reunion when we all sing “… all Hail to SFA!”

I think this is my pledge class at The Fall Festival at SFA – 1969??

Therefore, I must go get my prescriptions and my shoes refilled. As Agador says “It’s the chews.”

Monday, March 20, 2017 – Spring Has Sprung! Brackets Bust!

Monday, March 20, 2017 – Spring Has Sprung! Brackets Bust!

Happy First Day of Spring! A poem for us all.

Spring has sprung;

The grass has ris;

I wonder where the flowers is.

Happy Spring Ya’ll. It is that time of year when we grab the kids and pets, park dangerously along the roadside and go sit our butts in the beautiful Texas bluebonnets for the family photo shoot.

Spring has sprung and so have most of the Basketball Bracketeers brackets. One side of my bracket totally collapsed when Duke was upset by South Carolina. I still have a Kansas Kentucky match up but it is not called March Madness without reason.

On the women’s bracket I am holding strong into the Second Round. And I actually have Texas A&M women playing UConn in the Sweet 16, but tonight it is UCLA. I am prepared – one beer per quarter for Quarters one, two and three and the remaining three beers during the Fourth Quarter. Hopefully by that time the beers and bears (Bruins) will be finished.

This is me practicing last year tailgating at Texas A&M/UCLA football game.

Before we leave resting on our maroon laurels, Saturday night the Texas A&M Women’s basketball team set an NCAA record for the largest comeback win in history. The Aggies were behind by 21 points going into the fourth quarter. The Penn Quakers began to quake and soon the Quakers were shaken, not stirred and all shook up. The Aggies outscored the Quakers 25 to 1 in the Fourth Quarter to win in the final seconds. In addition to a thrilling game, it was a joy to watch the coaching and execution. And of course the fact the Aggies won!

“Games can still be won with heart and passion. That’s what an Aggie is all about. Never count us out.” Gary Blair

Curtyce Knox – NCAA (men’s and women’s) current record holder for Assists per Game – averaging 9.2.

But tonight we focus on UCLA. I must go nap now because the game does not start until 8:05.

BTHO – UCLA!

Saturday, March 18, 2017 – Fire the Weekend Graphics Intern!

Saturday, March 18, 2017 – Fire the Weekend Graphics Intern!

I am not sure what the Aggie Women are going to do, but I do hope they win. BTHO Penn!

Anriel Howard – Lashes – Probably just now seeing and reading the graphic.

Thursday, March 16, 2016 – The Importance of the Letter “R.” Proof It.

Thursday, March 16, 2016 – The Importance of the Letter “R.” Proof It

Good Morning, Children,

Good Morning, Sister Elephant!

Our lesson today is The Importance of the Letter “R.” Are there any questions before we begin? Yes, you.

I saw on Facebook last night that there is a retired lady with the same name as yours was before you came to the nunnery. Did you know that Sister Mary Elephant?

Why, yes I did, Julio. However, had you read more closely you would have noticed immediately that this same named individual misspelled the word “retired.” She spelled it “retiered.” Given her previous listed occupation that could be what she was going for, since I understand one must re tier themselves frequently in that line of work.

Second the term Vegas is also misspelled. It not VAGAS. Perhaps she left out the letter “I between the “A” and “G” and the “Letter R.”

This brings us to her last misspelled word and the importance of the Letter “R.”

If you look again, she is a STIPPER, but all us initially read “STRIPPER” which I tend to believe is correct. So let us see just how important the Letter “R” is.

Let us remember our dear departed Father Proof Reader with this story.

Father Proof Reader loved to study the old documents of The Church. He was always hoping to find meaning that would make the world a better place for others.

He often wondered about translations of languages and copies of ancient documents in calligraphied hands of those who dedicated their lives to teaching us good things about life. He loved seeing the perfection. The hands copying each and every letter with precision. Never making an error.

When Father Proof Reader died, because of his good earthly works he was given access to all of libraries of all of great religious documents of the Church upon his arrival at the Golden Gates of Heaven. He was thrilled to be able to examine the teachings and writings of all the religious scholars who had come before him. Father Xerox. Father Copy. Sister Collated Copy.

One day he ran across a dusty ancient manuscript.

As Father Proof Reader examined the beautiful page his eyes fell upon these words:

And God said this: “To all of you I say “Celebrate! Be a Celebrate!”

Father Proof Reader leaped from his chair and screamed “CELEBRATE! For the past hundred years we thought it said celibate!”

And that children is the importance of the Letter “R” and proof reading.

Now I must get me to a summary: Watch your letters. Watch your “P’s” and “Q’s” and your “R”. Proof carefully.

Thank you, Sister Mary Elephant.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017 – Beware the Ides of March! Idus Martiae! Brutus and Brackets!

Wednesday, March 15, 2017 – Beware the Ides of March! Idus Martiae! Brutus and Brackets!

Idus Martae is Latin for Ides of March. I wonder what is the translation of March Madness is in Latin. Maybe – Cray Cray Martiae!

In modern times, the Ides of March is best known as the date on which Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44 BC. Caesar was stabbed to death at a meeting of the senate. As many as 60 conspirators, led by Brutus and Cassius, were involved. If you want to learn more about politics, conspiracy theorists, and leadership, then reread Shakespeare’s play, watch Fox News; CNN, or CSPAN or get on Facebook. Meanwhile, I am dribbling on to my basketball brackets.

What a relief to discover I still have one more day to conduct my complete analysis of the Men’s and Women’s NCAA Basketball brackets. The first of the men’s games have begun with major games beginning today and tomorrow. Women’s games do not begin until Friday.

Here are my helpful hints to complete a bracket and of course my always helpful comments.

Step One: Go to a website and find printable brackets.

Step Two: Print out several blank brackets.

Step Three: Text neighbor and ask them to do it because you do not like them and you printed them incorrectly.

Step Four – TIMES, DATES, and NETWORKS – VERY IMPORTANT

ONLY on this bracket mark the games times, and DAY of the game and the NETWORK the game is shown. It is very easy to become confused especially during First Round play. Times are shown in EASTERN Standard Time. Make sure you adjust. When bracket reads – Texas A&M vs. Penn @ 9:00, that means we here in Aggieland watch it at 8:00 PM.

On this bracket I add the day of the week, as in Friday or Saturday, over the date of the week.

On this bracket mark the Network the games are played.

Network for the men’s coverage is TBS, CBS, TNT and TRUTV. For the women’s coverage is the ESPN family. The First Rounds of play are on ESPN 2.

Step 5: Put this bracket aside, but within easy reach.

Step 6 – Fill out your new blank bracket based on whatever criteria you select and however you want to complete the bracket.

Here are some of my initial thoughts on the women’s First Round games only.

Texas A&M vs Penn – I do believe I referred to the Ivy League Champion yesterday as Nitany Lions. My apologies to both schools. The school Texas A&M is playing is Penn – as in Quakers. I am so hoping the mascot is an Oatmeal box with legs.

Let’s see who is playing in Waco besides Baylor. Texas Southern (Houston), California (Berkley) and LSU (Baton Rouge). Three very large and diverse teams coming to the Hot Spot, Belt Buckle of the Bible Belt – Waco, Texas. I hope they can find George’s.

Moving along: From Starkville, Mississippi – Go Bulldogs! Dallas could be calling your name! Stay focused. Love you, Vic!

Really? Notre Dame on Saint Patrick’s Day! Who made this schedule? Poor Robert Morris.

The great Tina Thompson – currently coaching @ THE University sharing recipes and coaching strategies with official.

That’s right! Get the other official – the one who can SEE the foul!

Come on Texas! As in THE University of Texas! Go Karen! A Stanford/Texas Regional would be so AWESOME!

South Carolina might be able to limp through their bracket, but losing a top player to injury is going to be an issue. However I am taking # 12 seed Quinnipiac to win this bracket because I like to try to say the school’s name.

My initial Women’s Final Four coming to Dallas on March 31 are Baylor, UConn, Notre Dame and Quinnipiac. Seriously, the fourth bracket is going to be iffy.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017 – March Madness Begins! There is Good News and Bad News

Tuesday, March 14, 2017 – March Madness Begins! There is Good News and Bad News

It is time to follow the bouncing ball as we begin the journey through Brackeville enroute to The Final Four. Much of today will be spent upon completion of my NCAA – Division I Men’s and Women’s basketball brackets. This means my thoughtful, high researched, and always snarky comments will come tomorrow.

I am very excited that my sister will be playing brackets this year. She, like myself, base our selections on such criteria as: Family Alumni, Conferences loyalties, color of uniforms, coaches’ attire, jewelry, number of tattoos per team, and of course the all-important cross gender criteria – HAIR! – including guestimates of how much hair grease Andy Landers goes through each month. But more on my brackets and criteria tomorrow.

The good news or the bad news first? The good news is the Texas Aggies women’s basketball team does not have to go to Waco or Austin to begin First Round play. Neither does the team have to fight the blizzard where the top half of the bracket is playing.

The Aggies start The Dance by going to California in beautiful star studded, glitter town – Los Angles! Note: to top half of bracket – That is SUNNY California. Who does your bracket geography? Obviously, long-term, freak weather patterns were not factored into the equation. Notice the “really smart” schools are in California while you are shivering. It is called SPRING break for a reason.

The Aggies are the #5 seed in the lower bracket. We will meet the #16 seed Penn State Nitany Lions, Ivy League Conference Champions.

Listen up, whatever a Nitany Lion is – We gonna show you some Ivy League, Texas style basketball from the Harvard on the Brazos! Ladies! Let’s Get in Formation! We be getting our Beyoncé on! Did I mention the sun? Where is my Beyoncé bikini?

Miss Curtyce Knox assisting me to Get in Formation.

And the bad news? Aside from The Basketball Blizzard of 2017 in The East? The winner of the Texas A&M/Penn State games faces the winner of Boise State and UCLA! Wait. That is not the bad news. In the same bracket looming high up in the clouds, and hopefully above the snow, above the rim, above all categories of college basketball statistics lies UCONN! As in ‘You con not catch us!’

But it’s MADNESS!

As Coach Gary Blair said today, “We are not good enough to look past anyone, but we are good enough to beat anyone, and that includes everyone in the tournament.” Gig ‘Em Aggies! WHOOP!

But today our focus must be preparing brackets and tuned into the baseball game in Austin. That would be on the Long-Horn Network – the Network that gives an entirely new meaning to “closed captioned.”

Here’s what I’m thinking: If a network had more programming (as in more schools) one would not have to hear VY and RW doing bad commercials. Instead there could entire shows of National Championships and not just Alabama, but by any number of teams and unbelievable number of athletics.

BTHO – tu!

Friday, March 10 – You’ll Wonder Where the Yellow Went When…?

Friday, March 10 – You’ll Wonder Where the Yellow Went When…?

I am just wondering where yesterday went. Oh yeah, now I recall. Yesterday was blown away like a Kansas twister taking all of the Horn Frogs to victory. Rock Chalk Jay Hawk, Frog Squat.

While waiting for that nail biter college basketball game to end, I was dancing in the streets (OK, the living room and no one but the FBI could see me) but I was singing DUKE, DUKE, DUKE, DUKE of Earle, DUKE, DUKE … and texting GN#1 in Louisville. Next time, I make a meme of my singing and dancing and send to her.

Let the seeds fall as they may and the madness begin.

“You’ll wonder where the yellow went…”

What was the next line? What did “you” do next and with what?

“when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.” If you knew, you are old as dirt.

I think a better jingle is: You’ll wonder where the day went; when you brush your teeth with vodka.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017 – Confusion Fusion – Beauty and the Beast

Wednesday, March 8, 2017 – Confusion Fusion – Beauty and the Beast

I see in Variety that an Alabama theatre will not show Walt Disney’s Beauty and the Beast because it has a gay character. Yet the theatre does not seem to have issues with the story plot:

Belle is a young woman who is taken prisoner by a Beast in his castle in exchange for the freedom of her father Maurice. Despite her fears, she befriends the castle’s enchanted staff and she learns to look beyond the Beast’s exterior to recognize the true heart and soul of the human Prince within. Meanwhile, a hunter named Gaston is on the loose to take Belle for himself and later intends to hunt down the Beast at any cost.

Hmm. In addition the theatre does not seem to have an issue that the Belle falls in love with a beast – aka an animal in clothes.

I am so confused.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty_and_the_Beast_(2017_film)

http://variety.com/2017/film/news/beauty-and-the-beast-gay-character-alabama-theater-1202001627/

Tuesday, March 7, 2017 – Here’s What I’m Thinking

Tuesday, March 7, 2017 – Here’s What I’m Thinking

How about this idea? The United States Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos DeVoucher wants “school choice.” This is when affluent parental units are able to remove their children from low performing schools. The Lt. Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, wants students to go to the bathroom based on the gender listed on their birth certificate. This is to avoid sexual predators. FYI – Dan, it’s not like sexual predators don’t go into other bathrooms, janitors’ closets, alleyways, parks or even in their homes.

So here’s what I’m thinking – Why not have all the charter and voucher schools implement DP’s bathroom bill and then leave the rest of the public places alone?

Everyone just wants to be free to pee.

Monday, March 6, 2017 – Leaks -Yтечки

Monday, March 6, 2017 – Leaks – Yтечки

Dear President Trump,

I am sorry to hear you are having leaks. Have you tried Myrbetriq? This seems to work for many people.

Depends underwear works well too and they make Depends for men.

May I also suggestion that you use a heavy duty aluminum foil to wrap your phone and other communicative devices. This probably works better than receiving alien messages through the fillings in your teeth.

Just trying to be helpful. FYI this is how you say leaks in Russian – утечки