Tag Archives: satire

Monday, February 20, 2017 – Presidents’ Day Where Is Your Apostrophe?

Posted on February 20, 2017 | 2 comments

Monday, February 20, 2017 – Presidents’ Day or Where is Your Apostrophe?

Today we honor those who have served in the office of President of the United States of America.

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I see in the media that there are many Presidents’ Sales taking placed today on this holiday. Will someone please purchase the current president?

FYI – Presidential and White House staffers – the apostrophe is AFTER the “S” to include all of the Presidents. It is not BEFORE the “S” to denote just one. Grammar and proof reading does not seem to be one of your strong suits. You can work on it after you conquer public speaking.

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Tuesday, February 7, 2017 – Kejserens nye Klaender. For What It’s Worth.

Posted on February 7, 2017 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, February 7, 2017 – Kejserens nye Klaender. For What It’s Worth.

Good morning boys and girls. Today I am going to tell you a story. Pay close attention because there will be a question at the end.

Our story is by Hans Christian Andersen. It is about a vain emperor who cares about nothing except wearing and displaying clothes and big numbers of how popular he is. He hires two weavers who promise him the finest clothes from a fabric that is invisible to anyone who is either unfit for his position, terminally stupid or in the media. The Emperor’s ministers cannot see the clothes themselves, not even on Fox News, but pretend to do so for fear of appearing unfit for their offices and positions.

During a parade where the emperor wears his new invisible suit, the people of the kingdom play along because they do not want to appear stupid, unfit for their positions and/or live in California.

Suddenly a child with cajones screams out “He ain’t got no clothes on!” Then the crowd takes up the chant screaming “Nekked! Nekked!” The Emperor cuts off all federal funds to all of the people in his kingdom.

Everybody disperses in the event of another Bowling Green Massacre and goes home singing Buffalo Springfield’s “For What It’s Worth.” – “There’s something happening here; What it is ain’t exactly clear…”

The End

And now our question.

What do you think is the name of the Emperor?

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Kejserens nye Klaender – Original Danish title of The Emperor’s New Clothes by Hans Christian Andersen

Lyrics to Buffalo’s Springfield’s “For What It’s Worth”

http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp5JCrSXkJY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp5JCrSXkJY

There’s something happening here What it is ain’t exactly clear There’s a man with a gun over there Telling me I got to beware

I think it’s time we stop, children, what’s that sound Everybody look what’s going down

There’s battle lines being drawn Nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong Young people speaking their minds Getting so much resistance from behind

It’s time we stop, hey, what’s that sound Everybody look what’s going down

What a field-day for the heat A thousand people in the street Singing songs and carrying signs Mostly say, hooray for our side

It’s s time we stop, hey, what’s that sound Everybody look what’s going down

Paranoia strikes deep Into your life it will creep It starts when you’re always afraid You step out of line, the man come and take you away

We better stop, hey, what’s that sound Everybody look what’s going down Stop, hey, what’s that sound Everybody look what’s going down Stop, now, what’s that sound Everybody look what’s going down Stop, children, what’s that sound Everybody look what’s going down.

Written by Stephen Stills • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

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Monday, February 6, 2017 – What A Subtle Super Bowl!

Posted on February 6, 2017 | Leave a comment

Monday, February 6, 2017 – What A Subtle Super Bowl!

Good Morning, Boys and Girls.

Our vocabulary word today is: Subtle. The B is silent like the P in swimming. It is an adjective meaning especially of a change or distinction so delicate or precise as to be difficult to analyze or delicately complex and understated; clever and indirect methods to achieve something.

In the event you have been living under a rock or perhaps detained in a foreign airport, yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday. It is an unofficial, semi-holy day of obligation that falls on a Sunday between Martin Luther King Day in January and Valentine’s Day in February. It is an American born holiday where people eat tons of junk food, drink way too much alcohol, discuss the commercials and then watch a boring game of football.

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Yesterday’s contest began with the usual bore, but then became an exciting contest that went into overtime. Yesterday’s contest was between the Atlanta Falcons and the Brady Phoenix Rising from the Ashes New England Patriots. Once again the Yankees burn Atlanta. But, frankly, my dear…

What were your favorite Super Bowl commercials? HWIT, my top three included but were not limited to: 1. Audi – for equal pay for women statement; 2. Martha Stewart and Snoop Dog – I have no idea what the product was because I was laughing too hard at the subtly between the two. Of course I want to include Coca Cola – let’s share a beverage and be nice to each other regardless of what head dress one is wearing.

What about Lady Gaga? It looked like she included everybody in the show. How many noticed she was wearing Dallas Cowboy colors upon her fly in? She opens singing God bless America; land that I love and immediately transcends to This land is your land; this land is my land…” Two signature songs written reflecting the dysfunctional time in American history that is referred to as The Depression.

God Bless America was composed by Irving Berlin, a Jewish immigrant from Russia. His family left in the early 1890’s and immigrated to America looking for freedom to worship. It seems those nasty Russian Cossacks were killing them for their religious beliefs.

This Land is Your Land was composed by Woodie Guthrie and is considered the ultimate song of protest and in every recent protest the marchers sang it. Think a kid whose parents lost everything, was raised in the Dust Bowl Oklahoma and immediately saw the inequality of wealth in America. Think desperate farmers and thousands unemployed. http://www.woodyguthrie.org/

Then with a quick camera cut away there was the VPOTUS, Mike Pence, clapping, dancing and singing along to Born This Way. OK, I alternated that fact. The camera did cut away to him during the song, but I did not seem him clapping, dancing or singing.

Subtle. Subtle. Subtle. Well done, Patriots. Well done, Lady Gaga. Well done, Houston.

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Tuesday, January 31, 2017 – Sausage and Legislation

Posted on January 31, 2017 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, January 31, 2017 – Sausage and Legislation

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire. And sausage and legislation! Now you know why government employees used to say “you do not want to know or see how sausage or legislation is made.” It is not pretty. The history bus is moving rapidly. I am not sure of the direction or who is driving, but I am tightening my seat belt and hoping the wheels do not come off.

Here’s what I’m thinking today. As the slavery and religious issues between Mexico and the United States became heated, Santa Anna’s troops marched toward San Antonio the first of February in 1836 creating fear and anxiety at the mission called The Alamo. This was an effort to stop and ban the emigration and immigration from The United States and entering the Mexican territory known as Texas… Sorry, that is Texas Independence Day topic from the rebellion/revolutionary/remember folder.

Back to today. While the United States’ Constitutional crisis continues, let us turn our attention to Texas. Texas Muslim Capitol Day starts at 10:30 a.m. on the south steps. During the afternoon the group will meet with lawmakers. http://kxan.com/2017/01/31/crowds-expected-at-texas-muslim-capitol-day/

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Photo by me. Protesting something on the south steps of the state capitol. It is what one does when you live in Austin!

From the fake news desk of Texas Representative Molly White. “All Muslims are invited to my office where they can experience first-hand bigotry, hatred and ‘low life sons of bitches.’ And that is just to the news reporters! The first brave Muslims to enter will receive matched sets of white sheets from a flea market in Deeeeep East Texas suitable for marches, protests and other gatherings where banjo music fills the pines.

We, the People, are living history. It is called democracy in action. You get to see it and participate in it in real time. “You Say You Want a Revolution?” (The Beatles) How do you like it during the first ten days?

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Monday January 30, 2017 – Just a Little Off the Top or That Was The Weekend That Was – TWTW!

Posted on January 30, 2017 | Leave a comment

Monday January 30, 2017 – Just a Little Off the Top or That Was The Weekend That Was – TWTW!

For the history geeks of the world…

Good Morning Class. I am Dr. Dimwitted and I will be your substitute history teacher for the day.

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Your teacher, Mrs. Mus Slim, born in Dallas, was trapped in flight returning from seeing her family in Turkey and is stranded in New York.

Here are your four options for learning today. Select one that best fits your learning style. Please ensure your devise is connected.

Option One: React to the following sentence appearing on your screen now: Those who forgot the history of civilizations are doomed to repeat it. You may opt to write a blistering essay; create a 30 second Public Service Announcement before the Freedom of the Press goes away and the media goes dark or you may sit quietly fiddling your thumbs or playing your violin while Rome burns.

Option Two: Raise your hand and I will download one of the following movies to your device. After seeing the movie, write a brief review by giving 1 star for poor, obviously an product of Hateful Hollywood to 5 stars for could not stop laughing.

A Day Without Mexicans – One day, California wakes up and every single Latino has inexplicably disappeared. No business owner, doctor, nurse, soldier, teacher, entertainer, athlete or politician can be found. No bus driver, farm worker, cook, gardener or nanny. All gone. California — the ninth largest economy in the world — grinds to a halt because Latinos have vanished. http://www.cnn.com/2012/03/02/opinion/garcia-illegal-immigrants/

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Yes, you have a question? What is your name again? No, Mohammed, Dr. Strangelove is not about the Chief of Power Steve Bunion pushing the Truth Director, Sean Slicer to say “aggravate the protestors so we can send in the National Guard.”

If you would like to research how successful that strategy worked in previous years, may I call your attention to Kent State, Cal (formerly known as Berkley) or any other college campus during the 1960’s? You might also check how the attack dogs and fire hoses worked against people of color during the same period.

The story concerns an unhinged United States Air Force general who orders a first strike nuclear attack on the Soviet Union. It follows the President of the United States, his advisers, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and a Royal Air Force (RAF) officer as they try to recall the bombers to prevent a nuclear apocalypse. It separately follows the crew of one B-52 bomber as they try to deliver their payload.

Option Three: Do an ancestor search on Kellyanne Conway to ensure she is only channeling in Josef Goebbels and is not actually related to him.

Option Four: Read or reread George Orwell’s novel, 1984. Mark the first page and the first words when you get scared about that was the weekend that was.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/01/a-clarifying-moment-in-american-history/514868/

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Monday, December 12, 2016 – One College Football Award and Your Monday Assignments

Posted on December 12, 2016 | Leave a comment

Monday, December 12, 2016 – One College Football Award and Your Monday Assignments

The only award today for college football goes to Sam Houston State University. While alumni are still proud of you, I must award you the Wait Until Next Year Award. It was either that one or the one to James Madison for “A Good Old Fashioned Big Thicket Bearkats’ Butt Kicking.”

Moving onward through the fog…

This just in from the William Robert Bagachips News Bureau. http://www.billybobbagachips.fakenews.com

The finalists for head of the Drug Enforcement Agency in President Elect Twitter’s Cabinet are Tommy Chong, Cheech Marin and Walter White with Mr. White having the inside track according to SNL.

Keep moving through the Worm Hole.

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Our word for the day is thransonical. It is an adjective meaning boastful; vainglorious. His humour is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. — William Shakespeare, Love’s Labour’s Lost, 1598

For the Shakespearean challenged Love’s Labour’s Lost is a comedy with a theme of reality versus fantasy.

Assignment: Use thransonical in a sentence at your next Christmas party to describe President Elect Trump. Take a survey to determine how many people believe it to be complimentary.

Thought question for the day – How many millions did the Cabinet Post picks contribute to the Trump campaign? Within a couple of million will be close enough for government work.

Assignment: Select a potential Cabinet member and write an essay titled “Why _____ is qualified to hold the position of ______ .”

Questions?

How long does the essay have to be? Long enough to cover the subject, so yes handing in a blank piece of paper with just the title will be sufficient. Yes, for extra credit you may address the entire cabinet and still turn in a tabla rasa for qualifications.

Class dismissed. I must see if my Rosetta Stone for learning Russian and Chinese has arrived.

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