Tag Archives: college football

October 22, 2016 – BTHO Alabama – Little Aggie Alter

October 22, 2016 – BTHO Alabama – My Little Aggie Alter

To the Saints of College Football – Saint Touchdown and any other saints that can help beat Alabama.

The battery life of my flameless candle is four hours non stop. Please let the Texas Aggies play non stop flawless football for four hours.

Don’t you just love my crafty candle?  I know you all thought it was professionally made, but I did make it myself. You all know how crafty I am.

WHOOP!

Gig ‘Em Aggies!

BTHO Alabama!

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Monday, October 17, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 17, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

We now head into the last half of the regular college football season. The games become unpredictable and everything is on the table and at stake. The Playoff Selection Committee, created, invented and founded by Larry Culpepper, is watching every play. If your game goes into overtime, it should mean an automatic drop by at least one rank in the overall rankings.

Please step forward as I call your team’s name.

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Bryan Eagle – 10.16.2016

The first award for Bye Week goes to the Texas the A&M quidditch team. I am not certain of the rules but it appears two spherical objects (deflated volleyballs – see Tom Brady) are used while on a broom handle. Players are called beaters and chasers. Am I still talking about the game from The Harry Potter series or the presidential debate?

On to football. From the Conference formerly known as The Big 12, currently known as the Should I Stay or Should I Go Conference:

The awards for A Big Win Even Though You Did Not Play A Team Worth Mentioning goes to the following:

Baylor wins 49 Kansas 7. Kansas? Really? Please book your school’s homecoming game with Kansas for next year.

THE University of Texas wins! Granted it was a victory over Iowa State and their traditional ugly uniforms and weather pattern mascot, but a win is a win.

Oklahoma wins 38 over Kansas State 17. Yes, Miss Navasota, Bill Snyder seems to still be alive, but K-State has called him back so many times, I think they plan on life size card board cut outs of him when the day comes.

West Virginia 48 Texas Tech 17 – I think Kliff Kingsbury had on my Ray Ban Travelers that I lost a couple of weeks ago. He might need them as he might be travelling away from Lubbock.

Heartbreak Hotel and Poopy Undies Awards go to: 

Lamar 32 Northwestern State 31 – with 6 seconds left Lamar scores. Sorry, Cousin Darryl – the Demons almost won.

Arkansas 34 wins Ole Miss 23 – What Hotty Toddy goes well with bacon?

To North Carolina State and the place kicker I award The Almost and Still Proud of You Award. To the individual(s) who sent disgusting and threating tweets to the NCS kicker upon missing the game winning field goal: You T-shirt Wearing only A-Hole: Someday I hope you have a football rectally inserted into your anatomy.

The Award for “The Committee is Watching” goes Ohio State for the OT victory over Wisconsin 30-24. Nuts!

And a second award for The Committee is Watching goes to Clemson for their overtime victory over North Carolina State. 24 North Carolina State 17 OT.

Houston 38 Tulsa 31 – The Award for “The Committee is NOT Watching” goes to The University of Houston and Herman’s Hermits for holding on at the goal line against Tulsa.

And now from the Conference of Champions – The Southeastern Conference.

The Participation Award in the SEC goes to the Commodores of Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt 17 Georgia 16 – The excitement in the SEC East!

The Blow Out Award goes to Alabama. Alabama 49 Tennessee 10 – Lost that one in a big time blowout too, didn’t you, Mr. Crockett?

The Award for Perfection goes to the Alabama Crimson Tide. This refers to the record of 6-0 headed into Saturday’s game against the also undefeated Texas Aggies. Sidebar to the Tide Rollers: The Aggies BTHO Tennessee the week before. You are welcome.

The Award for Somebody is Not Going to be Perfect Next Saturday goes to …ag-shirt

Checklist for Saturday

 

Alcohol Supply – Beer, vodka and tequila – check

Additional bloody Mary mix – check

Scotch, if necessary, for fourth quarter – check

Two bags Doritos – check

Hot Dogs and Buns – check

Nacho fixings – check

Chili or gumbo – Decide on Thursday

BTHO Alabama T-shirt – pick up @ Aggieland Outfitters

Maroon shoes – check

Aggie socks – clean. Check.

Aggie cap – check

Shorts or jeans – check weather on Friday

Small Aggie football that plays War Hymn when slammed against table – check

Damn It Doll – check. Does not play anything. Reminder to self: Do not throw damn it doll at TV.

Ensure windows are closed in the event it is necessary to scream words that can burn the ears of a sailor.

See if Catholic store has Beat Alabama candles. If not, find some saint candles at grocery store. Pick up several.

Create alter for candles for Friday night vespers and vigil.

Double check alcohol supply. Pick up another six pack.

Check supply of chill pills – Call Walgreens. Don’t forget blood pressure meds!

To be continued.

Sully's Boots

Friday, October 7, 2016 – Snarky Friday Before Saturday College Football

Friday, October 7, 2016 – Snarky Friday Before Saturday College Football

Before the Snark appears, sincerely let us send our thoughts and prayers to those in the path of Hurricane Matthew.

Also, let us send our love and good byes to LSU’s Mike VI as his cancer has spread. LSU is allowing fans to come say their final good byes to one of the most beautiful mascots in college football. A search begins soon for Mike VII. Mike VII will come from a tiger rescue reserve facility.

Paraphrase from Macbeth – “Enter the Snark with a taper.”

Baylor – A three-week BYE! Not playing for three weeks does not help your championship hopes. Of course, neither does playing schools like Kansas.

Florida and LSU – Hurricane Matthew wins!

Georgia and South Carolina – Hurricane Matthew wins again.

Coming to you live from state fairgrounds of Texas we have The Red River Shootout on FS1 @ 11:00 AM. This was once the game from which national championships came – THE University of Texas Longhorns and The Sooners of Oklahoma University. Now it is the game that sends rumors throughout the various cyberspheres. With all due respect to Willie N. …

“It’s a bloody Mary morning,

Someone’s leaving without warning

Sometime in the night.

And they’re flying down to Houston with forgetting him the nature of their flight.”

Speaking of Houston, as in The University of, we have the #5 untested Cougars playing the Midshipman from Navy on ESPN @ 2:00. Anchors Away, my boys, Anchors Away!

Before we get to Texas A&M and the Faded tu Volunteers of Tennessee, let us discuss # 1 Alabama and # 16 Arkansas that is on ESPN at 6:00. I feel the need to express this in language understandable for those rooting for Arkansas.

“Bubba, get me another beer while I talk. Just yesterday I was saying to my cousin and wife, Thelma Sue, that them folks from Bama better be careful. These ain’t no ordinary hogs. These here are Razorbacks. Just the other day one got up under the trailer and started rooting around. I run out with my AK 47 and started shooting in the air to scare it. He run under the car and damn near knocked it off its cement blocks fore he run off into the woods. Just saying Bama better be bringing it. Me and Bubba are fixing to rewire the trailers to borrow the neighbors cable to watch the game. Come on, Bubba. Race you in the four wheeler.”

Coming to your CBS station at 2:30 live from Kyle Field in College Station, Texas we have the # 8 The Fighting Aggies of Texas A&M and the Luckiest Dang Team in football – the # 9 Volunteers of Tennessee. Tailgating 9.3.16 UCLA 2016-09-03 007 - Copy (800x579)

Since I am not going to campus at 5:30 AM in the morning to have my sign approved for ESPN Game Day I will just list a few ideas I had:

Reveille is prettier than Smokey.

What color orange is that? Bleach Faded?

Good ole, Rocky Flop: Rocky Flop Tennessee

Please Lee Curses, put the coon skin cap on to pick Tennessee so TAMU will win. (Also, make fun of Reveille again and you will not get out of town in one piece.)

Kirk Herbstreit – can I get my picture made with you? selphie-with-barn-689x800

Once, twice, three times a Hail Mary – not in the Aggie’s house.

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Twelfth Man Statue – north end of Kyle Field. Photo by me.

BTHO Tennessee!

Monday, October 3, 2016 – Monday After College Football Saturday Awards

Monday, October 3, 2016 – Monday After College Football Saturday Awards

Tequila shots and Poo Poo Undies Awards for Every college team except Alabama! What the hell – give the Tide a Poo Poo Undies Award for use later.

I will also award Alabama and LSU The Manicure Award for being the only games that were not nail biters or heart attack givers.

With Monday after comments, let’s begin.

THE University of Texas is awarded:

The Shoot Out at the OK (State) Corral.

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wheres-waldo-800x564 The Where’s Waldo – aka Rudolph? Where’s the ball? Where’s the Texas Defense? Look- I am a old woman who never played a down of football but who could catch a pass in that defensive strategy. PS – the ball is seen just above the 25 yard line.

The Cowgirl and/or the Horse Could Have Kicked Better Award. Notice the rider does not wear a black mask or a cape like you know who. I guess these Cowboys do not need to hide their face.

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The Block Party Awardblock-party-610x800

Thank you KK for such great pics and D for holding the paper. Go Pokes!

The How to Kick Winning Field Goals Version 3.0 is awarded to Baylor University. Baylor 45 Iowa State 42 A three week Bye? That is right – only 10 teams in the Conference formerly known as The Big 12.

The first Premature Celebration Award goes to Florida State University for scoring a go ahead touchdown with 23 seconds remaining in the game. FSU 35 UNC 34.

The How to Kick Winning Field Goals Version 3.01 is awarded to University of North Carolina for kicking a 54 yard field goal as time expires. UNC 37 FSU 35.

The Exploding Pumpkin Head for Coaches is shared – first by Bob Stoops from OU when the Cooper’s call went against the Sooners and then TCU’s Gary Patterson when the call was reversed. OU 52 TCU 46.

The second Premature Celebration Award goes to Georgia for scoring on a Hail Mary pass with 10 seconds left in the game. Bulldogs 31 Tennessee Vols 28.

The Hail Mary Joshua Fit the Final Battle of the SEC East Award goes to Joshua Dobbs and Jauan Jennings for the last play of the game. Tennessee 34 Georgia 31. Back to back successful Hail Mary passes! Where are my nitro glycerin pills?

The Just When I thought I was Calm Award goes to Clemson and Louisville.

The Longest Yard Award goes to Louisville for coming up one yard shy on Fourth Down as the time expires. Clemson 42 – Louisville – 36. Shake it off, Cardinals. I understand Cougar meat taste like Tiger meat.

The Getta the Hell Out of Town Fast with a W Award is awarded to The Fighting Texas Aggies and Coach Sumlin. Texas A&M 24 South Carolina 13

The No Let Up Award goes to Texas A&M and tu – not the tu orange that burnt up in Stillwater. It is the faded orange that resembles checkered table cloths washed in bleach. Tennessee is coming to town! # 8 Texas Aggies and # 9 Tennessee Volunteers. 2:30 CBS Kyle Field Saturday, October 8, 2016. Note to non-football people – STAY AWAY from Bryan College Station probably officially beginning Thursday. This place is already going wild and crazy and it’s only Monday. WHOOP!

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Gig ‘Em Barn – Highway 6 photo by me. 9.22.2016

Note to self: Check liquor supply. Ensure all calming drugs are up to date. And Who’s Cooper?

BTHO Tennessee!

Monday, September 26, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards. Or Ring of Fire.

Monday, September 26, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards. Or Ring of Fire.

“I fell into a burning ring of fire; it went down, down, down and the flames went higher…

You can Cash in on that as the firings of college football coaches begin. It’s a long way to the Championship and the road will be littered with others.

And now, appropriately enough, our awards…

The U-Haul Your Butt Away trophy is awarded to LSU Coach, Les Miles with runners up trailers for coordinators at Notre Dame and LSU.

The Second Coming of Sherman Award goes to Georgia as the Ole Miss Rebels sang a chorus “… while we were marching in through Georgia.” Hotty Toddy! Rebels 45. Dawgs 14.

The Delay of Game for Lightening AGAIN Award goes to Oklahoma State University. I am pretty sure those chrome looking helmets worn by both teams was the cause of the lightening striking nearby.

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The Wizard of Oz Award goes to Baylor – The last hope of The Big 12 Schools to have a chance to win something other than a goofy, no count, never heard of before bowl game. Baylor – 35 Oklahoma State – 24.

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McLane Stadium Waco 2016 Photo by Larry

The John Wayne Christmas Tree Award goes to Notre Dame for being upset by Duke. Blue Devils 38. Catholics 35. That is no Bull Durham.

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The Why Are You Even Here Award? goes to Delaware State for staying until the bitter end of a 79-0 loss to Missouri.

The Running Up of the Numbers Award goes to The University of Houston for a blow out of Texas State of 64-3.

The U of H Board of Regents win The Fastest Quorum Award for an emergency meeting voting to up Herman’s salary to keep him and the Herman’s Hermits on Buffalo Bayou and not a bayou on the Mississippi.

The E-Reptile Dysfunction Award goes to Florida as the Gators were not able to cross Rocky Top for a 12th time.

He had the nerve and he had the blood and there never was a horse like the Tennessee stud…

However, let us not forget it is the SEC East where the practice teams play in preparation to the real teams in the SEC West. Tennessee – 38 Florida – 26.

The Tigers of LSU win the following Awards:

The Highest Decibel Level for a single state screaming Curse Words in a Single Second.

The Most Beer Cans Thrown at TVs in bars in a Single Second.

The Best Country Western song: There Goes My Sphinctor and my Job in One Single Second.

The Jimmy Buffet Fins Award – The Land Sharks are circling and you’re the only bait in town.

Auburn wins The Charmin Award for wrapping the sacred trees to celebrate its weird victory over LSU. The award also comes with free tickets to the Fireman’s Ball. Bond for the idiot who set the toilet paper on fire and thus the sacred trees is not included in the package.

Alabama wins The Hormonal Award for its whipping of the Kent State Golden Flashes. Alabama – 48 and Kent State – 0. Obviously the Flashes were not hot enough to put any points on the score board.

The Thank You for No Over-Time Award goes to Texas A&M Aggies. How do you like the defense now? Arkansas – 24 Texas A&M – 45.

The Timex Award goes to the Arkansas quarterback, Austin Allen. He took a lickin, but kept on tickin. What a gutty performance. True Southern Grit.

The Curse of the Media Award goes to Texas A&M and AP Top 25 Poll for saying it.

If any team is going to challenge the Crimson Tide in the SEC West,

it’s the Aggies.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/colleges/ap-top-25-heat-check-fallout-and-falling-out-at-lsu/2016/09/26/59dc5620-83bf-11e6-b57d-dd49277af02f_story.html

Say it ain’t so. Every year when some sports broadcaster or writers says something like this, the Aggies begin to slide as if they stepped in owl manure. How about just having Lee Curses (Lee Corso) and Herbie Pie Cutie Pie (Kirk Herbstreit) continue to pick against the Aggies on Game Day?

Monday, September 19, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards Show.

Monday, September 19, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards Show.

With a trumpet fan fair, let’s begin.

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Galveston 2011. Photo by me.

The Best Looking Helmet Award goes to the Louisville Cardinals. The red chrome, with white Cardinal decal was impressive, but the butterfly on the back to honor and remember your native son, Mohammed Ali added a nice touch of class. Also impressive was Louisville’s demolishing of Florida State 63 to 20.

The Poopy Undies Awards for scaring their fans is shared among: Alabama, Georgia, LSU and Wisconsin and others too numerous to mention.

  • Alabama – 48 Ole Miss 43 – The Rebels would just not go away. The Tide looked kinda sluggish. Going to need a bigger Roll than displayed.
  • Georgia – 28 Missouri 27 – Tigers fumble away a field goal opportunity.
  • LSU – 23 Miss State 20 – Leonard does not play defense. Remember it is the SEC – anything can happened.
  • Wisconsin 23 Georgia State 17 – Georgia State? Really?

The Touchback Interruptus Award goes to South Carolina State. SC State also wins the Check the Rule Book Award and Bring Your Brain Award. On the opening kick-off, the South Carolina State player flipped the football toward the referee before taking a knee. A Clemson player fell on the still live football. Touchdown Clemson. 7-0 before the clock started.

Clemson wins a Sportsmanship Award for shortening the second half by six minutes. The score was 59 – 0 with most of the 4th Quarter remaining. Nice move, Dabo and SCState coach. It should be done more often to avoid injury and prolong agony. Let the cupcake team pick up their gate receipts and go home early.

The You Can’t Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd Award goes to Iowa who loses to North Dakota State University Bison on a game winning and ending field goal. That team from Fargo is mighty good. You betcha! Sidebar: The NDSU Coach, Chris Klieman is from Waterloo, Iowa. I say this for my dear friend, Rolene also is from Waterloo. Now there is someone else from Waterloo, beside the John Wayne Gacy you can refer to as being from Waterloo.

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Abilene, Texas; Photo by me. 2013

The Lightening Award goes to Oklahoma State University. As you can see by looking at the flag in the center that the wind is not coming whistling down the plains. However two hours later with game tied 38-38 with Pitt the game would be delayed by lightening for almost two hours. Pistol Pete and the Cowboys would return to win 45-38.

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Photo by Kristen. Love you!

 

The Maybe You Should Have Stayed in the Lightening Delay Award goes to OU. Ohio State 45 OU 24. Buck You, OU!

The Lovely to Look At; Delightful to See Award goes to the Michigan State Spartans for sending ND packing and hopefully out of the championship contention.

The Welcome to The Heartland Award goes to Oregon. Duck! Duck! Corn Husk! Nebraska 35 Oregon 32.

The O’Crap Award goes to THE University of Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri and Oregon. I think that is pretty self-explanatory.

THE University of Texas is also awarded The Threaded Incline Plane Award (That is a screw for those who did not take physics) in The Hippie Bowl in California. The referee crew was obviously from the Stevie Wonder School for College Officials with a certification from the Online School for theTerminally Stupid. The Cal player dropped the ball before he crossed the goal line, but was awarded the TD anyway. buzzards-800x727 Officials awarded The Buzzard Award for sending THE University down the threaded incline plane.

Texas 43 – California 50 – Still want to be in the Pac 12, Texas?

 

And now the big awards.

The Fighting Texas Aggies win The 3-0 Award for going 3-0 for the first time since 1939 – when the Texas Aggies won the National Championship. Let’s not get too excited. We beat a hair color. Aggies 29 Auburn 16. There are some angry pigs waiting in Arlington and we’re gonna need more offense and defense.

But you guessed it. The Award of Week goes to the Baylor Rice game. I am awarding What Does a Bear Crap in the Woods Award? Rice! Rice! Rice! to everybody.

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A beautiful sunset over Rice Stadium. Photo by Baylor fan. Obviously before The MOB marched.

I told Baylor Fans to beware of The Marching Owl Band (The MOB). The gifted and talented and intelligentsia associated with Rice University often lack the necessary and appropriate social skills to engage in responsible satires and parodies – imagine an entire university filled with Dr. Sheldon Coopers, et al. Forming the Roman Numeral IX followed by the formation of a star was somewhat left to the imagination. But when the so called announcer said “I did not investigate that coach” that was below the belt even for you MOB.

However, you did issue an apology to the Baylor Fans. If you look closely at the newspaper clipping, in the upper right, you see the reference to when The MOB made fun of Reveille. That was when the Corps held The MOB hostage in the tunnel. I was reminded this morning by Colonel Brian USAF (Retired) that the Aggies refer to the Rice Band as The Moving Owl Band.

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Photo by Baylor Fan.

The Best Bear Eyed Award goes to my friend Suzi who happened to capture the initial online apology issued by Rice. Read all of the statement. Now that deserves an apology! Note: the website has since been corrected, but Suzi Quick on the FB sent it me!

Rice University has issued a statement to apologize for its band’s Friday halftime performance, which mocked Baylor’s handling of sexual assault allegations on its campus.

The statement reads in full: 

The Marching Owl Band, or MOB, has a tradition of satirizing the Rice Owls’ football opponents. In this case, the band’s calling attention to the situation at Baylor was subject to many different interpretations. Although the band’s halftime shows are entirely the members’ projects with no prior review by the university administration, we regret any offense, particularly if Baylor fans may have felt unwelcome in our stadium. While we know that the MOB did not intend in any way to make light of the serious issue of sexual assault, we are concerned that some people may have interpreted the halftime performance in that vein. Sexual assault is a matter of serious concern on campuses across the nation, and all of us have an obligation to address the matter with all the tools at our disposal. The MOB sought to highlight the events at Baylor by satirizing the actions or inactions of the Baylor administration, but it is apparent from the comments of many spectators and Baylor fans that the MOB’s effort may have went too far.

No. 21 Baylor won the game 38-10.

This effort may have went too far too.

Monday, September 12, 2016 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, September 12, 2016 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

I must admit that I did not watch as much college football as I usually do. Instead I attended a benefit for a high school friend aka a Still Magnolia. In the grand scheme of life I think friends are more important than football.

Nevertheless, The Buzzard Award goes to the referring crew who blew the call on the Oklahoma State – Central Michigan game. The play was dead and Central Michigan should not have had an opportunity to even try a Hail Mary with a lateral to score. OSU 27 Central Michigan 30. Referees zero. The referees also win The Suspension Bridge Award to celebrate their suspension.

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The Tide continues to Roll at the number one spot of the polls. I regret I was not able to see Coach Sabin’s head explode live and in real time. I am awarding you instead of the usual Willie Muschamp, the Exploding Head Coach Award. Didn’t you just hire that guy you were giving an old fashioned ass chewing?

2. Florida State – Do Not Care (DNC) at this time

3. Ohio State – DNC – I do not like those funny, pot looking leafy things on your helmets.

4. Michigan – DNC yet. So just Big Chill out.

5. Clemson wins The Helen of Troy Award. Just a touchdown shy of a beautiful upset. Troy 24 Clemson 30.

6. Houston – Shasta is looking pretty scary. Houston wins the Domino Pizza Award for shutting out Lamar 42-0. More dominoes to fall before Shasta is happy.

7. Stanford – Brainiacs had to study.

8.Washington – DNC but I will award you the Potato Award for your victory over Idaho 59-14.

9.Wisconsin – Onward Thru the Fog Wisconsin Award for the Badger win over Akron. 54-10

10.Louisville – I award Louisville the Funny Fluffy Orange Thing Award for its 62-28 win over Syracuse.

Otto the Orange

THE University of Texas – The Horns win the Remain Calm and Carry On Strong Award. Let’s remember you played UTEP and won 41-7, but there are several teams who have their eyes on The Eyes of Texas – like all of the Big 12.

Michigan State – DNC

Iowa – DNC

Oklahoma – The Sooners win A Duck Dynasty Camo award for a 50-17 win over UL Monroe.

Tennessee – The Vols over the Hokies of Va. Tech 45 to 24. DNC until Oct 8. Bring on Rocky Top and see how the Stands of Kyle sway.

Georgia – Did UGA go to sleep? The Dawgs win the Poo Poo Undies Award for surviving a scare from Nicholls 26-24. Nicholls, you win The Gumbo Award as the Boys from Thibeaux scared the poo out of the Dawgs.

Texas A&M – Great sideline coaching uniforms and great helmets to remember and honor September 11. Aggies win Best Uniform and Helmet Award. It was definitely a cupcake win over Prairie View at 67-0. Blinn was not available that weekend and PVA&M brings a larger student body and better band. From what I heard, PV also brings great fans. Aggies win the 12th Man Award because women’s basketball team and the Aggie Band were about to suit up and play the last quarter. Aggies are also awarded the William Blake, Tiger Tiger Burning Bright Watch Award as the bus travels to Auburn next Saturday.

Notre Dame – 39 to 10 over Nevada. Touchdown Jesus and Hail Mary full of Desert Award to the Irish.

Mississippi – Hotty Toddy win over Wofford. The Rebels win The Cupcake Award of the Week. Wofford? A private liberal arts college? What toddy goes with a cupcake?

LSU 34 – Jacksonville State 13. LSU wins the Frost Award because it has Miles to go before he sleeps. Tigers also win the You Better Step it up a Notch Award if you expect to win the SEC.

Baylor – Who picked the uniforms for you this week? Fifty-shades of Gray in Waco is not your color. Bears win Ugly Uniform Award for the week. The Baptists win over the SMU Methodists. Bears still need more than pony up for the Big 12.

Oregon – Who did you play? Oh yeah Virginia. Oregon wins the Cavalier Duck Award 44-26.

Florida – Really Don’t Care

Arkansas – The Baconators win The Purple Phrog Eaters Award for it double OT victory of TCU.

Miami – Really, super don’t care.

A few others of interest.

South Carolina 14 Miss. State 27. Uncle Will Muschamp wins the Erectile Dysfunction Award. It could a while before the Game Cocks rise again.

Stephen F Austin 30 Western Alabama 24 – Ax ‘Em Jacks! Can’t wait for the Battle of the Big Thicket!

Monday, September 5, 2016 – Happy Labor Day and What a Great Kick Off Weekend!

Monday, September 5, 2016 – Happy Labor Day and What a Great Kick Off Weekend. My Monday after Saturday (and Thursday, Friday and Sunday) After College Football Awards – Week One.

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WHOOP! Tailgating 9.3.16 Photo by Terry.

Thursday

The Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte Award goes to Louisville for the 70-14 win over Charlotte.

A Poo Poo Undies Award goes to the Volunteers and their fans from Tennessee for their OT victory against Appalachian State. There’s an App for that. App State 13 Tennessee 20 OT.

The Dabo Babo Award goes to Auburn for coming so close to cleaning Clemson. Clemson 19 Auburn 13.

Friday

The Baptism at the Brazos Award or the This Should Have Been a Sign Award goes to Baylor. Baylor was the first team to take down a team from Louisiana. Sorry Daryl. Bad weekend for teams from Louisiana. Baylor 55 Northwestern State 7.

That Grammar Don’t Sound Right Award goes to Stanford. “The Cardinal are on the scoreboard,” just does not sound correct, even though technically and grammatically it is since the football team is the color Cardinal. With so many brains, one would think they could come up with an actual mascot. Stanford Cardinal 26 K-State Wildkats 13.

Saturday

The Carole King “I Feel the Earth Move Under my Feet” Award goes to Oklahoma State University. Dang, when those Cowboys say, “Hell, is coming and I’m coming with it” they really mean it. OSU 61 SE Louisiana 7.

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Photo by Kristen. Thank you.

The Herman’s Hermits Award Goes toThe University of Houston. The Oklahoma earthquake obvious wrecked and fracked The Sooner Schooner, but had no effect on Big 12 Wannabee – The University of Houston. OU 23 Houston 33.

The Pepto Abysmal Award goes to LSU 14 Wisconsin 16. Is the For Sale sign up in front of Miles’s house yet?

The Flying Tortillas Award goes to Texas Tech for turning the SFA Lumberjacks into flapjacks. TT 69 SFA 17. I told you to watch out for flying footballs.

The Phrog Jumped over The Hill Award goes to the TCU Frogs. Charlie P. You know this is not the good team from South Dakota, don’t you? TCU 59 South Dakota State 41.

The Victory Award goes to Kansas University! Rock Chalk Jayhawk! for their first win in 665 days over Rhode Island. KU 55 URI 6.

The Nut Cracker Award goes to USC player Jabari Ruffin. You should have been suspended as well as ejected for that cheap shot. Glad the Crimson Tide drowned and steam rolled your package. Roll Tide! Alabama 52 USC 6.

A Poo Poo Undies Award goes to The Fighting Texas Aggies for their OT win against a very talented team from California. UCLA 24Texas A&M 3. I did not know I could hold my breath for an entire overtime period.

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“Get yore hand out of Myle’s Garret’s face so he can touch my hand.” Team March In – Kyle Field. Photo by me.

The Twelfth Man Award goes to The Twelfth Man – all 100,000+ chanting 50,000! 50,000! Note to Navy: Do not even think about using The Twelfth Man even though you actually pulled a midshipman from the stands to QB the team.

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E. King Gill. The Original Twelfth Man. Kyle Field. 9.3.16. Photo by me.

The Big Learning Experience Award goes to UCLA QB Josh Rosen for his leadership and taking responsibility for his poor play against the Aggies. Yes, Myles Garret and the others were in his shirt, but he stayed cool under the loud pressure and displayed outstanding leadership for a 19 year old. Well-done. It is not easy playing in Kyle Field.

Sunday

A Poo Poo Undies Award aka Holy Crap Award goes to THE University of Texas and its fans for a double OT thriller over Notre Dame. Not even the rainbow over DKR Stadium could stop BEVO from eating the creepy Leprechaun. Notre Dame 47 THE University of Texas 50 2 OT. I am happy for you Bevo, but put down Coach Strong and do not use electricity to light the Tower. It’s just Notre Dame.

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Photo by Martha. Thanks, Roomie.

The Shane Come Back Award is shared by THE University of Texas quarterbacks Shane Buechele and a swooping and stretching Tyrone Swoops. Maybe tu just needed another cowboy type name and new BEVO. Hook ‘Em Hippies!

The All Names Matter Awards goes to following:

In Third Place – from Notre Dame, # 91 Adetokunbo Ogundeji

In Second Place – from Notre Dame, # 6 – Equanimeous St. Brown

In First Place – winning from K-State, # 52 – Charmeachealle Moore.

What a weekend! That’s the scoop for the first weekend.

Pooper Scoopers (800x599)

Is it too early for an Ole Miss Hotty Toddy? Oh mimosas!

Monday, August 29, 2016 – At Last. My Love Has Come Along. First Monday Awards.

Monday, August 29, 2016 – At Last. My Love Has Come Along. First Monday Awards.

At Last… My love has come along. I can just hear Etta James singing. That Beyoncé girl’s version is pretty good too.

At_Last_Etta_James

The first week of college football is here. I know there were a few games last week. The only one I watched was North Dakota Bison and Southern Charleston Buccaneers. Therefore, the first Monday After Saturday College Football Awards go to that game. Why I am interested in North Dakota? Ask Sam Houston State alums.

The Best Game award goes to North Dakota and Charleston Southern. An OT victory is always exciting.

The Bless his Heart Award goes to the kicker for Charleston Southern for missing the go ahead extra point to end the game in regulation. North Dakota would score on the first play of OT.

The Chatty Cathy Award goes to the announcer of the North Dakota and  Southern Charleston game – Mack Brown. Do you get paid by the word or by the number of seconds per response? I do not need nor want to hear a 41 second history of each player dating back to his Pop Warner years. Nor do I care about how you did it at THE University of Texas. Can’t speak of my UT friends, but I doubt they give a Bevo drop either and haven’t since 2005.

Corrections and update from Friday’s AP top 25.

  • UCLA Bruins not Bears. The Golden Bear is Jack Nicklaus.
  • Notre Dame and THE University play on Sunday night. Beware of church schools that play on Sunday.
  • To Tennessee – thank you for remembering Pat Summit by wearing a decal on your helmet. Typical Coach Summit – first female to be remembered on a football helmet.

At last my love has arrived and the first of college football week begins.

BTHO ucla.

 

Wednesday, August 22, 2016 – From the Institution of Higher Education.

Wednesday, August 22, 2016 – From the Institution of Higher Education. Wearing my doctor hat today – The flat one with the strings on the side. This is for my dear friends who teach from the ivory towers. Welcome College Freshmen!

Good Morning, Freshman. This is Here’s What I’m Thinking 101. Please look at the paper copy of the syllabus and the not one on your device. That reminds me, if any of your devices ring, ding, dong, bong or any other displeasing sounds that interrupt me, please leave the room and consider yourself absent. This includes your handgun. If it goes off, please remember, I have one too.

In addition please do not ask your parents to send the syllabus to you now because you forgot to download the paper one I told you to bring it the first day of class. You should have known this when you were to start the readings for this class two week ago. If you have not accessed my website/blog the address one enters into the browser is DrDrD85.me. This is a college level course that you signed up for. Not your parents. Do not waste their money or my time.

For those of you who can read at the college level and on a piece of paper, you see the name of the course is Here’s What I Am Thinking (HWIT). It is not called Here’s What I Believe. If I wanted you to know what I believe I would have called the course such. I wanted to call it My Brain and Welcome to It, but those who make more money and have more power than I do said no. This includes the Dean of the COE. Sidebar: How many know what COE stands for?

Purpose: The purpose of HWIT is to make at least one person per day smile/laugh and or think about something.

Here are the rules. If I know you now or have known you in the past I WILL write about you. Therefore, it is necessary that you check in daily to ensure that what I have written is not about you that day. Also know that grades are shaped on the bell curve. If you fall under the big bell, it is likely I will use a pseudonym for your name and will have flattering things to say about you. However, if you do not read I will most likely publish your full name and all of your aliases, the coordinates of your home with a link to Google Maps and reveal unflattering stories I know about you.

Snarky Fridays. Fridays from September 2 until the Tide Rolls into the national championship spotlight again are called Snarky Fridays. I will be making comments about the Saturday college football games. It will feature college football teams I like and the teams that play the football teams I like. Your assignment due this Friday is to be prepared to comment on HWIT as we discuss the AP Top 25 NCAA Division I football way too early pre-season poll.

Monday Awards. Mondays from September 5 until Larry Culpepper hands the coach of an SEC school the national championship trophy are called My Monday after Saturday Football Awards.

The rest of the days. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday topics could be about anything, but most likely will revolve around:

  • The grand state of my birth – Texas. Please do not confuse it with THE University of Texas.
  • The educational institution. This will include all aspects of education as a social institution with emphasis on what is left of the Texas public school system. You can vouch for that.
  • The political circus with emphasis on the big circus tent in Austin known as the capitol. That is the correct spelling because I am referring to the building with the DOME and not the PLACE which is the capital of Texas.
  • Anything else I feel like thinking about. Please be aware that I have letters after my name and I post stuff on the Internet and I am on Facebook so everybody believes what I say is true.

Your assignment for tomorrow is to come up with a photograph or representation of what you imagine your brain looks like. Here is an example. This is a cross section of mine. As you can tell there are several dust pockets, but the gears work just fine.

My brain (800x725)

Are there any questions? Good. I know those of you attending THE University of Texas want to get to the campus carry protest early. Please do not attach the sex toy to your backpack until you leave my class. http://www.mystatesman.com/news/news/local/ut-campus-carry-protest-to-feature-sex-toys-calls-/nsKSF/?ecmp=newspaper_email/##

Class dismissed. I am late to the golf course. That is where my office is.