Monday, November 13, 2017 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards
Goodness Gracious! Great Balls of Fire! What a college football weekend. There were blowouts and nail biters. Let us begin.
Every team and its fan base get an extra-large Poopy Undies Trophy. Even if one of your alma maters wins with 50+ points because it was that kind of season.
The I’ll Have Another Bloody Mary Award goes to LSU who at the unreasonable hour of 11:00 AM defeated Arkansas. What ESPN programming executive put LSU and Arkansas at 11:00 AM? Dude (or Dudettte) have you ever been to Baton Rouge or Louisiana? Even my relatives had only had a couple of drinks by that time. Nevertheless, Mike the Tiger did fry up some bacon.
Oklahoma State in a rallying thriller from Ames, Iowa come back to win over Iowa State. The Cowboys win the Believer Receiver Award for the interception in the end zone in the closing seconds of regulation.
Shifting to the afternoon…
The Somebody Called PETA Award goes to Auburn for beating the former # 1 ranked Georgia Bulldogs 40-17. Poor UGA!
Bevo and THE University of Texas were victorious over Kansas. Does it really count if you beat Kansas in football?
Koach Kliff and the Tortilla Throwers beat Baylor. Does it count if it’s Baylor?
Texas and Baylor both receive The Terminator Award because both schools should say “I’ll Be Back!”
And to the evening games…
In the Catholics and Convicts Redux Bowl (Google it) Miami (The U) beat the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. ND played like a team in the Nun’s Annual Sisters of the Poor Intermural Tournament. Therefore, the Irish win the Nun’s Annual Sisters of the Poor Intermural Tournament Trophy.
TCU receives The Endangered Frog Award. The OU Sooner Schooner left frog guts all along the Road to the Big 12 Championship game. Bedlam II in December???
In a thriller from Kyle Field Texas A&M defeated The University of New Mexico. FYI 55 to 14 is a thriller in Aggieland. Remember you must show up for the 4th Quarter. Remember UCLA?
Speaking of a true thrilling and exciting game we had the Alabama/Miss State. Both teams are awarded:
- On The Edge of My Seat Award,
- The Nail Biter Award,
- Where Are My Salts? Award
- The I Need Oxygen Award,
- The I Bet BJ and J, Lisa and R and J and Big Sold Just Fainted Award
- The Big Solid Cussing Award and
- The I’m Exhausted Award.
Thank you both teams and schools for a thrilling show of SEC football. Please sign the soon to be released petition to change the name of The Iron Bowl Game to The QBs from Texas Game.
Turn in Friday as The Snark Returns and The Aggies Head to Oxford, Mississippi – Home of one of my literary heroes – William Cutbirth Faulkner.
This awards program was brought to you by The Volunteer, Twelfth Man, and Razorback Moving Company. Bon voyage to Butch at Tennessee, and soon to be part of the SEC Coaching Shakeups – Sumlin at TAMU and Bielema at Arkansas. Good luck to all of you. Sit down, Bus Driver, and drive the moving van.
You outdid yourself on t his one! I laughed til I cried!!