Tuesday, November 14, 2017 – Shopping for Jeans

Right up there with root canals and hot water enemas, I enjoy shopping for clothes. I put off doing it until I am in great need of new garments and end up spending a big wad of money. I usually shop online, but I even put that off until the last moment this time.

I needed jeans – formerly known as blue jeans. My best pair was probably from George W’s first term. I also have a favorite, super soft pair of jeans that one can determine the color of my underwear now that the hole in the seat is bigger.

Remember when you went into a department store and said “I need a pair of jeans sized, 34 x 34”? Historical note to millennials – once upon a time there were stores with people who assisted you and said things like “May I help you find something?”

Today I was prepared. First I decided to shop at the local western store (plug for Cavender’s Boots) because it specializes in jeans and it was having a sale.

I walked in and a Tom Mix looking cowboy asked “Can I point you in the right direction for something?”

Me: “I need jeans, please.” We begin to walk toward walls, racks, and shelves of jeans.

Upon arrival I say “I want a true blue, size 14, 34 length, boot cut or straight leg, relax fit, true waist, minimal stretch, no skinny, and absolutely no sequins, rhinestones, fake jewels, or shiny designs that might glow in the dark on the back pockets.”

Cowboy Tom looks scared, began to perspire and says “Let me get one of the girls to help.”

Cowgirl Megan shows up and I am out of the store and On the Road Again (W. Nelson) in 15 minutes with two pair of jeans, four shirts and a belt. And a credit card charge to be paid off next month. But at least one cannot determine the color of my underwear.

Now I look something like in this picture except about 60 years older and without the orthopedic saddle oxford shoes.