Monthly Archives: March 2017

Thursday, March 16, 2016 – The Importance of the Letter “R.” Proof It.

Thursday, March 16, 2016 – The Importance of the Letter “R.” Proof It

Good Morning, Children,

Good Morning, Sister Elephant!

Our lesson today is The Importance of the Letter “R.” Are there any questions before we begin? Yes, you.

I saw on Facebook last night that there is a retired lady with the same name as yours was before you came to the nunnery. Did you know that Sister Mary Elephant?

Why, yes I did, Julio. However, had you read more closely you would have noticed immediately that this same named individual misspelled the word “retired.” She spelled it “retiered.” Given her previous listed occupation that could be what she was going for, since I understand one must re tier themselves frequently in that line of work.

Second the term Vegas is also misspelled. It not VAGAS. Perhaps she left out the letter “I between the “A” and “G” and the “Letter R.”

This brings us to her last misspelled word and the importance of the Letter “R.”

If you look again, she is a STIPPER, but all us initially read “STRIPPER” which I tend to believe is correct. So let us see just how important the Letter “R” is.

Let us remember our dear departed Father Proof Reader with this story.

Father Proof Reader loved to study the old documents of The Church. He was always hoping to find meaning that would make the world a better place for others.

He often wondered about translations of languages and copies of ancient documents in calligraphied hands of those who dedicated their lives to teaching us good things about life. He loved seeing the perfection. The hands copying each and every letter with precision. Never making an error.

When Father Proof Reader died, because of his good earthly works he was given access to all of libraries of all of great religious documents of the Church upon his arrival at the Golden Gates of Heaven. He was thrilled to be able to examine the teachings and writings of all the religious scholars who had come before him. Father Xerox. Father Copy. Sister Collated Copy.

One day he ran across a dusty ancient manuscript.

As Father Proof Reader examined the beautiful page his eyes fell upon these words:

And God said this: “To all of you I say “Celebrate! Be a Celebrate!”

Father Proof Reader leaped from his chair and screamed “CELEBRATE! For the past hundred years we thought it said celibate!”

And that children is the importance of the Letter “R” and proof reading.

Now I must get me to a summary: Watch your letters. Watch your “P’s” and “Q’s” and your “R”. Proof carefully.

Thank you, Sister Mary Elephant.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016 – Beware the Ides of March or EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!

This time last year.

madamrose's avatarHere's What I'm Thinking

Tuesday, March 15, 2016 – Beware the Ides of March or EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!

Basketball Primer – Part III – How to Complete Your Bracket

The NCAA Division I Women’s Basketball Selection Show was last night on ESPN. I am keenly disappointed I did not see myself on TV as I did last year. The Fighting Texas Aggie Team will begin play in College Station this Saturday against Missouri State. But to play the tournament one must complete a bracket.

Here are the steps to complete a basketball bracket.

  1. Download and print a bracket. If unable to do this on your own, ask your grandchild or another child about aged 12 for assistance.

http://i.turner.ncaa.com/sites/default/files/external/gametool/brackets/women_2016_final_w_records.pdf

Bracket (450x800)

  1. Find a low budget word processor like a pencil or pen.
  2. Select the teams you think will win and write them down. For example, if you think Texas A&M will win over Missouri State write TAMU…

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Wednesday, March 15, 2017 – Beware the Ides of March! Idus Martiae! Brutus and Brackets!

Wednesday, March 15, 2017 – Beware the Ides of March! Idus Martiae! Brutus and Brackets!

Idus Martae is Latin for Ides of March. I wonder what is the translation of March Madness is in Latin. Maybe – Cray Cray Martiae!

In modern times, the Ides of March is best known as the date on which Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44 BC. Caesar was stabbed to death at a meeting of the senate. As many as 60 conspirators, led by Brutus and Cassius, were involved. If you want to learn more about politics, conspiracy theorists, and leadership, then reread Shakespeare’s play, watch Fox News; CNN, or CSPAN or get on Facebook. Meanwhile, I am dribbling on to my basketball brackets.

What a relief to discover I still have one more day to conduct my complete analysis of the Men’s and Women’s NCAA Basketball brackets. The first of the men’s games have begun with major games beginning today and tomorrow. Women’s games do not begin until Friday.

Here are my helpful hints to complete a bracket and of course my always helpful comments.

Step One: Go to a website and find printable brackets.

Step Two: Print out several blank brackets.

Step Three: Text neighbor and ask them to do it because you do not like them and you printed them incorrectly.

Step Four – TIMES, DATES, and NETWORKS – VERY IMPORTANT

ONLY on this bracket mark the games times, and DAY of the game and the NETWORK the game is shown. It is very easy to become confused especially during First Round play. Times are shown in EASTERN Standard Time. Make sure you adjust. When bracket reads – Texas A&M vs. Penn @ 9:00, that means we here in Aggieland watch it at 8:00 PM.

On this bracket I add the day of the week, as in Friday or Saturday, over the date of the week.

On this bracket mark the Network the games are played.

Network for the men’s coverage is TBS, CBS, TNT and TRUTV. For the women’s coverage is the ESPN family. The First Rounds of play are on ESPN 2.

Step 5: Put this bracket aside, but within easy reach.

Step 6 – Fill out your new blank bracket based on whatever criteria you select and however you want to complete the bracket.

Here are some of my initial thoughts on the women’s First Round games only.

Texas A&M vs Penn – I do believe I referred to the Ivy League Champion yesterday as Nitany Lions. My apologies to both schools. The school Texas A&M is playing is Penn – as in Quakers. I am so hoping the mascot is an Oatmeal box with legs.

Let’s see who is playing in Waco besides Baylor. Texas Southern (Houston), California (Berkley) and LSU (Baton Rouge). Three very large and diverse teams coming to the Hot Spot, Belt Buckle of the Bible Belt – Waco, Texas. I hope they can find George’s.

Moving along: From Starkville, Mississippi – Go Bulldogs! Dallas could be calling your name! Stay focused. Love you, Vic!

Really? Notre Dame on Saint Patrick’s Day! Who made this schedule? Poor Robert Morris.

The great Tina Thompson – currently coaching @ THE University sharing recipes and coaching strategies with official.

That’s right! Get the other official – the one who can SEE the foul!

Come on Texas! As in THE University of Texas! Go Karen! A Stanford/Texas Regional would be so AWESOME!

South Carolina might be able to limp through their bracket, but losing a top player to injury is going to be an issue. However I am taking # 12 seed Quinnipiac to win this bracket because I like to try to say the school’s name.

My initial Women’s Final Four coming to Dallas on March 31 are Baylor, UConn, Notre Dame and Quinnipiac. Seriously, the fourth bracket is going to be iffy.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017 – March Madness Begins! There is Good News and Bad News

Tuesday, March 14, 2017 – March Madness Begins! There is Good News and Bad News

It is time to follow the bouncing ball as we begin the journey through Brackeville enroute to The Final Four. Much of today will be spent upon completion of my NCAA – Division I Men’s and Women’s basketball brackets. This means my thoughtful, high researched, and always snarky comments will come tomorrow.

I am very excited that my sister will be playing brackets this year. She, like myself, base our selections on such criteria as: Family Alumni, Conferences loyalties, color of uniforms, coaches’ attire, jewelry, number of tattoos per team, and of course the all-important cross gender criteria – HAIR! – including guestimates of how much hair grease Andy Landers goes through each month. But more on my brackets and criteria tomorrow.

The good news or the bad news first? The good news is the Texas Aggies women’s basketball team does not have to go to Waco or Austin to begin First Round play. Neither does the team have to fight the blizzard where the top half of the bracket is playing.

The Aggies start The Dance by going to California in beautiful star studded, glitter town – Los Angles! Note: to top half of bracket – That is SUNNY California. Who does your bracket geography? Obviously, long-term, freak weather patterns were not factored into the equation. Notice the “really smart” schools are in California while you are shivering. It is called SPRING break for a reason.

The Aggies are the #5 seed in the lower bracket. We will meet the #16 seed Penn State Nitany Lions, Ivy League Conference Champions.

Listen up, whatever a Nitany Lion is – We gonna show you some Ivy League, Texas style basketball from the Harvard on the Brazos! Ladies! Let’s Get in Formation! We be getting our Beyoncé on! Did I mention the sun? Where is my Beyoncé bikini?

Miss Curtyce Knox assisting me to Get in Formation.

And the bad news? Aside from The Basketball Blizzard of 2017 in The East? The winner of the Texas A&M/Penn State games faces the winner of Boise State and UCLA! Wait. That is not the bad news. In the same bracket looming high up in the clouds, and hopefully above the snow, above the rim, above all categories of college basketball statistics lies UCONN! As in ‘You con not catch us!’

But it’s MADNESS!

As Coach Gary Blair said today, “We are not good enough to look past anyone, but we are good enough to beat anyone, and that includes everyone in the tournament.” Gig ‘Em Aggies! WHOOP!

But today our focus must be preparing brackets and tuned into the baseball game in Austin. That would be on the Long-Horn Network – the Network that gives an entirely new meaning to “closed captioned.”

Here’s what I’m thinking: If a network had more programming (as in more schools) one would not have to hear VY and RW doing bad commercials. Instead there could entire shows of National Championships and not just Alabama, but by any number of teams and unbelievable number of athletics.

BTHO – tu!

Friday, March 10 – You’ll Wonder Where the Yellow Went When…?

Friday, March 10 – You’ll Wonder Where the Yellow Went When…?

I am just wondering where yesterday went. Oh yeah, now I recall. Yesterday was blown away like a Kansas twister taking all of the Horn Frogs to victory. Rock Chalk Jay Hawk, Frog Squat.

While waiting for that nail biter college basketball game to end, I was dancing in the streets (OK, the living room and no one but the FBI could see me) but I was singing DUKE, DUKE, DUKE, DUKE of Earle, DUKE, DUKE … and texting GN#1 in Louisville. Next time, I make a meme of my singing and dancing and send to her.

Let the seeds fall as they may and the madness begin.

“You’ll wonder where the yellow went…”

What was the next line? What did “you” do next and with what?

“when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.” If you knew, you are old as dirt.

I think a better jingle is: You’ll wonder where the day went; when you brush your teeth with vodka.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017 – Confusion Fusion – Beauty and the Beast

Wednesday, March 8, 2017 – Confusion Fusion – Beauty and the Beast

I see in Variety that an Alabama theatre will not show Walt Disney’s Beauty and the Beast because it has a gay character. Yet the theatre does not seem to have issues with the story plot:

Belle is a young woman who is taken prisoner by a Beast in his castle in exchange for the freedom of her father Maurice. Despite her fears, she befriends the castle’s enchanted staff and she learns to look beyond the Beast’s exterior to recognize the true heart and soul of the human Prince within. Meanwhile, a hunter named Gaston is on the loose to take Belle for himself and later intends to hunt down the Beast at any cost.

Hmm. In addition the theatre does not seem to have an issue that the Belle falls in love with a beast – aka an animal in clothes.

I am so confused.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty_and_the_Beast_(2017_film)

http://variety.com/2017/film/news/beauty-and-the-beast-gay-character-alabama-theater-1202001627/

Tuesday, March 7, 2017 – Here’s What I’m Thinking

Tuesday, March 7, 2017 – Here’s What I’m Thinking

How about this idea? The United States Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos DeVoucher wants “school choice.” This is when affluent parental units are able to remove their children from low performing schools. The Lt. Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, wants students to go to the bathroom based on the gender listed on their birth certificate. This is to avoid sexual predators. FYI – Dan, it’s not like sexual predators don’t go into other bathrooms, janitors’ closets, alleyways, parks or even in their homes.

So here’s what I’m thinking – Why not have all the charter and voucher schools implement DP’s bathroom bill and then leave the rest of the public places alone?

Everyone just wants to be free to pee.

Monday, March 6, 2017 – Leaks -Yтечки

Monday, March 6, 2017 – Leaks – Yтечки

Dear President Trump,

I am sorry to hear you are having leaks. Have you tried Myrbetriq? This seems to work for many people.

Depends underwear works well too and they make Depends for men.

May I also suggestion that you use a heavy duty aluminum foil to wrap your phone and other communicative devices. This probably works better than receiving alien messages through the fillings in your teeth.

Just trying to be helpful. FYI this is how you say leaks in Russian – утечки

 

Friday, March 3, 2017 – Blah

Friday, March 3, 2017 – Blah

Some days a diamond; some days a stone.

Sometime you are the windshield; sometimes you are the bug.

Today has been a stone and bug. Does that make me a stoned bug?

buzzard-rp-800x450

Thursday, March 2, 2017 – March 2, 1836 – Texas Independence Day!

Thursday, March 2, 2017 – March 2, 1836 – Texas Independence Day!

While the fighters were defending The Alamo, the suits and politicians were signing a Declaration of Independence stating the Mexican state of Texas would henceforth be free and independent.

Five days later, on March 6, Santa Anna’s armies would breach the walls of The Alamo and order “no quarters” which meant “kill them all.” A few days march later, there was The Goliad Massacre. History books state Colonel Fannin split his troops into two sections (not good military strategy). Neither did he tell his troops there was to be “no quarters.” These decisions vilified Fannin and his widow and two daughters for decades.

Meanwhile, General Sam Houston and the entire town of Gonzales were hauling their newly independent asses toward the Gulf Coast with Santa Anna in hot pursuit. Had General Santa Anna not stopped along the way, he might have overtaken them. That would be “no muy bueno. Es muy mal.”

The ending battle for Texas Independence was April 21, 1936 at San Jacinto. The Battle of San Jacinto is considered a world changing battle. Texas was free and independent. I know, RP, it should have stayed that way.

Today is a day when we celebrate all of Texas and its heroes of The Revolution. William B. Travis, Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie, Sam Houston, DeWitt, Rush, Rusk, and all of the others Texas heroes of the day.

But here is my Texas hero. J.V. McClanahan from Luling, Texas. JV waving from bus (800x530)

Five years ago, I had the privilege and honor to escort Mr. J. V. on Austin’s first Honor Flight carrying World War II Vets to see their monument in Washington D. C.ww-ii-2

untitledOn March 2, 1945, Mr. McClanahan was taken POW by the Germans during The Battle of the Bulge. He remained a POW until VE Day in May of 1945. Upon his release he sailed home on The Queen Mary.

Thank you to all The Texians. Thank you, J.V. and to all those who protect our freedom on a daily basis. Here’s a big 10 gallon Texas HAT’S OFF TO YOU!

Texas Flag @ Sunset (800x600)