Monday, September 26, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards. Or Ring of Fire.
“I fell into a burning ring of fire; it went down, down, down and the flames went higher…
You can Cash in on that as the firings of college football coaches begin. It’s a long way to the Championship and the road will be littered with others.
And now, appropriately enough, our awards…
The U-Haul Your Butt Away trophy is awarded to LSU Coach, Les Miles with runners up trailers for coordinators at Notre Dame and LSU.
The Second Coming of Sherman Award goes to Georgia as the Ole Miss Rebels sang a chorus “… while we were marching in through Georgia.” Hotty Toddy! Rebels 45. Dawgs 14.
The Delay of Game for Lightening AGAIN Award goes to Oklahoma State University. I am pretty sure those chrome looking helmets worn by both teams was the cause of the lightening striking nearby.
The Wizard of Oz Award goes to Baylor – The last hope of The Big 12 Schools to have a chance to win something other than a goofy, no count, never heard of before bowl game. Baylor – 35 Oklahoma State – 24.
The John Wayne Christmas Tree Award goes to Notre Dame for being upset by Duke. Blue Devils 38. Catholics 35. That is no Bull Durham.
The Why Are You Even Here Award? goes to Delaware State for staying until the bitter end of a 79-0 loss to Missouri.
The Running Up of the Numbers Award goes to The University of Houston for a blow out of Texas State of 64-3.
The U of H Board of Regents win The Fastest Quorum Award for an emergency meeting voting to up Herman’s salary to keep him and the Herman’s Hermits on Buffalo Bayou and not a bayou on the Mississippi.
The E-Reptile Dysfunction Award goes to Florida as the Gators were not able to cross Rocky Top for a 12th time.
He had the nerve and he had the blood and there never was a horse like the Tennessee stud…
However, let us not forget it is the SEC East where the practice teams play in preparation to the real teams in the SEC West. Tennessee – 38 Florida – 26.
The Tigers of LSU win the following Awards:
The Highest Decibel Level for a single state screaming Curse Words in a Single Second.
The Most Beer Cans Thrown at TVs in bars in a Single Second.
The Best Country Western song: There Goes My Sphinctor and my Job in One Single Second.
The Jimmy Buffet Fins Award – The Land Sharks are circling and you’re the only bait in town.
Auburn wins The Charmin Award for wrapping the sacred trees to celebrate its weird victory over LSU. The award also comes with free tickets to the Fireman’s Ball. Bond for the idiot who set the toilet paper on fire and thus the sacred trees is not included in the package.
Alabama wins The Hormonal Award for its whipping of the Kent State Golden Flashes. Alabama – 48 and Kent State – 0. Obviously the Flashes were not hot enough to put any points on the score board.
The Thank You for No Over-Time Award goes to Texas A&M Aggies. How do you like the defense now? Arkansas – 24 Texas A&M – 45.
The Timex Award goes to the Arkansas quarterback, Austin Allen. He took a lickin, but kept on tickin. What a gutty performance. True Southern Grit.
The Curse of the Media Award goes to Texas A&M and AP Top 25 Poll for saying it.
If any team is going to challenge the Crimson Tide in the SEC West,
it’s the Aggies.
Say it ain’t so. Every year when some sports broadcaster or writers says something like this, the Aggies begin to slide as if they stepped in owl manure. How about just having Lee Curses (Lee Corso) and Herbie Pie Cutie Pie (Kirk Herbstreit) continue to pick against the Aggies on Game Day?