Category Archives: humor

Wednesday, December 21, 2016 – The Winter Solstice and A Christmas Wreath

Wednesday, December 21, 2016 – The Winter Solstice and A Christmas Wreath

At 4:44 AM Central Standard Time the Winter Solstice arrived. This is the shortest day of the year and the longest night. This is the scientific longest night of the year and should not be confused with the emotional longest night of the year. From today forward the days will become longer. Therefore, the only way to go from here is up!

kerrville-5-18-12-117-copy-800x600

Stonehenge in Texas. Kerrville 5-18-2012. Photo by me.

It also three days until the celebration of Christmas. I made this lovely creative and highly artistic decorative wreath. It is called A wreath; a Franklin.

aretha-franklin-1024x967

A wreath; A Franklin. December 2016

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Find out what it means to me.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Take care TCB;

Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me…

Monday, December 19, 2016 – Twas the Week Before Christmas

Monday, December 19, 2016 – Twas the Week Before Christmas

And all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stocking is hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon will be there and put vodka and Cheetos in there. (Exercising my poetic license.)

Incorporated is the Patsy Cline Shrine because tonight I am going to see the Queen of Country music – Miss Loretta Lynn. RIP Patsy, Loretta’s still got it at 84 years young and we’ll be thinking about you. Always, Patsy Cline.

full-mantle-640x360

Friday, December 16, 2016 – Par Tee Time and Blue Norther

Friday, December 16, 2016 – Par Tee Time and Blue Norther

Our word for the day is Blue Norther. It is a meteorological term used in the South to indicate an extreme change of weather bringing in cold, frigid, Artic air. Long before forecasting and computer models one could look north and see a battleship blue gray sky stretching across the horizon. The bluer the sky became, the closer the bone chilling air was. What it really indicated was that your petunias were about to freeze and it was about to get colder than a well-digger’s butt in Montana.

I have a tee time tomorrow at 9:00 am. Since the temperatures will be in the upper 60’s rising to a balmy 79, I will wear shorts and layer the top with a couple of light weight shirts. In addition to the usual golfing needs of water and protein snacks, I will pack a large duffle bag that contains the following:

Down filled parka

Fleeced lined shirts

Flannel lined pants

Thermal gloves

Ear muffs

Hand warmers

Foot warmers

Ski masks

Wind pants

Wind shirts.

These items will be needed should I be unable to complete the round before the blue norther promises to drop temperatures into the upper 20’s.

Notice there is no plans to stop playing. It’s a golfer thing, right? Stay warm and be thankful you are.

practice (293x456)

Wednesday, December 14, 2016 – Boon Moon Pointillism

Wednesday, December 14, 2016 – Boon Moon Pointillism

I painted this using the methods of the pointillism artists. This technique is a technique of painting in which small, distinct dots of color are applied in patterns to from an image.

boon-moon-640x438

Yeah right. I rolled down the window of the car, held my phone out the window and took this last evening from the parking lot of Kroger’s on Boonville Road. Pretend you are in a museum looking at the pointillism artists. Look them up. Do I have to do everything for you?

Have a super mooning day!

Tuesday, December 13, 2016 – Sociology 101- Memes and Emoticons

Tuesday, December 13, 2016 – Sociology 101- Memes and Emoticons

Good morning, Class,

Today is Sociology 101. We will be looking at two forms of so called communication. Memes and Emoticons. Spoiler alert: This is one of the HWIT where you think you know where it is going, but you do not.

What is a meme? An internet meme (/miːm/ MEEM) is defined as an activity, concept, catchphrase or piece of media which spreads, often as mimicry, from person to person via the Internet.

Meme sounds like something you call your grandmother. However, it usually involves a video of someone saying or doing something stupid, outrageous and often in a drunken or otherwise enhanced state of mind. It is then immediately and without thought posted to Facebook,Twitter, Instagram, Snap Chat or other social media. Think of it as STD – socially transmitted demonstration.

A meme is not to be confused with an emoticon. Aside from sounding like a laxative, here is a very fancy definition of emoticon to use at the next cocktail party, bar gathering or just to show off to strangers.

An emoticon is a metacommunicative pictorial representation of a facial expression which in the absence of body language and prosody serves to draw a receiver’s attention to the tenor or temper of a sender’s nominal verbal communication, changing and improving its interpretation. It expresses – often by means of punctuation marks – a person’s feelings or mood and can include numbers and letters, as well.

Allow me to translate some big words. Pictorial representation – a picture, somewhat cartoonish in nature. Metacommuncative – multiple means of communications that means different things to different people and to their brains and is dependent upon multiple factors such as current mood, emotional state of mind, alcohol intake, time of day/night, proper parental upbringing, and other social factors.

Prosody is a linguistic term (I like to say linguistic b/c it sound dirty, but isn’t) that means nonverbal cues. You do not hear what the person is saying.

Bottom line emoticons use those symbols and characters on a keyboard that are seldom used in normal communications or they are happy faces on steroids invented by the Japanese.

They all represent the transference of culture among people via technology. Reread that sentence remembering they mean “different things to different people and impact their brains in different ways and they are nonverbal.” Which part of communication am I missing?

In either case I do not use memes or emoticons because I have no idea what the hell they mean. I have no idea what you are saying to me when you use one. I am not learning these hieroglyphics that are device independent and often differ from social media to social media.

For example – do you know what this symbol means? (@_@)

It means socked or confused. http://www.symbols.com/symbol/1149

It is also the look in my eyes every morning to a new cabinet post. What is the meme or emoticon for FUBAR?

Class dismissed.

socked-and-confused

Monday, December 12, 2016 – One College Football Award and Your Monday Assignments

Monday, December 12, 2016 – One College Football Award and Your Monday Assignments

The only award today for college football goes to Sam Houston State University. While alumni are still proud of you, I must award you the Wait Until Next Year Award. It was either that one or the one to James Madison for “A Good Old Fashioned Big Thicket Bearkats’ Butt Kicking.”

Moving onward through the fog…

This just in from the William Robert Bagachips News Bureau. http://www.billybobbagachips.fakenews.com

The finalists for head of the Drug Enforcement Agency in President Elect Twitter’s Cabinet are Tommy Chong, Cheech Marin and Walter White with Mr. White having the inside track according to SNL.

Keep moving through the Worm Hole.

Funny Moon 4.9.16 2016-04-09 007 (800x530)

Our word for the day is thransonical. It is an adjective meaning boastful; vainglorious. His humour is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. — William Shakespeare, Love’s Labour’s Lost, 1598

For the Shakespearean challenged Love’s Labour’s Lost is a comedy with a theme of reality versus fantasy.

Assignment: Use thransonical in a sentence at your next Christmas party to describe President Elect Trump. Take a survey to determine how many people believe it to be complimentary.

Thought question for the day – How many millions did the Cabinet Post picks contribute to the Trump campaign? Within a couple of million will be close enough for government work.

Assignment: Select a potential Cabinet member and write an essay titled “Why _____ is qualified to hold the position of ______ .”

Questions?

How long does the essay have to be? Long enough to cover the subject, so yes handing in a blank piece of paper with just the title will be sufficient. Yes, for extra credit you may address the entire cabinet and still turn in a tabla rasa for qualifications.

Class dismissed. I must see if my Rosetta Stone for learning Russian and Chinese has arrived.

moon-1-800x600

 

Friday, December 9, 2016 – How Bout Them Applewhites? Or Good Things Come to He that Waits and Sammy Bearkat!!!

Friday, December 9, 2016 – How Bout Them Applewhites? Or Good Things Come to He that Waits and Sammy Bearkat!!!

What is the mascot of James Madison University? Happy Snarky Friday. Congratulations to Major Applewhite! The University of Houston announced the Offensive Coordinator will now be the Head Coach of the Cougars. Good move, Coogs!

However, tonight on ESPN2 at 6:00 pm the best football team in Texas will play  James Madison University in the quarter finals of the FCS playoffs.

SAM HOUSTON STATE UNIVERSITY!!! GOOOO BEARKATS!

http://www.gobearkats.com/SportSelect.dbml?SPID=11345&SPSID=92955

This promises to be an aerial attack with both teams averaging around 50 points per game. Sam Houston is the lone unbeaten team remaining in the FCS and is joined by Western Michigan (13-0) and Alabama (13-0) as the only unblemished teams in all of Division I football.

The mascot of James Madison University is Dukes Dog or just Dukes. I do not know why. You can Google on your own. See you in Frisco, Texas, Kats!

Buddy Glasses

Buddy T. Cat – (T. stands for The.) Photo by me.

Thursday, December 8, 2016 – Aunt Bureaucrat’s Words of Wisdom.

Thursday, December 8, 2016 – Aunt Bureaucrat’s Words of Wisdom.

“When you’re up to your a$$ in alligators, you forget that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.”

beach-2011-080-800x600

Wednesday, December 7, 2016 – Connect the Dots

Wednesday, December 7, 2016 – Connect the Dots

Time Magazine voted President-Elect Donald Trump as Person of the year for 2016. Before Trump supporters began to celebrate, Hillary Clinton would have been the Person of the Year had she been elected. The Time Person of the Year is not always an honor. The person selected is a change agent. It is a pictorial statement of opinions voted upon by the magazine editors with an end result of picturing individual(s), groups and even things which signal potential and highly significant changes in the world. The resulting changes more often than not led to an increase in social, political, economic, religious issues and pressures and whether we liked it or not – the world changed.

For example, let us look at some previous Time Persons of the Year. Adolph Hitler was featured in 1938.  The following year Joseph Stalin was on the cover. In fact Stalin was featured twice – once again in 1942. In 1957 Nikita Khrushchev was featured after he banged his shoe on the podium at The United Nations while screaming “We will bury you!” Remember in elementary school we all had to learn to spell Khrushchev before we practiced crawling under our desks and put our hands over our heads in the event of nuclear war? And in 1979 the Ayatollah Khomeini was on the cover. We all had to learn to spell that name too. Heck we had to learn to spell “ayatollah.”

I won in 1966 sort of – The “person” of the year was The Inheritor representing a generation of American men and women aged 25 and under – soon to be labeled Baby Boomers.

In 1974 King Faisal King of Saudi Arabia, was acknowledged in the wake of the oil crisis of 1973–1974, caused by Saudi Arabia withdrawing its oil from world markets in protest at Western support for Israel during the 1973 Arab-Israeli War. Let’s recall those sweet memories of waiting in the gas lines at 6:00 AM in your designated day.

Then Mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani, graced the magazine cover in 2001. However, most think it should have been Osama bin Laden. Had it not been for him, Giuliani would not have made as much history.

In 2003 Time selected The American Soldier Representing U.S. forces around the world, especially in the Iraq War (2003–2011).

The Protesters were featured in 2011. This cover represented many global protest movements — for example, the Arab Spring, the Indignants Movement, the Occupy Movement and the Tea Party movement — as well as protests in Chile, Greece, India and Russia among others.

The Tea Party movement? How interesting is that? This is part of the group today who called protestors against their candidate, ideas, ideals and the election outcome -“crybabies, entitled, whiney hinnies; millenniums, dead beats, non-voters, off springs of terrible parents” etc. Hmm.

Oh well – “plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose“the more it changes, the more it’s the same thing.” (Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr (1808 -1890) French author and journalist known for his bitter wit.)

Connect the dots however you want. We are living history.

Open wings (766x800)

The Butterfly – the symbol of transition. Photo by me.

Thursday, December 1, 2016 – Need a Unique Gift for Christmas? Or Maybe Celeste’s Birthday? Want to Buy an Elephant?

Thursday, December 1, 2016 – Need a Unique Gift for Christmas? Or Maybe Celeste’s Birthday? Want to Buy an Elephant?

I am on my way to spend the day with my favorite sister. She and I plus other family members are in the process of downsizing again. That is the polite way to say we are going through boxes and saying things such as: “Where did all this junk comes from?” And more importantly “What in the heck are we going to do with it?”

This takes us to gifts and let us address the elephant in the room, or in this case the over 100 elephants in the storage unit.

It all started when this fabulous woman, let’s call her, Celeste – began to collect elephants – not the real ones – at least not to my knowledge.

celeste-and-the-elephants

Then many of her students – also known as Cherubs – began to collect elephants. This includes one of Celeste’s original Cherubs, my sister. At the time of this writing, we are not certain of the inventory of elephants in storage, but the number of boxes marked “Elephants” gives me pause.

Our current idea is this to sell them as gifts. Let me know if you are interested in purchasing an elephant. I am certain we can make you a Christmas bargain – this entire box for only $1.00 and it is BOGO!

The alternative is: If ya’ll don’t buy these elephants Celeste and Tarvah are going to be so surprised on Christmas morning when Santa leaves them on their doorstep. I think an elephant in your camera range, T, will add much to your fabulous wildlife photos.