Category Archives: humor

Monday, February 6, 2017 – What A Subtle Super Bowl!

Monday, February 6, 2017 – What A Subtle Super Bowl!

Good Morning, Boys and Girls.

Our vocabulary word today is: Subtle. The B is silent like the P in swimming. It is an adjective meaning especially of a change or distinction so delicate or precise as to be difficult to analyze or delicately complex and understated; clever and indirect methods to achieve something.

In the event you have been living under a rock or perhaps detained in a foreign airport, yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday. It is an unofficial, semi-holy day of obligation that falls on a Sunday between Martin Luther King Day in January and Valentine’s Day in February. It is an American born holiday where people eat tons of junk food, drink way too much alcohol, discuss the commercials and then watch a boring game of football.

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Yesterday’s contest began with the usual bore, but then became an exciting contest that went into overtime. Yesterday’s contest was between the Atlanta Falcons and the Brady Phoenix Rising from the Ashes New England Patriots. Once again the Yankees burn Atlanta. But, frankly, my dear…

What were your favorite Super Bowl commercials? HWIT, my top three included but were not limited to: 1. Audi – for equal pay for women statement; 2. Martha Stewart and Snoop Dog – I have no idea what the product was because I was laughing too hard at the subtly between the two. Of course I want to include Coca Cola – let’s share a beverage and be nice to each other regardless of what head dress one is wearing.

What about Lady Gaga? It looked like she included everybody in the show. How many noticed she was wearing Dallas Cowboy colors upon her fly in? She opens singing God bless America; land that I love and immediately transcends to This land is your land; this land is my land…” Two signature songs written reflecting the dysfunctional time in American history that is referred to as The Depression.

God Bless America was composed by Irving Berlin, a Jewish immigrant from Russia. His family left in the early 1890’s and immigrated to America looking for freedom to worship. It seems those nasty Russian Cossacks were killing them for their religious beliefs.

This Land is Your Land was composed by Woodie Guthrie and is considered the ultimate song of protest and in every recent protest the marchers sang it. Think a kid whose parents lost everything, was raised in the Dust Bowl Oklahoma and immediately saw the inequality of wealth in America. Think desperate farmers and thousands unemployed. http://www.woodyguthrie.org/

Then with a quick camera cut away there was the VPOTUS, Mike Pence, clapping, dancing and singing along to Born This Way. OK, I alternated that fact. The camera did cut away to him during the song, but I did not seem him clapping, dancing or singing.

Subtle. Subtle. Subtle. Well done, Patriots. Well done, Lady Gaga. Well done, Houston.

Friday, February 3, 2017 – A Pretty Photograph

Friday, February 3, 2017 – A Pretty Photograph

Just look at the pretty picture and pretend all the crappy things in your life are gone for a brief moment.

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Grand Canyon 2007 – Photo by me.

Thursday, February 2, 2017 – Ground Hog Day

Thursday, February 2, 2017 – Ground Hog Day

At 7:15 AM EST the Ground Hog, Punxsutaney Phil, was pulled squealing from his burrow, set on a stump, saw his shadow and predicted six more weeks of winter weather.

In other news at 3:00 AM EST President Machiavelli, who is a stump, was up and communicating to the world. This means six more weeks of U. S Constitutional crisis, protests, outrage, angering of Allies and alternate facts.

At 7:15 AM EST the Ground Hog, Punxsutaney Phil, was pulled squealing from his burrow, set on a stump, saw his shadow and predicted six more weeks of winter weather.

In other news at 3:00 AM EST President Machiavelli, who is a stump, was up and communicating to the world. This means six more weeks of U. S. Constitutional crisis, protests, outrage, angering of Allies and alternate facts.

At 7:15 AM EST the Ground Hog, Punxsutaney Phil, was pulled squealing from his burrow, set on a stump, saw his shadow and predicted six more weeks of winter weather.

In other news at 3:00 AM EST President Machiavelli, who is a stump, was up and communicating to the world. This means six more weeks of U. S. Constitutional crisis, protests, outrage, angering of Allies and alternate facts.

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Ellis Island – New York City. Photo by me 1986.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017 – Sausage and Legislation

Tuesday, January 31, 2017 – Sausage and Legislation

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire. And sausage and legislation! Now you know why government employees used to say “you do not want to know or see how sausage or legislation is made.” It is not pretty. The history bus is moving rapidly. I am not sure of the direction or who is driving, but I am tightening my seat belt and hoping the wheels do not come off.

Here’s what I’m thinking today. As the slavery and religious issues between Mexico and the United States became heated, Santa Anna’s troops marched toward San Antonio the first of February in 1836 creating fear and anxiety at the mission called The Alamo. This was an effort to stop and ban the emigration and immigration from The United States and entering the Mexican territory known as Texas… Sorry, that is Texas Independence Day topic from the rebellion/revolutionary/remember folder.

Back to today. While the United States’ Constitutional crisis continues, let us turn our attention to Texas. Texas Muslim Capitol Day starts at 10:30 a.m. on the south steps. During the afternoon the group will meet with lawmakers. http://kxan.com/2017/01/31/crowds-expected-at-texas-muslim-capitol-day/

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Photo by me. Protesting something on the south steps of the state capitol. It is what one does when you live in Austin!

From the fake news desk of Texas Representative Molly White. “All Muslims are invited to my office where they can experience first-hand bigotry, hatred and ‘low life sons of bitches.’ And that is just to the news reporters! The first brave Muslims to enter will receive matched sets of white sheets from a flea market in Deeeeep East Texas suitable for marches, protests and other gatherings where banjo music fills the pines.

We, the People, are living history. It is called democracy in action. You get to see it and participate in it in real time. “You Say You Want a Revolution?” (The Beatles) How do you like it during the first ten days?

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Friday, January 27, 2017 – Snarky Friday

Friday, January 27, 2017 – Snarky Friday

This just in. “Nick Sabin to replace Kevin Sumlin as head coach at Texas A&M. Aggies expected to win National Championship.”

And now Kellyanne Conway – “This is an alternate fact stemming from unsubstantiated rumors from the biased media and wishful alumni. Of course, I have no idea who Sabin, Sumlin or the Aggies are, but I am certain the media is inaccurate, biased, stupid, out of touch and just plain mean. Furthermore the Cowboys would have won the NFC Championship, but the game was rigged.”

Sean “Slicer” Spicer – “The media is wrong as usual. Sabin will not leave Mississippi. I mean Alabama. The size of the stadium does matter. Ours is bigger. Our alternate fact numbers show this. NO! I do not answer your questions.”

From the Good News Files – So long, Brent Musburger. I hope you enjoy retirement as much as we will enjoy you not announcing.

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Tuesday, January 24, 2017 – La La Land

Tuesday, January 24, 2017 – La La Land

I guess I will use my senior discount and go see what this La La Land movie is all about. What was the last musical to win the Academy Award for Best Picture? Bonus question: What year?

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Let’s take a back stage look at the ten musicals to win Best Picture. And of course here’s what I’m thinking each one.

  1. The Broadway Melody – 1929. Not to be confused with The Wall Street Melody of Doom.
  2. The Great Ziegfeld – 1936. Wow! Same year as Nazi Olympics
  3. Going My Way – 1944. A Bing Sing!
  4. American in Paris – 1951. Come on! It’s G. Gershwin songs with, Gene Kelly and Leslie Caron singing and dancing and directed by Vincent Minnelli– ‘S Wonderful. ‘S Marvelous.
  5. Gigi – 1958. Thank Heaven for Little Girls! More French singing and dancing and lots of champagne.
  6. West Side Story – 1961- Puerto Ricans singing “All things are free in America!”
  7. My Fair Lady – 1964. Illiterate flower street vendor is made over by a narscisstic misogynist and accepted into London high society. Great songs.
  8. The Sound of Music – 1965- more Nazis, but great music.
  9. Oliver – 1968 – British movie about street urchins, pick pockets, poverty, hunger, an abused woman beaten to death. Delightful songs.

And the last musical to win the Oscar for Best Picture

  1. Chicago – 2002. “He had it coming; he had it coming; he only had himself to blame…”

Maybe La La Land will take the golden statue this year for Best Picture. What? It is not about the Trump Administration? Sorry, that was an alternate fact.

Friday, January 20, 2017 – Darkness. Hic Sunt Dracones

Friday, January 20, 2017 – Darkness. Hic Sunt Dracones

There will be no blog today because as they say in Latin – hic sunt dracones – beyond here are dragons.

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Thursday, January 19, 2017 – Get a Cause Because. Happy Birthday, Dolly Parton!

Thursday, January 19, 2017 – Get a Cause Because. Happy Birthday, Dolly Parton!

Here’s what I’m thinking today. You should get a cause and support it in the best ways you can. Two of my causes are We Back Pat and Still Magnolias.

Thank you Algers, for being in Tennessee the day it after Coach Summitt's announcement and buying me this shirt.

Thank you Algers, for being in Tennessee the day it after Coach Summitt’s announcement and buying me this shirt.

We Back Pat honors the legendary Tennessee basketball coach Pat Summitt. This week SEC women’s basketball teams honor Coach Summitt with all teams wearing We Back Pat shirts. This week also announces the opening of the Pat Summitt Foundation. Please join me in this cause to find treatment and more importantly a cure for Alzheimers. http://patsummitt.org/

If you can’t find a cause you like, then start one you do like. Let’s hear for the Still Magnolias!!! It all starts with an idea. The Still Magnolias started with “wouldn’t it be nice if we could do something for our high school and 50th year of graduation?”

Because of your faith in us and your generosity and with the help of the Magnolia Independent School District and the Magnolia Education Foundation, The Still Magnolias were able to award two academic scholarships to Magnolia High School graduating seniors AND to start a program at MHS to provide assistance to current students. We named the program The Molly Memorial although the name could have been any classmate. This year we want to do more to help make the world a better place for those MHS students who now walk the hallways with the same Bulldog tenacity and spirit we once did. It is a chance to honor and/or remember someone who made a difference in your life in Magnolia, Texas by influencing others.

There are many ways you can get involved. When scholarship applications arrive this spring, we will need reviewers. Last year Still Magnolias were the only group who also awarded T-shirts to the kids’ chosen college. They loved it! We are always looking for ideas, directions, thoughts and most of all prayers.

Of course the bottom line always comes down to money. If you have a few spare dollars or that change in the jar, please consider donating to The Molly Memorial. Message me for submission and tax deductible forms.

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Ann Richards Inauguration – Frank Erwin Center – Austin, Texas – date: long ago when Texas was Blue. Photo by me.

Happy Birthday Dolly Parton! Them girls from Tennessee are tough ain’t they?

 

Tuesday, January 17, 2017 – Still Magnolias are Gathering for Fun, Food and Fellowship

Tuesday, January 17, 2017 – Still Magnolias are Gathering for Fun, Food and Fellowship

“I am so excited; I just can’t hide it; I’m about to lose control and I think I like it” I’m so excited I might be a Pointer Sister. There are so many Magnolia High School graduates planning to attend an upcoming function. If you haven’t heard about it, here is a big Bulldog reminder – Pretend you hear Mr. Lyon over the speaker system:

Still Magnolias, graduates from any year from Magnolia High School, are gathering for a fun lunch at The Farmhouse Café in Huntsville, Texas (by The Walls) on Thursday, January 26 at 11:30.

Please give an RSVP so Pat H. can get a head count. This will also ensure there is plenty of the special of the day – roast beef and potatoes and that there is plenty of lemon pie.

Also, spread the word; let others know. If you are unable to make this lunch, we will catch you next time. These get togethers are good for the soul. They are like a giant high school reunion on a band trip. We hope you can attend. Pat, Dyan, Linda, Karen, and Dianne J. will twirl fire batons after the lunch in the parking lot.

One more announcement, Delia, your purse is hanging outside Mr. Wax’s room. Please get it before you go home.

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The Class of 1967 in 2004 (?) Look at my angelic pose – What the hell was that all about?

 

Wednesday, January 11, 2017 – Golf, Gary and the 2011 National Championship

Wednesday, January 11, 2017 – Golf, Gary and the 2011 National Championship

Yu So Yung showed up to play golf today. While my team did not win the scramble, we played well. With 35 mile per hour wind gusts it was definitely hit and hope. FYI – JP, Homecoming Queen 1 – I am loving the new putter I got from you. Next margarita is on me.

In 2011 the Texas Aggie Women’s Basketball team won the NCAA National Championship. So far, it is the biggest win in basketball history at Texas A&M University. I believe the previous game was the “clock controversy” game sending Texas A&M into the championship game and sending Baylor Coach Mulkey into fits of rage and the bus back to Waco. What team did Texas A&M beat for the National Title?

The coach of the 2011 team and the current Aggies women’s basketball team is Gary Blair – GB as the team calls him. In his new book A Coaching Life, he gives us some favorite memories with his beautiful wit, grace and humility.

Yesterday when he was signing my book “To Delia, Gig ‘Em and thanks for the support of the Class of ’85” I told him, “You could have named the book, It’s a Long Way from South Oak Cliff in Dallas or from Stephen F. Austin in Nacogdoches.” He looked at me and said “What great learning experiences. Loved them both.”

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Reed Arena, 1.10.2017 Cool Hair, huh? Photo by Linda

Those of us who play or have played sports realize it parallels life. There are wins. There are losses. But each time one must be open to what both have to teach us.

Thank you Coach Blair for signing my book and signing a book for Niece #1. He was even nice enough to put “Sic ‘Em Bears” on the page. Then of course he wrote “Gig ‘Em Aggies” beneath it. I supposed he has forgotten about the clock incident. Nevertheless I do not think I will place his signed book next to my signed copy of Baylor Coach Kim Mulkey’s book – Never Back Down. I do not think she has forgotten the clock.

Oh who did the Texas Aggies beat to win the 2011 Women’s National Championship? Same team Baylor women beat to win the 2012 Women’s National Championship – Notre Dame and Miss Muffet.

Since then the women’s national championship has been won by some team in New England with an Italian as the coach and dog as the mascot.

A Coaching Life by Gary Blair with Rusty Burson is available from Texas A&M University Press and available in the book store in the Memorial Student Center. It will soon be available on Amazon.

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