Monday, October 15, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards for Week Seven

Whoever your favorite team is that played this weekend you all receive a Poopy Undies Award for close games, overtime games, and comeback games. This includes you, Alabama. You get Poopy Undies because you only scored 39 points in the entire game when you usually score that many in the first half.

Let’s start the fanfare and celebration with THE University of Texas. A late defensive stand held off the powerhouse Baylor to give the Longhorns a win. I award them The Laughing Cow Award. It was Baylor! And the clock expired or you would have lost. And for some crazy reason the Horns are in the Top 10. There is no way The Horns can run with The Tide, the Irish, the Buckeyes, Michigan, Penn State, the Clemson Tigers or LSU ones. Enjoy while you can. There are reasons THE University is not in the SEC, the ACC or the Big 10.

I would like to award one my least favorite team, the Texas Tech Red Raiders, the Third String Grit Award for beating TCU with mostly second and third stringers playing due to injuries. And the quarterback’s last name is the same as mine and I don’t like frogs.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Big 12 conference wins The On Any Saturday Award because Iowa State can beat you. WVa 14 Iowa State 30.

Penn State and Michigan State. The Nittney Lions looked like the Ninny Lions with 19 seconds left as Michigan State scores to win 21 – 17. The Lions win the Puffy the Magic Spartan Award.

To the LSU Tigers I award the Mike the Tiger Ate My Dawg Biscuit trophy for the never even close game over Georgia. Tigers also receive the Shades of Sherman because they marched through Georgia like Athens was burning. Mike the Tiger 36 and UGA the Bulldog 16.

Tennessee Auburn –To the Tennessee Volunteers I award the Stephen Foster Award. “I dream on Rocky Top and beat the light brown hair.” Tennessee 30 Auburn 24.

The Bunch of Bananas Award goes to Oregon for winning over Washington. I did not watch the game and turned the channel because Oregon’s bright yellow uniforms made them look like bananas running around.

Texas A&M South Carolina – To Texas Aggies I award the Nitroglycerin Award for making our hearts stop and the Self CPR Award for not breathing during the third quarter. The Aggies also receive the But It Ain’t Like Last Year Award cause we won. Aggies 26 South Carolina 23.

And now for the Exploding Head Coach Awards. Gary Patterson of TCU wins a distant second place when he exploded during the Texas Tech game. Note to equipment managers, he needs a larger pant size.

Coming in at a strong first place is the entire Florida Gators coaching staff. First we have a coach (red hat) apparently saying something to the official about “Friends and You” if I read his lips correctly.

Then the Florida head coach’s head explodes and coaches and officials are scuffling.

Then the entire Vanderbilt team rushes the field from the opposite sideline. It was just like an old fashion high school cafeteria food fight. And you wonder why we don’t like Florida. Check out the Vanderbilt ball boy. So calm. Florida 37 Vanderbilt 27.