Monday, November 30, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 30, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Of course the first award is the Susan B. Anthony and Bela Abzug Kicks Like a Girl Award and it goes to Vanderbilt and Sarah Fuller – first woman to kick in a Power 5 Conference football game.  Ms. Fuller, of the Vanderbilt soccer team, kicked off to start the Third Quarter in the Vandy/ Missouri game. Many were disappointed that it was a perfectly placed kick with no return as opposed to a power kick with possible return. If you follow the Vandy team, you know that they tackle like grandmas (score was 41 – 0.) so a placement kick was warranted. Perhaps Sarah can play other positions. And maybe Vandy could bring in some of the big girls from basketball.

I award The University of Texas the Nursery Rhyme Award for

Oh dear what can the matter be

Oh dear what can the matter be

Oh dear what can the matter be

BEVO is only just fair.

Texas comes up short, again!

This guy dragged yours up and down the alley.  I am giving THE University of Texas The Righteous Brothers Award because the Texas Exes are singing this to the coaches:

You’ve lost that loving feeling,

whoho that loving feeling,

Now it’s gone, gone, gone wohohohoho Yeah

Coach Herman. Nashville is a lovely city. Check Vanderbilt’s coaching needs.

Baylor, wearing all school bus yellow, kicked a last second field to break their loosing streak and win over K-State. 32 to 31. Sic ‘Em Bears! Let’s give the Bears the Donovan Award and call them Mellow Yellow Baylor.

I am giving Mississippi State and Mike Leach a Good Try Certificate. When receivers can catch, it really makes a difference.  To Kiffie and Ole Miss I give the Dan Quale Award for the Potatoe Bowl victory of 24 to 31.

In the Iron Bow, the Tide went Sabanless but it really did not matter. Nevertheless the award for Best Substitute Coaches goes the Alabama coaching staff. Auburn 13 Alabama 42.

To Kellen Mond and the Aggie Offense I award The Oil Can Award. You looked as rusty as the Tin Man. Auburn and Gus left Tuscaloosa very unhappy. So grease it up Aggies and grease up early because the game is the dreaded hour of 11:00 in Jordan-Hare Stadium.

Coach O? You receive the Rainy Night in Kyle Field Award. It poured a steady rain, sometimes heavy rain throughout the Aggie/LSU game. While all of the other coaches were in rain gear, from top to bottom, Coach O wore his khaki pants and purple polo. Rain don’t bother a real Cajun!

The Non-Participant Award goes to Ohio State and Illinois for their canceled due to COVID contest.  Is there a possible forthcoming rule change? You don’t really have to play, let alone win six games, we’ll just add you because you are Ohio State?


Friday, November 27, 2020 – Black Snarky Friday

Friday, November 27, 2020 – Black Snarky Friday

One of my friend’s husband asked what is “Black Friday?” She told him it was the day the husband gave their wife the credit card and said, “Have fun Honey!”

Like Black Friday bargains, we must begin an early snark because there are early football games on Friday. And it is Rivalry Week.

We can start the football black Friday with THE University of Texas still in search of a quality Thanksgiving rivalry playing Iowa State on ABC at 11:00.  Had only Justin Tucker’s kick not been good, the Aggies might still be around.  Oh well, the Aggies are number Five you’re not.  

Nebraska and Iowa in The Corn Bowl at 12 on Fox. Unless you attended either of these institutions, you really do not care.

Playing for the Platypus Trophy we find Oregon and Oregon State at 4:30 ESPN – Ducks and Beavers in ugly iridescent uniforms.  

Saturday at 11:00 in the morning, as of this writing time, we have Number Four Ohio State bringing their whopping four games played against Illinois State on FS 1. Watch out for a COVID cancel.

At 11:00 on ESPN we have Kentucky and Florida. Wildcats get beaten up for a second week in a row. Meanwhile, Kyle Trask just might replace Tim Tebow as Florida’s favorite Heisman winner.

We also have Texas Tech and Oklahoma State on FOX at 11:00.  Yawn.

What the morning may lack, the afternoon firmly makes up for.  It starts with the Iron Bowl between Auburn and Alabama at 2:30 CBS. CBS? Not Gary Daniels’ mouth! But as anyone familiar with football knows, it is better to have a sister in a whorehouse than a brother who graduated from Auburn. Wishing Nick a speedy recovery. So let’s yell! WHEN I SAY ‘TUSCA’, THEN YOU SAY ‘LOOSA’ When I say Nick, then you say Saban!  Roll Tide!

Grab the remote to not only mute Gary Daniels, but Notre Dame and North Carolina kickoff at 2:30 on ABC.  Bless Me, Father for I have sinned, and I really want North Carolina to win. Come on, Irish, you come dragging your asparagus pee colored helmets and pants, into the Number Two spot after playing who? Duke? South Florida? Georgia Tech?

In the state of Mississippi the Egg Bowl between Mississippi State and Ole Miss on the SEC Network at 3:00 might hold interest. Beat Ole Miss, Mike and you can be a pirate.

For those who graduated from either of these and have nothing better to watch there is Baylor and Kansas-State at 6:00 on ESPN 2.

But at 6:00 on ESPN from beautiful, limited ticketed stadium seating Kyle Field, the Tigers from LSU take on the Number Five ranking fighting Texas Aggies. Here is a quiz for you. How many times will the announcers in the opening minutes mention the last meeting between these two teams in Kyle Field? Seven Overtimes? An immediate NCAA rule change? I understand the Tigers will be led by a Freshman QB. Dude? Welcome to the still very loud, Kyle Field. BTHO LSU!

Enjoy your turkey sandwiches. Wear Your Mask. BTHO COVID.

Monday, November 23, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 23, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

But first, let us pray.

Lord, please make the COVID go away. Let us all soon receive a vaccine to protect us. Bless all of the teams, coaches, bands, and everybody associated with college football so we can have some really good TV games and not have to watch Abilene Christian and Virginia. Amen.

This was a weird and crappy weekend for college football due to the Rona. Therefore, I am postponing awards until teams I like and teams that play teams I like, either play or do not blow the other team away.



Friday, November 20, 2020 – Snarky Friday

Friday, November 20, 2020 – Snarky Friday


  • Texas A&M and Ole Miss
  • THE University of Texas and Kansas
  • Georgia Tech and Miami

Just flat out canceled

  • Central Arkansas and Louisiana
  • UL Monroe and Louisiana Tech

“Whomdoes that leave us upon which to snark?” That is from Shakespeare, I am pretty sure.  For Whom the Snark Tolls is from Hemmingway.  

First of all, I think Kansas should get the win even thought the game is postponed. Just because it THE University.

At 11:00 am we have The Blow Outs. This is an opportune time to run errands – grocery store, car wash, and such like things. Games should be extremely one sided save for Indiana Jones University and Ohio State University.

The 11:00 am games include, but are not limited to:

Florida and Vanderbilt on ESPN 11:00 – That in and of itself is a snark.

LSU and Arkansas on the SEC Network 11:00 – This has the potential of an upset, granted a mild one at this point of the season.

 # 9 Indiana # 3 Ohio State at 11:00 am – Tell me again how both of you are ranked in the Top 10. You have not played a combined 10 games, have you?

Clemson and Florida State on ABC at 11:00 am. Trevor is back from his COVID quarantine. Florida State is not back from much of anything.

Finally, in the afternoon, we have:

Kentucky and Alabama 3:00 on the SEC Network. Alabama should probably be up there with The Blow Outs. I mean after all, Kentucky barely escaped with a victory from Vanderbilt last weekend.

Nothing spectacular until nightfall (which is about 5:30 CST).

Tennessee and Auburn 6:00 ESPN – Hmm. Tennessee has not played a game in 14 days. Auburn has not played a game in 21 days. Rocky Top really needs a win, but I doubt it will be against Auburn.

Mississippi State and Georgia 6:30 on the SEC Network in a Battle (sort of) of the Bulldogs. Another welcome to the SEC for Mike and State. Welcome to Between the Hedges and to Georgia. Ensure UGA and Bully have had their shots.

And then BEDLAM! Oklahoma State and Oklahoma 6:30 on ABC.

When was the last time Oklahoma State was ranked higher than OU for the Bedlam game? May I offer each team a suggestion based on past appearances. HOLD ON TO THE DAMN FOOTBALL!

And again, why are you listed below here in the top?

# 2 ND *

 # 11 Oregon *

# 10 Wisconsin *

*Just wanted to ensure you have a big old Assterick by your name.

BTHO COVID. Wear your mask! Stay safe.

Monday, November 16, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 16, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

There are few awards because there were only a few games played and few games on TV that I liked and actually took an interest in, albeit a mild interest, but still.

The Bears of Baylor win the Deja Vue All over Again! How many times has Tech won in the closing moments of the game? Baylor 23 Tortilla Tech 24

TCU 6 West Virigina – Did you know the WVa QB is the brother of a former Texas Tech QB?

Uncle Will Muschamp receives The Exploding Head Coach Award for his exploding head at the end of the first half of play.

Uncle Will Muschamp receives The Boot Award and is relieved of his job at the end of the game. Uncle Will will receive a Big Buy Out Award and an opportunity to count his money elsewhere. South Carolina 42 Ole Miss 59

This just in – Texas A&M and Ole Miss game postponed. Sorry, Kiffie. We’ll evaluate and see if something is available around Christmas.

This year’s National Championship Winner is going to have a Big Ole Assterick by their name.

Wear Your Mask. Stay Safe. And BTHO COVID!

Friday, November 13, 2020 – Snarky Friday – Ain’t No Sunshine

Friday, November 13, 2020 – Snarky Friday – Ain’t No Sunshine

COVID 14 and Texas A&M, Tennessee, Georgia, Missouri, Auburn, Mississippi State, Alabama, LSU, Ohio State, Maryland, California, Arizona State, Pittsburg and Georgia Tech – 0. All games are postponed or canceled.

You can find some football games of mild and little interest. You can start the day with Vanderbilt and Kentucky on the SEC Network at 11:00 am or you can sleep in.

We have Notre Dame and Boston College on ABC at 2:30 in the Battle of the Catholics. There is Baylor and Tortilla Tech at 3:00 on FS1. South Carolina and Ole Miss at 6:30 on the SEC Network might hold some interest. This could be Kiffie and Uncle Will squaring off in an exploding Head Coach contest.  The pigs of Arkansas and the gators of Florida are on ESPN at 6:00.

We also have The Sisters of Perpetual Bad Housekeeping with Dust Bunnies and the Royal Order of Extra Large Glitter Girls playing checkers on ESPN10. There is an outdoor (weather permitting) marble contest at the park between the Downtown Marble Society. The Puff and Passers of High Society Gentlemen of Faux Nobility will be conducting a reenactment of something mildly weird and strange from the Medieval Period – also in the park.

I am going to let Bill Withers show you here’s what I’m thinking about this weekend’s football. I know. I know. I know. I know…



Monday, November 9, 2020 – It’s the Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, November 9, 2020 – It’s the Monday After College Football Awards

First, let me apologize for no Snarky Friday. Like many, I was strung out, stressed and worthless due to the long OT of the election. Now it is time to heal and remember that we are all Americans. “The needs of the many out way the needs of the few,” so says Spock.

Now to the awards ceremony.

COVID 2 – Purdue and Wisconsin – 0

From the Big 12…

Let’s just give the entire Conference The Lantern Award because ain’t nobody shining bright from this group.

Baylor 31 – Iowa State 38 – To Baylor I award the Annie Award because it’s a hard knock life. Here, have a cigar for being close.

THE University of Texas 17 University of West Virgina 13 – I am giving THE University a Celebrate Whatever You Can Award with your self-named “defensive victory” for holding West Virginia to 13 points and your rise in the AP Poll from 22 to 21.

Liberty 38 Virginia Tech 35 – The Hokies (whatever that is) receive the Miss Stakes Award for screwing up and giving the Freezing Liberty Pool Boys the victory. Actually, the Liberty mascot is “The Flame.” I’ll save that one to see in which bowl game Liberty plays.

Florida 44 Georgia 28 -The Gators receive the William T. Sherman Award because they chomped and marched through Georgia like a tank convoy. Georgia falls to AP Number 12.

Houston 10 Cincinnati 38 – I award Cincy the WKRP Award. Remind me again, where did you come from? Have not seen you around until recently.

Mississippi State 24 Vanderbilt 17 – To Mississippi State I award the Margin Award for only being marginally better than Vanderbilt. To Mississippi State Coach, Mike Leach, I award the Meaningless and Fabled Metaphor Award for saying about this the State Team:

“The chicken is involved but the pig is committed.”  

Do you say that to Arkansas and South Carolina, Mike? That is a picture from 2019, from Washington State, but it really works for the Mississippi State Season.

Texas A&M 48 South Carolina 3 – It is a good Mond morning. I award the Aggies the WHO Award, as in “Who Are You? I really want to know.” I also award the Aggies with a High FIVE Award as in Number Five in the AP Poll.

To South Carolina I award the Sanderson Chicken Farm and Processing Plant Award. Please note that I am calling PETA to get that screaming chicken to shut up. And don’t be bringing that bird to Kyle Field!

And in the big game of Clemson 40 and Notre Dame 47 in Double OT – I award The Alabama Crimson Tide First Place in the AP and they didn’t have to play a down.

Of course, fans of Clemson and ND receive a Poopy Undies Award for double Overtime. And while we are down there, I award the University of Notre Dame the Asparagus Pee Colored Helmet Award! I hope the TIDE washes that away.

November 11th is Veterans Day. Honor and thank them for our freedom.

Monday, November 2, 2020 – What Time Is It?

Goodness, I detest the time change.  So I am probably an hour late with My Monday After College Football Awards

Let’s have the Big 12 Conference step up. No, seriously, you need to step up if you plan to be a Power Five Conference.

TCU 33 Baylor 23 – To Baylor I am awarding the When Does Women’s Basketball Season Start?

K-State 10 West Virginia 37 – Even though you lost K-State, I am awarding the Best Use of Football Field Color That Is Not Green to you and to TCU. And maybe the SFA Lumberjacks.

Texas 41 Oklahoma State 34 OT – Best Use of Halloween Colors to both teams; To THE University of Texas I give the WIIOTA Award (Win It In Overtime Time Again). But I still think the Texas Exes are restless.

To Oklahoma State – I am awarding the Adele Award (You Coulda Had It All!) and the John Heisman Award. No, that Heisman, but not that Heisman Award. This one: “Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football.” John Heisman

Georgia 14 KY 3 – Georgia wins the Peggy Lee Award for Is That All There Is?

LSU 11 Auburn 48 – To the LSU Tigers I award the Eagles’ Desperado Award why don’t you come to your senses?

Mississippi State 0 and Alabama 41 – I award Pirate Mike Leach of Mississippi State the FINS Award. “Can’t you see them circling, honey; Can’t you feel them swimming around; You got fins to the left; fins to the right and you’re the only bait in town.” Thank you, Mr. J. Buffet.

Missouri 17 Florida 41. The Saturday Afternoon Fights Award.

Florida wins the brawl, but the SEC fines Florida Coach Dan Mullens $25,000 for violating Rule 9.5.1.b – Fighting = Suspension. Georgia wins the half-game suspension for two Florida players.  Mullens should be suspended too!

And now my comments to the Top 10 according to the AP Poll

  1. Clemson – Ricky Riccardo – “Lucy? You got some splaining to do.” How does the opponent score 28 points when it is the Clemson QB that is COVID out?
  2. Alabama – Receives the Rough and Rowdy Haines Award – Rolling, Rolling Rolling; Keep the TIDE a rollin, Roll ON!
  3. Ohio State – No award for only playing a few games. Here is a I Participated Certificate.
  4. Notre Dame – FOUR! As in golf. Why are you fourth? You have played Duke, South Florida, and Georgia Tech?  Perhaps because your next games are Clemson, Boston College (The Battle of the Catholics), North Carolina, Syracuse and Wake Forest.
  5. Georgia – You better get it together Between the Hedges the Gators are coming.
  6. Cincinnati – You get a first Welcome Wagon Award. Nice helmets. Who are you, by the way?
  7. Texas A&M – The dark horse is wearing maroon.
  8. Florida – Winner of brawls and suspensions.
  9. BYU – As they say, “Once in a blue moon.
  10. Wisconsin – I thought you were still in quarantine.

If you have not already vote, please ensure that you do. Stay Safe!

Friday, October 30, 2020 – Spooky Snarky Friday

Friday, October 30, 2020 – Spooky Snarky Friday

It promises to be an Edward Bulwer-Lytton weekend – aka – It was a dark and stormy night.  Mr.Bulwer- Lytton was the first to use the cliché. Of course, it was not a cliché in 1830.

Nevertheless, we have a full moon, which is also a Blue Moon, Halloween, followed by the dreaded Fall Back time change and then the election of a lifetime.

Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Thank you, Ms. Bette Davis.

Moving downfield toward football. First, we have the COVID victories

Trevor Lawrence of Clemson

Wisconsin and Nebraska game canceled.

But for teams I like and teams that play teams I like we have some potentially good games .

Kicking off Saturday will be Georgia and Kentucky on the SEC Network @ 11:00 – Sorry, no Blue Moon of Kentucky for you, Wildcats.

I don’t know, nor do I care who else is playing in the 11:00 time slot. I am going to the grocery and liquor store to get my Election Night supplies.

But at 2:30 we have LSU and Auburn on CBS. – Can the Auburn “magic” repeat? Or have the referees actually read a rule book and/or got their vision checked at their local optometrist?

These are the teams whose fans must endure or mute Gary Danielson who will be talking throughout the game.

My and obviously others’ impression of Gary.

1. “The left guard really opened the play for the running back who just gained 52 yards.  It reminds me of Joe Nobody Remembers in the 1998 Rose Bowl Game…”

2. Texas A&M and others – “Yes, it was a 98-yard kick-off return for the Aggies, but the opposing defense never gave up on chasing him. Reminds me of the 2000 Cotton Bowl…”

3. “The running back went to the right. I don’t know what kind of play call that was. I certainly would not have called a play like that…”

I am not the only one. Apparently, CBS has been inundated with requests to remove the biased, rambling commentator, with apparently a large contingency coming from the SEC. But good news is that after this year, CBS will no longer hold a broadcasting contract with the SEC. The rest of you conferences are on your own.

Upon my return from the grocery store, I shall watch TCU and Baylor at 2:30 on ESPN2. This is a much bigger rivalry than one thinks.

Ole Miss and Vanderbilt on the SEC at 3:00 – Kiffie takes out his and the Rebels frustrations on Vanderbilt.

At 3:00 on FOX we have what promises to be an exciting game between Texas University and Oklahoma State University. It will be the last opportunity for THE University of Texas to save some element of face.

Oklahoma at Texas Tech 7:00 on Fox – Given the way each team has played, this could be a toss-up.

We have Mississippi State versus Alabama at 6:00 on ESPN – Oh, Pirate Mike? Is this your first game against St. Nick? You are going to need more than one play. If any team knows how to defend a Run and Shoot, it is Alabama. Once again, have you thought of using The Wishbone? It is not just a series from the 1990’s about a dog.

And opposite the Tide Rolling over State, there is Arkansas versus Texas A&M at 6:30 on the SEC Network. This is always a thrilling game – even when Arkansas was bad, games resulted in Overtimes.  Thus, this is going to be dependent on which teams show up to play.  Did I mention it is Halloween during a Blue Moon? If the Aggies are “For Real” now will be the time to show it. But the game is in Spooky Kyle Field with an extremely high decibel level. 

BTHO Arkansas!

Stay safe. Wear your mask. And VOTE!


Tuesday, October 27, 2020 – One Week From Today!