Thursday, October 1, 2020 – Sad

Thursday, October 1, 2020 – Sad

RIP Mac Davis. It was hard to decide which Mac Davis song to post. He had many good ones and wrote many good ones for others.

I know most of you thought I would post It’s Hard to be Humble. But I thought as we are traveling along today’s rough and rocky roads, I thought we should all Stop and Smell the Roses.

If you know me, you know I had no trouble in selected a song from Helen Ready. “I am strong; I am invincible…” RIP and thank you for the theme song. “If I have to, I can face anything…”

Digging those 1970 bell bottoms! Vote! Mac and Helen would want you to.

Wednesday, September 30, 2020 – Thirty Days Hath September

Wednesday, September 30, 2020 – Thirty Days Hath September

Thank goodness another month in this crazy 2020 is gone. Here’s what I’m thinking.

When did we as Americans become so rigid in our thought processes? When did we decide to stop critically thinking and just follow what anybody says if they agree with me on my issue(s)?

Today I saw a post on Facebook wishing people would think before posting asinine comments. He further opined that opinions were one thing, but to present them as factual is another issue. This is very true.  The inability to distinguish opinion from fact is a critical thinking skill. It is taught throughout public schools and tested via multiple standardized tests.

However, then the same individual posted as fact, information from a website that when checked is not credible and can be “tested” for multiple bias on multiple bias testing websites.

WEAR YOUR MASK!

ENSURE YOU ARE REGISTERED TO VOTE!

September 28, 2020 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

September 28, 2020 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Just like the year 2020 has been, it was a wild, crazy and unpredictable weekend in college football. Everybody receives a Poopy Undies award.  Every team receives a It Shows There Was No Spring Training Certificate.

I must first check on the health and well being of Elf and Big Solid. I am certain they fainted at the end of the Mississippi State and LSU game. Evidently, there are pirates on the bayous.

Assisting me today with trophy/award handouts is Miss Queue. She, along with her pets, Fumbles, Interceptions and Sacks were present in every game played.

The Pepto-Bismal Dismal Performance Award goes to Oklahoma. You were upset in Norman by Kansas State! Here, take the Embarrassment Award too.

The MOO Award goes to Kansas State for milking the clock to beat OU 38-35. Maybe THE University of Texas will beat Oklahoma this year.

Speaking of the Horns. When it almost looked as though it would be a weekend when both OU and TU lost, Banjo Boy and Horns were able to pull it out in OT against Texas Tech 63-56. I am awarding myself The Frog Award because I TOAD you Tech would be up for TU. They were just not up quite enough.

Speaking of orange – Ok, it is a stretch. Oklahoma State? What was with those uniforms? They looked like those tacky uniforms TU and Tennessee wear when they do all white with a few orange stripes. You receive this week’s Bad Uniforms Award. But you did score a win against West Virginia.

The Good Uniforms Award and the win goes to Baylor. The bright green and gold combo looked good. Perhaps that is why the Mad Hatter Kansas Coach was still wearing shades at 9:30 at night. We know it is not because Kansas’ football future is so bright, he has to wear shades.

To the LSU Tigers, you receive The Flat Certificate because you looked flat on the field.  And you receive the Linda Rondast Award because Mississippi State Blew By You!

The largest group of awards goes to the Mississippi State University Bulldogs – The Welcome Wagon Award goes to Mike Leach. You might just find a home in the SEC. Wait until you play Florida. There might even been pirate ships.

State receives the Best Victory of the Day! Best Upset of the Day! Best Quarterback Performance of the Day! And last, Nobody Saw That Coming Award! Great victory to start the season!

Alabama rolled over Missouri 38-19. It was 28 to 3 at half time. Let’s give Bama the Looking Good Again Award. I know it is a small award, but I am sure there will be others and more meaningful ones as the season goes on.

Meanwhile at the same time and almost the same half-time on a different channel it was 7 to 5 going into the top of the 3rd between Texas A&M and Vanderbilt. VANDERBILT! The Rice and Stanford of the SEC!  The Aggies get the Back to Practice Award and Lackluster Performance Award!

If I were to give a Head Coaches’ Exploding Head Award, I would have given it to Jimbo Fisher of Texas A&M. But since I did not actually view his head exploding, I am unable to do so.

Instead I will give him the Julia Sugarbaker, Designing Women Award. This is because I imagine the half-time locker room opening comments to the two freshmen players went something like this:

“Listen, honey chile! Now what exactly were you thinking? This here is the SEC. And we don’t run the opening kick off out of the end zone. Ya hear me? In fact, no college football team runs the opening kickoff out of the end zone especially when you are ten yards deep INTO the endzone. OK Now? Are you listening?

Also, if your feet are on the 10-yard line when the other team is punting, we do not field it in the endzone giving the other team a safety!

And, if you EVER do it again, I will bench your sweet asses until there are splinters all the way up to your nasal passages.

Are we clear?”

Jimbo’s speech may have been shorter and louder and may have had some adjectives and maybe an expletive or two. So Jimbo gets the I Bet the Paint Peeled off the Locker Room Walls Half-time Speech Certificate.

But Aggies did limp to a victory 17 – 12. I wonder who they play next Saturday. Oh crap!

BTHO ALABAMA!

Saturday, September 26, 2020 – VOTE or Shut Up!

Saturday, September 26, 2020 – VOTE or Shut Up!

October 5, 2020 is the last day to register to vote in Texas for the November 3, 2020 election. Please ensure you are registered to vote. If you do not cast a ballot, you do not get to opine about the outcome. Note: Opine is a $5.00 word for whine.

https://www.votetexas.gov/register-to-vote/you-must-register-by.html

PLEASE VOTE AS IF OUR DEMOCRACY DEPENDS ON IT BECAUSE IT DOES!

Sing it Willie!

Friday, September 25, 2020 – Snarky Friday in the Official COVID Asterisk College Football Season*

Friday, September 25, 2020 – Snarky Friday in the Official COVID Asterisk College Football Season*

Welcome to the official COVID Asterisk College Football Season * We all know that whichever teams win whatever conferences and championships there will be an ASTERISK placed by their name. This due to the fact that players and coaches and other personnel are risking their assters by playing during a global pandemic. Some teams will play eight games; some will play nine; some will be postponed; some will be cancelled and so forth and so on. Like the virus, we just don’t know what will happen.

It is a season of reduced stadium capacities, cardboard fans, no tailgating, no bands and no cheer or yell leaders. Everybody on the sidelines will be wearing a mask. Referees will use their hand-held screeching device to signal starts and stops. This affords no spitting in the wind via blowing a whistle. With the presidential debates next week, I think the moderators should use a similar device. Maybe even a bull horn to shut the candidates up when their time expires.

Who plays whom and when?

The Breakfast Bunch of games at 11:00 AM are

  • Kansas State and Oklahoma on FOX in The Boomer Sooner Roll Over the Wildkats Bowl.
  • Florida and Ole Miss on ESPN in The Florida Scrimmage Bowl. It will be scrimmage for the Gators and not so much a game for the Rebels. Start the cocktails early in The Grove.
  • Kentucky and Auburn on the SEC Network in The Hill Billy Bowl. Enough said.

During the afternoon hours at the 2:30 time slot we find Mike Leach debuting as coach of the Mississippi State Bulldogs against the LSU Tigers in Baton Rouge. Watch for the Red Stick and Tigers to beat up Mike and the Bulldogs. Mikee, the stadium is called Death Valley for a reason and there are no pirates. GEAUX Tigers! Sorry, Elf and Big Solid.

Also at 2:30 we have THE University of Texas on the plains of Lubbock taking on Texas Tortilla Tech on FOX. Tech may not have a good season, but you can bet the Red Raiders will be up for Banjo Boy and the Longhorns. BEVO may catch a flying tortilla on his horns. 

West Virginia and Oklahoma State at 2:30 on ABC. Big time for the Cowboys and The Mountaineers. I hope the game is equally big time. Go Pokes!

The Georgia Bulldogs bring UGA, their mascot to meet Tusk the Razorback and the Hogs of Arkansas on the SEC Network – at least a virtual mascot meet. All mascots must wear masks and remain six feet apart. Lots of screaming red on the field, but the win goes to UGA big time.

It is now the evening and time for the big-time games. The evening starts with Alabama and Missouri on ESPN at 6:00. Saban’s Boys will roll the TIDE over Mizzu like a bulldozer on a black top tar road. If there were bands, the Alabama band could play the last quarter.

Baylor and Kansas on ESPNU at 6:30. PU is right. This will be a game of brightly colored team uniforms with low expectations. Come on. It’s Kansas. They play basketball.  Sic ‘Em, Bears!

My game of course will be Texas A&M and Vanderbilt on the SEC Alternate at 6:30. There will be no half-time performance by The Fighting Texas Aggie Band. In fact, the band will not even be in the stands. On Thursday evenings the band does a dress rehearsal and it is videoed. On game day, the percentage of fans allowed into Kyle Field and the cardboard fans will get to see the band on the big screen.

Friday’s Midnight Yell Practice is virtual. I am not certain how this is going to work. Am I supposed to stand in my living room, hump it and yell?

A! G! G! I! E! S! WHOOP! GIG ‘EM AGGIES! We shall see.

*****

WEAR THE MASK so this will be the only ASTERICK football season!

BTHO Vanderbilt!

*All games subject to COVID.

Tuesday, September 22, 2020 – VOTE!

Tuesday, September 22, 2020 – VOTE!

Your thought question for the day is:

Are you willing to sacrifice your single issue for the sake of democracy?

Back Yard in Austin

Monday, September 21, 2020 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, September 21, 2020 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Let’s start with the major college football award – The COVID Trophy. This goes to the teams who postponed, canceled and/or stayed home. This includes, Baylor, University of Houston, Charlotte, North Carolina, BYU and Army.

Other teams that we have little interest in all won big over their opponents, so I award them Wait Until You Play a Real Football Team Award. This begins next week.

Real football begins on Saturday with the six SEC schools of Alabama, Georgia, Florida, LSU, Auburn, and Texas A&M plus four other schools ranked in the top 10. Two from the Big 12 Conference and two teams from the ACC, if you count Notre Dame.

Why are former Blue Bloods like Notre Dame and THE University of Texas listed? Oh I remember, they only play teams like the Our Sisters of Perpetual Disappointment.

I see the Big 10 Conference has also decided to join the Road Trip to Whatever the Championship will look like. Nobody says snarky football better than SEC Shorts. Enjoy both.

The Road Trip

And Blue Bloods. How many days has it been TU?

Stay safe. Stay Strong. Wear a mask.

Friday, September 18, 2020 – Snarky Friday Returns

Friday, September 18, 2020 – Snarky Friday Returns

Never mind. I just looked at this Saturday’s college football games.  There is very little to snark about because I have no interest in any team playing.

Perhaps an exception to is Baylor and University of Houston. Throwback to the Southwest Conference. Sic ‘Em Bears! That is on FOX tomorrow at 11:00. At the same hour on ESPN there is Tulsa and Oklahoma State. Go Pokes!

And perhaps Stephen F. Austin and University of Texas @ San Antonio. This is interesting only if you attended either university or better if the parental unit graduated from SFA and the children graduated from the UTSA. PLUS there is 12-ounce beer and four quarters to the game.  Ax ‘Em Jacks. This is on ESPN3 for you streamers.

The one item to snark about is the majority of the LSU football players tested positive for COVID. Guess it hard to not party in Baton Rouge. HWIT – the winner of the SEC will be the healthiest team still on its feet in November.

Since there is so little snark, I devised another thought question for you.  Many of us are spending an extraordinary time in our homes. This leads to endless hours of time wasted by watching television.  Since March I have seen every episode on the Investigative Discovery (ID) Channel and am currently working on the OWN. FYI – They will always find you from the cameras at Walmart. And the spouse usually did it. But I digress.

The point is that we are watching television.  So here is your assignment.

Rank the following television commercials from one to four in terms of irritation and obnoxiousness with one being “it is only on for 30 seconds” and four “where is the damn remote mute button.”

  • Joe Namath hawking Medicare
  • William Shatner hawking the sleep machine cleaner
  • LiMu Emu and Doug hawking insurance – you may substitute the creepy fortune teller in the booth
  • Any commercial of your choice that deals with the release of bodily fluids or deals with bodily functions, including but not limited to your intestinal tract or your urinary tract

As you are ranking these television commercials, please notice that they all air just about the time you are sitting down to dinner.  

Until next Friday, when real football begins, have a nice weekend. Stay safe and wear your mask.

Tuesday, September 15, 2020 – ZOOM!

Tuesday, September 15, 2020 – ZOOM!

Good Morning Class to those of you who have sufficient access and bandwidth. FYI – I told you in 2012 in my last Doctor Hat professional job, when I wrote the report to the United States Congress, that there was not enough bandwidth in the 50 states and Us territories to provide sufficient and equal online/distance learning.  Google me.

During these wicked times, it is important to keep one’s mind sharp and active. Therefore, I have prepared some activities for you. There is no time limit.

  1. If Train A leaves the station travelling at 65 miles per hour and Train B leaves the station traveling at 85 miles per hour in the opposite direction, how many glasses of wine can you drink before the two trains collide?
  2. John, Jane, Jeff, and Joan are each holding a coin. John’s coin is larger in cents than Joan’s. Joan’s coin is larger in cents than Jeff’s. But Jane’s family owns the liquor store so who do you like best?
  3. The radius of a 12-inch circle is the length of the line from the center to any point on the circle. What is your favorite kind of pizza?
  4. Which one of these objects do not belong?
    1. Wine
    1. Wine
    1. Wine
    1. Spinach
  5. Diagram the following sentence.
    1. “When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to Separation.”

Answers are due by midnight tonight.

Homework

Stay safe. Wear your mask.

And the wildfires – I have many friends in California and Oregon. I have heard from families in California who are safe, but the air is unbreathable, and they are unable to go outdoors. I have not heard from my Oregon friends, but one of the towns in Oregon where a friend lives has been in the news because it was destroyed.

Also, I have friends in the path of Hurricane Sally.

So please do your Deity and think of them and all of the others in Mother Nature’s wrath.

Monday, September 14, 2020 – The COVID Monday after College Football Awards

Monday, September 14, 2020 – The COVID Monday after College Football Awards

While it is true that Here’s What I’m Thinking has been in semi-quarantine (grocery store and gym), the truer reason is this. It is so dang hard to be happy and cheerful during The COVID Era. But perhaps the return of college football will spark some energy.

The awards usually follow a Snarky Friday about teams, but it just didn’t seem appropriate since last Friday was 9/11. Nineteen years later I still remember every detail from the moment the American Airlines plane I was on sat down in New Orleans until I reached Austin.

But let me see if I have any awards to hand out.

Let’s begin with an award that goes to every team that played. May I present you with the It Shows That There Was No Spring Practice Award. Most teams looked as though they would have difficulty against Our Sisters of the Perpetually Poor. Games were filled with false starts, illegal motions, lack of timing and favorite poor tackling.

The Blow-Out/Upset Award goes to each winning school in the Big 12 Conference. As in previous years, there are only ten universities and only four are located in Texas.

But if your Big 12 school won, it was a blow out. If your Big 12 lost, it was an upset. Better luck next week.

There is no Poopy Undies Award because games were not really close in score. Oh wait. Let’s give a Poopy Undies Award to Tortilla Tech who barely beat Houston Baptist 35 to 33. Houston Baptist? Nobody goes to HB to play football.

The award for No Spittle in the Air goes to the referee crews who used some kind of whistling gadget that when a button is pushed a shrill whistling sound can be heard in the next county. This was used rather than whistles to avoid spit droplets. (Most used a Fox 40 Classic – you can get one at your Walmart)

I would be remiss if I did not give The Cardboard Fan Cut Out Award to each team.  Strange, but less booing of teams and referees,

However, the best award goes to B. J. Forester formerly of THE University of Texas at Austin. Mr. Forester receives the “Not ‘til Gabriel Blows His Horn for Me Award” for leaving the game and quitting the team in the third quarter.

Perhaps next week’s games will be more exciting. Bad football is better than no football. We can continue to wait until real college football season begins when the SEC plays. It just means more.

Stay safe. Wear a mask.