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With all due respect to Elizabeth Gilbert, Julia Roberts, my friends I went with to see the movie and the millions who found comfort in the book, Eat, Pray & Love.

I got the message – the need to find yourself.  What did not come across clearly in the movie was the intense difficulty in doing so. Granted, I did not – OK could not – read the book. I tried. And not just once. I just do not read that genre of books. Part of the finding yourself process is finding the process for yourself.  I don’t want anyone to provide a process for me to try.  It is my life and therefore it must be my process.

Just because my favorite food is Mexican does not mean that I am going to live in Mexico for an extended period of time. That would be called “Eat, Shoot & Vamos.”

Mine would more likely be called Eat, Drink & Sleep as evidenced by a disappropriate number of red wine bottles in the recycle bucket compared to the number of permanent occupants. Besides I have done the eat, pray & love in less than 24 hours and much cheaper than traveling to three countries.

What I don’t get is the merchandise exploitation. Did you know the Home Shopping Network had 72 non-stop hours of EPL merchandise the day the movie opened?  I bet gay men were giddy with their American Express cards.

You could order shower gels from all three countries.  I don’t want to smell like Italian ice cream.  I really do not want to smell like any fragrance or aroma from India. In playing word association, when one says “India” I still think of Slum Dog Millionaire.

I do not want an EPL dream journal or an EPL pillow case to put it under. Nor do I want a bracelet with different colored crystals – one for each country. I am certain I do not need those items to find myself.  A good friend, a bottle of wine and time usually does the trick.  If that doesn’t work there is always therapy.

Here is one thing I did like about the book.  She got somebody else to pay for the trip while she went and found herself. That I could do.

http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/

WELCOME BACK STUDENTS!

Correction. Make that “Welcome Back Student” since I am the only student in The As Yet Unnamed Home School of One (AYUHSOO). Based on popular demand, as opposed to unpopular demand, AYUHSOO is back in session. Like most of the schools in Texas today is our first day back to school.

To refresh your memory shortly after my retirement of 33 years of education I decided I would open my own home school. I have almost all of the necessary credentials to run a school. I have a LIFETIME Texas teaching certificate and mid-management certificate. So I can be both teacher and campus administrator.

I am G/T trained and I am Technology Applications certified and ESL certified; I have scored – We don’t call it GRADING – TAKS tests.

I have a United States Passport, a Texas driver’s license and a Texas motorcycle license. I am a life-long learner.

I realize I am, and forever will be, nine hours shy of obtaining my superintendency certificate. However, I do know some who recently received such as certificate and I am certain the necessary legal issues for consulting could be obtained should the need for a superintendent arise.

Before I continue I must provide this disclaimer: I am not currently, nor have I ever been employed by Williamson County.  It’s a little Travis county inside joke.

So where have I been and what have I done?

I was a foreign exchange student studying on the little known island off the coast of Lethargy called Hammock. I was there on a fellowship studying at The University of Boredum.

One of my classes was horticulture and gardening. However, due to circumstances beyond my control my final report was called The Dingo Ate My Baby and the Deer Ate My Hibiscus.  My $25.00, allegedly deer resistance hibiscus that had 13 blooms on it.

I studied birding and rodents that live in trees.  While I did somewhat better in combination bird and squirrel feeder course unfortunately, Urban Bambi ate this too. Next summer I plan to enroll in Urban Bambi and The B. B. Gun with a grant from PETA.

However, I did do better in the horticultural department on my next attempt.  As you can see these blooms are environmentally safe, self sustaining, and extraordinary cost effective.

These are called the Fighting Texas Aggie Daisies. This one is just called fall flowers.

My schedule for schoolthis time is: Golf; Current Events;  PE WII; Independent Study

Notice there are no times or days. The AYUHSOO is one of those uber liberal arts types schools. Classes begin when the student arrives. However check back for Day Two at the AYUHSOO when the student critiques the movie,  Eat. Pray and Love. Other activities this year include actually naming the school and the selection of a mascot. I hope you will come back for those too.  Constituent input will be needed.

Bet They Wish They Had This Back

The day after Tiger’s accident and media onslaught, I received my January 2010 copy of Golf’s Digest.

Here’s what I’m thinking

Michelle Obama: “Let me just mention one name to you, Barack. One name! Loreena Bobbit. And THAT is change you do NOT want. Now get back out there and save the world.”

Here’s Mud In Your Eye – Or On Your Feet in This Case

“Here’s mud in your eye”– a cliché noting a toasting of beverages and with biblical connotations http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_origin_of_here%27s_mud_in_your_eye “Your name is Mudd – a metaphor of disgracing yourself and hence your name,” allegedly after Dr. Mudd who set John Wilkes’ Booth broken leg after the assassination of Lincoln.

Now you can add “Here’s mud on your feet.”  And between your toes and other body places the general public does not want to know about.

Of course you can only talk about recent mud on your feet if you attended Austin’s ACL Festival http://www.aclfestival.com/default.aspx and were not in one of the recent South Pacific tsunamis. The ACL Festival is a large music festival with ACL referring to Austin City Limits and not an festival of people with knee injuries.

It is ironic that I live in the self-proclaimed Live Music Capital of the World. The last live concert I attended was The Grateful Dead in Mountain View, California in some year.  Deadheads recognize the significance of the Mountain View venue and are saying a dreamy, nostalgic, “Wow. Dude. Cool.” The same Deadheads also know if you can remember when you saw The Grateful Dead, you probably weren’t really there.

However, I do know that it has been many years since I have attended a live, outdoor concert.  It is not about the music.  I just do not want to share the experience with the unwashed masses. I do not care if the couple dancing in front of me is my attorney and his wife and the couple chilling out in back is my doctor and her husband.  Human packed concerts, sitting on a blanket on hard ground, drinking ten dollar beers eyeing far away tin cans for collecting bodily wastes scare me.

So I take little interest in the ACL Festival held in Austin other than what is in the media about it. Aside from the 130+ bands, representing almost every genre of music, the 65,000+ attendees/per day, (that would be the unwashed and unknown masses) and of course the millions of dollars it brings to the city of Austin, it is Mother Nature who provides the most excitement to the Festival.

September usually brings a break in temperatures for Austin.  Historically the humidity levels decrease and the temperature highs average a relatively pleasant 88 degrees. Since the first ACL Fest eight years ago the temperature average high has been 97 with a cool 90 degrees in 2006. Low Humidity only refers to a band about to take a stage so conditions are hot and sticky temperatures.

The ACL Fest of 2005 not only brought a temperature of 108 degrees, it brought the reenactment of the Dust Bowl as the grounds turned to dust as the winds picked up. Participants were seen, at least the ones you could see in the wall cloud of dust, singing along to their favorite tunes from behind the bandanas covering their mouths.

ACL worked with the City of Austin to install a massive irrigation system for the grounds in Zilker Park to eliminate dust concerns during the Festival. But Festival organizers did not want to move the Festival to October due to conflicts with hotel room availability on UT football weekends, increased chance of rain, and the reduced chance of booking bands on summer tour.

However, in 2009 organizers did move the Festival to the first week in October. And it rained. And rained and rained. Granted, given the drought Central Texas is experiencing, no one was really complaining about the rain.  But the three days of gentle, but near constant rain turned the grounds of the ACL Fest into a mud pit.  And not just any old mud pit, but an environmentally designed mud pit.

At first glance slip, sliding in the mud and having a good time looks fun. Granted, I would have to be 40 years younger and drunk, but it did bring a wistful smile. But shortly after photographs of mud covered concert goers appeared in stories across the state, it was announced that the mud covering the grounds of Zilker Park is Dillo Dirt – Austin’s trademarked COMPOST!!! It is made up of “All yard trimmings collected curbside across the city, as well as some of our treated sewage sludge, are combined and composted to create Dillo Dirt.” http://www.ci.austin.tx.us/water/dillo.htm The people said the grounds literally smelled like being in a muddy cow pasture.  A great big pasture.

So  “Here’s to mud on your feet.” And between your toes and other places the general public does not want to know about.  But don’t worry according to the city there are no health dangers. The Dillo Dirt website says “Dillo Dirt^TM easily meets all Texas and EPA requirements for “unrestricted” use, which even includes vegetable gardens.” So do not be concerned that the mud you wallowed in was composted with treated sewage.  I am sure that rash on your arms and legs and those other places will go away soon.

When is next year’s festival? The second weekend in October.  Bring your waders and mud boots. Tickets are on sale now.