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Monday, October 25, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 25, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Another week of college football is in the books. And there were some doozies!

Will the following teams’ representatives please go the West Exit door to receive your Poopy Undies Certificates? There are so many teams that receive this former Trophy that I have had to go to brown paper certificates.

Let’s give the Midshipman of Navy the Almost Upset Award while Cincinnati receives a Rally Award for having to come from behind. Navy 20 Cincinnati 27.

Let give The Exhaustion Award to Penn State and Illinois. It took NINE, yes 9 Overtimes for Henry Blake’s alma mater to beat Penn State 20 to 18.

To the Oklahoma Sooners I award The Bullwinkle Award in honor of Bullwinkle’s alma mater – WhatsAMatter U? What was the matter? It was KANSAS! Nevertheless, Rock Chalk Jayhawk wins an Almost Upset Award too. 35 to 23

Wake Forest and Army both take home the No Defense Detected Award. Wake Forest 70 and Army 56.

Ole Miss 31 LSU 17. Poor Tigers! Better Call PETA Award. Also, note that the border between Louisiana and Texas is closed for all head coaching recruits.

Mississippi State beat Vanderbilt 45 to 6. I’m giving Vanderbilt the Courage for Even Showing Up Award. Vanderbilt football always reminds me of that commercial where the little kid in the green shirt gets to run for a touchdown.

Texas A&M 44 and South Carolina 14. – The Ags receive SCORE and SCORE MORE AWARD! I think the fourth depth chart players were playing the fourth quarter. The Aggies also receive the Early Bird Bye Award.

THE UNIVERSITY of Texas in Austin won their Bye Week. I think the Horns should count it as a win – especially this season. Only two more games and you will be bowl eligible. Maybe you will get that bowl game in Frisco, Texas. It is the Tropical Smoothie Café Bowl. Maybe the Cheez It Bowl?

Alabama 52 and Tennessee 24 – Rocky Top swamped again. I award The One Award to Alabama. There is ONE team that beat you.

The Best Award for a Beer Pong Halftime Performance goes to the Michigan Band who trolled their next opponent Ohio State. Love the bounces.

Friday, October 22, 2021 – Snarky Friday MASH and The Halloween Game

Friday, October 22, 2021 – Snarky Friday MASH and The Halloween Game

I was working in the lab late one night

When my eyes beheld an eerie sight

For my monster from his slab, began to rise

And suddenly to my surprise

He did the monster mash

It was a graveyard mash,

It caught on in a flash

He did the monster mash.

It is not quite Halloween, but it is close enough for government work. Plan for some monster mash games this weekend.

One mash already went down on Wednesday with Number 14 Coast Carolina losing to Appalachian State 27 to 30. I keep telling the Chanticleers that teal is just not a good football color.

Lots of games at 11:00 am.

ESPN 2 – a Mash UP between Cincinnati and Navy. Poor Navy. Prepare to abandon ship.

ESPN – Oklahoma and Kansas – The wind will be whipping down the plans for this MASH Up.

CBSSN – Wake Forest and Army – More like  M*A*S*H.

No team in the Big 12 is worth watching this week. With the exception of Oklahoma State and Iowa State at 2:30 on Fox these games will all be mashed and one opponent will blow out the other one.

Never worth watching at 6:30 on NBC – aka the Notre Dame Network – we have USC and Notre Dame. I always like it when the Trojans play the Catholics. There is just something funny about it. Go Greek.

The game to watch in the afternoon is LSU and Ole Miss at 2:30 on CBS. Mute Motor Mouth Gary Danielson and watch the Tigers and the Rebels. Kiffen is bringing his popcorn and a good record. But all records are thrown out the window when this game is played. Hotty Toddy!

Even though it is no longer played on October 30, it is still be The Halloween Game. This clip is played on the radio and local TV through out Louisiana all day until kick off. Here’s to the late Billy Cannon and the late Donnie Daye (who threw the block to spring Billy down the sidelines and my first cousin). May your ghosts haunt Kiffen and the Rebels all night long. GEAUX Tigers!

The University of Texas at San Antonio plays Louisiana Tech. There is no TV coverage, but it is always nice to snark on THE University of Texas at Austin. BTW, the Roadrunners are last at number 25 in the top 25. THE Other Mother University is not ranked.

Texas A&M and South Carolina 6:30 SECN. Hopefully, this will be another MASH up as the Aggies look forward to an off week.

Start the evening with Tennessee at Alabama at 6:00 on ESPN. Tennessee fans are requested to prepare for a body search upon entering the stadium. No golf balls will be  allowed in the stadium. Stadium personnel will hand out mustard in small packets. The Alabama women’s field hockey team will be armed with nets along the sidelines to catch any stray water bottles. The Alabama men’s lacrosse team will be standing with nets to catch beer cans that may be thrown.

I hope your team wins!

BTHO South Carolina

Monday, October 18, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 18, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

It was another wild weekend in college football. Most were good and exciting games until the Hillbillies from Tennessee did not like a fourth down call and proceeded to turn Neyland Stadium into a recycling center and embarrass the SEC.

But it is Monday so here are my awards for Week Seven of college football season.

Shhh! Whisper. I am giving the Volunteers of Tennessee the Rocky Top Riot Award for the H20 Water Bottle Bowl for Horrible Sportsmanship. If I come up short, do not tell them, because they might throw golf balls and/or beer cans, water bottles and bottles of mustard. I’m going to go with the brown stuff in the water bottles as Skoal tobacco. Ole Miss 31 Tennessee 26

Continuing with throwing things  – The Fun While It At #2 Lasted trophy goes to Iowa for losing to unranked Purdue. Purdue 24 Iowa 7. The Boilermaker Award goes to the Purdue fan who tossed a Bud Lite beer to a Purdue player who proceeded to douse himself. Note: who has a full beer at the end of a game? Same type individual that carries golf balls to a game.

BYU Baylor 24 38 – The Waco Welcome Wagon Award goes to the BYU Mormonite Cougars as Baylor welcomed the team to the Big 12 with a resounding defeat of 38 to 24 to round out Baylor homecoming. I award a You Still Got It Award to Robert Griffith III. While leading the Good Ole Baylor line on the field, he was jogging along, waving to the crowd, waving back to his wife, when he realized a student was about to overtake him. RGIII turned on the jets and barely beat the kid to break the tape.

Texas A&M 35 Mizoo 14 – The Aggies do receive the Show Me Award because the Ags did continue to show us improvement.

Oklahoma State 32 Texas 24 – To THE University of Texas Longhorns, I award the Silver Anniversary Award. The last time the Burnt Orange lost two games in a row after leading by double digits was 25 years ago. Please know TU that officials are working on your SEC schedule. So far, based on your Big 12 play this year, your SEC schedule consists of Vanderbilt, Missouri, South Carolina, Maybe Florida, University of Connecticut, and OU.

The Bust Your Bubble Award goes to the Kentucky Wildcats losing to Georgia 13 to 30. When does basketball season start Kentucky?

Alabama 49 Mississippi State 9 – To the Rolling Tide you receive the We’re BACK from Our Lapse Award!

LSU 49 Florida 42 – The Surprise Victory and Goodbye Award goes to LSU. To Coach Ed Orgeron, we wish you the best next season. To LSU alumni –  DO NOT DARE CROSS THAT STATE LINE AND COME AFTER JIMBO. Remember, TAMU is still a military school. Not to mention our gun laws in Texas.

Friday, October 14, 2021 – It’s Snarky Friday and College Football by Snarky and the Snarketts

Friday, October 14, 2021 – It’s Snarky Friday and College Football by Snarky and the Snarketts

Dr. Snark just returned from the eye doctor where she got her eyes checked. I always ask for plaid, but it is always checked.

Having said that, today I am pretending I am a zebra shirted referee and unable to see or read the rule book. However, in a couple of hours my pupils will be normal sized again and I can see clearly. I cannot make that statement for tomorrow’s referees.

But moving onward…

Our first Snark is Remembrance of the Divine Kick that will last in video and memories for decades. – Alabama 38 – Texas A&M 41

Poor Clemson is relegated to Friday night and plays Syracuse tonight at 6:00 on ESPN. A great orange battle contest for mediocrity.

Once again, the really good football games are at 11:00 AM. I bet this is because the Major League Baseball players are happening. So go Astros. Beat the Red Sox. Don’t cheat this time!

Kicking the pigskin at 11:00 we have a multitude of games.

THE University of Texas and Oklahoma State at 11:00 on Fox. Go Pokes! The Flagship schools of Oklahoma 2; The Flagship of Texas 0. OSU is undefeated. What is your record, TU?

Texas A&M and Missouri are on SECN at 11:00. Do not let the Spirit drop. Missouri is the Show Me State and Aggies must show me (and the rest of college football) that they are for real.

Auburn and Arkansas at 11:00 on CBS. This could be good. A battle for a respectable place in the conference and maybe a decent bowl game. Go Hogs!

UCF and Cincinnati 11:00 on ABC  These Bearkats are fun to watch. Great uniforms in red threads. The Big 12 should be scared.

Florida is at LSU on ESPN at 11:00. Tiger tiger, burning not so bright this year. But hey – a rivalry is a rivalry. Florida is wearing all orange??? What??? That could be ugly – not to mention the outcome for LSU. It’s a really hot seat for LSU Coach Orgeron. But I’m sure Urban Meyer might be available soon.

At Baylor and BYU – BYU gets a vision of Life in the Big 12. I am having visions that there will be a dunking in the Brazos. The Norman Tap and Apple Choir will not sing in McClane Stadium. ESPN at 2:30.

Georgia and Kentucky at 2:30 on CBS. We get to see if Kentucky is for real. I don’t think so. Georgia will be on everybody’s mind until January 2022.

Alabama visits Starkville and Mississippi State. Kick off is at 6:00 on ESPN. I would not want to be State in this contest. The Crimson in Crimson Tide is for embarrassment.

Ole Miss and Tennessee 6:30 SECN – I wonder what the climate is like in the Manning families when these two teams play. Fourth Down Go For It, Kiffen returns to Tennessee. Volunteers were not happy when he stayed for one season and then left for USC. Rocky Top remembers Lane! PS Lane. I’ve got my popcorn and the microwave is plugged in. Pop goes the Rebels!

Welcome Fall Temperatures. It is supposed to be in the mid 50’s in the morning. Texans are pulling out their sweaters.

BTHO Missouri!

Monday October 11, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday October 11, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

It’s close to midnight
Something evil’s lurking from the dark

Under the moonlight
You see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream
But terror takes the sound before you make it

You start to freeze
As horror looks you right between the eyes
You’re paralysed

‘Cause this is thriller
Thriller night
And no-one’s gonna save you
From the beast about to strike
You know it’s thriller
Thriller night
You’re fighting for your life
Inside a killer
Thriller tonight, yeah

We are still two weeks away from Halloween, but last Saturday’s games were indeed worthy of THRILLER!

I ran out of Poopy Undies Awards before the evening games kicked off. So all teams pick up a pair.

Arkansas 51 and Ole Miss 52. No OT for the pigs. So The Disappointment Award goes to the Hogs for their unsuccessful two-point conversion attempt. To Ole Miss Coach, Lane Kiffen I give the Eventually Fourth Down Award. When you attempt multiple fourth down plays eventually one will result in a First Down. I am still giving Ole Miss and Lane the Popcorn Award and the Unpopped Kernels Award.

Oklahoma 55 and THE University of Texas 48. The Overrated Disappointment Award goes to THE University of Texas. It is OK, TU, Vanderbilt is in the SEC. Also, Wake Forest and Coastal Carolina are ahead of you in the Top 25. I am giving myself a laughing award.

To the BIG 12 I award the SCORE Award. With the exception of West Virginia and Texas Tech, every team in the Big 12 scored over forty-five points.

I award the Johnny Fever Award for “living on the air in Cincinnati at WKRP” to the Cincinnati Bearkats.  Do Baylor and Texas Tech know that Cincinnati is moving the Big 12?

To all teams that won I award the Big Play of the Day and Playground Football Award. Go long and I will throw the ball to you is the name of the play.

And now, a drum roll please…

It was EPIC. It was DEVINE. It was AWESOME! It was HISTORY MAKING.

From the Jimbo Auto Parts Store and Home School, I award the Alabama Crimson Tide the Shock Absorber Award. This Award is also called The Damper. Since a shock absorber is often called a damper, the Texas Aggies certain put a damper on the Tide’s hopes and dreams.

I award the Alabama Special Teams The Linda Ronstadt Award because Devon Achane blew by you on the ninety-six yard kickoff return for a touchdown.

The Aggies are awarded The LIVE Schrodinger’s Cat Award. This should make the remaining teams nervous because you do not know if the cat will exit the box or not.

Seth Small receives The Cole Porter Award because We Got a Kick Out of You as time expired.

And Zach Calzada receives The Johnny Manziel Award for becoming the second Aggie QB to beat Alabama.

To the Fighting Texas Aggies everywhere, I award the Storming of the Field Award. Trust me, nobody cares if the NCAA fine is $25,000 or $250,000 or even $1,000,000 for field storming. It was so worth it.

The Sea of Victory

Friday, October 8, 2021 – Snarky Friday College Football

Friday, October 8, 2021 – Snarky Friday College Football

From Famous Flop Songs

There’re be a hot hot time in Lakehurst, New Jersey when the Hindenburg lands today.

Well the Hindenburg busted in Kyle Field last weekend, thus making the most anticipated, most wanted, most desired football game of the season MOOT!

MOOT MOOT! Texas A&M v Alabama at 7:00 on CBS. NOOOO! Not Motor Mouth, Gary Danielson calling the game??? He hates both the TIDE and the Aggies. I feel certain the feelings are mutual.

If the Aggies win the toss to start the game, I will count that as a victory. The only thing we can hope for is a mild case of food poisoning going through the first team offense and first team defense.

However, the one thing that Alabama should be concerned about is: Once again, Schrodinger, You don’t know if the cat is dead or alive. However, we’ll know after the first offensive or the first defensive series.

Who at network programming scheduled all of these games at 11:00? He or she needs to be fired! They obviously have never experienced the night before a football game.

Maryland and Ohio State at 11:00 on Fox. Way too early in the day to see your ugly helmets.

West Virginia at Baylor at 11:00 on FS1. Sic ‘Em Bears. Mildly entertaining, but again, Ugly Uniforms could be in play. (HA – Get it! In Play?)

South Carolina at Tennessee on ESPN2 at 11:00. Boring.

Vanderbilt  at Florida at 11:00 SECN – Pitifully boring. Is there a seventy point rule?

Here are THE games to ready your screens.

Oklahoma and THE University of Texas at 11:00 on ABC in The Red River Rivalry or The Red River Showdown. This game used to be called The Red River Shoot Out, but the two states began to take the term literally. Dallas area bars and watch parties will be rocking as far away as Plano and Frisco.

Arkansas and Ole Miss at 11:00 on ESPN – Got your popcorn ready, Lane? Don’t forget to plug in the microwave.

Georgia plays Auburn at 2:30 on CBS. Oooh! Maybe Gary D will call this one, fall down and sprain his mouth and have to go to the hospital.

TCU is on the plains playing Tortilla Tech at 6 on ESPN. No comment.

Temple and Cincinnati at ESPN at 6:00. Is Temple a Jewish institution? Or is it named after Shirley?

LSU at Kentucky at 6:30 on SECN. LSU and TAMU in the Independence Bowl?

Notre Dame at Virginia Tech 6:30 on ACCN – I want to see the Hokie Pokie all four quarters in hopes that all that glitters is not those gold helmets.

Nevertheless, The 12th Man would like to say WELCOME TO THE ALABAMA TIDE! Please know it will be the loudest welcome you have this season. Bring your ear plugs!

BTHO ALABAMA!

Friday, October 1, 2021 – Happy First of October and Happy Snarky Friday – Week Five

Friday, October 1, 2021 – Happy First of October and Happy Snarky Friday – Week Five

Good Day. I am here today with Dr. Sheldon Cooper in the theoretical physics building. We are going to have a thought experiment. That makes us a paradox. And today we open our snark as a paradox with the Texas Aggies playing Mississippi State at 6:00 on the SECN.

For this game, the Aggies are Schodinger’s Team. In the thought experiment, devised by physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935, (while talking to his buddy, Al Einstein) a hypothetical cat is placed in a box with random poison and the box is closed. Therefore the cat may be considered both alive and dead as a result of a random event that may or may not occur.  One does not know for certain until the box is opened. We just do not know if the cat is alive or dead until it takes the field Saturday night. So that’s the gist from the physicist.

Mississippi State brings Mike Leach back to Texas. And no, I don’t think any place in Texas wants him back. So make sure he on the bus out of College Station.

I have a family affair with Baylor visiting Oklahoma State in Daddy Boone Stadium. It’s on ESPN2 at 6:00. If the cat is dead at the Aggie game, I will watch.

But long before that kickoff we have a sea of red with a rising Arkansas team playing Georgia at 11:00 on ESPN. Are the pigs real? Or will UGA have a special bacon-flavored treat for lunch. We shall see if the Hogs can run Between the Hedges on Vince Dooley Field. 

Also at that time slot, THE University of Texas plays TCU on ABC at 11:00. The game is in Fort Worth on the Amon G. Carter Field. To the Horns – do not try to plant a burnt orange flag on the 50 yard line if you win. It did not go well last week when SMU tried it.

Oklahoma plays Kansas State on FOX at 2:30. OU? If you blow this one, your invite to the SEC might be revoked.

The biggest game of the week belongs to Ole Miss and Alabama. The kickoff is at 2:30 on CBS – The announcers are once again, Motor Mouth Gary Daniels and that other person. They already win a MUTE Award on Monday.

The Ole Miss Coach, Lane Kiffin, sounds like a character from Harry Potter. Now we get to see if he really is a wizard and will be the first student to beat the master. Please ensure your emergency kits are ready for this one, complete with sweet, salty, alcohol, chocolate, antacids, and cussing jar, with rolls of coins and clean underwear.

Are You Ready?

Hell Yeah! Damn Right!

Hotty Toddy, Gosh Almighty,

Who The Hell Are We? Hey!

Flim Flam, Bim Bam

Ole Miss By Damn!

______________________________

When I say Ala, then you say Bama.

When I say Tusca, then you say Loosa.

When I say Bear, then you say Bryant.

When I say Nick, then you say Saban.

When I say ROLL, then you say TIDE.

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer. Give ’em hell, Alabama.

I will be pulling for the TIDE because I do not want them arriving at Kyle Field next Saturday pissed off. That damn cat better be alive Saturday night, Jimbo. Just saying!

BTHO MISSISSIPPI STATE!

Big Solid? If there is a linebacker interception on either side, there will be a Big Solid Award!

Monday, September 27, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football – Week Four

Monday, September 27, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football – Week Four

Why do you build me up, Buttercup, Baby, just to let me down?

Oh Baby, Why Baby? Why Baby? Why Baby Why? You make me cry, Baby, cry Baby, cry Baby Cry...

I’m still singing those songs and other funeral dirges.

My first Award today is the Celeste Award.  It goes to the Texas Aggies – formerly known as the Fighten Texas Aggies. It is named after my friend, Celeste, who is 102 years old and said quite accurately that the Aggies played like “Ned, in the First Reader!” That colloquialism means “not experienced, lacking knowledge, skill or wisdom gained from experience.” So here’s to all the Neds wearing maroon and white. For goodness’s sake, it was your FOURTH game! Texas A&M 10 and Arkansas 20. Not even close, you Ned Heads! Whenever you play in Dallas, you succumb to Dallas voodoo and then play like doo doo.

Joining the Aggies taking home the Disappointment Award are the Clemson Tigers. Clemson falls after losing 27 to 21 to North Carolina State in double overtime.  Could there be an Alamo Bowl for the Aggies and the Tigers?

OU 16 and West Virginia 13. Oklahoma wins a Poopy Undies and The Lost Heisman Award by kicking a game ending field goal to win. I also throw in an Ugly Win Trophy. Once again, the begging question – are you sure you are ready for the SEC?

Also receiving a Poopy Undies Awards are both Auburn and Georgia State. Auburn Autumn Bird comes from behind to win 34 to 24.

While we are at it, let’s give the Dogs of Mississippi State and the Tigers of LSU a pair of Poopy Underwear. See you next week State. We might be playing for a spot in the Tropical Smoothie Café Frisco Bowl in boring Frisco, Texas.

To the Baylor Bears I have several awards. First, a Kudos Award for knocking off the Cyclones of Iowa State 31 to 29. The Kudos Award comes with a Way to Go, Bears! Banner. The Bears also receive the Ugly Uniforms Award because you looked like a bunch of animated bananas.

I do have an Exploding Head Coach Award this week. It goes to Iowa State coach, Matt Campbell. He exploded over a referee’s call and peppered him with colorful language.

Seriously, Coach, I do not think it was wise to scream descriptions of the play as a gerund of sexual intercourse with male bovine feces while in Waco. Just because you are in Texas does not mean you can talk about bull poo poo.

The rest of the games were blowouts and receive a Rout and Trounce Award. If your team scored more than 50 points against the opponent, please pick up your award at the end of the half and put in the women’s field hockey team for the remainder of the game.

But as a loyal 12th Man I faithfully say about the Aggies…

“I’ve seen them play since way back when,
And they’ve always had the grit;
I’ve seen ‘em lose and I’ve seen ‘em win,
But I’ve never seen ‘em quit.”

So we ain’t quitting. And it is going to be ear drum busting loud in Kyle Field.

Meanwhile. Stay safe. Get the vaccine.

Friday, September 24, 2021 – Snarky Friday – Week 4

Friday, September 24, 2021 – Snarky Friday – Week 4

I apologize for Snarky Friday being delayed. I was outside checking on the pig that I am roasting in the back yard for tomorrow. It was time to turn it on the spit. I was listening to TUSK by Fleetwood Mac and just lost track of time.

Why don’t you ask him if he’s going to stay?
Why don’t you ask him if he’s going away?
Ay…
Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?
Why don’t you tell me who’s on the phone?
O-o-o
Why don’t you ask him what’s going on?
Why don’t you ask him the latest on his throne?
Hooga haaga hooga

Let’s start with the 11:00 hour and conference openers for:

SMU and TCU at 11:00 on FS1 – Ponies and Frogs and Rich Kids remember the Southwest Conference Days.

LSU and Mississippi State at 11:00 on ESPN – This could be an interesting match up between the cats and dogs. A fight for third place in the conference could be on the line.

Texas Tech and THE University of Texas at 11:00 on ABC. BEVO gets a tortilla stuck to his horn. Horns Up! And Guns Up! You really need to think about that Guns Up thing, but hey it’s Texas.  When was the last time, Tech came into the game with a better record? As painful as it is for me to say it, Wreck ‘Em, Tech!

Notre Dame and Wisconsin at 11:00 on Fox.  Stand up, Badgers and sing! And raise our glowing flame. This version of the song makes me want to grab a pennant, throw on a racoon coat, jump in a flivver and travel back in time to the 1920’s.

Clemson at NC State 2:30 ESPN – Oh Dabo. Oh Dabo. You really need to take care of the Wolf Pack.

Iowa State at Baylor at 2:30 on Fox – Cyclones on the Brazos at McClain Stadium. Sic ‘Em Bears! There have miracles on the Brazos before.

The evening hours are filled with many games. Here are two. You can Google ESPN as well as I can.

Alabama and Southern Mississippi at 6:30 at SECN. Ohh. The Tide Rolls in; The Tide Rolls out; The Tide Rolls in and they shake it all about. They do the Hokey Pokey, and they turn themselves around; That’s what it’s all about.

At 6:00 Tennessee visits the Swamp in Florida on ESPN. It might be rough for Rocky Top. CHOMP!

I’m sorry. The porkchops, bacon and ham that I ordered arrived. The pork loin and pork sausages should arrive soon.

Texas A&M Arkansas at 2:30 CBS. Why don’t you ask him the latest on his throne? Now seeking the latest on the throne we have The Average Texas Aggies against the pretty scary Arkansas Razorbacks. The fact that the game is in Arlington at Jerry World does not give either team a distinct advantage.

Oh Bull Crap! The game is on CBS. That means Motor Mouth Gary Danielson and the other poor guy who is trying to call the game. I thought the SEC got rid of you, CBS?

The live mascot for Arkansas is Tusk 5. A tusk is defined as a long, pointed tooth, especially one specially developed so as to protrude from the closed mouth, as in the elephant, walrus, or wild boar. So basically, the Arkansas mascot is a tooth on a wild boar with the tooth hanging out his mouth. This says a great deal about teeth in people and animals of Arkansas. The University of Arkansas does not have a dental school.

Before I go check on the roasting pig, I must pack my emergency kit for tomorrow’s game. Little Football that plays War Hymn. Damn It Doll. Plastic quart container for cussing (a dime for a single word and a quarter for multisyllable words), Five rolls of dimes and five rolls of quarters, Four Pepto-Bismol chewables. Four Peppermint-flavored Tums. Four pair clean underwear. One/quarter. One small oxygen tank, and these – Also one/quarter.

BTHO Arkansas and we shall see what the Aggies are really made of.

Monday, September 20, 2021 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, September 20, 2021 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Our first award this week is the Welcome to Aggieland Award. It goes to the numerous newcomers of the Brazos Valley who posted their fears on the Neighborhood Watch app when “Four 4 F 15 fighter jets, armed with missiles, just flew over. What is happening?” And a special award to those who replied, “You must be new. It is the Aggie flyover. It’s Aggie football weekend.” And especially to the Air Force brat who posted, “the jets are not armed with missiles. The bay doors are open.”

Note to the newcomers. That was the flyover for the New Mexico game. On October 9, the entire Texas Air National Guard is flying over Kyle Field, along with a blimp, three helicopters and a flying saucer when the Tide rolls in.

Speaking of The Tide, you need some Tide because you win Poopy Undies. You did avoid Swamp Fever, but it was too close for comfort. Florida Gators receive the Worst Execution of a Two Point Conversion Award. Alabama 31 and Florida 29.

Also receiving a Poopy Undies Award are the Sooners of Oklahoma. Obviously, Nebraska took the celebration of the 50 Year anniversary of the “Game of the Century” from 1971 a bit more seriously that the Sooners. Close, but no Cornhusker Cigar. Bama 26 and Nebraska 16. Note to OU: Your debut games for the SEC are not looking too good.

There were many blowouts. Here are a few.

TAMU 34 and New Mexico 0. Plus scared newcomers 5 and F 15 Fighter Jets 4. Jimbo said, “We are very average.”  Yes, we are.

Baylor 47 Kansas 7

Rice 0 Texas 58

Missouri 59 SE Missouri St 28

LSU 49 Central Michigan 21

I listed the above teams’ blowouts because none of them will have a blowout again. So you all receive both Cupcake Awards and Hair Dryer Awards. THE University of Texas receives a Rice bowl.  Remember this game TU when you play Vanderbilt in the future.

The biggest trophies this week are brought to you by the Optician Magicians and goes to the Officials. Specifically the officials who called the Mississippi State and Memphis game and the Penn State and Auburn Game. First award is the Three Blind Mice Award and goes to the refs for Memphis and Mississippi State. I am 72 years old and have had cataract surgery on both eyes and have never even called a Pee Wee football game, but I know that you cannot have two players with the same number on the field at the same time. FOUR! Granted, your educational systems suck, but one would think you can recognize two players wearing the same number Four!

But the worst was the obvious downing of the football by State but was picked up and run for a touchdown by Memphis.  For Bulldog fans I award the Near Cardiac Arrest Award and a New Cussing Jar.

The officials in Happy Pennsylvania were not making the crowds happy either. From Referee School 101 – KNOW WHAT DOWN IT IS! .

Auburn 20 Penn State 28. Also, a Stadium Fashion Award goes to Penn State. The White Out looked great.

In conclusion I now introduce a new award called The Most Cobs Shoved Up’ Award for Incredible Skill at Ineptitude.  Our first recipients of the award are the crew who called the Memphis and Mississippi State game. Cob Him!

Have a great week.