Monday, September 19, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards Show.
With a trumpet fan fair, let’s begin.
The Best Looking Helmet Award goes to the Louisville Cardinals. The red chrome, with white Cardinal decal was impressive, but the butterfly on the back to honor and remember your native son, Mohammed Ali added a nice touch of class. Also impressive was Louisville’s demolishing of Florida State 63 to 20.
The Poopy Undies Awards for scaring their fans is shared among: Alabama, Georgia, LSU and Wisconsin and others too numerous to mention.
- Alabama – 48 Ole Miss 43 – The Rebels would just not go away. The Tide looked kinda sluggish. Going to need a bigger Roll than displayed.
- Georgia – 28 Missouri 27 – Tigers fumble away a field goal opportunity.
- LSU – 23 Miss State 20 – Leonard does not play defense. Remember it is the SEC – anything can happened.
- Wisconsin 23 Georgia State 17 – Georgia State? Really?
The Touchback Interruptus Award goes to South Carolina State. SC State also wins the Check the Rule Book Award and Bring Your Brain Award. On the opening kick-off, the South Carolina State player flipped the football toward the referee before taking a knee. A Clemson player fell on the still live football. Touchdown Clemson. 7-0 before the clock started.
Clemson wins a Sportsmanship Award for shortening the second half by six minutes. The score was 59 – 0 with most of the 4th Quarter remaining. Nice move, Dabo and SCState coach. It should be done more often to avoid injury and prolong agony. Let the cupcake team pick up their gate receipts and go home early.
The You Can’t Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd Award goes to Iowa who loses to North Dakota State University Bison on a game winning and ending field goal. That team from Fargo is mighty good. You betcha! Sidebar: The NDSU Coach, Chris Klieman is from Waterloo, Iowa. I say this for my dear friend, Rolene also is from Waterloo. Now there is someone else from Waterloo, beside the John Wayne Gacy you can refer to as being from Waterloo.
The Lightening Award goes to Oklahoma State University. As you can see by looking at the flag in the center that the wind is not coming whistling down the plains. However two hours later with game tied 38-38 with Pitt the game would be delayed by lightening for almost two hours. Pistol Pete and the Cowboys would return to win 45-38.
The Maybe You Should Have Stayed in the Lightening Delay Award goes to OU. Ohio State 45 OU 24. Buck You, OU!
The Lovely to Look At; Delightful to See Award goes to the Michigan State Spartans for sending ND packing and hopefully out of the championship contention.
The Welcome to The Heartland Award goes to Oregon. Duck! Duck! Corn Husk! Nebraska 35 Oregon 32.
The O’Crap Award goes to THE University of Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri and Oregon. I think that is pretty self-explanatory.
THE University of Texas is also awarded The Threaded Incline Plane Award (That is a screw for those who did not take physics) in The Hippie Bowl in California. The referee crew was obviously from the Stevie Wonder School for College Officials with a certification from the Online School for theTerminally Stupid. The Cal player dropped the ball before he crossed the goal line, but was awarded the TD anyway. Officials awarded The Buzzard Award for sending THE University down the threaded incline plane.
Texas 43 – California 50 – Still want to be in the Pac 12, Texas?
And now the big awards.
The Fighting Texas Aggies win The 3-0 Award for going 3-0 for the first time since 1939 – when the Texas Aggies won the National Championship. Let’s not get too excited. We beat a hair color. Aggies 29 Auburn 16. There are some angry pigs waiting in Arlington and we’re gonna need more offense and defense.
But you guessed it. The Award of Week goes to the Baylor Rice game. I am awarding What Does a Bear Crap in the Woods Award? Rice! Rice! Rice! to everybody.
I told Baylor Fans to beware of The Marching Owl Band (The MOB). The gifted and talented and intelligentsia associated with Rice University often lack the necessary and appropriate social skills to engage in responsible satires and parodies – imagine an entire university filled with Dr. Sheldon Coopers, et al. Forming the Roman Numeral IX followed by the formation of a star was somewhat left to the imagination. But when the so called announcer said “I did not investigate that coach” that was below the belt even for you MOB.
However, you did issue an apology to the Baylor Fans. If you look closely at the newspaper clipping, in the upper right, you see the reference to when The MOB made fun of Reveille. That was when the Corps held The MOB hostage in the tunnel. I was reminded this morning by Colonel Brian USAF (Retired) that the Aggies refer to the Rice Band as The Moving Owl Band.
The Best Bear Eyed Award goes to my friend Suzi who happened to capture the initial online apology issued by Rice. Read all of the statement. Now that deserves an apology! Note: the website has since been corrected, but Suzi Quick on the FB sent it me!
Rice University has issued a statement to apologize for its band’s Friday halftime performance, which mocked Baylor’s handling of sexual assault allegations on its campus.
The statement reads in full:
The Marching Owl Band, or MOB, has a tradition of satirizing the Rice Owls’ football opponents. In this case, the band’s calling attention to the situation at Baylor was subject to many different interpretations. Although the band’s halftime shows are entirely the members’ projects with no prior review by the university administration, we regret any offense, particularly if Baylor fans may have felt unwelcome in our stadium. While we know that the MOB did not intend in any way to make light of the serious issue of sexual assault, we are concerned that some people may have interpreted the halftime performance in that vein. Sexual assault is a matter of serious concern on campuses across the nation, and all of us have an obligation to address the matter with all the tools at our disposal. The MOB sought to highlight the events at Baylor by satirizing the actions or inactions of the Baylor administration, but it is apparent from the comments of many spectators and Baylor fans that the MOB’s effort may have went too far.
No. 21 Baylor won the game 38-10.
This effort may have went too far too.