Wednesday, August 22, 2016 – From the Institution of Higher Education. Wearing my doctor hat today – The flat one with the strings on the side. This is for my dear friends who teach from the ivory towers. Welcome College Freshmen!
Good Morning, Freshman. This is Here’s What I’m Thinking 101. Please look at the paper copy of the syllabus and the not one on your device. That reminds me, if any of your devices ring, ding, dong, bong or any other displeasing sounds that interrupt me, please leave the room and consider yourself absent. This includes your handgun. If it goes off, please remember, I have one too.
In addition please do not ask your parents to send the syllabus to you now because you forgot to download the paper one I told you to bring it the first day of class. You should have known this when you were to start the readings for this class two week ago. If you have not accessed my website/blog the address one enters into the browser is DrDrD85.me. This is a college level course that you signed up for. Not your parents. Do not waste their money or my time.
For those of you who can read at the college level and on a piece of paper, you see the name of the course is Here’s What I Am Thinking (HWIT). It is not called Here’s What I Believe. If I wanted you to know what I believe I would have called the course such. I wanted to call it My Brain and Welcome to It, but those who make more money and have more power than I do said no. This includes the Dean of the COE. Sidebar: How many know what COE stands for?
Purpose: The purpose of HWIT is to make at least one person per day smile/laugh and or think about something.
Here are the rules. If I know you now or have known you in the past I WILL write about you. Therefore, it is necessary that you check in daily to ensure that what I have written is not about you that day. Also know that grades are shaped on the bell curve. If you fall under the big bell, it is likely I will use a pseudonym for your name and will have flattering things to say about you. However, if you do not read I will most likely publish your full name and all of your aliases, the coordinates of your home with a link to Google Maps and reveal unflattering stories I know about you.
Snarky Fridays. Fridays from September 2 until the Tide Rolls into the national championship spotlight again are called Snarky Fridays. I will be making comments about the Saturday college football games. It will feature college football teams I like and the teams that play the football teams I like. Your assignment due this Friday is to be prepared to comment on HWIT as we discuss the AP Top 25 NCAA Division I football way too early pre-season poll.
Monday Awards. Mondays from September 5 until Larry Culpepper hands the coach of an SEC school the national championship trophy are called My Monday after Saturday Football Awards.
The rest of the days. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday topics could be about anything, but most likely will revolve around:
- The grand state of my birth – Texas. Please do not confuse it with THE University of Texas.
- The educational institution. This will include all aspects of education as a social institution with emphasis on what is left of the Texas public school system. You can vouch for that.
- The political circus with emphasis on the big circus tent in Austin known as the capitol. That is the correct spelling because I am referring to the building with the DOME and not the PLACE which is the capital of Texas.
- Anything else I feel like thinking about. Please be aware that I have letters after my name and I post stuff on the Internet and I am on Facebook so everybody believes what I say is true.
Your assignment for tomorrow is to come up with a photograph or representation of what you imagine your brain looks like. Here is an example. This is a cross section of mine. As you can tell there are several dust pockets, but the gears work just fine.
Are there any questions? Good. I know those of you attending THE University of Texas want to get to the campus carry protest early. Please do not attach the sex toy to your backpack until you leave my class. http://www.mystatesman.com/news/news/local/ut-campus-carry-protest-to-feature-sex-toys-calls-/nsKSF/?ecmp=newspaper_email/##
Class dismissed. I am late to the golf course. That is where my office is.