Monday, December 20, 2015 – The Second Quarter of the Forty College Football Bowl Games.
“A horse!” A horse! My kingdom for a horse!” from Shakespeare’s Richard III, Act 5, Scene 4, lines 7-10.
Texas version. “A quarterback! A quarterback. My team for a quarterback!” From Texas’ Coach V, Teams 5 (schools), Scene 5, (Bowls and Championships), players 10+
The five teams Baylor, Texas A&M, Dallas Cowboys, Houston Texans, and the Celina Bobcats (3A high school state championship lost the quarterback to a broken wrist on the first series played. Celina lost the game too.)
And now the Second Quarter of The Ridiculous Number of College Football Bowl Games that no one really cares about.
Bowl Number 11 – The GoDaddy Bowl begins at 8:00 PM on ESPN between Georgia Southern and Bowling Green. Go Daddy. This name offers so many directions. Let’s just say Go Daddy and leave the rest to TV commercials and social workers.
December 24 – Christmas Eve
Bowl 12 is The Popeye’s’ Bahamas Bowl that kicks off at noon on ESPN between Middle Tennessee and Western Michigan. I am not certain if the name of this bowl refers to the chicken franchise or the cartoon sailor. Who cares about the teams? One is in the Bahamas.
Bowl 13 is the Hawaii Bowl at 8:00 PM between San Diego State and Cincinnati on ESPN. Same criteria for Hawaii as Bahamas – who cares who is playing? Get me a drink with an umbrella in it.
Bowl 14 finds us in St. Petersburg to watch Connecticut and Marshall on our monopolistic favorite ESPN at 11: 00 AM. I would love to be in St. Pete again but only with J and R again.
Bowl 15 finds The Hyundai Sun Bowl between Miami and Washington State at 2:00 PM on CBS. Look you can change the channel to CBS.
Bowl 16 – is The I am so Bored Bowl. No wait. It is the Zaxby’s Heart of Dallas Bowl between Washington and Southern Mississippi on ESPN. The Zaxby’s Heart of Dallas? Are you kidding me? Back to The I am so Bored Bowl. Anyway it is at 2:00.
Bowl 17 – The New Era Pinstripe Bowl between Indiana and Duke. I thought these schools played basketball. Coming to you live from the Bronx and Yankee Stadium on ABC at 3:30. Wait – there is a football bowl game, named after a clothing pattern, played between two traditional basketball schools in a baseball stadium. I am so confused.
Bowl 18 – Give me a break. Really. There is a bowl game called The Camping World Independence Bowl? Guess there is. It is on ESPN at 5:45 between Tulsa and Virginia Tech. Does one have to camp out in the parking lot?
Bowl 19 is the Foster Farms Bowl. Is there a bowl game for Adopted Farms? This 9:15 kickoff on ESPN is between UCLA and Nebraska. Note: Nebraska has a losing record. Not to mention Nebraska fans wear giant yellow, phallic symbols of corn on their heads.
Bowl 20 is the Northrop Grumman Military Bowl at 2:30 on ESPN between Pittsburg and Navy. This one might be worth watching. Go Navy.
Bowl 21 is the Quick Lane Bowl – as opposed to the Slow Lane Bowl? This game is between Central Michigan and Minnesota at five o’clock on ESPN2.
Bowl 22 is Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl played between California and Air Force on ESPN at 2:00. Doesn’t Lockheed Martin make air craft?
Bowl 23 – In The Russell Athletic Bowl coming to us live from Florida at 5:30 on ESPN our teams are North Carolina and Baylor. Does Baylor get to wear one of its 10 variations of NIKE uniforms or is that a conflict of interest?
Bowl 24 is The NOVA Home Loans Arizona Bowl between Nevada and Colorado State at 7:30 on Campus Insiders. Campus Insiders? That is what the schedule says. I think the ESPN people have been puffing in Colorado.
Bowl 25 is the AdvoCare V100 Texas Bowl at 9:00 between LSU and Texas Tech on ESPN. Goodie this is between a team I love and a team I do not love.
December 30 – OMG – there are five more of these contests before we ever get to the next group.
Bowl 26 is The Birmingham Bowl at noon on ESPN between Auburn and Memphis. I wonder if Uncle Will Muschamp’s head will explode during this game prior to him becoming a Game Cock – which just adds more adjectives to describe Coach Articulate.
Bowl 27 is the Belk Bowl at 3:30 on ESPN (who else?) between North Carolina State and Mississippi State. What is the Belk Bowl?
Bowl 28 – The Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl. OK I must watch because this game is the Fighting Texas Aggies and Louisville. Mercy – talk about The 12th Man in action. We just might get to see somebody called out of the stands to suit up for this one. This bowl could be named so many things. How about “The We Mortgaged Kyle Field Renovations through Franklin American Bowl?” How about “The Ernest Hemmingway – A Farewell to Arms Bowl?” Oh hell, let’s just call it the Mucinex Bowl and expectorate and cough and Gig ‘Em Aggies. BTHO Louisville.
Bowl 29 – The Holiday Bowl between USC and Wisconsin in San Diego offers a vacation to the Badgers at 10:30 on ESPN and sleep for me.
And that takes us to December 31 – New Year’s Eve when finally there will be some teams and games worth watching.
Our winners of this round are:
ABC – 2
CBS – 1
ESPN2 – 1
ESPN – 15
Corporate/Military Sponsors – 19
Nike – TBD
Adidas – TBD
Under Armor – Maybe one team
Russell Athletic – Maybe
Campus Insiders – Who? What?