Tag Archives: colonoscopy; Jimmy Buffet

Monday, August 22, 2016 – What Were You Doing 50 Years Ago Today? School Starts Today! Climb Aboard The Way Back School Bus.

Monday, August 22, 2016 – What Were You Doing 50 Years Ago Today? School Starts Today! Climb Aboard The Way Back School Bus.

If you lived in Magnolia, Texas you were about to start your senior year in high school at Magnolia High School. Seniors of what would become the Magnolia High School Graduating Class of 1967 were participating in one of the following activities two weeks before classes began. Sidebar: This was back in the day when people had good sense and schools started after Labor Day.

Rolling down the sacred halls of memories, the MHS Seniors were doing one of the following.

  1. Practicing marching band on the gravel in the hot sun behind the band hall.
  2. Practicing new twirling routines in front of the auditorium in the shade.
  3. Practicing new cheers in front of the band hall in the shade.
  4. Practicing football on the practice field in the sun. It was actually called the baseball field, but MHS did not have a baseball team. It was mostly a dusty pasture like area.
  5. Practicing what every high school student knows. You can always tell a Senior, but you cannot tell one much.

I suppose The MHS Class of 67 was like all 17 and 18 year olds. We knew everything worth knowing and our parents were as stupid as a box of rocks. We knew everything from three TV channels that went off the air at midnight and returned at some unholy hour of the morning like 6:00 AM. We also knew everything because there were these things that were called books and magazines and other items that did not plug in a wall socket or need to charge at night.

We walked to school five miles one way in sleet and snow … OK I walked to school when the sun was shining. If you lived in Magnolia between 1956 and 1967, you know where I lived. Sidebar: We lived at The Sawmill in 1955 in case you were trying to do the John Wax math.

Many have since reminded me – “Your bedroom was almost in Room 10.”

If it was cold or raining, my mother took the princess to school. By the time we got to the detached garage and in the car, I could have been on the front row in Room 10. By the time she drove me the equivalent of one half football field in length to the front of the high school building, I could have already been on the front row of Mrs. Traugh’s classroom or Mr. Wax’s classroom down by the auditorium – the length of the high school hallway. Actually, there was only one hallway. It was the length of the entire building except for the auditorium.

Fifty years ago. As the great 20th Century philosopher Jimmy Buffet says: We are the people our parents warned us about.

Car Plate

Note the handicap license plate. Jimmy Buffet concert, Austin, Tx 2013. Photo by me.

Wow. If I knew then what I know now. I knew everything in August of 1966. To the Magnolia High School Graduating Class of 1967 and the Magnolia High School Graduating Class of 2017 here are some back to school words of wisdom. They come from another great 20th century philosopher who said in 1964…

“…you better start swimmin’

Or you’ll sink like a stone

For the times they are a-changin’”

Had I only listened. You can always tell a Senior, but you cannot tell one much.

OK – Everybody off the bus. Go Bulldogs!

The Beatles (600x800)

A corner in my office.

Thursday, May 27, 2015 – Madam Rose’s Handy Dandy Redux Reflux Colonoscopy Guide – Update 2015

Thursday, May 27, 2015 – Madam Rose’s Handy Dandy Redux Reflux Colonoscopy Guide – Update 2015

This is an update to Madam Rose’s Handy Dandy Colonoscopy Guide from 2005. Here are a few things I learned from the last one.

I found that adding a theme adds to the ambiance associated with your preparations. I chose a green theme this year.

Green

Due to the fact that I have really cool master bath I turned it into my colonoscopy studio and decorated it appropriately for the occasion.

Bathroom decor (600x800)

I am so wishing to be on the beach with a cheeseburger in paradise. I packed an ice chest to minimize the steps to the refrigerator.  I will pretend it is filled with margaritas.

Note: Ms. Rolene – my favorite beach towel I bought to remind me of you.

Pretending you are in a play, TV show or movie scene is optional. I pretended I was in a scene in one of those drug trials prior to FDA approval. I received the test pill that one day will become the warning “Side effects include diarrhea, etc.” Of course Merle Streep would play the part since she can play every part imagined. Maybe Sandra Bullock. I always want her to play me in the movie about me.

I noticed some differences between colonoscopy prep then and colonoscopy prep now.

Then – one had to take their laptop to the bathroom. Now – Take your tablet or smart phone. You can text your friends of your progress and tweet it to all of your followers – with photos if you desire.

Industrial waste supplies are significantly reduced. Then: 10 oz. bottle of Magnesium Citrate Now: None

Then: 386g of Miramax.  Now: 238g of Miramax. All total you drink 48 ounces of industrial waste rather than 72 ounces.

Other than those items the rest of the instructions are the same.  Make some chicken and broth and drink industrial waste and colon cleaning liquids until there is the all clear signal. I decided to go with PowerAde as my sports drink of choice.  I thought the name sounded more appropriate and optimistic than Gatorade.

I made some changes in the Ass Hauler goodie bag. I really think colonoscopy goodie bags could be on Shark Tank. I was unable to find a suitable, yet festive gift bag saying “Thank you for taking me for taking me to my colonoscopy.” The best I came up with was this one with Cars with the hidden surprised with decoder helmet. Goodie Bag (800x600)

I thought my Ass Hauler could look for things while the doctors are doing the same. New contents include some pages shared from my adult coloring book and a new box of Crayolas with two tiers of colors.  You know adult coloring books are all the rage.

I suggest deleting the small notebook and writing implement. Last time the Ass Hauler wrote down everything I said while I was not remembering.  The Ass Hauler can use his or her smartphone to capture your recovery and post it to social media before you arrive back home.

This is all l I want to know and hear and I can remember it – “All clear.”

Today is National Hamburger Day and I want one NOW. “I like mine with lettuce and tomatoes; Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes; big Kosher pickle and a cold draft beer; good God a mighty which way do I steer. (Jimmy Buffet-Cheeseburger in Paradise)