Category Archives: Uncategorized

Friday, July 25, 2014

Texsas our Texsas All Hail the Mighty State and to The University of

Texsas Fite! Texsas Fite!

I wonder who got fired over the media guide for the University of Texas. Below is the story as posted on the Internet. Just the facts as Joe Friday would say. And that phrase comes from what TV show?

“You would think that anyone handling media relations for the University of Texas football team would have the spelling of “Texas” down pat. Not only does the squad share the name with the great state, it says “Texas” on the team’s jerseys … and probably every single piece of stationery within their athletic department in Austin.
Still, when the Longhorns published their annual media guide online Thursday, there was a glaring typo; the footer on each page of player bios read: “www.texsasports.com.” With as many eyeballs as there are on the storied Big-12 program, the typo was quickly caught and fixed by the UT staff. But not before linguistic sticklers and Sooners fans seized the opportunity to capture screenshots and mock the error.

In the wake of the blunder, the domain http://www.texsasports.com seems to have been purchased by an opportunistic Oklahoma fan to broadcast a fitting message on the Red River rivalry.”

I would continue writing, but I am laughing too hard. So, mighty The University, how does it feel when you are on the wrong end of an embarrassment? You certainly did enough embarrassing toward other teams when you were at the top. Remember those you pass on the way up are the same ones you pass on the way down. Just the facts, Ma’am! Joe Friday – Dragnet.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

From one bureaucrat to another. Of course the retention items are placed in archive boxes. Those boxes last a long time. They survived two agencies and two house moves. Not only are retention items placed in brown archive boxes, each box will be stacked according to Operating Procedure 703-02, Updated in 2006 with reference to Section 3, Paragraph 2, Subsections C and D. This reads that archive boxes must be stacked no higher than six (6) boxes in height. Failure to do so will result in a “no pick up” notice sent to your agency. In addition, all boxes must have file space within a range of 2 – 5 inches inside or the ability to easily place one’s hand inside the archive box. Boxes that do not leave appropriate space will be marked as “Non Deliverable” and cannot be filed and will be returned to the Agency. Failure to leave appropriate space in the archive box will result in a “Not Able to File” notice from the appropriate agency warehouse. All boxes marked Not Able to File will be returned to the sending agency. OK, some of that I made up, but there are indeed operating procedures for the storage of state archival boxes that include how high the boxes can be stacked. It is six boxes in height. And there is language about space within the box equal to a hand’s width. But as they say, deny it until there are pictures.

Speaking of pictures. I now have three boxes of photographs to sort through. If you knew me, my father, my grandfather, my aunt Thelma Myrtle, any of the traveling photographers who came our way between 1900 and 2013 or any member of my immediate family, there is a high statistical probability that somewhere in those three boxes I have a picture of you. Note: these three boxes do not include the photographs that have been labeled, filed and archived according to appropriate operating procedures and are identified and are stored in the closet. Therefore, I must research the appropriate operating procedures for archiving pictures. But more about that process later.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Good afternoon. I see where Captain Hairspray has declared war on Mexico. Wow. Risky Business starring Ted Cruz instead of Tom. Pardon the no post Monday. I have been dehoarding my new house and unpacking boxes. If you are reading this, I have found something to remind me of you. And let me tell you, some of the items are pretty scary! But I decided to dehoard before I am dead and family will not have to do it. Or least they will not have to do has much dehoarding. To efficiently dehoard, one must establish a process. There are many decisions that must be made. For example,” Do I really want to sort through this crap or just torch it?” I decided to go with the first option and went into project management mode executing this process.

1. Remove every box from the room. In my scenario, there were over 25 boxes of various sizes. Place them around your house. At this point, your home should resemble a hoarder. It is important to be focused in order to dehoard your home.
2. Examine the contents of each and every box. You will be surprised. More about the surprises I discovered later. Stay focused.
3. SORT! Pay attention here. There are two options at this stage. 1. THROW AWAY. 2. Retain. AND THROW AWAY. I know that is three, but there must be emphasis on THROW AWAY. Notice that RETAIN does not mean KEEP.
4. If you chose Option 1, to throw away, you must sort again using these three criteria: 1. Recycle 2. Shred and 3. And put that shit in the garbage now.
5. Using the three criteria, establish three piles. I suggest boxes for recycle, black garbage bags for the items to be shredded and white garbage bags for the items headed to the curb.
6. If you chose Option 2, to RETAIN, you must sort again using these criteria: 1. Recycle 2. Retain or 3. Keep.
6. Should you choose Criteria 1 to recycle, establish an area for all items to recycle or use the one you should have done in Step 4.
7. Should you choose Criteria 2, RETAIN, establish a retaining to be examined later area.
8. Should you choose Option 3, to keep, think really hard about if you really want or need to keep what you are looking at? What are you going to do with it and/or where can I store it?
9. If you make the decision to keep, it is imperative that you establish strict Keeping Criteria. Remember the goal: Go through your crap now or have your loved ones do it later. I offer these as examples of Keeping Criteria:
Criteria One – OLD AND TREASURED. These items are old, unique, and one of a kind, and must be preserved. These do not include your uncle’s bill from the urologist office in 1952.
Criteria Two – HOLY CRAP. These include items that make you think things like: “Oh I am so glad I found that before almost anybody else did.” Or “I did not think photo places developed photos like that.” “OMG, if I were in college when that picture was taken, I would have put it on Facebook. I am so glad we did not have social media back then.” And I am not talking about the college pictures when I graduated with the doctor degree, although there some items from then too.
Criteria Two, HOLY CRAP, is a critical decision point in the process. You can immediately create a bonfire and burn the box and its contents. Or you can place all of the items in a box, securely wrap it with duct tape and mark it with more red and yellow tape that reads Hazardous Materials – Do Not Open. This is the box we have all entrusted to our closest and dearest friends who promised they will destroy it when you die. My suggest is to invite those friends over, have plenty of alcohol available, laugh, love and remember. And then burn the box and its contents.

Wacky Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Bet you can’t eat just one. Remember that tag line for Lay’s Potato Chips? I am thinking now it should be “Why would you want to each just one?” Did you see where Lay’s is testing two new flavors of potato chips? Cappuccino and Wasabi Vinegar. Really? Do you really want to eat Cappuccino chips with your bologna sandwich? Where was this test market? At a late night Asian fusion food court? And what were the participants smoking during the tests? What were Lay’s executives smoking when they thought – Hey let’s make some chips out of some really crazy flavors and see if the public will buy it. Why don’t you, as in the Lay’s Corporation, just go ahead and make a liver and onions flavor chip? Pack it full of iron and advertise it as medicinal for iron poor blood. Partner with Geritol and work the Medicare market place. Why don’t you make of beer flavored chip and then you can leave off the beer. I really do not see myself making a purchase of either flavor. I think Lay’s potato chips are the best in the world. If it is not broken, then don’t fix it. And do not serve Cappuccino and Wasabi chips at a party if I am attending. But perhaps you could send them on the space ship if Midland ever gets their FAA approval. Hey! What about prairie chicken flavor chips?

My Book Report

My book report is about The One & Only by Emily Giffin. It says it is a New York bestseller, and maybe people from New York liked it, but I did not. I heard it was about football. College football to be more exact. It is about a fake college somewhere in Texas called Walker and the mascot is a Bronco. I am thinking SMU and Peruna or whatever the pony’s name is because it takes place close to Dallas. Well, if you think a sentence like “We beat Baylor 21-0 to open the season and then I wrote my article” is about football, then read it. But there are many sentences that tell me it needs more football. For example, “the next week Walker prepared for Texas. I hate Texas.” OK that part is good. But how about sentences with Camp Waldemar and The Hockaday School as the descriptors of characters? Do they play football there? Here is one “I went to SMU and Barry went to Rice, but we both went to Highland Park High.” And then there are these. “We massacred UTEP to open our season at 2-0…” “…our first true test was Texas A&M next week. I hated the University of Texas the most, but in some ways I feared the Aggies more.” Well, the Aggies ran out of time in your story and Walker goes 3-0. At least you feared the Aggies. Oh yes, then there is the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys – a Walker All-American of course and Heisman runner up. Then they all go to “a little hole-in-the-wall bar on North Potomac called the Third Rail.” North Potomac? In Texas? Wouldn’t Mockingbird Lane be a better street for hole in the wall bars? The Potomac is in Washington DC.

The bottom line of my book report is that it is not really about football. I do not believe Ms. Giffin is from Texas. Otherwise, there would have been more high school football, more college football, more scandals and more NCAA investigation and less falling in love.

My recommendation is that if you find this book at a half-price book store – or even better at a garage sale for 25 cents – and have nothing else to do for a few days, then buy it. The End.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Today is Post 115.

I have a personal trainer. I meet with her three times per week for an hour of torture at 8 AM. Yes, that is 8 in the morning. If you think that is early, I am her fourth client of the day. We are both crazy. So I have decided to give her a name. It is Killer Queen, from the song by who else, my favorite – Queen! I hope she is not offended by this. I like to think of myself as described in KQ too. The opening lines “She keeps Moet Et Chandon in her pretty cabinet; ‘Let them eat cake’ she says Just like Marie Antoinette” describe us as ladies, who can whip your ass both literally and figuratively. But here are the words that really describe us both: “Gunpowder, gelatin, dynamite with a laser beam, guaranteed to blow your mind.” I am going to call her Killer Queen because not only do the words describe us, she kills me for an hour, but is the Queen of doing it. Have I mentioned I haven’t worn my current size pants or shorts since Clinton was president? Actually I wore this size when I was in college and the college was Stephen F. Austin in 1970. Aside from the killer body that Killer Queen is creating, most importantly is that I have cut out two meds with normal blood pressure and blood sugar. So what Queen best song describes you? Oh, Fat Bottom Girls? Ouch. How’s that for dynamite with a laser beam?

Happy Birthday, Cousin Nancy. I still miss you so much.

July 3 – July 7, 2014

Food, Fun and Friendship in the Brazos Valley

You know the saying about fish and company and smelling after three days? Since my friend, Karen Y. doesn’t read this, I can say it was a long visit. But it was a most fun visit. On Thursday, July 3, we had a great dinner at Napa Flats and then enjoyed a glass of wine at the Benjamin Knox Wine Bar and Gallery. Friday, July 4 was spent at the George H. W. Bush Library. We had free watermelon and Blue Bell was a dollar. The Brazos Valley Symphony entertained us with patriot songs. The fireworks were a good, Republican modest type. Not too bright and not too showy, probably about a thousand points of light per explosion. But I am pleased with my first attempt at night photography.

On Saturday, we started the day about noon with a burger from Grub Burger. In spite of the possibility that the burgers were made with actual grubs (another TAMU experiment), they turned out to be delicious and gave us enough energy to tour campus.

Walking in the hot temperatures, however, soon created an intense thirst. So we went to the Dixie Chicken for a pitcher. I mean a picture. I was glad the rattlesnakes were gone. Nothing, but a ply board covers the glass where they used to be.

On Sunday morning, we went to the Bonfire Memorial. Each of the twelve who died in the collapse is memorialized by a column that faces their hometown. On one side of the column is an engraved image of their face and information about their Aggie life. On the opposite column is their signature and personal attributes by family and friends creating a legacy of their sacrifice and what the world missed with their untimely deaths. I was unable to read those because of the blur by the tears because “We are the Aggies; the Aggies are we.”

It was only fitting that Sunday evening was spent at Lake Bryan watching the sunset from the deck of the Ice House.

That’s it from the Brazos Valley today.