Tuesday, July 22, 2014


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Good afternoon. I see where Captain Hairspray has declared war on Mexico. Wow. Risky Business starring Ted Cruz instead of Tom. Pardon the no post Monday. I have been dehoarding my new house and unpacking boxes. If you are reading this, I have found something to remind me of you. And let me tell you, some of the items are pretty scary! But I decided to dehoard before I am dead and family will not have to do it. Or least they will not have to do has much dehoarding. To efficiently dehoard, one must establish a process. There are many decisions that must be made. For example,” Do I really want to sort through this crap or just torch it?” I decided to go with the first option and went into project management mode executing this process.

1. Remove every box from the room. In my scenario, there were over 25 boxes of various sizes. Place them around your house. At this point, your home should resemble a hoarder. It is important to be focused in order to dehoard your home.
2. Examine the contents of each and every box. You will be surprised. More about the surprises I discovered later. Stay focused.
3. SORT! Pay attention here. There are two options at this stage. 1. THROW AWAY. 2. Retain. AND THROW AWAY. I know that is three, but there must be emphasis on THROW AWAY. Notice that RETAIN does not mean KEEP.
4. If you chose Option 1, to throw away, you must sort again using these three criteria: 1. Recycle 2. Shred and 3. And put that shit in the garbage now.
5. Using the three criteria, establish three piles. I suggest boxes for recycle, black garbage bags for the items to be shredded and white garbage bags for the items headed to the curb.
6. If you chose Option 2, to RETAIN, you must sort again using these criteria: 1. Recycle 2. Retain or 3. Keep.
6. Should you choose Criteria 1 to recycle, establish an area for all items to recycle or use the one you should have done in Step 4.
7. Should you choose Criteria 2, RETAIN, establish a retaining to be examined later area.
8. Should you choose Option 3, to keep, think really hard about if you really want or need to keep what you are looking at? What are you going to do with it and/or where can I store it?
9. If you make the decision to keep, it is imperative that you establish strict Keeping Criteria. Remember the goal: Go through your crap now or have your loved ones do it later. I offer these as examples of Keeping Criteria:
Criteria One – OLD AND TREASURED. These items are old, unique, and one of a kind, and must be preserved. These do not include your uncle’s bill from the urologist office in 1952.
Criteria Two – HOLY CRAP. These include items that make you think things like: “Oh I am so glad I found that before almost anybody else did.” Or “I did not think photo places developed photos like that.” “OMG, if I were in college when that picture was taken, I would have put it on Facebook. I am so glad we did not have social media back then.” And I am not talking about the college pictures when I graduated with the doctor degree, although there some items from then too.
Criteria Two, HOLY CRAP, is a critical decision point in the process. You can immediately create a bonfire and burn the box and its contents. Or you can place all of the items in a box, securely wrap it with duct tape and mark it with more red and yellow tape that reads Hazardous Materials – Do Not Open. This is the box we have all entrusted to our closest and dearest friends who promised they will destroy it when you die. My suggest is to invite those friends over, have plenty of alcohol available, laugh, love and remember. And then burn the box and its contents.

2 responses to “Tuesday, July 22, 2014

  1. I believe you worked for the state for far too long. Don’t you have Operating Rules for retention schedules at your new, humble abode? The stuff you retain needs to be in archival boxes.

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  2. Cecil Morgenroth

    I am experiencing the hoarding problem and the same perplexing decision on to keep or to trash. My step children indicated that they did not want the hand outlined on colored paper from the 1st, 2nd, 3rd grade nor most of anything else. Becky and I will pass and these kids will have a fire.

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