Category Archives: Uncategorized

May 2, 2011

IT’S MAY! IT’S MAY! THE LUSTY MONTH OF MAY! And that song is from what musical?

This essay could be called Be Careful What You Wish For. Several of you have asked for a monthly calendar of events so we can get our expanding asses off of the couch and do something. I have volunteered to find events, so that makes me Queen.

As some of you have pointed out, I am like Dana Owens, aka Queen Latifa, also not a real queen. And for those of you said “the last queen I saw was in drag,” you really do need to get out more and visit Las Vegas less.

Since I am the self appointed Queen, I decided to combine the calendar of events with Here’s What I’m Thinking. That means to access the events, you must wade through the BS of HWIT.  Think of it as the government.  In order to get to the information you want, you must wade through mildly amusing, often filed with snarky comments essays about whatever I am thinking on HWIT.

I have divided the events into the following categories.  If you see something of interest, let me know. Please leave the email at HWIT.  Several of you did send other topics of interest, but please feel free to add others.

THEATRE

May 4-8 at The Paramount Theatre is Ann – An Affectionate Portrait of Ann Richards. Tickets available at Austintheatre.org or call 512-474-1221.

More at http://www.austin360.com/arts/austin-area-theaters-817677.html

ARTS & MUSEUMS

Lots of options here.  Bob Bullock. Lady Bird Wild Flower Center, LBJ Library, Harry Ransom Center, Elizabeth Ney Museum, Admiral Nimtiz museum in Fredericksburg.  With the exception of the Nimitz Museum, I suggest we not visit a museum in May. Those pesky field trips bring culturally deprived urchins from schools to visit.

Austin Museum of Art at Laguna Gloria., Umlauf Sculpture, Garden and Museum, Blanton Museum of Art,

More: http://www.austin360.com/arts/austin-area-museums-817678.html

SPORTS

Round Rock Express. Even if you do not like baseball, this is a fun and cheap outing. Tickets are six bucks and lots of fun things to do. Cold beer with specials on Thursdays. And the toll road will take you to within 3 miles of the Dell Diamond.

http://roundrock.express.milb.com/index.jsp?sid=t102

Dancing – specifically mentioned was salsa dancing, but other dances would also be fun.

This is the continuing education site for ACC. It has all types of dancing. http://www3.austincc.edu/it/cms/www/schedule/schedule.php?op=browse&snid=11001&ct=CE

Texas Stars (minor-league hockey). 467-8277, www.texasstarshockey.com

Rowing on Lady Bird Lake – http://www.rowingdock.com/ $165 for four two hour lessons. Not bad.

Golf – lots of great public courses; lots of good deals for seniors and at twilight rates.

SPECIAL EVENTS/TOURS

The Texas Capitol Complex – when was the last time you visited the capital? This includes The General Land Office Building. This is an often overlooked tour, but has very interesting information on the land and land grants and holders of early Texas.

Texas State Cemetery – a very interesting and free tour of the founders and leaders of Texas.

More Ideas: http://www.austin360.com/arts/austin-area-entertainment-spots-817708.html

I especially liked these.

• Austin Ghost Tours. Downtown themed walking tours of different haunted buildings and stories from Austin’s past and present. Tour schedule on website; reservations required. 853-9826, www.austinghosttours.com or www.austinghosttours.com.
• Austin Nature and Science Center. Camps, exhibits and animal showcase. 301 Nature Center Drive. 327-8181, www.ci.austin.tx.us/ansc.
• Austin Steam Train. Vintage trains make varied runs throughout the year. 401 E. Whitestone Blvd., Suite A-103, Cedar Park. 477-8468, www.austinsteamtrain.org

MUSIC

Every Sunday in May at the Bob Bullock Museum. Admission is free.

http://www.austin360.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/music/entries/2011/04/28/new_free_music_series_at_the_b.html

MOVIES – we should set a movie day, pick a movie and go.

FOOD – I am growing fond of Vietnamese cuisine and would like to explore. And of course there is the monthly breakfast at the Night Hawk on Burnet Road.

One of the reasons we live in Austin is the many things to do. I am sure I only listed a top few.  But hopefully, it will at least get us started.

May is a busy month for me with Mother’s Day, boys and girls UIL golf, and high school graduation.

If you see something you like, let me know. We will see who is up and off the couch to do something in May. The lusty month of May – from Camelot.

Queen D.

Important Announcement from the ASUHSOO Communication Department.

A Public Service Announcement regarding FEEDBACK

Thank you for reading Here’s What I’m Thinking.  Why you take an interest in this is beyond me. However, your assistance is requested.

There is a box at the beginning of an entry that allows you to comment. When you click on link another boxes will appear that allow you to provide feedback.

1. There is a box to check if you like the entry. While it is not necessary to like an entry, if you do find it amusing CHECK THE BOX.

2.  When you check the comment box, there is another box at the end of an entry that allows you make a comment. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO USE YOUR REAL NAME. The only person who knows the source of the comment is me and most of the time I am unable to tell from your email address.

3. There is a box at the end of an entry that allows you to be notified when there are new entries. CHECK THE BOX. This will keep you from getting behind.  Remember some of these are current events.  Therefore it is imperative that you stay current.

If you are unable to follow these directions, please call some one in India for technical assistance.

If you are unwilling to following these directions, consider yourself like most people who have little interest in the educational institution, including parents.

Thank you for your support.

An Update on the Naming of the School

The As Yet Unnamed Home School of One (AYUHSOO) issued a Request for Names on October 19, 2010. Since that time three official names were submitted according to the directions.

Several other names were submitted through nontraditional means.  However, given the dearth of names the Request for Names deadline has been extended to one week from today – November 26 2010.

In an effort to stimulate your creativity the names submitted plus others are listed below.

As noted in the RFQ in the event a sufficient number of names are not submitted an alternative selection method will be employed.  This method, known as FVM, or feline vomitus method, will be used.

In the event this method does bring the desired results, the selection method deployed by King Richard of Hairspray will be used.  I will pick my favorite submitted by my friends.

As promised the names submitted are listed below.

• Scholastic Haven for Intellectuals and Technology
• Socratic Hell for Institutions and Technology
• Down Under Home School with a Kangaroo mascot named Joey
• Brain Whiz with a cheese whiz mascot
• Glow ball Glowing Balls
• School Daze
• Sub Par Home School
• Taks Akademy
• Golden Reefers
• Yo Yo Homey School
• The Cat Flat Flat
• Ennui (ennui is a noun meaning and utter feeling of weariness and discontent resulting from boredom or lack of interest)
• The Surfeit (not to be confused with The Sorbonne) – an excess or uncomfortable full or crapulous feeling due to excessive eating or drinking

Let’s see you top these. Otherwise I will overfeed the cat to ensure a sufficient quantity of projectile expulsions.

TAKS Practice

From the Coach’s Class

Write an essay explaining how the Texas A&M football team can win the Big 12 South.

For the Aggies to win the Big 12 South, Oklahoma must beat Baylor on Saturday and then the Aggies must hope for a three-way tie between the Oklahoma State University and Oklahoma. Additional factors include a full moon with Jupiter aligned with Mars that causes the BSC computers to be infected with a hacky virus.  Last, but not least there will be the second coming of Bear Bryant.

If the factors mentioned above do not align,  I feel certain knocking the Texas Longhorns from a bowl experience will suffice.

The As Yet Unnamed Home School of One is Back in Session

The As Yet Unnamed Home School of One is back in session this week.  Like many home schools much of our curriculum is community oriented and with real world outcomes.  Oops, sorry that sound way too much like out-come-based learning which is part of the State Board of Education’s  anti federal government plan.

On Monday, the AYUHSOO Golf team participated in the First of Greater Austin Golf Tournament at Lost Pines Resort in Bastrop.  Not only was a significant amount of money raised for the First Tee, take a look at who I caddied for.

Many of you recognize the former Lady Longhorn basketball coach, Jody Conradt.  She is a delightful person and pretty darn good golfer.

At the same event I had a photo snapped with former University of Texas All American  baseball player, Huston Street. He is currently with the Colorado Rockies as closing pitcher.

He served as Honorary Chair of the Event and is just a hottie.

On Tuesday, I had to recoup. I don’t remember Wednesday, but Thursday was Veterans Day.  I hope you took notice.  By then it was Friday and I was so anxious about Saturday I could not sit still.  Besides it is difficult to coordinate a maroon and white and green and gold ensemble.

On Saturday night I saw two great teams compete. Baylor and Texas A&M.  Usually, these two teams hold up the cellar of the Big 12, but things are different this year and these are two teams to watch in future. Baylor won the first half and Texas A&M won the second half.  Unfortunately, that is the half that counts. Big Aggie Whoop!

The next day it was back to Austin and time for the Home School to begin again.  So let’s begin with a little warm up essay about the trip home.

I am not certain why Central Texas needs a Formula One Race track.  I mean there is a perfectly good and even more exciting race track in existence.  It is called Interstate 35. Yesterday as I drove back from Waco I experienced being an integral part of my own personal video game of Donkey Kong. SUVs of every make, model, color and year were racing in and out among the 18 wheelers. There were barricades to the left creating a two- lane race track with no shoulders to the right. Trucks of every size and capacity hauled trailers carrying animals or yard equipment or other large items in a wheeled trailer dragging behind their vehicle. I enjoy playing the Get Your Wheels Out of My Lane game.

I especially liked the trailer being pulled behind a vintage car. Both seemed to have been pulled around since Reagan was President. And did I mention the eight motorcyclists on crotch rockets whizzing past at speeds greater than 100 mph? I know this because of my speed.

I was glad to exit to the toll road to slow down to 70 mph.  But here’s what I’m thinking. Why do we need another race track? How about instead some yard chairs, a few food trailers and several porta potties placed periodically along I-35. Maybe some bleachers at a few selected intersections and entry ramps? I am certain the 500 yard entry ramps can cause some spectacular results as cars try to merge into traffic bearing down at 85 mph. I can hit a golf ball farther than some of the entry ramps.

Oh well, what do I know? Maybe we do need a fancy race track and not the trees. Maybe we do need to pave the countryside and pollute the air.

Nevertheless, sit back and catch up with the ASYHSOO this week starting with Happy Days. Tuesday, watch for a Professional Development design for the new United States Congressmen, and on Wednesday, the school will practice its assessment by writing a paragraph on How the Aggies Can Win the Big 12 South. And late in the week new, important information will be posted regarding the Request for the Names of the school and mascot.

On “the 11th day of the 11th hour of the 11th month” . . . and all of the days, hours and months thereafter, I thank you for the freedom and peace you bring to my world.

Honor a veteran today and always.

Veterans’ Day, 2010

WEEKEND UPDATE

Thong Cyclist

NEWS FLASH – a man wearing nothing but an iridescent thong and a smile has been seen riding a bicycle along Far West Blvd. in Northwest Austin. The ASUNHSOO was on lock down.  The principal, doing her civic and community-minded duty, waited an hour at the Starbucks anxiously looking out the window to see the cyclist. However, there was no sighting.  Those who reported seeing the cyclist state “he wears different colored thongs.” Other than that there appears to be very little physical description.

http://roadid.posterous.com/twitter-tuesday-best-photo-caption-of-this-au

Leave It to Beaver

On a sad note, Barbara Billingsly passed away. Our beloved June Cleaver. So let’s get our pearls, put on a dress, high heels and vacuum the floor while the cookies are baking.

http://mythbusters.tvsquad.com/2010/10/16/barbara-billingsley-leave-it-to-beaver-mom-dead-at-94/

Weekend update from the Glow Ball Golf Tournament

The ASUNHSOO golf team played in a glow ball golf tournament Saturday night. There were eight teams of four. The format was best ball. Each player in the foursome received three glow balls. These golf balls are transparent and have a one inch glow stick inserted. I am not certain why this is called glow ball.  A more fitting name would be “@#$%, it is DARK out here!”  While one could see the balls upon teeing off, after that it was pretty much get out the flashlights.

There was no depth perception so it was difficult to see how far to hit, what club to use, and how to use it. Hitting out of the grass is difficult enough, but to not be able to see the grass makes the shot almost impossible.  What was impossible was putting in the dark.  While the flag stick had a small glow stick and the hole itself had a very small glow bracelet, one putted blindly in the dark.  The rules stated that one could use their flashlight to find the ball, but upon finding it, the flashlight was to be turned off. I can’t putt in the daytime! Nevertheless, somehow my team made four pars. Yours truly placed closest to the pin on Hole 8 and won a lovely set of wine glasses. Overall, we placed fourth, missing third by a single stroke.

Last, but not least. Tomorrow,  October 19, the Request for Names (RFN) will be released. So put on your Thinking Cap. It is time to suggest names for the As Yet Unnamed Home School of One.

Happy Columbus Day

A day to celebrate the first immigrants to America.  Columbus was the quintessential bureaucrat and politician.  He did not know where he was going.  He did not know where he was when he got there and he did it all on borrowed money. Furthermore, he “ran off” the natives and took the land, all in the name of the government.

The ASUNHSOO is off today celebrating the day. However, this news release is just in.

NEWS RELEASE – October, XI, MMX

The State Board of Education mandated to textbook publishers that all science and math textbooks will now use Roman Numerals in stead of Arabic.

“…the use of Arabic numbers denote a positive attitude toward Islam,” said board member Iona Faith. “Because Arabs are Muslims, and Muslims practice Islam, and some radical Islamites are terrorists.  Therefore, we are protecting the boys and girls from terrorists.”

Rooty Toot Toot & Sons textbooks publishers asked “Wasn’t it the Romans who persecuted the Christians and actually tried and crucified Jesus?”

Ms. Faith answered, “Yes, but that is in the Bible, so it is acceptable.”

Textbook publisher, Brother-in-law & Kickback, stated “This comes as no surprise to our publishing organization.  The use of Roman numerals will compliment our chapter on turning lead into gold and our chapter on the sun orbiting the earth.”