Request for Names
(RFN # 999-10-001)
Closing Date: The End of Daylight Savings Time 2010
The As Yet Unnamed Home School of One (AYUHSOO) is requesting appropriate and inappropriate suggestions for the name of the school, the selection of a school mascot and a name for the selected mascot. In previous times, semi-legal documents such as these would have gone through various levels of bureaucracy and competency to ensure all bases were covered and all CYA documents were included. However, this is not true at this time.
In February, 2009, the As Yet Unnamed School of One decided to open the nomenclature process to the general public. Then the student became an exchange student in Hammock and the motion was tabled.
The color khaki was selected to be the school color. This color was selected because:
- it pretty much looks good on everybody
- is readily available
- comes in pants, skirts and shorts
- allows one to personalize with favorite colors
- is the color of most of the people of the world.
Interested applicants may submit their suggested names for the school and the mascot by leaving a Comment at https://hwit.wordpress.com Applicants may submit as many names as desired.
The school name and mascot selection and name will be scored separately, but should contain some commonality. While it is suggested that type and name of mascot match, it is not required. For example, Stanford University historically turns out some of the best minds in the world in multiple fields. The mascot is a Cardinal, but a weird tree looking creature roams the sidelines and courtsides. Go figure.
School Name Selection
Selection criteria for the school name includes, but is not limited to,
- Looks good on golf shirts
- Easiest logo to paint on signs
- Best fit into a school song, should there be one
- Best rhymes with school cheers
- Those judged under the influence of Patron or Smoking Loon.
Mascot suggestions may be real, fictional, fantasy and may be animal, vegetable or mineral. Applicants must submit a type of mascot and the name for the mascot. For example, dog is the type of mascot while Reveille is the name of the mascot. Got it?
Mascot Scoring Criteria
Scoring criteria include, but are not limited to,
- If the mascot is real, where will it relieve itself and who is responsible for cleanup?
- If the mascot is costumed, how easy is it to go to the bathroom when wearing the costume?
- Who hot is the costume?
- How cool is the costume? This means in terms of ventilation.
- How cool is the costume? This is the cool factor.
The top three names for the school and the top three mascots will be selected by the committee. These will then be voted upon by the general constituency.
From the True Files from Form Factories
Wm B. Travis – Applicants who call and ask to speak to Mr. Travis, please note, this identifies you immediately as a newcomer to Texas. Travis is the name of the building. Mr. Travis, along with the other 185 died at The Alamo. This automatically disqualifies you for being stupid and ill informed.
Too Stupid to Live – Should your previous applications contain sticky notes with TSTL and is filed in a drawer with the same initials, your application may still be submitted and will be scored. However, you have been labeled by one or more grant experts as Too Stupid To Live.This is due to the inability of principals, librarians, curriculum directors, instructional coaches and others who might have a role to:
- to read
- to write, and
- perform addition, subtraction, multiplication and division on a sixth grade level
A review panel will convene as soon as a sufficient number of names have been submitted. The review panel shall consist of:
- A doctor, a lawyer and an Indian Chief
- A brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal
- At least two certified and certifiable public school superintendents.
Note: Applications will receive extra point is they can name the movie quoted above. Additional points will be given if the applicant can actually name the actors who played those parts.
To the radical red states, tea party followers, and far right fundamentalist no condoms or birth control topics are a part of this RFN.
In the event no selections are made, the school will continue to use AYUHSOO which is hard to say, doesn’t rhyme with any word in the modern English language and sounds like a sneeze. So leave a comment in the comment section.