Monday, July 18, 2016 – Multitasking with the IRS or Kiss My Arrears

The word of the day is – arrears. It is a noun meaning the state of being behind or late, especially in the fulfillment of a duty promise obligation or the like; an unpaid debt.

9:45 AM – Call # 1 to IRS office – disconnected after I pressed ONE for English. Redial

What I Think the IRS office looks like. Actually Austin Graffiti Wall 2014 – photo by me.

9:49 AM – third attempt at entering my social security number. None of the numbers the automotron repeated were in my SS#. Two messages of: “That is not a valid SS#.” Well, that is the only one I have.

9:52 AM – Finally get in the line for “Please hold. All of our representatives are busy helping other customers, please continue to hold. Or visit our website at www@IRS.gov.” I am not visiting your website. I want to chew an overworked, underpaid federal employee’s ass out. While waiting my estimated 15-30 minutes, I will just tell you.

Dear IRS,

The package you will receive from me is not scary. It is not threatening. It contains turnips and a dented can of turnip greens I bought at the Dollar Store. This is the only type of green I can send you. This is in response to the THREE letters I received from you in the past 10 days requesting payment in full for my federal income tax.

Thank you for the three letters I received telling me I owe you money. I know this every month when you take your payment from my Social Security check. You do not seem to have difficulty finding that correct social security number. I especially like the fact that each letter has a different amount to be paid.

I especially like the first letter you sent via regular snail mail. This is one that had all nine digits of my SS# as part of the address for everyone to see. The other two letters you sent via certified mail, which I had to go to the post office to obtain, had the first five numbers redacted. That means not able to be seen. This could be a reason your antiquated technology system does not recognize my SS# number as valid.

My favorite part of one of the letters is the “intent to terminate your installment payment agreement, so please pay $XXXX.31.” How in the Hell do you think terminating my installment payments is going to get your money paid in the full amount?” If you could get any more money out of me, please feel free to try – hence the package of turnips and can of greens to be delivered via UPS.

Dragon – How the IRS Makes Me Feel. Austin Graffiti Wall 2014 – photo by me.

Perhaps you should check the letter I returned to YOU last week like you told me to do in response to Letter # 1 saying I was already in a payment plan and to roll it over to the next year. Did that letter go to another department next door to yours?

10:09 AM – Disconnected again. Start over. Get back in line. Press 1 for English, attempt to enter SS# again. Still not valid. Just start pressing numbers and then hear this message: (I kid you not) “We are unable to answer your request. Call back another time or another day when we are less busy.”

10:30 AM – Screw it. Will go to website. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The website lists telephone numbers to call. There is a different 800 number with an extension to call on the website.

10:31AM – Get in 800 # line again.

10:48 AM – Still on hold.

So in conclusion – To the IRS: You really think my debit of less than $1500 from an old white woman on fixed income is going to solve the National Debit Crisis?

11:00 AM – Bad Musak stops. Message: Please wait.

Then a lovely lady named Michelle comes on line. She and I talk. She gets everything taken care of and at…

11:14 AM – Problem Solved! It took 14 minutes to solve the issue after waiting in cyber hell for 30 minutes. Thank you, Michelle.

To the rest of the IRS and especially those of you in Washington D. C. – You can kiss my arrears!