Tuesday, July 5, 2016 – Yes Your Honor.
I received a jury summons to appear at the 85th District Court of Brazos Valley. I have to appear on Wednesday, July 6, 2016 at 1:30. I really would not mind sitting as part of the jury of one’s peers. However, I doubt I shall be called. High ranking military, educators, and those with advanced degrees are seldom called to actually sit on a jury. This is not due to being smarty pants, but just the opposite. We are the type who think too much and slow down the judicial process. The objective is to get these incarcerated people onward through the fog and locked firmly in the system.
I am concerned that if I am chosen I would not have enough appropriate clothing to wear. According to the website, there is a Dress Code. http://www.brazoscountytx.gov/index.aspx?NID=320
Here are the minimum standards and my comments.
All persons, whether lawyers, parties, witnesses, jurors, or spectators, conducting business, participating in trials, or otherwise attending proceedings in the courtroom shall be dressed appropriately so as to maintain the dignity, integrity, decorum, seriousness and professional atmosphere of the Court and the administration of justice. As minimum standards, the following rules apply:
- All attorneys shall wear professional appropriate attire. If my lawyer has to be told to wear appropriate attire, then I am getting a new lawyer.
- No clothing that depicts alcohol, drugs, or tobacco. Are we still talking about lawyers?
- No clothing that promotes violence or is lewd, offensive, vulgar, or contains obscene language. So I guess wearing that Alabama shirt is out.
- Not hats or caps. Oh come on! Not even my pink Titleist cap that I only wear for special occasions?
- No pants that are excessively long or sag below the top of the hip line. Are we talking about hip huggers?
- No shorts, short dresses or short shirts. NO SHORTS! Do dresses and skirts apply only to females? That’s discrimination.
- No sunglasses. But I wear Ray-Bans!
- No tube-tops, halters, half shirts, muscle shirts, crop tops or any shirt that allows the naval or a bra to show. Obviously these people have never been to a parent teacher conference in East Montgomery County where this is considered acceptable. If one’s naval and bra shows at this same, this is also discriminatory against older women.
- No underclothing shall be visible at any time. Are tank tops considered underclothing?
I noticed a few rules that might be missing.
The Dress Code does not say one must wear undergarments. That does not bring a pretty image to my imagination.
The Dress Code has no language about bling or other jewelry. That should include jeans with rhinestones on the buttocks area.
The Dress Code has no rules against spandex. There should be penalties for sales people who sell spandex clothing to certain body types. That material was not originally designed to stretch that far.
There is no mention of wearing crowns. Therefore I am within the guidelines of the dress code. I could wear this sans sunglasses.
I notice there is no mention of flip flops or other footwear or that one even has to wear footwear. I am debating between wearing my brown closed toed shoes to indicate a conservative point of view or my nice Birkenstocks to indicate the opposite. I could wear the Birks with mismatched socks to indicate just overall weirdness.
I do not find out if I am needed until after 6:00 PM today. There is a number I must call. If I must show up I must bring my online summons and a pen. Really? I have to bring my own writing implement!
I suppose I will dress like the State Farm guy in the TV commercial. What are you wearing? Khakis.