Here's What I'm Thinking

Lent Day 5

Sunday, March 9, 2014 – “Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody care about time?” Name the group that sang that song and win today’s prize of a cup of coffee. Of course that reference today is for the beginning of Daylight (insert your personal adjective here) Savings Time. And if you think today is bad, tomorrow is really going to suck. Statistics show more accidents the morning after the time change than any other day. Remember that old commercial “It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature?” Well, it is not nice to fool with me either. However, I see my only options regarding the time change are to 1. Move to Arizona or 2. Deal with it. Well, that is a no brainer. It is neither the heat nor the humidity in Arizona. It is the attitude of the people. Perhaps it is due to their history of being the last of the lower 48 to become a state. And then that Gadsden Purchase thing. Perhaps they felt unwanted by the United States. After all, much of the state is a big hole in the ground. Perhaps I am wasting my time and your time thinking about the state of Arizona. See what the time change does to your brain? Those neural receptors get confused too and it causes the brain to produce weird thoughts. What is the deal with 2: 00 AM? Is there some clock like on Greenwich Meridian time or something? Does the earth turn on its axis at two o’clock to the new day? Why not midnight? That makes more sense. But then again, those who make more money and have more decision-making authority than I do, and legislate time changes seldom make much sense. And what time is it, if you cross the International Date Line? Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody care? Chicago.

Saturday, March 8, 2014
Lent Day 4

March Madness. This is the term commonly given to that exciting period of buzzer beaters and floor riots called college basketball playoff games. It is also known as the period we wait and watch basketball until college football season begins. I love March Madness and can hardly wait to complete my brackets. Yes, I am as happy as a tattoo artist in a basketball venue. I play both NCAA men’s and women’s tournament brackets. There will be much more about brackets as we go along. But speaking of women’s basketball, I just got this retweet from the Pope. “At this time, Ms. McGraw, you do not have enough miracles for Sainthood. There are no plans for St. Muffett. Even though you do have one national championship and the ability to balance flawlessly on stiletto heels while in a full squatting position and maintaining, not only your balance, but your dignity, these are still suspect. While beating Geno and UConn to win the Final Four and the National Championship will qualify as a miracle, you are still a couple of miracles shy. I will, however, consider “Muffet, The Huskie Slayer” as a new title if you and Notre Dame win.” OK, I made that up, but when ND and UConn play, I always hope the all of the bathrooms over flow and flood the court up to the basket rims, and there is no electricity and the popcorn machine breaks. Whatever non-life threatening catastrophe let somebody else play for goodness sake. I am tired of you. I understand there is nothing else to do in Connecticut and South Bend. But give it a rest. However, I would enjoy seeing Geno trying to balance on stiletto heels.

Lent Log 2014
March 7, 2014
Day 3 – Fish Stick Friday. Or “Eat Your (insert adjective) Fish!” Such a good line spoken by Julia Roberts to Merle Streep in Osage County. More about dysfunctional and awkward family situations later in lent and back to Fish Stick Friday. When one mentions fish sticks, one of those flashbacks they warned us about (Jimmy Buffet) flashes. I am mentally transported back to my high school cafeteria where your lunch choices were fish sticks or bring your lunch. My dear Mother made one of the best lunches ever. Home-made pimento cheese made with Velveeta cheese, Lay’s potato chips, and her home-made chocolate chip cookies. It was so good it was stolen every Friday by Dianne J. and Pat C. and anybody else who had the opportunity to steal it. So I had to eat Frozen (insert adjective) Fish Sticks on Friday. Mama even tried packing extra sandwiches and more cookies. That only meant my lunch looked like a grocery sack and fed more people while I still ate fish sticks. Please know this was not a situation of being bullied because whoever would steal my lunch would leave lunch money in my locker. My question is this. Why did an entire, Class A, school district in rural Texas with about 300 students total in 1965 have to eat fish sticks when 99.99% of the student population was Protestant? I am pretty confident the answer lies in a bureaucrat mandate to ensure all dietary customs and mores were met. While I respect those who strictly adhere to dietary customs, whether for religious reasons or not, I wonder at the origin of such customs. I wonder if pre Martin Luther nailing the pages on the church door, the Catholic Church had an agreement with the commercial fisherman? The Vatican says, “If it walks, don’t eat it on Friday,” and everybody buys fish and the price of fish goes up. Think about it. And why Friday? Why not meatless Thursday? Or Tuesday? Perhaps Friday was when the boats arrived from a fishing expedition. Oh well. Oh! What did I have for lunch? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Lent Day Two
March 6, 2014

See what happens when you play with anachronisms? I said “Jesus was in the desert with no cable TV” and Lo and Behold, my cable TV went out.  I had to watch House of Cards on my Kindle last night.  Talk about being in the wilderness. In the event you are interested, No, I did not go receive ashes yesterday.  I did clean the ashes out of the fireplace. I hope that counts. I saw where St. David’s offered “ashes to go” where the ministers stand on the street corner and offer ashes to those unable to make it to church.  I am not sure how this works. Does one stick one’s head out of the window as driving by?   Of course, St. David’s is Episcopalian also known as Pope Less Catholics.  Lent is kept mostly by Kneelers, but the Methodists, Lutherans and Calvinists also have their own Lenten observations.  Some are a bit more ashy than others. But the intent seems to be the same – 1. reflect because you ain’t nothing , but dust from somewhere way beyond even the MENSA dimension, 2. Commit to do something positive, and 3. Oops, I forgot what number three is.  Hey, it worked for Captain Hairspray.  Really, number three is sacrifice something in your life.

Today as every native-born Texan knows, marks the first day of the Siege of the Alamo in 1836. Remember? Thirteen days of Glory. Davy Crockett said to William B. Travis – “We’re gonna need a lot more men.” This gave General Sam Houston and everybody else the opportunity to haul ass to the Texas coast. Meanwhile General Santa Anna took his own sweet time getting to the coast, and then took an afternoon nap with Emily Morgan, The Yellow Rose of Texas and the Battle of San Jacinto became one of the most critical battles in world history. Really! World History!

Yesterday was Election Day for the party primary. I hope you voted.  And remember you voted and nobody was shooting at you when you did. Kinky Friedman is in a run off for Texas Agricultural Commission.  Why the Hell Not?  Kinky is as good as many of the others who currently hold a government office.  And Kinky has good hair too. I just hope his voters can remember to vote.

Lent 2014 Day One
Today is March 5, 2014, Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent in the Western Christian calendar, directly following Shrove Tuesday. Occurring 46 days before Easter, it is a moveable feast that can fall as early as February 4 and as late as March 10.
According to the canonical gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke, Jesus Christ spent 40 days fasting in the desert, where he endured temptation by Satan.
Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of this 40-day liturgical period of prayer and fasting or abstinence. Of the 46 days until Easter, six are Sundays. As the Christian designation of Sabbath, Sundays are not included in the fasting period and are instead “feast” days during Lent.
Ash Wednesday derives its name from the practice of placing ashes (formally called The Imposition of Ashes) on the foreheads of adherents as a celebration and reminder of human mortality, and as a sign of mourning and repentance to God. The ashes used are typically gathered from the burning of the palms from the previous year’s Palm Sunday.
That is the Wikipedia version. But I figured if Jesus could spend 40 days in the wilderness, no GPS, no cable TV, no Net flicks, no McDonald’s, and then I could write a page every day. I mean He was out there getting tempted by Satan. So here it goes.
Contrary to what my cousins used to say, the ashes are not derived from the priests and nuns smoking cigars.
Each day until Easter, I will sit and write something that fills one horizontal 8×10 sheet. If you watch The Big Bang Theory, you see that the creator of the series, Chuck Lorre, ends each program with a single par graphical page. That is where I got the idea.
So meatless today – Ash Wednesday and all Fridays, writing one page per day. I pretty much have the abstinence part covered.

OH YES. I think a visit to the Brenham Airport for lunch at the Diner followed by a tour the Blue Bell Creamery should be moved to a priority.

<a href="http://www.brenhammunicipalairport.com/index_files/page0003.htm” title=”The Diner” target=”_blank”>

Who is in for burgers, fries and Blue Bell ice cream? Let’s set a date.

For the excellent suggestion I think we can cover the cost of this trip for you, RF. We have all been in your boots.

May 2, 2011

IT’S MAY! IT’S MAY! THE LUSTY MONTH OF MAY! And that song is from what musical?

This essay could be called Be Careful What You Wish For. Several of you have asked for a monthly calendar of events so we can get our expanding asses off of the couch and do something. I have volunteered to find events, so that makes me Queen.

As some of you have pointed out, I am like Dana Owens, aka Queen Latifa, also not a real queen. And for those of you said “the last queen I saw was in drag,” you really do need to get out more and visit Las Vegas less.

Since I am the self appointed Queen, I decided to combine the calendar of events with Here’s What I’m Thinking. That means to access the events, you must wade through the BS of HWIT.  Think of it as the government.  In order to get to the information you want, you must wade through mildly amusing, often filed with snarky comments essays about whatever I am thinking on HWIT.

I have divided the events into the following categories.  If you see something of interest, let me know. Please leave the email at HWIT.  Several of you did send other topics of interest, but please feel free to add others.

THEATRE

May 4-8 at The Paramount Theatre is Ann – An Affectionate Portrait of Ann Richards. Tickets available at Austintheatre.org or call 512-474-1221.

More at http://www.austin360.com/arts/austin-area-theaters-817677.html

ARTS & MUSEUMS

Lots of options here.  Bob Bullock. Lady Bird Wild Flower Center, LBJ Library, Harry Ransom Center, Elizabeth Ney Museum, Admiral Nimtiz museum in Fredericksburg.  With the exception of the Nimitz Museum, I suggest we not visit a museum in May. Those pesky field trips bring culturally deprived urchins from schools to visit.

Austin Museum of Art at Laguna Gloria., Umlauf Sculpture, Garden and Museum, Blanton Museum of Art,

More: http://www.austin360.com/arts/austin-area-museums-817678.html

SPORTS

Round Rock Express. Even if you do not like baseball, this is a fun and cheap outing. Tickets are six bucks and lots of fun things to do. Cold beer with specials on Thursdays. And the toll road will take you to within 3 miles of the Dell Diamond.

http://roundrock.express.milb.com/index.jsp?sid=t102

Dancing – specifically mentioned was salsa dancing, but other dances would also be fun.

This is the continuing education site for ACC. It has all types of dancing. http://www3.austincc.edu/it/cms/www/schedule/schedule.php?op=browse&snid=11001&ct=CE

Texas Stars (minor-league hockey). 467-8277, www.texasstarshockey.com

Rowing on Lady Bird Lake – http://www.rowingdock.com/ $165 for four two hour lessons. Not bad.

Golf – lots of great public courses; lots of good deals for seniors and at twilight rates.

SPECIAL EVENTS/TOURS

The Texas Capitol Complex – when was the last time you visited the capital? This includes The General Land Office Building. This is an often overlooked tour, but has very interesting information on the land and land grants and holders of early Texas.

Texas State Cemetery – a very interesting and free tour of the founders and leaders of Texas.

More Ideas: http://www.austin360.com/arts/austin-area-entertainment-spots-817708.html

I especially liked these.

• Austin Ghost Tours. Downtown themed walking tours of different haunted buildings and stories from Austin’s past and present. Tour schedule on website; reservations required. 853-9826, www.austinghosttours.com or www.austinghosttours.com.
• Austin Nature and Science Center. Camps, exhibits and animal showcase. 301 Nature Center Drive. 327-8181, www.ci.austin.tx.us/ansc.
• Austin Steam Train. Vintage trains make varied runs throughout the year. 401 E. Whitestone Blvd., Suite A-103, Cedar Park. 477-8468, www.austinsteamtrain.org

MUSIC

Every Sunday in May at the Bob Bullock Museum. Admission is free.

http://www.austin360.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/music/entries/2011/04/28/new_free_music_series_at_the_b.html

MOVIES – we should set a movie day, pick a movie and go.

FOOD – I am growing fond of Vietnamese cuisine and would like to explore. And of course there is the monthly breakfast at the Night Hawk on Burnet Road.

One of the reasons we live in Austin is the many things to do. I am sure I only listed a top few.  But hopefully, it will at least get us started.

May is a busy month for me with Mother’s Day, boys and girls UIL golf, and high school graduation.

If you see something you like, let me know. We will see who is up and off the couch to do something in May. The lusty month of May – from Camelot.

Queen D.

Important Announcement from the ASUHSOO Communication Department.

A Public Service Announcement regarding FEEDBACK

Thank you for reading Here’s What I’m Thinking.  Why you take an interest in this is beyond me. However, your assistance is requested.

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An Update on the Naming of the School

The As Yet Unnamed Home School of One (AYUHSOO) issued a Request for Names on October 19, 2010. Since that time three official names were submitted according to the directions.

Several other names were submitted through nontraditional means.  However, given the dearth of names the Request for Names deadline has been extended to one week from today – November 26 2010.

In an effort to stimulate your creativity the names submitted plus others are listed below.

As noted in the RFQ in the event a sufficient number of names are not submitted an alternative selection method will be employed.  This method, known as FVM, or feline vomitus method, will be used.

In the event this method does bring the desired results, the selection method deployed by King Richard of Hairspray will be used.  I will pick my favorite submitted by my friends.

As promised the names submitted are listed below.

• Scholastic Haven for Intellectuals and Technology
• Socratic Hell for Institutions and Technology
• Down Under Home School with a Kangaroo mascot named Joey
• Brain Whiz with a cheese whiz mascot
• Glow ball Glowing Balls
• School Daze
• Sub Par Home School
• Taks Akademy
• Golden Reefers
• Yo Yo Homey School
• The Cat Flat Flat
• Ennui (ennui is a noun meaning and utter feeling of weariness and discontent resulting from boredom or lack of interest)
• The Surfeit (not to be confused with The Sorbonne) – an excess or uncomfortable full or crapulous feeling due to excessive eating or drinking

Let’s see you top these. Otherwise I will overfeed the cat to ensure a sufficient quantity of projectile expulsions.

TAKS Practice

From the Coach’s Class

Write an essay explaining how the Texas A&M football team can win the Big 12 South.

For the Aggies to win the Big 12 South, Oklahoma must beat Baylor on Saturday and then the Aggies must hope for a three-way tie between the Oklahoma State University and Oklahoma. Additional factors include a full moon with Jupiter aligned with Mars that causes the BSC computers to be infected with a hacky virus.  Last, but not least there will be the second coming of Bear Bryant.

If the factors mentioned above do not align,  I feel certain knocking the Texas Longhorns from a bowl experience will suffice.